


Heavydirtysoul

by Sereiin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Porn, Character Death, Drug Addiction, Infidelity, Multi, Promiscuity, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Teenage Drama, Underage Drinking, mentions of depression, mentions of dubious consent?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:09:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 95,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4243743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sereiin/pseuds/Sereiin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren has a boyfriend, multiple fuckbuddies, and a blatant disregard for anyone's feelings but his own. <i>Is it ever too late for a chance at redemption?</i></p>
<p>Levi doesn't find himself to be a masochist, but he must be for falling in love with somebody so unattainable. <i>When loving someone comes at the expense of yourself, how much are you willing to give--how much</i> can <i>you give before it breaks you?</i></p>
<p>(Or the petty teenage drama nobody asked for. Teenagers are (stupid) people and people make mistakes, everything has a consequence, and sometimes addictions are soul consuming.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So first off, this story is very self indulgent. It's mostly an excuse for a lot of smut. Like porn with plot at the center. That should be a new term... So I'm gonna start by saying Ereri is the endgame here, but there are multiple other Eren pairings so if you're not a multishipper or if that doesn't interest you, you might wanna steer clear.  
> Also I feel like I should clarify that I don't condone most of what goes on in this story. Cheating is horrible, I am in no way trying to glamorize that shit. Hardcore drug abuse is also a thing you proly shouldn't do. Experiment with drugs safely and all that shit. Also, always practice safe sex. This has been a PSA.  
> And characters may be OOC I mean I don't see Eren as being the disloyal type, but for the sake of story telling he's pretty much a slut, tease, and all around mean- I actually really like the word cruel but mean just rhymes better.

  
“Eren, I invited you over to play video games, not ogle my brother,” Armin said as he jabbed him in the side with his elbow.  
  
“Ow! I was...not,” Eren muttered, voice growing faint towards the end after realizing he couldn’t even deny it, he totally _was_ checking Erwin out. But ya know, it’s his fault for being so hot.  
  
“Hey, Armin...Eren,” Erwin called out as he and Levi walked past the living room. Eren liked to think he said his name with just a hint of suggestion, and was that a wink?  
  
Eren smirked. “Hey.”  
  
Armin nudged him again. “Don’t you have a boyfriend? A boyfriend by the name of Jean, who, might I remind you, already gets jealous too easily. I don’t think you should actually give him a _reason_ to be.”  
  
He sighed, knowing Armin was right. The mention of Jean’s name brought a spike of guilt stabbing into his stomach. It was easy to brush off though- far too easy at this point.  
  
“Yeah. Hey, let’s go watch them play,” he suggested, pausing the game as he threw the controller to the ground and stood up from the couch.  
  
“Didn’t I just say-”  
  
“God, Ar, I said let’s go watch them, not ‘let’s go suck their dicks.’” Eren rolled his eyes.  
  
“Fine,” Armin muttered.  
  
“Hey, dudes!” Nanaba shouted as she and Mike zipped past the hallway. She was on Mike's back, guitar case slung across her shoulder.  
  
"Hey, Nana-banana."  
  
 The two boys followed them down to the basement (more like a den that posed as a entertainment and game room). The band usually practiced there since it was ideal considering the soundproof walls and the lack of parents.  
  
Armin and Erwin pretty much usually had this whole big house to themselves since their dad was always working and Erwin's mother was always out. It made hanging out a lot easier and gave them a perfect party venue for indefinite use.  
  
Eren and Armin sat on the black leather couch placed against the wall and watched the band set up.  
  
 The 'band' consisted of Mike on drums, Nanaba on bass, Erwin on guitar (although sometimes he did vocals), and Levi on main vocals (he sometimes played guitar too). They called themselves Wings Of Freedom, but were always debating on whether or not to change the name. Eren liked the name personally, but then again he helped come up with it in like Eighth grade....  
  
 Mike counted down to four, clicking his drum sticks, and then the band began playing their latest song (newly written by Levi just a week ago). Armin looked bored since he'd never been too into music and was subjected to watching rehearsals far too often for his liking (not to mention sometimes the only thing his brother seemed to talk about these days was WOF). Eren however was enthusiastic as always, playing the perfect little groupie. Mostly though, he was just there for Erwin. To stare at him- the way his arms flexed as he plucked at his guitar with nimble fingers, the way his ice blue eyes twinkled under the bright spot lights they had set up, the way his silky looking blond hair moved as he bobbed his head, completely entranced in the music.

 Armin stared at his lovesick friend and sighed. He should be used to Eren's crush on his brother by now (his friend had liked Erwin even before Armin moved into the Smith household and officially met Erwin himself. Armin guessed he had Levi to blame for introducing Erwin to Eren in the first place. One things for sure, Eren had fallen for the tall blond oaf long before Armin had accepted him as a brother.)

 The group took a break after playing through a couple more songs. Erwin lead Mike and Nanaba upstairs to gather some snacks, Levi sucked on a water bottle and plopped down between Eren and Armin on the couch.  
  
Eren snuggled up to him and Levi draped an arm across his shoulders.  
  
 "mmm, you have a gig this weekend?" Eren asked as he nuzzled into his neck.  
  
 Levi nodded, resting his head against Eren's. "Saturday night at Club MP."  
  
 "Isn't that twenty one plus?" Armin questioned.  
  
 "Yeah. What of it? The owner owes Hanji a favor and the pay's good."  
  
 "Well at least I get to skip out on this one."

 "Aw, Armin, what good is your fake ID if you never use it?" Eren whined.

 "I never wanted it in the first place," Armin grumbled, "it's cause of you and your bad influence..."

 Eren opted to ignore his bitching in favor of practically throwing himself all over Levi. He sat in the older boy’s lap and ran his fingers through the stubble of Levi’s undercut as he whispered something into his ear that caused Levi to burst out laughing (which was pretty amazing and only something Eren seemed to be capable of cause Levi usually preferred to _not_ show emotion- at least anything other than pissed off and grouchy that is- like at all).

 Armin didn't understand how Eren could crush on his brother from afar and then cling all over Levi as if _he_ were the one he liked. Eren and Levi had always been close (and Eren had always been a pretty big flirt), he supposed, but lately they've seem to be more...intimate. And Armin wasn't exactly sure how to feel about that especially considering Eren's clueless boyfriend and how said boyfriend happened to be _his_ friend as well. Should he say something? He wants to give Eren the benefit of the doubt, he is his best friend after all, and he'd never peg Eren as the type to cheat, but with the way he's been acting...

 "Anyway, didn't _Jean_ want to go to Marco's party this Saturday?" Armin said, putting emphasis on Jean's name as if to say _ya know, your boyfriend. Remember him?_

Eren's eyes snapped over to Armin's narrowed ocean blue ones. He hated the accusatory glare Armin was giving him.

 "Horseface can do what he wants, but I think he'd prefer MP over a lame house party," Eren said.

 "Levi! Ya know those lyrics you wanted me to look over? Mike just spilled his drink all over them!" A voice bellowed from upstairs.

 "Goddammit," Levi groaned. He tapped Eren's thigh, signaling him to move so he could get up and ran upstairs.

 Eren slouched against the armrest of the couch, resting his feet in Armin's lap.

 "Eren?" Armin started,

 "Hmm?" Eren hummed,

 "Are you...uh.." Armin struggled to voice his thoughts, "have you...have you _slept_ with Levi?" He finally managed to ask, albeit stuttering and awkward.

 Eren made an ugly scoffing noise in the back of his throat as he sat up straight and fixed Armin with a glare. "Are you shitting me?" He asked in disbelief, "you know I'm with Jean."

 Armin rolled his eyes. "Have you, or haven't you?"

 "I have not!" Eren snapped.

 Armin stared at him incredulously. He noted the way the tips of his ears flared red. "Your ears turn pink when you lie," he stated.

 Eren cautiously brought a hand up to tug at his ear. "I'm not lying, they're like that cause I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed you think so low of me-"

 "Oh, cut the crap, Eren!" It was Armin's turn to snap.

 Eren huffed, releasing a breath through his nose. "A few times," he murmured, refusing to meet Armin's gaze.

 "What was that?"

 "I said we fucked a few times, alright?!"

 "Figured as much," Armin muttered. "What about Jean?"

 "What _about_ Jean?" Eren reiterated. "He doesn't know and he's not gonna find out, obviously."

 "But, Er-"

 "What? Are you gonna tell him? Would you really do that to me, Ar?"

 "It's not fair-"

 "I can't lose him, Ar." Eren looked at him with pleading large blue-green eyes.

 "Do you even love him?" Armin questioned.

 "Of course I love Jean," Eren said, "wouldn't have stayed so long with the horse faced bastard if I didn't."

 Armin snorted, chuckling just a bit before he sobered up. "Then why'd you...with Levi?"

 "Cause Levi's hot and I was horny and pissed off at Jean-"

 "You're always pissed at Jean."

 "Fair enough." Eren shrugged. "Can we not talk about it. You're making me feel-"

 "Guilty? People who cheat typically feel guilty."

 "Dammit, Ar-"

 "Not to mention cheating multiple times-"

 "Armin, I really don't wanna hear it!"

 "Fine then."

 "Thank fuck."

 "But what about Erwin?" Armin said.

 "I haven't slept with your brother, I swear!"

 "But you like him," he accused.

 "And?"

 "And you _want_ to. You want to sleep with him, but you settled for Levi bec-"

 "Hey, stop that! I didn't _settle_ for Levi. I _like_ Levi-"

 "Who do you like better then?"

 "I'm not answering...no." Eren shook his head. "They're both hot, but they're both different people. I've known Levi for as long as I've known you and Mikasa- practically forever. I've always liked him- you have to've known that. Now with Erwin, I'll admit, it's mostly infatuation. He's...so perfect, ya know? All charismatic and bright, student council president, former football player... Everybody likes him. He’s even dubbed the hottest Senior at our school..." Eren shook his head again, lost in thought. "You don't have to worry, he'd never go for me anyway."

 "Especially now since you fucked his best friend," Armin told him.

 Eren smirked. "Yeah, probably."

  ** _xx_**

 _  
 _ Armin sighed as he watched his brother and best friend chat animatedly. Eren laughed too loudly at something Erwin said, trailing his hand down Erwin's bicep as he grinned that 100 watt smile of his. Erwin was staring at him with adoring eyes, drinking in the way Eren's eyes squinted when he laughed, the pull of his pink lips as he smiled...

 ' _He'd never go for me anyway', my ass_ Armin thought bitterly. He shifted his attention away from them over to Levi who sat just on the other end of the couch from him, tapping his pen against the notebook in his lap, eyes peering at the stained, hastily blow-dried paper as he tried to make sense of the smudged handwriting. He looked up when he felt Armin's gaze on him and raised a questioning eyebrow at the blond. Armin didn't look away, just kept staring at him for a few seconds before turning to look back at Eren.

 He tried to picture them together, tried to picture them locked in a heated kiss, picture them naked and rutting against each other... It wasn't hard, they had a natural chemistry after all. If the moon shone because of the sun, then Levi smiled because of Eren. It'd been that way since they were kids, really. The older boy had a soft spot for Eren, his stoic expression melting whenever he looked into those big green eyes of his. And Eren adored the attention, always following the older boy around like a lost puppy when they were younger. Although, Armin had to wonder who exactly the lost puppy was now.  
  
 Armin peeked at Levi again and found he wasn't the only one staring at Eren. He couldn't completely tell from this angle, but he wondered if Levi's usual stormy grey eyes had hardened to silver as he watched Eren and Erwin interact. His lips were turned down in a subtle frown, that much Armin could tell.

 Levi stood up suddenly, muttered something about a smoke break when Nanaba asked where he was going.

 Armin waited a couple seconds after Levi left the room and then got up to discretely follow him. He found him sitting outside on the back porch, puffing away at a cigarette. He sat down a couple feet away.  
  
 "What do you want, kid?" Levi asked him.

 Armin crinkled his nose at the smell of cigarette smoke. "You're only a year older you know."

 "And you're still technically a kid."

 Armin sighed, digging his hands into the pockets of his hoodie to ward off the chill of the late January evening. "So...Eren told me some things..."

 "Oh, really, what about?" Levi's tone sounded mocking.

 "Just that y-you two...uh..did it."

 "Did what exactly?" Levi's lip twitched, a vicious smirk threatening to appear.

 Armin gave him a withering look. "You had sex with my best friend," he stated.

 "So I did," Levi said.

 "Why?"

 "Are you asking why people have sex in general?"

 "Ugh." _You're insufferable._ "He has a boyfriend you know."

 "Yes, and you're the only one who seems to care. If you tell him anything, you'd be a shitty best friend and Eren will be pretty upset. And you don't want Eren upset ‘cause I'll fucking punch you..."

 "Good to know,” Armin muttered. “I hate...I just..I can't imagine what it's like to be Jean. I think he'd be heartbroken if he found out. You know he's really a big softie even if he's stupidly hotheaded most of the time, kinda like Eren. But...it's not my business so... "

 "So you'll politely shut the fuck up?"

 Armin nodded warily. Levi lit up another cigarette.

 "Eren likes my brother," Armin said.

 "Hoh? Hadn't noticed," Levi deadpanned.

 "Seriously."

 Levi sighed, blew out a stream of smoke. " _Seriously_ , it's obvious to anyone with working eyes."

 "What do you think about it?"

 "I think they're gonna fuck and it's a hundred percent unavoidable."

 "Really? I guess so considering their flirting as of late. Do you think Eren likes him better than you?"

 "Look, kid... Eren looks at Erwin and he sees Mr. Unattainable. His best friend's big brother. Golden boy of Maria High. He's starry-eyed and in awe or whatever...it's disgusting."

 "And what does Eren see when he looks at _you_?"

 Levi snorted. "A good fuck."

 "You know that's not true."

 "Partly true... Alright, a friend then. A confidant. Someone he can rely on- as he should since I'd do anything for the idiot."

 "What do you think he sees in Jean?"

 "Stability," Levi stated without missing a beat.  
  
 “Hmm. Does it hurt knowing the guy you're in love with likes someone else?”  
  
 “And who said I love the brat?”  
  
 “You know, Erwin’s been staring at Eren a lot recently. Like at his lips or admiring his eyes or tracing over his features when he thinks he can get away with it...but you, you already know the exact lines, the plane of Eren’s face. You already have a map all drawn out, and yet you still look at him like he’s something new and shiny and undiscovered, I’d even say some cheesy thing like ‘you look at him like he hung the moon and stars’ but that can’t be right because, I think Eren’s your sun if he’s anything at all.”  
  
 “Wow, kid, you’re pretty fucking perceptive. It’s almost terrifying.” Levi shook his head. “No...it _is_.”  
  
 “I try. Thing is though, if you love him, shouldn't you...I don't know, _tell_ him?"  
  
 "No,” Levi scoffed.  
  
 "Shouldn't you fight for him?"  
  
 "No. If things are meant to be, then they'll come together on their own. Right now, if I tell him that... It's just not gonna amount to anything good. Things are never that simple. He won't magically stop lusting after Erwin, won't suddenly fall in love with me... Hell, I don't even know how to _do_ relationships. It's better off-"  
  
 "That's stupid though. If you want something in life, you have to go after it. Otherwise you'll never be happy."  
  
 "Is anyone ever really happy? Life's not fair, kid. Thought you knew that."  
  
 "That's very bleak.”  
  
 “Yeah, well.” Levi shrugged. He flicked his cigarette bud away and stood up. “Are we done with this...whatever this was?”  
  
 “I’d like to think it was a heart-to-heart.”  
  
 “Right. Let’s go back inside, blondie."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band has a gig, Eren is devious, and Jean is so done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rewrote this too many times, still not sure if I'm satisfied (maybe editing was just a bitch cause it's so damn hot, my AC's out and my brain is close to melting).  
>   
> *Also I feel it is important to address that I am in no way trying to perpetuate any stereotypes. In this fic, Eren is uh...very slutty, for lack of better words. He's also bisexual. And no these two things do not correlate. I find it's important to talk about this because there is a part in this chapter where Jean makes an offhanded comment about Eren being a 'filthy bisexual' or something along those lines (and out of context that sounds pretty bad). I myself am bisexual (tmi I guess if you didn't care to know that piece of information) and I absolutely cannot stand biphobia. I fucking hate it. Can't stand it. Biphobes can fuck right the hell off.
> 
> And it's not that comments like 'bisexuals are inherently slutty' piss me off, I mean, they do, but one of the issues I struggle with personally is the whole concept of stereotypes in the first place. So what if someone _is_ a slutty bisexual? Does that invalidate them? I admit, I can be a bit slutty myself. Does that invalidate _me_? Does it make me a _bad_ bisexual? No. Of fucking course not. So what if I'm a stereotype (i.e. The Slutty Bisexual) that doesn't mean every bisexual you meet is gonna be like me (which is just fucking common sense; everybody is different). I am by no means expected to represent a demographic as a whole; I am bisexual but I do not speak for nor represent _all_ bisexuals.
> 
> Stereotypes are just utter shit in the first place because it's ridiculous to think that human beings can just be shoved into one fucking straight rigid little box. It makes you feel ashamed for being yourself when you fear you might come off as being 'stereotypical.' And I don't mean to rant, but this was really bothering me for some reason.
> 
> Also if you haven't taken into account the tags, this fic is going to have dark themes so to speak as well as prolific vulgarity (and it just gets worse from here) so have fun and
> 
> Happy reading (=^-ω-^=) 
> 
> *edited 12/2/15

“Hey, Kirschtein, hurry the fuck up! You’re gonna make us late!” Eren shouted through the open front door of his house.  
  
“I can’t find my other fucking shoe, I think your dumb dog ate it!”  
  
“Don’t blame Titan, he doesn’t even like your stinky ass feet, he wouldn't come within a five mile radius of those dank ass shoes!”  
  
“Fuck off, Jaeger!”  
  
“Ah, young love,” Reiner snickered.  
  
“You two bicker more than an old married couple,” Historia commented.  
  
“Yeah, but the sex is good,” Eren replied with a wink.  
  
“Ew.” Ymir’s face scrunched in disgust.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Nothing, I just hate being reminded of penises.”  
  
“Dude!” Reiner guffawed.  
  
“Hey, Mikasa, lookin’ good!” Eren catcalled as Mikasa approached from down the street, coming to a stop in the driveway of the Jaegers’ where everyone was loitering around, waiting for Jean so they could all pile into Reiner’s van and head down to club MP.  
  
“I _always_ look good,” Mikasa scoffed, playfully rolling her eyes. She did a little twirl to show off the tight black sparkly minidress she was wearing. “But I’m glad you think so.”  
  
Eren pulled her into a hug. “I always do.”  
  
“Hey, Jaeger, you cheatin’ on me?!” Jean teased as he finally stepped out of the house, closing the door behind him.  
  
Eren chuckled, pressing Mikasa tighter to his chest as Jean walked over. “Don’t be jealous, we can make a Mikasa sandwich,” he pulled Jean over by his belt loops so that Mikasa was squished between the both of them.

 Mikasa giggled and clung to Eren's neck. "Does Horseface have a horse cock by any chance?"

 Jean smirked as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Tis a fact."

 "Hey losers, can we get going now?" Ymir called.

 "Yeah, yeah."

 They all took a seat in Reiner's spacious dark blue van that stunk of skunky smelling weed badly covered up by a can of cheap air freshener.

 "Armin's not coming?" Bertolt asked as he pulled out of the driveway.

 "Nah, he didn't want to," Eren answered.

 "Connie and Sash?"

 "Have their own thing going on."

 "So where is this place exactly..."

 

_**xx**  
_

"God damn it, Jean. Could you like _try_ not to get us kicked out of here before we've even gotten in?"

 "That bouncer was eyeing me funny," Jean grumbled.

 "That's because your fake ID literally says your name is 'Chris P. Bacon,'" Eren told him.

 "Hey, Reiner's is fucking 'Ken Dahl' and no one batted an eye," Jean retorted.

 "Ha, yeah. I wanted ‘Mclovin’ but Bert said it’d be obvious," Reiner said. "Anyway, for a place that has neon unicorns outside, it isn't as gay as I thought it'd be. I'm kinda disappointed."

 "Whatever, you flaming homo. C'mon Historia, let's get closer to the stage." Ymir tugged her along and the rest of the group followed except for Jean who went straight to the bar to get a drink.

 The group was just in time to see the dimmed stage lights flicker brighter as the band walked out.  
  
People cheered loudly, almost enough to make Eren’s ears pop, as Levi muttered an introduction. WOF had grown fairly popular locally (and those who didn’t know of them cheered anyway because they thought the singer was hot).  
  
They started off with one of their more known songs. Levi’s voice was low and smokey, perfectly haunting. The band played through the first song and transitioned into the next so smoothly you almost couldn’t tell the song had changed. Eren bobbed his head along to the music, bounced around enthusiastically with Mikasa. Historia complained she couldn’t see anything- quite a lot of people were in front of them- so Ymir placed the small girl on her shoulders. Reiner jokingly told Bertolt to do the same to him. They attempted it but Bertolt almost fell over as the brawny blond jumped on his back. Ymir snickered and yelled, “timber!” as the 6 foot 3’ giant nearly lost his footing.  
  
By the time Jean got back from the bar, slinking through the dispersing crowd to find his friends, the band had just finished up.  
  
“Damn, Jean, where’d you go?” Reiner asked as he walked up.  
  
“The crowd looked suffocating, much better sitting back at the bar,” Jean said.  
  
“That’s no fun, how you gonna feel the music all the way over there?” Eren said as he wrapped his arms around Jean’s neck, curling into his body.  
  
“What music? That was just noise,” Jean snickered, tightening his arms around Eren’s waist.  
  
“Ha, don’t let Levi hear you say that,” Mikasa said.  
  
“Or Erwin,” Historia interjected.  
  
“Don’t let me hear what?” Levi questioned as he approached the group along with Erwin.  
  
“Jean thinks your music is just ‘noise,’” Eren told him.  
  
“He compared it to literal horse shit,” Ymir said.  
  
“Hey, I never said that!” Jean snapped.  
  
Ymir just smirked and ducked down to hide her face in Historia’s hair.  
  
“I think Jean over here needs his ears cleaned,” Erwin said as he clapped Jean on the back rather roughly.  
  
Jean glared at the tall blond.  
  
“I wouldn’t worry about anything Jean says, he listens to Lil Wayne,” Levi said.  
  
“T-there’s nothing wrong with Lil Wayne!” Jean sputtered.  
  
“Sure there isn’t,” Ymir taunted.  
  
Jean looked ready to punch something.  
  
“Well _I_ certainly don’t agree with Horseface,” Eren said, “you guys were great tonight.”  
  
Levi grinned and ruffled his hair. Eren leaned into the touch. Erwin looked pleased, “at least someone here knows good music,” he said.  
  
“Kissup!” Ymir coughed into her hand.  
  
“Ymir, I swear…”  
  
“It’s funny, you have such a commanding presence on stage that I forget you’re a midget. Then I see you now and it’s so...surreal. Pipsqueak,” Mikasa told Levi.  
  
He ‘tsked’ in obvious disdain at the nickname. “Mik- _ass_ -a, I will punch you,” he threatened.  
  
Everyone rolled their eyes at the cousin’s’ antics.  
  
“Hey, peeps, what’re y'all standing around for?!” Hanji (WOF's unofficial manager) bellowed as she rushed over, ramming straight into Levi. If he wasn’t so strong, he would’ve toppled over.  
  
“Damn it, Hanji. Shouldn't you be packing shit up?"  
  
"I hired people for that, remember?"  
  
"Then shouldn't you be supervising, making sure none of our shit gets-"  
  
"Look, you wanna go do it, go ahead. If you care so much. Anyway, let’s get a booth, I’ll order drinks!” Hanji shouted as she excitedly tugged Levi along by the arm.  
  
Everyone followed them over to one of the private booths with the small glass table stationed along the club’s wall opposite the dance floor.  
  
"What's up with the DJ, you guys the only band playing tonight?" Reiner questioned as he noticed the DJ setting up in the booth up on the loft overlooking the club.  
  
"Well, the owner _did_ owe Hanji a favor," Erwin said. "He should be grateful, the place is packed and I bet most of it is our doing."  
  
Hanji nodded enthusiastically. "I've seen like ten people wearing our merch. Oh, and our social media has skyrocketed! Wanna know how many followers we have on-"  
  
"Not really."  
  
Hanji pouted. Then the waitress stopped by with drinks and she seemed to forget her troubles. She picked up her first shot and everyone followed suit.  
  
“Here’s to awesome music and...good friendships!” Hanji announced as she knocked back the drink.  
  
“Woohoo, the power of fucking friendships," Ymir cheered unenthusiastically.  
  
“What friends? I hate you all.”

  
**_xx_**

Eren swayed to the beat of the music, bass vibrating the floor and rattling inside his head. He reached behind him, arms draped around Jean, hand tangled in the taller boy's hair as their bodies moved together sinuously.

The air was stuffy with so many bodies surrounding them, all gyrating and feeding off the music.

Jean placed hot open mouthed kisses down Eren's neck. Eren turned his head to capture his lips in a heated kiss.

 Jean pulled back, leaving them both panting. "I gotta take a piss," he murmured in his boyfriend's ear.

 Eren made a whining noise in the back of his throat. "You're seriously just gonna leave me stranded on the dance floor?"

 Jean rolled his eyes. "Why don't you go sit at the bar, get a drink," he suggested. "You're all sweaty," he said with a teasing smirk.

 "Go fucking piss already." Eren pushed him away. Jean walked to the back where the restrooms were located. Eren pushed through the crowd of bodies and walked over to the dim lit bar. He was surprised to see Levi and Hanji sitting there, engaged in conversation as they sipped at their drinks.

 He sighed as he plopped down in a bar stool, asked for a rum and coke.

 "Erebear, how are you doing?" Hanji greeted.

 Eren grimaced. "How many times have I told you not to call me that?"

 "Probably like a couple thousand by now. Where's that fine equine boyfriend of yours?" She asked.

 "I don't know, probably taking a shit."

 Hanji let out a tinkling laugh. "Oh honey, leave the shit jokes to Levi."

  _Speaking of Levi..._ Eren grinned to himself. "Hey, Lee, come dance with me." He hopped off his stool, dragged the other away so fast he hardly had time to put his drink down.

 "Eren, you know I don't dance," he protested, though he didn't pull away (like he was perfectly capable of) as Eren hauled him to the dance floor.

 "You dance on stage," Eren countered.

 "Kinda have to. It'd be boring if I stood there like a fucking stick in the mud, wouldn't it?"

 "C'mon, dance with me," Eren whined. They were in the center of the dance floor now, narrowly avoiding being pushed away by the sea of dancing bodies. Even under the shitty lighting of the flashing strobe lights, Levi could see the pleading look in Eren's too big bright eyes. It was the fucking puppy dog look, something the kid practically invented and Levi's worst nightmare.

 "...fine," he grumbled begrudgingly.

 Eren grinned, brought their bodies closer together, practically entangled himself with the older male. Then they were moving together. "Just feel the music," Eren breathed into his ear.

 It started off slow as they got used to each other, soon turned into a heated grind.

 Eren closed his eyes, lost in the music, registering nothing but the beat of the music, the energy of the crowd around him, the feel of Levi's hands on his hips, the feel of Levi himself as they rolled their bodies together. When he opened his eyes he found a pair of entrancing stormy grey ones staring intently into his. Levi's eyes made him feel like they could take his soul through stare alone and he wouldn't even protest.

 They met in a fervid kiss, all pressing lips and tangled tongues and little nips of teeth here and there. Levi groaned into his mouth when Eren started sucking on his tongue. He pulled back to mutter, "let's go somewhere," into Eren's ear since they were practically humping on the dance floor.

 Eren looked at him, a panting mess with vibrant eyes who eagerly nodded at Levi's suggestion, letting the older boy pull him through the throng of bodies and over to a private booth in a shadowy corner of the club.

 He straddled Levi's lap as soon as he sat down, entangled his hands in the older's silky black hair as they enthusiastically licked into each other's mouth. He subconsciously rolled his hips, desperate for friction against the hardened bulge in his jeans. Levi moaned, palming Eren's ass as his own erection brushed against his.

 Eren pulled back, placed a sloppy kiss or two down Levi's neck, slid out of his lap and gracefully to the floor where he got on his knees, hidden from prying eyes by the small table surrounding the booth as he undid Levi's belt, pulled down his jeans enough to release his straining cock.

 Levi's head dipped back in pleasure when Eren tongued the slit of his cock, lapped at the beading pre-cum before sucking on the head as he stared up at him with mischievous ocean green eyes. Then he was taking him expertly down his throat. Levi's hand tangled in Eren's hair as he swallowed around him and he couldn't resist bucking his hips into the perfect wet heat of the boy's throat.

 Eren moaned lustfully around him and it encouraged Levi to aggressively buck his hips again, hand tightening in his hair as he guided his movements.

 Eren was soon whimpering around Levi’s dick, sending pleasurable vibrations through his cock as he fucked into the boy's hot little mouth. Tears gathered in Eren's eyes, saliva dribbled down the sides of his mouth as Levi ruthlessly face-fucked him. He didn't stop until he was shooting his load down the younger male's throat.

 Eren swallowed it all obediently. Pulled away with a soft gasp and a messy string of saliva connected from his lips to Levi’s glistening cock.  
  
He licked at the corner of his mouth where a bit of cum had escaped and then wiped away the remaining saliva. He grinned cheekily up at Levi who stared at him with foggy blissed out eyes. Levi pulled him to his feet, backed him up until he was forced to lay across the table. Kissed him viciously, tasting himself on Eren’s tongue as he shoved his hand down the younger’s pants, tugging them down until he could get a good grip on his swollen cock.  
  
Eren whimpered, thrusting up into Levi’s hand as he stroked him in nice strong pulls. Eren’s head felt hazy, filled with nothing but Levi’s breath as the older boy languidly moved his tongue against his own, such a contrast to the fast jerk of his hand.  
  
“THERE you guys are! Come on, we’re playing Never Have I Ever back at the table!”  
  
Eren gasped, nearly jumping out of his skin and awkwardly flailed on the table as Hanji suddenly appeared in his vision. He stared at her from upside down (he was still lying across the table) and Hanji just beamed at him, brown eyes full of mirth like Eren and Levi _weren’t_ just making out and Levi’s hand wasn’t still on Eren’s dick.  
  
Levi stared at her for all of two seconds before he went back to pumping Eren in his hand and Eren choked on a moan at the sensation, eyes nearly closing in pleasure.  
  
“L-Levi..st-stop...” _Hanji’s right there_ , he tried to say- though he soon found he couldn’t seem to care anymore as he lost himself to the sensation of Levi skillfully jerking his dick. It wasn’t long before he was cumming all over the older boy’s fist.  
  
Eren lay there panting, covering his eyes with his arm. He vaguely registered the lewd sound of what was Levi probably licking the cum off his fingers. He peeked to see if Hanji was still standing there, and sure enough she was, grinning maniacally as she rocked back and forth on her heels.  
  
“That was fast,” she giggled, “and hot, but can we hurry it up, cause I really really wanna go play!”  
  
Eren could hardly believe her. Hanji was a special breed of crazy apparently (and really, he should’ve been used to it by now). He slid off the table, pulled his jeans up and fixed his disheveled state, all the while ignoring Hanji’s gaze.  
  
Levi grinned at him devilishly, enjoying the flush of his cheeks.  
  
“Hanji, you’re not gonna... _say_ anything ri-”  
  
“Oh, Erebear, I could hardly care what you do with grumpy little Short-baby over here. Just, uh, try not to look so obvious, yeah? You look really flustered still,” Hanji commented.  
  
Levi snickered and Eren kinda just wanted the ground to swallow him up.  
  
“Why don’t you two take some time to collect yourselves. All of us are down thataway, okay?” Hanji skipped off after pointing out a table at the back.  
  
“You know...I really hate you,” Eren told Levi. Levi thought he looked like a growling puppy with the glare he was giving him.  
  
Levi smirked. “No you don’t, Bright-eyes,” he said as he slung an arm around Eren’s waist.  
  
Eren sighed, knowing it was true. How could he ever hate Levi? He leaned into his touch, draped an arm across his shoulders as they walked over to their group of friends.  
  
Everyone was sitting around the booth, various drinks covered the tables surface, boisterous laughs could just be heard over the pumping music.  
  
“Where’d you wander off to, Jaeger?” Jean questioned. He was sitting squished between Mikasa and Reiner. His eyes narrowed at the sight of his boyfriend draped around Levi.  
  
Eren just smiled at him. “Dancing, where you fucking left me.”  
  
“Hey, I checked the dancefloor-”  
  
“Really think you could find me in _that_ swarm of bodies, Jean?” He pointed at the crowd. It _was_ a pretty packed, big crowd after all. “Fuck, after all that dancing, I’m exhausted,” he said. He let go of Levi so they could each take a seat. Levi sat by Erwin and next to Hanji, Eren practically crawled over people just so he could take a seat in Jean’s lap. Jean wrapped his arms around him tightly and kissed the top of his head. Eren didn’t let him kiss his lips however until he had cleansed his mouth with some fiery alcoholic drink.  
  
“So who wants to start?” Hanji asked. “I will!” She shouted right after. “Never have I ever...masturbated.”  
  
Everyone groaned, knocked back a shot.  
  
“If that’s the kinda shit we’re pulling, I’ll be drunk in minutes.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, Reiner. You’d’ve been drunk fast enough anyway, you always go overboard. Remember Sasha's birthday party? You barfed in the pool and shut the whole party down,” Ymir told him.  
  
“That’s not true!” Reiner looked offended. “You're obviously confusing me with somebody else,” he mumbled as he sipped on his drink.  
  
“Nobody else has that little self control,” Eren commented.  
  
“Shut up, Eren! At least I don’t dance on tables when I’m hammered!”  
  
“ _Excuse_ you? People happen to love my strip tease,” Eren stated, turning his nose up at Reiner.  
  
“ _I_ don’t,” Jean muttered. He felt like he was the only one who should get to see Eren like that, as he’s stated many times before when he had to pull the brunet off of bar tops and tables and stop him from taking his fucking pants off when he’s had one too many.  
  
“ _I_ do!” Half the the table said at the same time, just to see Jean’s murderous glare.  
  
“Screw all of you,” he hissed.  
  
“I think they’d rather screw your boyfriend,” Ymir teased.  
  
“Hey, hey, Levi, it’s your turn next!” Hanji announced, nudging him with her elbow.  
  
Levi groaned, not particularly fond of this game he thought to be childish. “Hmm...never have I ever...sucked a dick,” he said and immediately downed his drink.  
  
“Levi, you’re supposed to say something you’ve never done,” Hanji chided.  
  
“Fuck that, I’m here to drink.”  
  
Hanji rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink. Eren, Reiner, Bertolt, Mikasa, Nanaba, and (surprisingly) Mike all drank up as well.  
  
“Erwin’s turn!” Hanji said.  
  
“Ah...never have I ever had sex with a guy,” he said.  
  
“Boring!” Hanji shouted.  
  
“Boo!” Reiner slammed a hand on the table.  
  
More than half the table had to drink. Erwin, Historia and Ymir were the only ones safe.  
  
“Jesus Christ, Mike.”  
  
“Is everyone really so surprised? It was before Nana, obviously. Now, my turn, huh? Uh...never have I ever...used sex toys,” he said. He didn’t drink to it, surprisingly.  
  
“Really? You and Nana-banana must be so vanilla!” Hanji snorted into her drink.  
  
Nanaba gave her a withering glare. “I fuck like a pro, we don’t need no sex toys.”  
  
“Oh god,” someone laughed.  
  
“I think she’s still traumatized from that time she walked in on Levi with a dragon dick up his ass,” Hanji said.  
  
“What?!” Historia spat out her drink.  
  
“Hey, she didn’t knock first. Rude bitch,” Levi grumbled as he sipped a random drink he found on the table.  
  
“What in the everloving fuck is a dragon dick?” Ymir asked. “I find it strange that I don’t know.”  
  
“It’s kinda like...a huge dildo. That’s why they call it a dragon dildo,” Jean said.  
  
“The one we have has a tube thingy and comes with ‘cum lube’ so you can make it like, _spurt_ inside of you,” Eren explained.  
  
“Oh, ew.” Mikasa was the one to choke on her drink this time.  
  
“Sounds like a fine purchase, what do ya say, Bert?” Reiner nudged Bertolt, wiggling his eyebrows at him.  
  
Bertolt’s face burned. He said nothing as he chose to sip his drink (water, since he was the designated driver) quietly instead.  
  
It was Nanaba’s turn next. “Never have I ever had a threesome,” she stated, and proudly sipped her drink afterwards.  
  
“No way!” Hanji scoffed.  
  
“Not so vanilla now, huh?” Nanaba smirked.  
  
“Please, ain’t that big a deal,” Ymir said as she and Historia pointedly took a drink from their glasses.  
  
“Ah, I remember Sonny and Bean,” Hanji said as she sipped her drink.  
  
“Isn’t your dog named Sonny?” Eren questioned.  
  
Hanji nodded. “Yeah, I named him after my first boyfriend.”  
  
“Freak,” Levi muttered.  
  
“Do you think we should drink to it, Bert?” Reiner asked.  
  
“If you've done it, you drink. What’s so complicated about that?” Ymir said.  
  
“Well, see, we picked up a guy one time...but then Bert kinda got jealous so we had to end it,” Reiner said.  
  
“Jealous? I bet he was just nervous,” Ymir scoffed.  
  
“I was fine with it. Reiner was the one who got jealous.”  
  
“Bert! You traitor…”  
  
Eren turned to look at Jean. “Babe, we’re boring. We’re the only couple here who hasn’t had a threesome,” he told him.  
  
Jean rolled his eyes. “That’s cause I don’t _want_ to share you.”  
  
“But I don’t want to be boring,” Eren whined.  
  
“Trust me, Jaeger, you’re not boring.”  
  
“Shouldn’t we experience everything at least once?”  
  
“No, that’s kinda how people become heroin addicts.”  
  
Someone snorted, “good one, Jean!”  
  
“So you wouldn’t ever do it? Not even if it was with a close friend of ours?” Eren asked.  
  
“No,” Jean spat, “that’d make it worse.”  
  
“Not even ‘kasa?”  
  
“Hey, I’m game.” Mikasa shrugged.  
  
“No-”  
  
“Oh, oh, pick me, pick me!” Hanji piped up.  
  
Jean visibly shuddered.  
  
“A stranger then?”  
  
“No. Still not-”  
  
“Nah, you know what, forget it. I don’t think you could seduce anyone else anyway. You’re not suave enough for that, you’d probably end up making it awkward for all of us involved,” Eren told Jean before turning around to slurp at his drink.  
  
“ _What_ was that? You think I can’t do it?” Jean scoffed.  
  
Eren smirked behind his glass. Everyone at the table made an “ohhh” sound like they knew shit was about to go down.  
  
“I don’t know.” Eren shrugged. “It’s whatever. You don’t want to so-”  
  
“Fuckin’ try me, Jaeger,” Jean snapped, “we’ll take someone home with us tonight, guaranteed.”  
  
“I think we’re all crashing at Erwin’s. Plenty of room if ya know what I mean.” Hanji winked.  
  
“Just don’t pick up a serial killer or something,” Erwin said.  
  
“Noted,” Jean murmured.  
  
“So you _are_ up for it?” Eren asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes.  
  
Jean nodded with slight hesitation and a feeling of dread as he stared into his boyfriend’s shiny blue-green eyes. Why does he feel like he just made a deal with the devil? Oh right, because Eren _is_ a devil.  
  
“Jaeger’s dangerous,” someone whispered conspicuously.  
  
“Well, we won’t find somebody just sitting around.” Eren hopped to his feet, dragged Jean along with him until they were out of the suffocating booth and headed over to the rim of the dance floor.  
  
“What’s the plan?” Jean asked.  
  
“Plan? I don’t know...dance,” Eren said, and then he was gone, lost in the sea of ever moving bodies.  
  
“Eren!” Jean hissed.  
  
Meanwhile, Eren was just off center of the dance floor. Dancing by himself surrounded by warm bodies. He swayed, moved his hips provocatively in a way that called attention to him, ran his hands down his body, let the music thrum through his veins and guide his movements. His eyes closed for a moment, then opened to show hooded green eyes. In the lighting of the flashing techno and strobe lights, they almost glowed.  
  
With the way people were eyeing him, he knew he could definitely have his way with practically anyone of his choosing. But his eyes settled on a pretty girl, just a few feet away. She moved lithely, content to dance alone instead of grinding on a stranger like most of those around her, or surrounded by a group of friends. She was staring at Eren with cute big eyes and pouty parted lips. When he moved closer to her, he was able to tell her eyes were a beautiful amber color. When their lips touched, he was able to tell her pouty lips were as soft as they looked.  
  
Jean found him like that, locking lips with an attractive stranger as they moved together in something that was less of a dance and more of a sensual grind. He wanted to be angry, but then Eren was looking up at him with hooded eyes as he beckoned him over.  
  
The girl startled just a bit when Jean came up behind her, but then Eren looked into her eyes, communicating something silently, that it was fine, if only she allowed it. She nodded. Pressed back into Jean when he put his hands on her hips, didn’t protest when he started placing kisses on her neck. Leaned into Eren’s touch when he captured her mouth again.  
  
When Eren pulled back, she was breathless. He whispered in her ear, something along the lines of, “do you wanna get out of here?”  
  
She nodded. The three of them found themselves in a cab back to the Smiths’ place, only after Petra (that was the girl's name, they had learned) said goodbye to her friends, assured them she was safe and wasn’t completely drunk (she was only a little buzzed, if anything).  
  
The driver politely ignored them as Jean and Petra played tonsil hockey while Eren sucked on Petra's neck and had his fingers knuckle deep in her sopping wet pussy.  
  
Then they were stumbling up the stairs and into one of the many rooms of the Smith house (honestly, the place was practically a mansion). Clothes were thrown off in a haste, strewn across the room. Petra sprawled across the queen size bed, completely bare with her legs spread open to allow Eren to lap at her cunt while Jean searched the room, rummaged through the drawer of the nightstand until he found condoms and lube.  
  
Petra arched her back, muffled a moan with her hand when Eren sucked harshly at her clit while his fingers curled and thrusted in and out of her.  
  
“Don’t hold back, I wanna hear you,” Eren muttered, moving her hand away from her mouth, lacing their fingers together as he went back to work, alternating between prodding his tongue into her tight heat and sucking on her clit. She let out little whimpers that were like music to his ears- heavenly music even.  
  
Jean stroked his swollen cock as he watched his boyfriend eat out the pretty girl from the club. He knew Eren’s hot little mouth was good for sucking cock, but it seemed he was a skilled muff eater too. Jean almost smirked at the thought, _filthy bisexual_. Jean himself didn’t really do labels. So far, he’d only been with guys (one in particular specifically). He liked people though, and he wasn’t necessarily shouting _dick, dick, dick!_ in his head all the time. So he figured, maybe he just had a preference for guys, but they weren’t the _only_ people he was attracted to.  
  
Jean shook his head, wondering why he was even thinking of such things at the moment. He kneeled on the bed, on the other side of Petra. She easily took the tip of his dick into her mouth, sucking like a newborn on a nipple. Jean had to wonder how the angle didn’t hurt her neck, but then all thoughts flew out the window when she took more of his cock into her warm wet mouth, his dick bumping against her cheek in a sinful way.  
  
Eren kissed up Petra’s body, nipped at her thighs, dipped his tongue into the curve of her bellybutton, palmed her pert breasts in his hands.  
  
He sat back to rip a condom open, rolled it over his aching dick. Petra pulled off of Jean’s cock as Eren settled back between her legs. Eren kissed her softly as he lined his cock up, pushed into her tight heat inch by inch. She mewled and threw her head back at the sensation of being filled, gripping tightly to Eren’s back as he filled her to the brim.  
  
He rocked against her slowly at first, staring down at her pretty amber eyes and admiring the way her strawberry blonde hair splayed against the white sheets. Her eyes shut in pleasure when he pulled almost all the way out, leaving just the tip so he could thrust harshly back into her, doing it several times until he gained speed, finding a pounding, punishing rhythm.  
  
Jean jerked his aching cock, starting to feel left out as he watched Eren fuck Petra into the mattress. He frowned, going behind Eren and ran his hands down his back. Eren stilled a bit, turning his head in question.  
  
“I’m gonna fuck you while you fuck her,” Jean stated.  
  
Eren smirked. “Then hurry up with preparations why don’t ya?”  
  
Jean squeezed a sizeable amount of lube on his fingers, thoroughly coating them before prodding at Eren’s puckered asshole.  
  
Eren was still balls deep in Petra, though their movements had stilled to a slow rocking, a languid grind. Petra giggled unintentionally when Eren placed kisses to the light freckles across her nose.  
  
Jean worked his fingers inside Eren, enjoying the loud moan he pulled from him when he brushed against his prostate. He twisted his fingers, working the tight hole open as he kissed down Eren’s back.  
  
“Mmm, put it in already,” Eren whined.  
  
Jean appreciated the little wiggle of Eren’s tan ass as he pushed back against his fingers. Jean loved that ass. It was firm yet supple with the perfect amount of flesh and bounce.  
  
Jean slipped a condom on, lubed up his shaft hastily and then slid home.  
  
Eren fucking _keened_ in pleasure. It was too much pleasure from both ends with Jean’s cock in his ass and Petra squeezing on his dick. He was jerked forward with the intensity of Jean’s thrust, forcing him deeper into Petra.  
  
Jean set a brutal pace, and Eren could barely stand the pleasure, torn between wanting to back his ass up on Jean’s cock and be fucked, and wanting to fuck into Petra as she wailed his name. He rocked his hips instinctively though and began to pound into Petra while Jean hammered into him. They found a rhythm that worked and the room was filled with nothing but whines and moans of pleasure as they lost themselves in each other.  
  
“Oh...f-fuck...har-harder! Right there, yes, yes!”  
  
“So...fucking..tight.”  
  
“Oh, oh, oh…”  
  
Petra was the first to come, she wailed as she tipped her head back, back arching and toes curling as she practically saw stars explode behind her eyes. Her orgasm left her body tingling, her pussy spasming around Eren’s cock and Petra whimpered incoherently as he continued to pound into her slick heat. The way she convulsed around his dick and the harsh thrusts from Jean as he relentlessly abused his prostate had Eren groaning as he found his release. He vaguely registered Jean’s cock pulsing and his teeth scraping into his neck as his thrusts turned sloppy.  
  
Jean groaned into Eren’s neck and then they were all collapsing in on each other. Eren pushed Jean away so he could roll onto his back and refrain from crushing Petra. They laid side by side, with heaving chests and blissed out minds. The air smelt of sweat, sex, and spent pussy.  
  
After a few minutes, Jean cleared his throat. “That was...nice.”  
  
“No, Horseface, that was filthy,” Eren said.  
  
“It was amazing,” Petra murmured with a raspy voice and a hazy mind. She shook her head suddenly, sitting up in bed. “I mean, I just...uh, want you to know that I never really do things li-like this, though..uh…”  
  
Eren and Jean stared at her incredulously as if to say, _do you think we really care?  
  
_ Eren grinned. “You’re sweet,” he said as he pulled her down to rest against his chest. She nuzzled into his neck.  
  
Jean huffed and sprawled against Eren’s other side, arm wrapping around his waist possessively.  
  
They fell asleep like that.

**_xx_ **

  
Eren was awoken by loud voices coming from downstairs- quite a feat considering the walls were pretty thick and the door was closed.  
  
He pressed into the familiar warmth of his boyfriend’s arms, but then registered the feel of a second body pressed up against his. He opened his eyes to peek at Petra who was still asleep. Her pouty pink lips were parted a little, some drool seeping out onto the downy white pillow beneath her head. Her face was peaceful, and she looked innocent and unassuming in the morning light that poured in from the windows. The sunlight brought out highlights in her strawberry blonde hair that was strewn all over the place. She had one leg tangled over Eren’s and a lazy arm sprawled across his chest that was intersecting with Jean’s own arm.  
  
Eren grinned softly and turned to stare at his boyfriend. He looked cute, with his messy two toned hair and relaxed face- that is of course until he let out a snort and perceeded to snore softly right into Eren’s ear. He made a face, shoved Jean away from him as he got up to locate his clothes.  
  
Jean’s awful braying noises cut off as he sat up in bed and blinked the sleep from his eyes. He let out a series of groans, not wanting to get up just yet- or ever maybe. He watched Eren slip into his discarded jeans and frowned at the wrinkled fabric before figuring he should probably get dressed too.  
  
Petra was the last to wake up just as Jean slipped on his shirt (Eren opted to go shirtless considering he couldn’t _find_ the shirt he was wearing last night). Petra yawned and sat up as she rubbed sleepily at her eyes.  
  
Eren made a comment about how she was cute, Jean punched Eren in the shoulder with a scowl on his face.  
  
“You’re cute too, babe,” Eren told him.  
  
“One of us has to be,” Jean snickered.  
  
“Fuck you, I take it back.”  
  
“No backsies!”  
  
“Fine then, I’m the hot one! How do you like that, Mr. _cute_ face!” Eren snapped.  
  
“Please, _I’m_ the cute one _and_ the hot one!” Jean retorted.  
  
“Uh...do you guys do this a lot?” Petra questioned. She’d slinked back into her skirt and blouse ensemble while the boys were busy shouting at each other.  
  
“No,” Jean stated with a bite in his tone, “we’re a perfectly sane couple.”  
  
“I’m not so sure about that,” Eren deadpanned as he shook his head.  
  
“Do you live far from here, Petra?” Jean asked as they made their way downstairs.  
  
“Not really, but I think I’ll call a cab,” Petra said.  
  
Eren lead them into the kitchen, following the sound of voices and the smell of eggs and bacon.  
  
“Look who’s up!” Ymir shouted as she caught sight of the trio.  
  
Suddenly there were whoops and shouts coming from most of the people gathered in the kitchen (except for Mike who was busy flipping a pancake and entranced in smelling the air- for whatever reason, he thought he could smell just when the pancake needed to be flipped at exactly the right time for it to be perfect, and Reiner also didn’t cheer- in fact, the loud jeers from his friends made his hungover head quiver in agony, Armin wasn’t sure what was going on, and Levi wasn’t the type to get enthused- especially over things he thought trivial.)  
  
Petra flushed at all the faces staring at her, she tried to hide behind Eren but then her blush intensified when she remembered he was shirtless.  
  
Eren smiled at her reassuringly. “There not as scary as they seem, I promise.”  
  
Hanji nodded enthusiastically from her spot at the small kitchen table. “The only scary one here is Levi,” she told Petra, “you should watch out cause he bites.”  
  
“Shut the fuck up, Shitty-glasses.” Levi didn’t look amused as he glared at her over the rim of his coffee mug.  
  
“So...what’s your name, cutie?” Hanji asked.  
  
“Petra,” she stated.  
  
“I’m Hanji Zoe! You can call me Hanji. Say, Petra, how was last night? Was it good? Who fucked who? Did they double penetrate you, or…”  
  
“Hanji!” Jean hissed.  
  
“Uh…” Petra wasn’t entirely sure what to say, she just wanted to die in embarrassment. Right there, on the spot.  
  
“Hanji, please. Behave,” Eren ordered.  
  
Hanji giggled. “Sorry, I just wanted to ask...for science, ya know?”  
  
“Science is always your excuse. Science doesn’t excuse you from being a crazy bitch, I hope you know,” Levi told her.  
  
“I have a feeling, I _don’t_ want to know what’s going on right now,” Armin muttered.  
  
Mikasa patted his head in condolence. “Don’t worry about it.”  
  
Petra found her phone that had somehow ended up in the pocket of Eren’s jeans, dialed a cab and opted to wait outside instead even though Mike offered her breakfast. Jean went with her after Eren complained it wasn’t polite to leave her alone and he couldn’t go out himself since he was half-naked. Jean rolled his eyes but complied anyway.  
  
“You want some breakfast, Eren?” Mike asked as he flipped the last of the pancakes onto a glass plate.  
  
“Nah, no thanks,” Eren responded as he stole a piece of bacon off Levi’s half finished plate.  
  
“Oi, Brat, you just said you weren’t hungry,” Levi snapped.  
  
Eren grinned and sat down in his lap. “I never said that.”  
  
“Get off, you reek of debauchery and drunken regrets.” He half heartedly pushed Eren away. Eren refused to move, and Levi let him settle comfortably against him without much protest.  
  
“So, Eren, you get that pretty blonde chick’s number?” Ymir asked.  
  
“Why you wanna know?” Eren raised an eyebrow in question as he nibbled another piece of bacon off Levi’s plate.  
  
“For lesbian reasons, obviously,” Ymir snorted.  
  
“Ymir!” Historia smacked her arm.  
  
“Aw, calm down, you know you’re my one and only goddess.” Ymir placed a kiss on her cheek.  
  
It seemed to appease her, though she eyed Ymir with playfully narrowed eyes.  
  
“Yo, did ya save me a plate?” Jean asked as he strolled back into the kitchen. He sighed in exasperation when he caught sight of his boyfriend perched on Levi’s lap. “Eren, I swear to god…”  
  
Eren looked up at him with faked innocence. “What?”  
  
Jean’s eye twitched.  
  
Levi smirked and leaned his chin on Eren’s shoulder. Jean didn’t much like the way his arms curled around Eren’s waist.  
  
“Eren…” Jean was maybe sorta making a scratchy growling noise in the back of his throat now, it was hard to tell.  
  
“I think there’s some pancakes left?” Eren offered.  
  
Jean just huffed, turned, and walked out of the room.  
  
Mostly everyone snickered.  
  
“Eren, I really think you should stop pushing him,” Armin said.  
  
Eren refrained from rolling his eyes.  
  
“Messing with Horseface is funny,” Ymir interjected.  
  
“What she said,” Eren agreed with a playful smile, turning his gaze away from his best friend. And if said smile turned into a tight-lipped frown, well, no one really noticed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Believe it or not, this has a plot. Stick with me, guys. It'll get interesting soon.
> 
> This will be updated weekly from now on. Expect a new chapter every Friday until further notice (⌒.−)＝★
> 
> One line sneak peak of next chapter: _"Levi, your mother just saw my ass!"_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean gets detention, Levi's mother gets traumatized, and Eren's a lil shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy some Ereri ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

Eren groaned, banged his head against the desk and let it rest there until the bell (finally fucking) rang.

 "Oh man, that test was brutal!" Connie slapped Eren on the back as they exited the classroom. "How'd you do?"

 Eren shrugged. "Finished in ten minutes, I either aced or completely bomb that shit. And the silence was driving me nuts." He'd never been a particularly good test taker, always got antsy and agitated at the no talking rule.

 "Same. But yeah, pretty sure I failed," Connie commented as they fell into step behind their classmates in the very crowded hallway.  
  
“Connie, Eren!” Sasha called as she waved enthusiastically from where she stood near the exit leading to the student parking lot with Mikasa, Levi, Ymir and Historia. “Connie, we’re still going to the diner right? Hannes said he has new smoothie additions,” Sasha said as they approached the group.  
  
“Yeah, Sash. Just don’t expect me to buy you _all_ the new flavors,” Connie said, though he didn’t fool everyone since they knew full well that’s exactly what would happen.  
  
“Eren, where’s Jean? Do you need a ride?” Mikasa asked.  
  
Eren shrugged. Jean was usually here by now and they _had_ made plans to hang out so…where the fuck was he? Eren didn't have to wonder long as something came barreling down the hall and slammed into his side.  
  
Jean righted himself, fixed his bag over his shoulder, wrapped an arm around Eren and muttered a rushed, “we should leave, like _now_.”  
  
Eren stared at him in bewilderment. “What’s going on, Jean?”  
  
“KIRSCHTEIN!” A booming voice shouted from the opposite end of the hall.  
  
“Damn, what’d you do to piss Shadis off?” Ymir questioned as she watched the belligerent Eleventh grade English teacher stalk angrily in their direction.  
  
“Who’d you kill?” Connie asked, only half serious.  
  
“Are you trying to skip out on detention _again_ , Kirschtein?!” The bald headed teacher shouted once he was right in Jean’s face.  
  
Jean chuckled nervously. “Of course not, Sir,” he said.  
  
Mr. Shadis stared him down and it made Jean gulp, beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead.  
  
“Right, then I expect to see you in the assigned detention room in fifteen minutes, got it?”  
  
Jean nodded eagerly.  
  
Nearly everyone let out a breath of relief once the insane teacher left.  
  
“I thought you were a dead man,” Connie snickered.  
  
“He frightens me,” Historia murmured, causing Ymir to squeeze her in a tight hug.  
  
“You’re all fucking weak,” Levi said.  
  
“How the hell did you manage to get detention again?” Eren asked in exasperation. Last time it was because Jean drew a dick on the board and cursed at his teacher.  
  
“A stupid fight with a stupid dickhole,” Jean grumbled.  
  
“What, are you being bullied?” Ymir asked.  
  
“Of course not,” Jean spat.  
  
“Last time you punched somebody, it was because they stole your last piece of gum,” Mikasa said, “maybe you should just stop being an asshole.”  
  
“Hey, that’s not true. They were talkin’ shit, right Sash? You were there, remember?”  
  
Sasha nodded. “The dude called Jean’s mom a donkey.”  
  
“And _then_ he had the audacity to steal my gum.”  
  
“I’d like to point that ‘dude’ was Eren, and you both ended up with matching black eyes, fuckin’ morons." Levi sighed in annoyance.  
  
“No one asked your opinion. Anyway, this time the guy was talking _real_ shit,” Jean said.  
  
Mikasa sighed. “Really, about what?”  
  
“Well, some chicks were talkin’ about who they thought was the 'hottest guy' in our grade, or someshit like that. I don't know, they were being really loud and I was bored so I was kinda half listening...anyway, so then I hear Eren's name pop up-"

 "Oh, god. Don't tell me you punched somebody over that?"

 "'Course not, stop interrupting,” Jean hissed, “So then one girl was like 'who's that?' and someone said ‘ya know, Jaeger’ and then this one douche was like 'isn't that Jaeger kid gay?' Like he thought being gay was a bad thing or something. Then this other dude was like 'man, he's got a nice ass' and the guy from before was like 'the fuck, bro? You gay? You a fag all of a sudden?' So his friend replied 'nah, I can just appreciate a nice ass when I see one' And at this point I kinda wanna say something, but I figure I should just leave it alone. But _then_ this fucker goes on to talk about how he would ‘totally pound that sweet ass into a mattress if given a chance’ and how he’d make Eren ‘get on his knees and suck him off while staring up at him with pretty green eyes’ and other vulgar shit that had me seething in my seat." Jean shook his head in disgust.   
  
"The group is all laughing at this point, giving me a fucking headache. I got up from my desk, grabbed that fucker by the neck, and said ‘first, he’s not even gay, he’s bisexual. Second, he’s my boyfriend. And _third_ , you’re a repulsive piece of flaming shit’ and then I decked him in the face. Just fucking knocked that asswipe to the floor. He couldn’t even get up before Shadis was shouting at both of us. Now I have to see that dickweed in detention…”  
  
“That’s fucked, bro,” Connie said. Sasha nodded in agreement.  
  
“Did you make him bleed?” Mikasa questioned, with a dangerous glint in her eyes. “I really hope you made him bleed.”  
  
“Haha, way to go, Jeanbo!” Ymir tried to give Jean a knuckle punch, but when he just stared at her with distaste, she punched his shoulder instead.  
  
You’d think Eren would have thanked Jean for defending him, but he was just vibrating with anger, causing both Mikasa and Levi to have to hold him in place, consumed in his own thoughts of wanting to beat the fucker that dared talk such mess about him. “What’s the fucker’s name?” He asked.  
  
Jean rolled his eyes. “Were you not paying attention? I already punched the bastard. There’s no need for you to fight-”  
  
“I wanna _fucking fight him_!”  
  
“Goddammit, Eren. You look like you’re about to foam at the mouth, stop it,” Ymir snickered.

 "Ymir!" Historia chided.  
  
“I gotta run unless I want Shadis to bite my head off,” Jean said. He placed a kiss to Eren’s cheek before running off. It appeased Eren’s growling just a bit.  
  
Mikasa rolled her eyes. “Come on, Eren, I’ll give you a ride home.” She tried tugging on his arm.  
  
Eren shook his head. “Nah, I’m hanging out with Lee,” he said as he draped an arm over Levi’s shoulders.  
  
“Oi, Brat, don't just invite yourself over," Levi muttered but made no further protests as he hooked an arm around Eren's waist.

 "I bet hanging out with Levi is great. He's like a barrel of fun, but without the fun and more death stares and sarcasm."

 "Ymir, you're really not one to talk."

 

_**xx**  
_

"Why'd do you insist on sitting with your feet on the dash?"

 Eren just grinned cheekily as Levi gave him an unimpressed glare. He switched on the stereo, scrolled through Levi's playlist and turned the music up until it was blasting the car.

 Levi switched the radio off with a scowl once they pulled up to his house. They went inside, took their shoes off by the door, and were greeted by Levi's mother before they had the chance to escape upstairs.

 "Eren, it's been too long. You look really handsome these days," Kuchel gushed as she pulled him into a squeezing hug.

 "You literally saw him like a week ago," Levi said.

 Kuchel ignored him in favor of ruffling Eren's already messy hair. "I just baked some cookies. Would you like some, Eren?"

 Eren grinned and shook his head. "No thanks, Kuchel. I had a big lunch."

 "Nonsense. Growing boys need to eat," Kuchel told him as she pinched his cheeks.

 Levi rolled his eyes. "We're going upstairs, don't bother us," he told his mother as he pulled Eren along by the wrist.

 Eren waved goodbye. "That was rude," he commented.

 "Does it look like I give a shit?" Levi said as he shoved Eren into his bedroom, slammed him against the door as he began an assault on his lips.

 Eren moaned and tangled his fingers in Levi's hair as he parted his lips and let Levi's tongue tease his.

 Levi's hands rested on Eren's hips, traveled back to cup his ass as he hitched his legs around Levi's waist so the older boy had to support him in his arms. He nipped at Eren's lower lip, groped his ass tightly, forcing Eren to press further into him, to press against the hard bulge in his jeans.

 He twirled them around, dropped Eren in the center of the king sized bed so he was on top of the boy and between his parted legs.

 "Levi," Eren whispered desperately against his lips. His hands traveled under Levi's shirt, pushing the fabric up as he traced the strong muscles of his back. Levi shivered appreciatively under the light caress of Eren's finger tips.

 Levi sat back to allow for the removal of his shirt. Eren chucked his own shirt somewhere across the room. His hands traveled down Levi's chest, appreciating the cut of his muscles, the planes of his abs, came to rest at the top of his jeans, greedily undid his belt.

 Once they were both naked, Levi pressed Eren back into the bed. He stifled the strangled groan the brunett made when their cocks rub together with his mouth. He rolled his hips purposely, just to make Eren groan again.

 Levi kissed the edge of Eren's jaw, trailed soft lips to the skin behind his ear, nipped his earlobe playfully. "Pisses me off what those creeps were saying about you. But they were right about one thing, you do have a gorgeous ass," his breath tickled Eren's ear as he murmured to him huskily. He gave an appreciative grope to one of Eren's firm cheeks.

 Eren chuckled. "They only said it was nice."

 "Same difference," Levi said as leaned back, ordered Eren to roll flat onto his stomach.

 Levi admired the view of Eren's back. Let his fingers dance down his spine before his hands came to rest firmly on Eren's glorious ass. He squeezed the firm yet fleshy globes harshly and Eren made a pleased sound as his back arched and he raised himself on his knees so he could press back into Levi's hands.

 Levi adored the way Eren looked on all fours with his ass up in the air. He kneaded the ample mounds of flesh a few more times before he pulled a hand back and swung it down to smack lightly against the beautiful ass before him.

 Eren moaned. "Harder."

 Levi was happy to oblige. The next smack was sharper, made the tan flesh of Eren's ass jiggle.

 Eren sucked in a breath at the sting of it, wanted it to sting even more. He wiggled his ass teasingly. "Harder, spank me harder," he commanded.

 Levi smirked darkly. "You asked for it, Bright-eyes."

 And then his hand was coming down in repeated succession of harsh spanks. The sound of skin hitting skin filled the room. Eren's ass turned a pretty red with imprints of Levi's hand.

 Eren shrieked, tears nearly spilling from his eyes as he fisted his hands in the bed sheets, but still he kept pleading for, "more, harder! Harder, Levi!"

 Levi pulled his hands away as Eren let out a series of broken little whimpers. The sounds went straight to his aching cock.

 "So good, Baby. You're so good.." Levi muttered as he gently massaged the irritated skin of Eren's ass. He leaned down to pepper kisses against the flesh.

 Eren gasped at the gentle attention Levi placed on his stinging behind. It was soothing...that is until Levi suddenly bit into the flesh of his right butt cheek.

 "Levi!" Eren hissed in pain. "you're gonna leave a mark," he whined.

 Levi opted to ignore him, placed a kiss to the indention he left of his teeth. It was sure to leave a bruise. He parted the globes of Eren's ass wide so he could perfectly see the little puckered asshole. He blew against it, causing the tight ring of muscle to twitch and Eren's breath to hitch in a breathy little whine.

 Eren mewled when Levi's tongue began to lick at his hole. He suckled on the rim before easing inside to lap at Eren's soft inner walls. "L-Le-vi!" Eren's hips moved on their own accord, trying to press his ass back into Levi's face.

 Levi growled, held him still in a tight grip. He continued to prod his tongue into the tight heat of Eren's asshole. Eren was a whimpering, shaking mess and Levi was loving every second of it.  
  
Levi's bedroom door suddenly burst open.  
  
"Levi! Someone's calling on the house phone for y-"  
  
Eren yelped in surprise, fell to his stomach and put a pillow over his head.

 Levi swiveled around, his face contorting into horror as he stared in shock at his mother.

 She seemed frozen for a second there, hand covering her mouth as her cheeks flushed a delicate pink. "Shitty, sorry!" She squeaked and threw the phone on the bed (Levi nearly avoided being hit in the head with it) before slamming the door shut.

 Levi sat there for a moment in cold disbelief. His mother had just seen...He shook his head and gripped the sleek cordless phone in his hands. "What?" He snarled into the receiver.

 "Oh, did I catch you at a bad time?" Erwin asked.

 Levi's eyes twitched. "The worst fucking time," he spat. "What in the everloving _fuck_ do you want, Eyebrows? What is so important that you couldn't just text me or call me on my cell like a regular person?!"

 It was silent on the other line for a moment. "Were you in the middle of masturbating or something?"

 Levi wanted to jump through the phone and choke him. "No, you fuck! Now what the hell do you w-"

 "I wanted to go over those lyrics you wrote up the other day. I tried calling your cellphone, but..."

 "Ever happen to think I was busy? Who gives a shit about shitty fucking lyrics at a time like-"

 "Okay, it's alright if you don't want to meet up, I get it-"

 "No, I'll bring them to you! You've already disturbed me," Levi said. Getting caught by his mother was a total boner killer. It was long dead by now, like shriveled up and died the second he saw her shock ridden eyes...Levi shook his head again.

 Erwin had the audacity to chuckle. "Great, see you-"

 Levi hung up with a frustrated huff. He turned to see Eren laying on his back, staring at the ceiling with vacant eyes. Levi began to worry that perhaps the younger boy had actually managed to die from embarrassment.

 "...I thought you...locked the door," Eren said after some minutes.

 Levi snorted. "Where'd you think I managed to do that between shoving my tongue down your throat and getting you naked?"

 "Who the fuck doesn't lock the door when their parents are home-"

 "Oi, don't blame this shit on me, Brat."

 "Levi, your mother just saw my ass!"

 "So? My _mother_ just saw me _eating_ your ass. How the fuck do you think _I_ feel? Now get up and get dressed," Levi commanded, slapping Eren's thigh lightly before standing up to pull on his discarded clothes.

 He watched as Eren shimmied into his jeans with a cute pout on his lips. "That was Erwin on the phone, right? What he'd want?" Eren asked.

 "Lyrics."

 "Oh. Couldn't you just email 'em or something?"

 "Goes against artistic integrity."

 Eren raised an incredulous eyebrow. " _Artistic_ _integrity_?"

 "I don't know, the fucker's co-writing it, probably wants to discuss some bullshit...shit." Levi waved his hands in exasperation.

 The boys made their way downstairs. Eren gripped Levi's hand tightly in his own, but he released him once they reached the base of the stairs.

 They had to pass by Kuchel to get through the front door.

 Levi couldn't even look her in the eye.

 "Oh, boys, I didn't mean to disturb you. Are you sure...um, well did you..finish?"

 Levi choked on his own spit. "Mom!"

 "Ah, well I was also gonna offer you cookies again, but I see now that you'd prefer to eat something else." Kuchel had to know what she was doing, that smirk pulling on her lips said it all.

 Eren didn't bother trying to stifle his laughter. Levi wanted to run back upstairs just so he could throw himself down them and hopefully break his neck, anything to ease his suffering.

 Eren pretend to wipe a tear from his eye. "You're a riot, Kuchel." He grinned.

 Kuchel smiled, patted his head. "Visit us anytime, Eren."

 Levi had just about enough. He grabbed Eren by his arm and dragged him over to the door.

 He felt he could breath just a bit easier when they were both seated safely in his car. Then Eren had to go flick on the stereo again just to get on his nerves. He lowered the volume to a reasonable level after five minutes of driving with the feeling of a pumping bass vibrating the inside of his head. He sent a warning glare directed at Eren.

 "You know, now that we're outta the house, I'm kinda horny again," Eren said.

 Levi gave an insufferable sigh. "You're something else, Bright-eyes, and that's not always a good thing."

 Eren looked at Levi with a pout. "I'm serious, I'm gonna explode."

 Levi watched out of the corner of his eye as Eren started palming at himself through his jeans. He didn't say anything until Eren started undoing his jeans.

 "Oi, Brat, if you 'explode' in my car, I'm going to kick your ass," Levi threatened.

 Eren didn't listen to him, continuing to stroke himself through the fabric of his boxers.

 "Eren," Levi warned.

 Eren just reached over to take Levi's right hand off the steering wheel, guided it into his lap to rub against his erection. "I want you, Levi," he moaned as he bucked his hips up.

 Levi could feel Eren's hardness beneath his palm, feel the warmth of it through the thin fabric, the wet patch where pre-cum seeped through. He snatched his hand away like it burned. He was _not_ having sex in his car.

 "Le-vi!" Eren whined. He took Levi's hand back, this time to suck on his fingers with his hot little mouth as he palmed his own erection.

 Levi tried to focus on the road, nothing but the road in front of him and definitely _not_ what Eren's velvety soft little tongue was doing.

 He jerked his hand back swiftly, placed it back on the wheel and tightened his grip until his knuckles turned white.

 Eren huffed. "you're no fun," he muttered as he slid his jeans back up.

 Levi let him turn the music up as loud as he liked.

 

_**xx**  
_

Erwin seemed to put the pieces together as to why his best friend seemed so agitated over the phone when Levi showed up at his house with Eren in tow.

 Levi wanted to wipe the smirk off his face using his fists.

 "Levi, Eren, pleasure to see you."

 "Let us in, Dickwad." Levi shoved past him at the door.

 Erwin just grinned and politely nodded Eren inside.

 Levi and Erwin went down to the den, and Eren muttered something about having to use the bathroom. Levi knew he was probably going to shamelessly jerk off.

 "Here's your shitty lyrics... " Levi slapped a black notebook on the couch.

 "Say, Levi? How do you feel about getting a keyboardist?" Erwin questioned.

 By the time Eren made it back from the bathroom- relieved of one painful boner, he found Erwin being the only one in the den.

 "Where's Levi?" He asked as he sat down next to Erwin on the black leather couch.

 "Smoke break," Erwin replied. He looked up from the notebook he was looking over to stare at Eren. "Eren, do you think the music we make is even any good?" He wondered.

 "Of course it is!" Eren was quick to reply as he nodded eagerly. "And trust me, I'm not just saying that cause you guys are my friends. In fact I remember back at the beginning in like, what, ninth grade was it? Back then you guys sucked total ass, couldn't keep a tune together. But you practiced, rehearsed every day and by the time you guys got your first real gig, I was already a dedicated fan. And... I'd like to think I have good taste in music," Eren stated.  
  
Erwin smiled softly as Eren stared at him with passionate eyes. He ruffled the younger boy’s hair and Eren giggled as he leaned into the touch. Eren took Erwin's hand in his own, maneuvered his arm so it was draped around his shoulders as he leaned into Erwin under the pretext of staring at the notebook in Erwin’s lap. “These the lyrics you wanted to see?”  
  
Erwin nodded. “I just wrote this part,” he pointed to the page.  
  
“Ah these are really good,” Eren said.  
  
“Levi’s lyrics are always good, I don’t know why he bothers letting me co-write. His voice is also better suited for this song-”  
  
“You both have good voices, but yes, I think Levi’s better suited for this one too. It’s a gentler song than most of your others.”  
  
“I think sometimes we could benefit from a female vocalist. Then again, probably not.” Erwin sighed. “I was talking to Levi about getting a keyboardist,” he said.  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah, I think…if we want to get the sound we’re trying to convey, it’ll probably be good,” Erwin explained.  
  
Eren nodded. “Possibly. It’s just gonna be weird having a new member cause all you guys started together in high school…”  
  
“Well this is only if they can stand to put up with us. Mike’s habit of sniffing people he’s just met might weird them out, and Levi isn’t exactly very welcoming. Auditions are sure to be splendid.”  
  
Eren chuckled, snuggled further into Erwin’s side, took it as a good sign when the older let him, perhaps even pressed a bit tighter himself. Erwin smelled strongly of sandalwood and musky cologne, Eren decided it was scent he very much liked. “Do you think you’ll have this song finished by your next gig?”  
  
“No way, too little time…”  
  
Levi cleared his throat when he walked into the room. Erwin tensed a little, Eren just raised a questioning eyebrow, shuffled out of Erwin’s arms after a moment to skip over to Levi and wrap himself around him instead. “Levi, did you know your new song was great?” He singsonged as he wrapped his arms around Levi and started to sway them both side to side just to annoy him.  
  
“You say that about all our songs, Brat,” Levi sighed.  
  
“Not all of them,” Eren disagreed with a shake of his head, “that one you wrote about exterminating dirt was appalling.”  
  
Levi rolled his eyes. “I was high when I wrote that.”  
  
“Excuses,” Eren snickered.  
  
“C’mon, Brat, let me take you home.”  
  
Eren thought Levi was acting weird, seemed more distant than usual. Sure, he was quiet, but he was never so quiet around _him_. He studied the clench of Levi’s hands on the steering wheel, wondered if he had anything to do with Levi’s suddenly foul mood, smirked when a certain thought came to his mind.  
  
“Levi,” he started,  
  
“Hmm?” Levi murmured.  
  
“Are you, like...were you jealous of Erwin?” He asked, noticed the way Levi’s face immediately screwed up into a sneer.  
  
Levi snorted indignantly, a harsh ugly sound. “Why the fuck would I be jealous of him?”  
  
“Well, cause-”  
  
“Eren, I could not give a shit less what you do with him...or anybody, for that matter. You should know that by now. You’re just a _fuck_ , remember?” Levi spat, thought maybe it was too harsh after the words had already left his mouth and his heart clenched at the way Eren gave an offended little gasp, tears gathering quickly in his big green eyes.  
  
“I know we agreed to this whole fuckbuddy thing, Levi but I didn’t think you only saw me as your own _personal slut_!” Eren shouted.  
  
“Eren.” Levi sighed.  
  
Eren huffed, crossed his arms and turned to face the window when Levi looked over at him.  
  
Levi pulled the car over. He turned to Eren again. “Eren, I...didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” he said.  
  
“I thought you respected me.”  
  
“I do! I do respect you, you fucking brat. Eren,” he placed a hand on Eren’s shoulder only for it to be swatted away.  
  
“Eren, you’re one of my closest friends, a great friend.” He wrapped his arms around Eren in a hug, not backing off even as Eren shoved at him. “I care about you, of course I do. I’ve known you since you were a tiny brat toddling around in diapers full of his own shit.”  
  
Eren chuckled a little. “You fucking sweet talker, you.” He pressed a kiss to Levi’s cheek before leaning back to grin mischievously at him, eyes dry and bright. “It’s funny though, because I couldn’t give a shit less even if you _were_ jealous. And you are jealous, I know 'cause you reacted real funny.”  
  
“Eren…” There were sometimes Levi wanted to deck him in the face. Questioned to himself why he even liked the brat. This cruel fucking brat.  
  
“Hey, you never got off back there, did you? I almost feel bad for rubbing one out in the Smiths’ bathroom.” Eren’s hand fell to Levi’s lap, quickly working on his jeans.  
  
Levi didn’t have the strength to push him away, just let his head dip back as Eren wrapped his mouth around his cock.  
  
After he had cum down the younger boy’s throat and his high wore off, he ruminated to himself that things would be a hell of a lot easier if he _did_ see Eren as nothing more than a fuck. If the boy’s presence alone wasn’t enough to send his heart into overdrive, if his touches didn’t elicit tingles through his veins, if his sweet moans weren’t the prettiest thing he’s ever heard, and his bright eyes didn’t take his breath away.  
  
He shook those thoughts away. Something less shameful to admit to himself- Eren may not be just a fuck, but damn was he a _good_ one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what ya think. Next chapter's really long so look forward to that...
> 
> One line preview: _"Bright-eyes, I'm not fucking you when your boyfriend is literally three feet away from us."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOF has a mini-tour.  
> It's Spring Break, do whatever the fuck you want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my laptop has officially crapped out on me. It won't even turn on anymore. I now have to use my phone and tablet for writing purposes, but editing this shit was fucking killer and so very stressful since my tablet is a piece of shit. I'm still continuing this story though, but updates might fall a day or two late. Also, I had to resort to editing this on my sister's computer and I'm already paranoid enough as it is that someone will find it... Tell me if you find any errors, please. 
> 
> This chapter includes ereri, erejean, jeanmikaere or something like that and much anticipated eruren.

Club Sina was a huge club with extravagant glass decor, a huge dance floor, and live music three times a week. It was part of a chain of clubs placed all around the country along with it's sisters Rose and Maria (Maria being a club the gang frequently visited and played at back in Shiganshina though it was nowhere near as nice as this.)

 This particular Club Sina was located in the city of Orvud and was the first stop on the Spring Break mini tour WOF was taking part in with two other bands. The last stop on the list was the music festival taking place in Mitras.

 Eren laughed quietly to a joke Mikasa had told him, his arm slung around her as they made their way to the dressing rooms. Yeah, Sina was so fancy they had dressing rooms for the band. Although WOF had to share it with the act that went on after theirs....

 Eren and Mikasa strolled into the dim lit room.It stank of cigarette smoke and other questionable things. The walls were painted blood red, there was a couple vanities set up on the front wall, a comfortable looking arrangement of leather black couches and arm chairs placed around a glass table that held an unappetizing bowl of stale nuts. It was lovely.

 There were people Eren recognized and people he didn't. He noticed Levi putting eyeliner on in the mirror. He walked over and shook his shoulder.

 "Levi!"

 Levi tsked in distaste. "Oi, Brat, I could poke my eye out."

 Eren rolled his eyes. "Please, you're an expert with that thing."

 "What this stick of shitty eyeliner?"

 "Yeah. You put on just the right amount. You totally pull it off, unlike some people. Look at that guy over there, red streaks in his hair and raccoon eyes- I think he's the fucking drummer, there's definitely no need for that." Eren sighed exasperatedly as he shook his head.

 "Oh, that guy? That guy's Rick. Told me he's stabbed a guy before."

 "Interesting. Though not impressive." Eren sat down in Levi's lap, wrapped his arms around his neck and nipped his ear playfully. "You look sexy with eyeliner, that was my original point," He said.

 "Eren, what are doing?" Jean groaned as he walked into the room.

 "Who gave you their backstage pass? I'm helping Levi with his eyeliner," Eren replied as he snatched the forgotten stick of black cream eyeliner and began applying it to the waterline of Levi's left eye. He did the same to the other eye. "There, all done. Does it look good, Levi? I can't really tell in this light." He leaned closer to Levi's face, placed his hands on either side of his cheeks as he pretended to inspect his work. "Still can't quite see." He leaned forward until their lips were almost brushing together.

 "Eren!" Jean snapped as he pulled his boyfriend off Levi's lap by the collar of his shirt.

 Eren stumbled, held onto Jean and buried his head in the taller boy's neck as he giggled uncontrollably.

 "I don't know why I put up with you," Jean murmured, but he patted Eren's head affectionately anyway. "C'mon, Armin's looking for you."

 

_**xx**  
_

WOF had a splendid performance and while some of the band and co decided to go mingle with the crowd, a few headed back to the dressing room.

 Eren sat between Mikasa and Levi on a plush leather couch, passing a joint around that Rick something or other had supplied. Eren was lightheaded and just a bit sleepy, the burn in his lungs was almost comforting and the haze in his head had him feeling peaceful.

 Levi turned Eren's head to his after taking a drag, pressed his lips to the younger boy's so he could blow the smoke into his parted lips. They pulled away with a tiny streak of smoke between them. Eren giggled and pressed a proper chaste kiss to Levi's lips before he accepted the joint.

 He took a drag and held it in just as Levi had. Then he turned to face Mikasa and shotgunned with her like he did with Levi. Mikasa thought it was hilarious, going cross eyed when she let some smoke escape and it twirled in the air right in her face.

 Eren lay down to rest his head in Levi's lap. Levi carded his fingers through his hair. "Don't tell me you like my cousin." His nose wrinkled in distaste.

 Eren shrugged. "Your cousin's hot." He shuffled around so that he was straddling Levi's lap. "Good genes must run in the family," he said as he nuzzled his face against Levi's.

 They made out for a while, Eren shamelessly rolling his hips against Levi's as they swapped spit. He wondered if Levi would fuck him in front of the people here if he really begged for it.

 Everyone seemed to startle at the door being thrown open- except Eren and Levi who were at the moment completely enamored with each other and content to continue making out. Eren only looked up when he heard Erwin's voice. He muttered something about leaving a 'lucky guitar pick' behind.

 Some guy offered Erwin a hit when he lit up a new joint. Levi snickered and said Erwin was "too much of a goody two shoes for that shit." Erwin never even really drank that much, let alone smoked. He was fucking president of student council and all that shit.

 Erwin glared at Levi in offense. He accepted the joint just to prove he could handle it.

 "Is that thing about people not getting high their first time true?" Mikasa mused.

 Eren shrugged. "I don't know, let's wait and see."

 Erwin most definitely _did_ get high. He laid his head back in his seat with a lazy grin on his lips and heavy lidded eyes.

 "You know... If cows meowed, it would be weird... "

 "...what the fuck?"

 The door burst open again, this time a frustrated Jean stood in the doorway.

 "Dammit, Eren. How many times do I have to tell you not to do drugs with strangers?" Jean sounded completely done.

 "They aren't strangers. You already know Levi, Mikasa and Erwin. That's Rick, hey Rick. That's Zen, and the guy holding the joint is Alfonso. Oh, and that's his brother Mikey."

 "That is a stuffed cat."

 "It's his brother, you rude ass!"

 "Oh my god, whatever. Hanji told me to tell y'all that we're ready to leave."

 

**_xx_ **

"I don't like the look of this place, it looks like there have been numerous murders here," Armin said as the van pulled into the parking lot of the shadiest motel anyone's ever seen.

 Mike sniffed the air once everyone got out. "A couple murders, maybe. Mostly suicides though," he said.

 Eren tugged on Levi's sleeve. "He's doing the creepy nose thing, tell him to stop doing the creepy nose thing."

 "Alright, kiddos, let's check in!" Hanji announced as she led the way into the dingy front office.

 Eren snuggled into Jean's arms, feeling bored and tired as they waited for Hanji to finish speaking with the receptionist.

 Levi tapped his foot impatiently. "Oi, how long does it take to get fucking keys?"

 Hanji bounced over to the group just as they were all about to complain.

 "We went the cheapo route, which means instead of booking rooms for our big group of...ten million?-"

 "I think you over counted someone."

 "We have only three rooms!"

 "Are you serious?" Levi groaned.

 " _Annnnd_ the motel recently experienced an unfortunate event, the roof of one room collapsed and a dozen little ferrets ran out-"

 "Why the hell would there be ferrets in the ceiling?"

 "So now they only have _two_ rooms available. But! The good part is...we get a discount!" Hanji cheered.

 "You are the worst manager ever," Mike said.

 "Oh hush up, Michael." Hanji waved him off.

 "That's not even my name."

 Hanji clapped her hands together. "So how are we gonna split up?"

 "Can I just sleep in the fucking van?" Levi pleaded.

 "Band in one room, everyone else in the other?" Armin suggested.

 "You should just leave one room to me, I tend to snore," Erwin interjected.

 Nanaba rolled her eyes. "Please, this is simple. Mike and I get our own room." She hurriedly snatched a keycard out of Hanji's unsuspecting hand. "And you _won't_ come knocking unless you wanna hear the bed-a-rocking if you know what I mean." She stomped out the door with Mike following her.

 "Well I'll be damned," Hanji muttered. "Okay, peeps, change of plans! All of us are now in one r-"

 "Shut up, Hanji."

 "Go suck a fuck."

 Hanji just sighed as they all made their way to the motel room.

 

**_xx_ **

The motel room was _tiny_. With a single twin bed and a suspiciously stained carpet. The TV was old and outdated, there was dust piled on the window shades, and the bathroom had a revolting clump of hair sticking to the shower wall and a yellowing porcelain toilet.

 Levi nearly had a heart attack, had to be reminded that the van was cluttered with equipment at the moment and there was no way he could actually sleep comfortably there.

He wanted to argue he couldn't quite sleep comfortably _here_ either, but he knew people would just ignore him.

 Whoever hopped on the bed first was lucky enough to claim ownership (however, with those dirty sheets that have been who knows where... At what cost was it, really?) Armin and Mikasa had gotten there first, despite Erwin complaining that he needed the space more. Armin teased him saying his feet would hang off the bed anyway.

 Everyone else reluctantly laid blankets and pillows across the floor. Hanji even had a fucking sleeping bag.

 "This is fun," Hanji said. "Almost like a sleepover. Hey, you guys wanna play truth or dare?"

 "Shut up," Jean groaned.

 "Go the fuck to sleep, Shitty-glasses," Levi commanded.

 "Ugh, alright."

 There was no more talking after that, just the buzz of the rickety old ceiling fan and people's soft breathing. Erwin started snoring softly (quite loudly actually, sounding like a grizzly bear on a bumpy car ride. Or a demon struggling to crawl out of the pits of hell. Either way). Levi sat up to throw a pillow at him. Erwin let out a strangled snort once, twice and then ceased his demonic snoring.

 Eren was wrapped tightly in Jean's arms as he listened to the other's even breathing. He peered around the darkened room and figured everyone was already asleep. He turned to face Jean, placed a kiss to his jaw before lightly untangling himself from his arms.

 He crawled over to Levi who wasn't too far away, sprawled across piles of blankets with a fluffy pillow under his head.

 Eren curled into his side, started placing kisses on his neck.

 Levi's eyes snapped open. "Eren, what are you doing?" He groaned, voice husky from sleep.

 "Shhh." Eren placed a finger to his lips, signaling to be quiet. He got on top of Levi, straddling him as he mouthed at his neck.

 "Bright-eyes, I'm not fucking you when your boyfriend is literally three feet away from us," Levi hissed.

 "You say that...but you're getting hard just talking about it," Eren murmured into his ear as he pointedly palmed at Levi's crotch, at the swelling bulge hidden behind his boxers (the only thing he wore to bed since the room was hot as hell and the decrepit ceiling fan just seem to swirl the hot air around). "Levi, I want you to fuck me." Eren rubbed his ass against Levi's erection.

 "Eren," Levi warned, practically growled as he gripped Eren's hips.

 "Fuck me," Eren sounded perfectly needy and breathless as he whispered into Levi's ear.

 Levi sighed, closed his eyes for a second, knew he had already lost when he opened them and was met with Eren's searing gaze, eyes still managing to be so bright even in the darkness. He gave a minute nodded.

 Eren grinned, kissed his cheek, slid down his body and between his legs so he could start mouthing at his cock through the thin material of his boxers. Finally pulled them down when he got bored and Levi got impatient, letting Levi's erection spring free.

 Eren lapped at the beading pre-cum across the tip, pulled away for a bit to suckle on his own fingers, using his other hand to jerk Levi off. Bent back down to take Levi into his mouth again, reaching around himself so his spit covered fingers could press at his entrance. He worked himself open as he swallowed Levi's cock. He soon grew impatient, wanted nothing more than to be filled right _now_.

 Eren straddle Levi's hips again, positioned Levi's cock at his tight entrance, slid down on him slowly, trying not to moan or make any noise at all as he took Levi's cock into his tight heat inch by slow inch. He threw his head back, biting his lip to hold in a moan once he'd taken all of Levi in. The thick cock stretched him in a painful way, no lube to ease the burn, but it filled him in a delicious way too. It was painful in the most pleasurable way and Eren relished the feeling.  
  
He rose up, dropped back down, rolling his hips with the motion, tightened his muscles to squeeze around Levi’s cock. Levi bucked under him, groaning appreciatively. He gripped Eren's hips, helping the boy rise and fall as he built up a steady pace, bouncing on his cock in a sinful rhythm.

 Levi thrust up, slammed Eren's hips down in the same motion. Eren let out a tiny breathless whimper when Levi found the perfect angle to abuse his prostate over and over. Eren leaned forward, locked lips with Levi to keep himself quiet as he grinded his hips, rocking on Levi's cock as it perfectly jabbed into his sweet spot.

 "Quit teasing," Levi whispered against his lips. Eren suddenly found himself being flipped over swiftly, soft blankets pressed against his back as Levi loomed over him.

 Eren's back arched as Levi thrust fully back inside, he wrapped his legs around the older male's waist tightly, locking his ankles.

He would've mewled in pleasure as Levi started fucking into him had the older boy not started kissing him again.

 Eren briefly wondered if maybe he should've just stuck to riding Levi; surely the slap of skin on skin Levi's harsh thrusts were producing would wake someone up and it was getting harder for Eren to contain his noises.

 Levi gave a particularly hard thrust that had Eren's worried thoughts flying out the window and his eyes nearly crossing in pleasure.

 "Levi!" He breathed against the other's lips, coming undone after only a few more thrusts.

 Eren felt overly sensitive, fucked out as Levi continued to pound into him, finding his own release. Eren whimpered when he felt the burst of hot cum splatter his insides.

 Levi rested his head against Eren's neck for a few seconds before rolling off him. They were both panting harshly. Levi surveyed the room, relieved to find everyone still asleep.

 "Eren, clean up and get back in your own fucking bed," Levi hissed.

 "None of us have beds."

 "You know what I mean, Brat."

 

**_xx_ **

Things were a hassle in the morning, everyone taking turns in the bathroom as they prepared for the day.

 Levi felt like punching something. Someone had gotten toothpaste all over the mirror (probably Eren and Jean) and somebody also left a shit in the toilet (most definitely Jean). When he tried flushing it, the toilet clogged.

 Everyone wondered why Levi's eye was twitching when he stepped out of the bathroom.

 There was a knock at the door. Hanji threw it open to find Nanaba and Mike. They stepped inside. Nanaba stretched her arms and yawned.

 "'M'tired," she slurred.

 "Shut up, at least you had a bed to yourself," Levi snapped.

 "Better me than you, you always wake up on the wrong side of it after all," Nanaba retorted.

 "Slay." Mikasa gave her a high five.

 "'Kay, peeps, what do ya say we get breakfast?" Hanji cheered.

 

**_xx_ **

"Eren, stop doing that," Jean groaned.

 "Doing what?" Eren asked cheekily as he dragged his tongue tantalizingly slow across the ripe strawberry he was eating, finally bit into it just to suck on the juice it produced.

 Jean thought it could be classified more so as teasing than eating.

 "He means quit eating like a whore," Levi said.

 Eren gasped in mock offense, popped the strawberry out of his mouth. "It's called cherishing the flavor." He reached across the table just to jab the strawberry into Levi's unsuspecting mouth.

 Levi's face scrunched in disgust. He immediately spit the piece of fruit out on the plate in front of him. "Fucking disgusting, that shit was mushy from your spit!"

 "Calm down, Levi. You've literally put your tongue in an asshole before," Hanji interjected with a snicker.

 Levi rolled his eyes, gave a shrug. "I will neither confirm nor deny that."

 "In other news, I think Eren made Erwin pop a stiffy!" Nanaba announced, quite loudly for the calm, sleepy little diner.

 "Nanaba!" Erwin hissed, cheeks burning red as several people turned to stare. Jean was glowering.

 "Aw, Erwin's probably just sexually frustrated," Hanji commented. "When was the last time you got laid?"

 Erwin didn't look amused. He didn't bother with a response, just got up from the table and said, "restroom."

 "Gonna jerk it? No shame, no shame!" Hanji called after him.

 He turned to give Hanji a withering look. "Trust me, any boner I may have had, died the second I saw your face."

 Hanji threw her hands up. "Woah-ho-ho, _someone's_ touchy," she exclaimed.

 "I think you're gonna get us kicked out of here," Armin muttered.

 "I think you should all shut up before I throw my _piping hot_ coffee in your faces," Mikasa said, sipping said coffee nonchalantly.

 "For once, I agree with Mik-ass-a," Levi said.

 

**_xx_ **

The next stop was pretty unremarkable. Just a concert at a moderate sized 18+ club located in downtown Stohess. The venue was relatively new, just had it's Grand Opening a month ago, and was already popular with the local youth- mostly cause of the live music and bartenders that knew how to turn a blind eye.

 Perhaps the only remarkable thing was they had to sleep in Rick and co.'s decrepit bus for the night. They figured it was better than staying in Carter's (a guy from the _other_ other band they were touring with) basement.

 Although a basement would've had a lot more space. Probably didn't have dingy pull out beds, and certainly wouldn't have small little cubbies that could hardly be meant for a normal person to sleep in. In the end, when Levi had finally snapped and complained that he wasn't sharing a bed with Hanji cause she farts in her sleep, they'd decided to sleep in Carter's basement anyway.

 It stunk of weed and there was a deer head mounted on the wall that Jean swore "totally wouldn't stop staring at him like it wanted to eat his soul and shit it out" but it was comfortable nonetheless.

 Things took a turn for the better in their stop at Ehrmich when they were finally able to obtain hotel rooms for the night. _Multiple_ hotel rooms (though Hanji was still a cheapskate and swung for only three).

 "At least the place is decent and each room has two beds," Hanji reasoned.

 Mike and Nanaba got their own room just like before, Eren and Jean chose to share with Armin and Mikasa, and Levi was stuck with Erwin and their crazy manager. He claimed a bed to himself, however, no matter how much Erwin protested that he needed it most. Any shot at him getting it was shut down the second he commented how it was "probably too big" for Levi anyway.

 "Okay, fuckers, listen up!" Mikasa clapped her hands together to call attention to the room. "If I hear _any_ suspicious noises coming from that bed in the middle of the night, I will personally rip you two apart from your asshole outward," she threatened as she jabbed a finger in Eren and Jean's direction. "So I suggest you keep it in your pants," she instructed.

 Eren chuckled. "'Kasa, I can't believe you think so little of me. I would never have sex in the same room as-"

 "Eren, remember those bunk beds at Armin's old house? You've banged Jean before while I was literally in the bed beneath you. Not to mention that time we all spent the night at your house and I passed out and woke up with your knee jamming into my side and the bed rocking against the wall as Jean-"

 "Okay, okay, I get it. No hanky panky." Eren held his hands up in surrender.  
  
Armin cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well...I’m glad that’s settled.”

  
**_xx_**

  
“Ugh, this fucking sucks! What kind of hotel doesn’t have free wi-fi?!” Mikasa let out a frustrated screech as threw her tablet on the bed.

“The cheap kind? Ya know, the kind that Hanji likes,” Armin muttered. He sat against the headboard reading one of the many books he’d packed.  
  
Mikasa sighed. “I don’t even know why I thought this trip would be fun.”  
  
“Hey, it’s what you make of it.” Eren shrugged.  
  
“Who left Hanji in charge here? And the Smiths’ are loaded, I don’t see why money’s an issue.”  
  
“Hanji is actually an alright manager...sometimes,” Eren said.  
  
“The band wants to make it on their own, ya know? So that means entirely on the money they get from gigs, or so Erwin tells me,” Armin stated.  
  
“Huh. I’m bored,” Mikasa declared.  
  
“Me too,” Eren whined. He hanged off the bed across from theirs, letting his arms dangled.  
  
“Eren, the blood is going to rush to your head,” Mikasa told him.  
  
“Cool. Will it explode?” he questioned.  
  
“If you were to stay like that, eventually your brain would be deprived of oxygen and you’d die,” Armin stated without looking up from his book.  
  
“Sounds painful,” Jean commented. He was uninterestedly watching the TV that only got basic cable.  
  
“I read somewhere that in the olden days they’d hang people upside down and cut them in half with a rusty saw. The blood rushing to their head kept them alive longer so they’d feel every torturous second of it. Apparently they usually didn’t die until they had already been sawed nearly halfway through,” Armin said.  
  
“Interesting,” Mikasa muttered.  
  
“So cool!” Eren gushed.  
  
“What the fuck, Armin?” Jean looked just a bit terrified.  
  
“Hey, who’s still bored? I got an idea,” Eren suddenly announced.

  
_**xx**  
_

  
“Okay, what the _fuck_ is with all the noise?! Some people are trying to fucking _sleep_!” Levi shouted as he threw the door to the hotel room open to see who was causing such a ruckus in the hallway.  
  
“Oh no, we woke the little old man up,” Mikasa snickered.  
  
“Yo, watch out!” Jean shouted just as he zipped by on a fucking _luggage cart_. He narrowly avoided colliding with Levi.  
  
“What is it, what is it?! What’s going on?!” Hanji skipped out of the room. “Oh! Luggage cart races!” She cheered. “Levi, Levi, let’s go find a cart!”  
  
“Let’s not,” Levi deadpanned.  
  
“Why not?” Hanji pouted.  
  
Just then there was a loud crash and a couple of painful groans.  
  
“Goddamit, Jaeger! Keep your cart in your own lane!”  
  
“Have you seen how narrow this hallway is, dumbass? I told you to move! You’re just mad cause I won!”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, cause winners usually have blood pouring from their head.”  
  
“It’s a fucking scratch, quit being dramatic. I hope you get bruises all over!”  
  
Levi sighed. “That’s why not.”

  
_**xx**  
_

  
Eren _tried_ to be good, he really did.  
  
He would never intentionally lie to his best friends. He would never intentionally make Mikasa uncomfortable, or scar Armin for life…  
  
He told Mikasa he would keep it in his pants, and he didn’t plan on going back on those words… But of course, things never go as planned.  
  
He found himself unmistakably horny, and of course being told _not_ to do something, obviously just made him want to do it more (so sorry, Mikasa).  
  
And so that’s how Eren found himself riding Jean’s cock reverse cowboy style as his two best friends slept in the bed across from theirs not but five feet away.  
  
The bed was nearly impossible to keep from creaking, so Eren really hoped Mikasa and Armin were too tired to be woken so easily. At the moment, Eren honestly couldn’t find it in him to care as he bounced on his boyfriend’s cock and bit into his lip to keep quiet.  
  
Jean spread Eren’s cheeks in his hands, watching in the dim lighting of the lamp on the bedside table as he disappeared into Eren’s tight hole that eagerly swallowed him up.  
  
“J-Jean...Jean,” Eren whimpered loudly when Jean grabbed his hips hard enough to probably bruise, yanked him down on a harsh thrust.  
  
“Shush, Eren, y-you’re...g-gonna..wake..someone..ah,” Jean grunted.  
  
“Too late for that.”  
  
Jean’s hips stilled at the sound of Mikasa’s voice. He turned his head to see her sitting up in bed, looking pretty miffed.  
  
“Uh…” he didn’t know what to say, his mind was partially seized in terror cause _fuck, she’s definitely gonna kill them now_ and the other half of him was too busy enjoying the sensation of Eren bouncing on his cock to properly form words…Which reminds him, _why_ is Eren still bouncing on his cock?  
  
“Damn it, Eren. Do you have no shame?” Mikasa sighed as she rubbed at her bleary eyes.  
  
“Not...even..a..b-bit.. _fuck_.”  
  
“I really don’t wanna sleep in the hall, so I guess I’ll go shove Levi out of his bed,” Mikasa muttered as she strode over to the door, not seeming all that embarrassed or disturbed to find her friend in such a position.  
  
Jean had to admire her strength, really. Though maybe anyone who was friends with Eren kinda expected these things already….  
  
“‘Kasa, wait,” Eren called, suddenly stilling his hips. Jean groaned in disappointment, though he realized it was probably for the best.  
  
“What?” Mikasa raised an eyebrow at her very naked friend who still had her other friend’s dick up his ass.  
  
“Why don’t you come suck my dick?” Eren slowly stroked said dick in his hand, waggled his eyebrows teasingly.  
  
Jean sighed, wanted to push Eren off him already. _Really, Eren, really?_ He internally groaned.  
  
“I don’t take commands,” Mikasa snapped.  
  
“That’s why it was a suggestion,” Eren retorted.  
  
Jean wondered how he could still manage to be sassy with a dick up his ass. Wondered just how dumb his boyfriend really was...Then his thoughts basically just drifted into a series of _!!!!!_ and internal screaming when Mikasa actually started taking her clothes off. Off came the oversized nightshirt, _whoop there went the panties…_ And Jean was left staring at her lithe body, ample breasts, toned stomach- even had a cute little belly ring, landing strip on her otherwise hairless pussy…  
  
If Jean's dick was hard before, it was practically throbbing now. _What the actual fuck is happening?_ He wanted to question as the dark haired beauty sauntered over to kneel on the bed.

 He envied the way Mikasa's pretty little mouth wrapped around Eren's cock. Then Eren started rocking his hips deliciously again and he figured he could probably get off to this alone. He watched Mikasa's pink tongue lick along Eren's cock, watched her spit glistened lips wrap around the head again, her head lowering as she took him in. _Fuck her mouth was probably hot and wet and..._

Eren squeezed purposefully around his cock, the constricting heat causing Jean to release a pleasured groan, thrust up into him, watching still as Mikasa bobbed her head, sucked Eren's dick like a pro...The lewd sight had him coming unintentionally.

 "Already, Horseface?" Eren groaned.

 Jean ignored his complaints, far too busy bathing in the aftermath of his short lived orgasm.

 Mikasa let off Eren's dick with a vulgar pop. Jean didn't even seem to care she was glaring at him too. So he let down two people at the same time...he'd get over it, he was sure. Right now, he was just exhausted.

 "Well I'm gonna go shower since you came in me, you ass." Eren sighed. "Wanna join me, 'Kasa?"

 "Is Jean okay wi-"

 "Hey, Horseface, mind if I fuck 'Kasa?"

 "Mm..sure, babe," Jean muttered partially sarcastic, though mostly sleepily.

 "See, he doesn't care." Eren pulled Mikasa along by the wrist to the bathroom.

 The shower was decently sized, glass enclosed and definitely big enough for two people to fit comfortably. The water heated up quickly as Eren and Mikasa took the time to make out, kisses frantic and needy.

 They stepped under the steady stream of water, warm liquid pounding lightly over their bodies in a comforting rhythm as they held each other close, drinking into each other's mouth with sinuous tongues and swollen pressing lips.

 Eren squeezed at Mikasa's ass before trailing his hands up her sides, palmed her breasts gently. She pressed into him, nipped at his lip. He rolled a taut nipple between his fingertips. Leaned down to kiss her neck, licked at the beads of water running down her skin.

 Mikasa gasped when one of Eren's hand came to rest on her ass again, the other trailing down her stomach, brushing against her belly button piercing lightly before Eren continued skimming his fingers downward, cupped her pussy in his hand.

 Eren could feel her slick heat on his palm as she parted her legs just a bit more. He rubbed at her gently, fingers dipping into her entrance just slightly.

 She whimpered. Shamelessly spread her legs more, grabbed Eren's hand and pressed into it, grinding her pussy against his palm, clit rubbing deliciously against it sending pleasurable tingles through her body...

 Eren pulled his hand away, rested it against the back of Mikasa's waist, told her to hang onto him as he lifted her into his arms, her arms draped around his neck, legs wrapped around his waist as she slid onto his aching cock.

 He grabbed her ass, helped her drop onto his cock as he fucked her standing up. Mikasa mewled at the sensation.

 Eren backed up, let her back rest against the tiled shower wall as fucked into her. Mikasa rolled her hips, clenching around the warm hard cock inside of her.

 "E-Eren, the w-water...getting c-cold," she complained. The sudden harsh of the ice water was a confusing contrast to the fire building up inside of her.

 Eren cursed the hotel's shitty lack of hot water but knew the position was also starting to take a toll on his strength. He held Mikasa tightly as he cautiously stepped out of the shower.

 He walked over to the counter, laid her on top of it. It was the nearest flat surface they had and it was plenty good enough.

 Mikasa sat up, legs dangling slightly off the edge of the bathroom counter as Eren stood between them.

 He took a moment to admire the way Mikasa's pussy glistened under the bright bathroom lighting, the way she shivered when he slid a finger along her slick folds.

 Mikasa whimpered when Eren entered her again, his cock filling her deliciously. She loved the feeling of being stuffed with his thick cock.

 He set a fast pace, hips rocking into hers as he thrusted in and out of her tight sopping wet heat. She was humming in pleasure, letting out little "oh, oh, oh!"s as she rubbed at her clit in time with his thrusts.

 It wasn't long before Mikasa reached her peak. Her head lolled back and her toes curled as white hot pleasure rushed through her body and her pussy spasmed around Eren's cock.

 Eren moaned, the way Mikasa clenched around him was almost enough to have him cumming (in fact he wondered where the sudden self control came from). He slid out of her after she had rocked through her orgasm. She stared at him with hazy, hooded eyes and a hand lazily pressed against the top of her soaked fucked out pussy as he hastily jerked his dick, grunting as he released hot streamers of thick white cum across her tits.

 "Gross, we just took a shower," Mikasa whined though she didn't seem too upset about it. She scooped a finger through the sticky fluid on her chest, brought the digit to her mouth to suckle on.

 "Fuck, that's hot," Eren muttered, watching her licking up his cum.

 "Eren." She held a jizz coated finger out to him, raised an eyebrow as if daring him to lick it.

 Eren rolled his eyes, wrapped his mouth around her dainty finger without hesitation, tasted himself on her skin, thought it was strangely sexy. He went on to lap at the mess on her chest, blew a raspberry against the plump flesh of her breast just to hear her giggle.

 They stepped out of the bathroom naked and thoroughly exhausted.

 Eren looked around the room, noticed Jean was fast asleep and snoring and the other bed in the room was empty. "Where'd Armin go?"

 Mikasa flopped onto the unoccupied bed. "He ran out to sleep in the hall when you and Jean rudely awakened us."

 "Oh. Poor Armin," Eren muttered as he slipped into bed beside Mikasa.

 "Poor Armin," she agreed.

 

**_xx_ **

Eren groaned into his pillow as he squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden light in the room. He heard voices, lively raucous voices he was way too tired to deal with.

 "Eren, Eren, E-E-E-Eren!" Someone singsonged as they shook his shoulder roughly.

 He squinted his eyes open, found Hanji inches in front of his face and saw a reflection of his messy bedhead in the glare of her glasses.

 "God damn... Go away," he grumbled as he turned around to face the other way. He was met with Mikasa's slumbering face as she sprawled out on the other side of the bed. She had a bit of dried drool on her cheek and her long black hair was a mess. She was also still naked with only the thin white bed sheets draped over her. Eren looked down at himself, just to make sure he was covered as well. He was.

 "Looks like you had fun last night," Hanji commented. "Lucky. All I did was take a sleeping pill and conked out for the night in order to escape Erwin's grizzly bear snores."

 "I wanna sleep," Eren whined, looking around at all the people gathered in the room as he reluctantly sat up in bed.

 "Well maybe if you didn't stay up to the wee hours of the night boning..didn't think you'd actually go for it... " Jean sneered as he slid on a shirt from the opened suitcase laying on the bed.

 "Fuck you, you premature ejaculator," Eren spat.

 "Woah, woah, woah, hold up. I've drilled your ass into the mattress _countless_ times, Jaeger-"

"Ugh, I really don't want to hear about your sex life. We let you sleep in, it's already nearing noon, and I'm fucking hungry, so can we _get_ a move on?" Nanaba snapped.

 "Well if you’d all kindly get the fuck out, so I could get dressed...”  
  
“Oh, wow, _now_ you’re gonna act like you have modesty?” Armin scoffed.  
  
Eren threw a pillow at his head. The bed shifted with his movements, causing Mikasa to stir.  
  
“Why the hell are you all in here?” She questioned as she sat up just to glare at everyone in the room.

 "It's almost time for check out, you brat, so put some clothes on," Levi told her, seemingly the only one who wasn't afraid of her vicious glare- probably because he had one just as fierce.

 "Fine. Get out."

 "But I'm in the middle of making cof-"

 Mikasa cut Mike off, "Out!"

 Everyone left when it looked like Mikasa was about to start ripping heads off.

 "Why aren't they that scared of me?" Eren whined, pouting a bit.

 "Because you look like a growling kitten who thinks he's a tiger," Jean quipped- he was the only one who hadn't left, not taking kindly to being kicked out of his own room.

 "At least I don't look like-"

 "A horse, I know, I know. These jokes are getting quite _fucking_ tedious."

 "Aw are you bored of me, Babe?"

 "It's a miracle I'm not!" Jean snapped.

 Eren watched as Jean angrily zipped up the suitcase laying on the bed.

 "Why are you mad?" He got up just to wrap his arms around Jean from behind.

 "I'm not mad," Jean huffed indignantly, prying Eren's arms from his waist.

 "Your tone of voice says otherwise. What, are you mad 'cause I-"

 "I just said I'm not mad!"

 "Is it because you didn't get to fuck Mikasa?"  
  
“Eren, that’s not-” Jean spluttered.  
  
“‘Cause I’m sure she’d make it up to you,” Eren told him.  
  
“Don’t just pimp me out,” Mikasa didn’t sound particularly angry about it though.  
  
“Are you saying you _don’t_ want to fuck my boyfriend? ‘Cause that’s fine, whatever you’re comfortable with-”  
  
“Well I never said I didn’t.” Mikasa let the sheet that was covering her naked body drop to the floor- she had yet to get dressed.  
  
Jean stared at her nude form- somehow looking even more delectable than it had last night- and gulped. “Uh...what’s going on?”  
  
Eren pushed him onto the bed so he was lying horizontally with his feet planted on the ground, he kneeled between Jean’s legs and hurriedly undid his jeans while Jean laid his head back feeling confused and kinda dizzy. He jumped when he felt Eren take his cock in his hands, then Eren’s familiar hot little mouth was on him and he held in a moan.  
  
Eren didn’t waste time, took him straight down his throat and it made Jean want to tangle a fist in Eren’s hair and fuck his pretty face until he gagged. Eren was particularly sloppy as he bobbed his head up and down and swallowed around Jean’s cock. Saliva dribbled down his chin, seeped out the corners of his mouth when it was full with Jean’s length.  
  
Jean made a whining noise when Eren pulled away. Eren tried very hard not to make a horse joke, “quit your neighing,” and failed. He beckoned Mikasa over who’d been laying on the bed across from theirs, fingering herself as she watched Eren suck his boyfriend’s dick.  
  
Jean sat up leaning back on his elbows as he watched Mikasa saunter over. Eren stood up, whispered something in her ear and then Mikasa was straddling Jean’s lap. Eren came up behind her, took Jean’s cock and personally guided it into Mikasa’s tight heat. Jean threw his head back in a pleased groan, then sat up to grip Mikasa’s waist and help her bounce on his cock. Eren was palming and squeezing both her breasts in his hands, speaking hotly into her ear, “you like my boyfriend’s cock? Fills you up nice and full, doesn’t it?”  
  
“Yes,” Mikasa answered with a breathy moan.  
  
“Feels great fucking you, right? You wanna come all over that fat cock, Baby? Huh, Mika, this wet little pussy gonna cream all over it?”  
  
Mikasa whimpered when Eren’s fingers brushed over her clit. She ground her hips, writhing on Jean’s cock. Jean fucked into her slick warmth, practically lost to the sensation. Part of him found it hot when Mikasa turned her head, captured Eren in a frantic kiss as she worked her pussy over Jean’s cock...but then Jean’s possessive side won out and he grabbed Eren by the hair and glued his mouth to his instead.  
  
Mikasa didn’t seem to care as she rolled her hips and got herself off on Jean’s cock as he was preoccupied sucking his boyfriend’s tongue. Jean grunted into Eren’s mouth when Mikasa rode out her orgasm, pussy twitching deliciously around him.  
  
Mikasa slid off his lap and then Eren was there with his eager little mouth again, running his tongue along Jean’s cock and lapping up the messy mix of pre-cum and the pussy juices Mikasa had left behind. Then he started sucking lewdly on Jean’s dick like he was trying to suck the cum straight out. Jean gave him all he had to offer.  
  
Most of the bitter tasting cum shoot down Eren’s throat, but he made sure to hold some in his mouth. He went over to Mikasa and engaged her in a sloppy open mouthed kiss. She eagerly swallowed the cum Eren pushed into her mouth with his tongue, in fact she sucked said tongue just to make sure she’d gotten it all. They pulled away with a string of saliva and a milky white strand of Jean’s cum dribbling down Mikasa’s chin.  
  
There was sudden loud repeated banging on the door.  
  
“Oi, you nasty little fucks, we are literally past the allotted checkout time! Hurry the hell up, would you?!”  
  
“Is that Levi?” Mikasa sighed as she started tugging clothes on. Jean did up his pants. Eren was still nude when he threw the door open.  
  
Levi scowled in distaste. “Nice hardon, Brat. Did I interrupt before you could get off?”  
  
“Yeah, so the polite thing for you to do would be to get me off now,” Eren retorted.  
  
“Eren!” Jean strode over just to throw a sheet around him.  
  
“What? I was just teasing.”  
  
“Put some fucking clothes on, Jaeger.”

  
_**xx**  
_

  
"Why are you signing tits? You're not even part of the band," Jean commented as he walked over just as Eren capped a black sharpie and waved goodbye at the two giggling girls with flower crowns, WOF t-shirts, and freshly signed cleavage.

 "Hey, they just came up and asked me for an autograph. Said they saw me talking to Levi earlier and assumed I was part of the band. I explained to them, that's my friend's band ya know, but I'm not like a part of it...They didn't care. Said I was hot.” Eren grinned.  
  
Jean sneered. “I’m sorry they lied to you.”  
  
Eren scoffed in mock offense and playful punched his arm. “You’re a dick. If I’m not hot, why the fuck are you dating me? Don’t be jealous, Boo.”  
  
“Don’t fucking call me that,” Jean sighed, but he pulled Eren into his arms anyway for a chaste kiss.  
  
“‘Kay, my Stallion.”  
  
“Eren, I will kick you in the nuts.”  
  
“No you won’t, Pumpkin.” Eren leaned up to rub his nose against Jean’s in an eskimo kiss.  
  
“I fucking will…” Jean threatened, nose twitching as he halfheartedly pushed Eren’s face away.  
  
“No you won’t, Snuggle-cakes.” Eren rubbed his cheek against Jean’s.

 Jean scowled and pushed him away again. It turned into a small wrestling session that somehow ended up with Eren on Jean's back, arms around his neck and legs locked around his waist.

 "Mush," Eren commanded, kicking his leg against Jean's side.

 "Isn't that what you tell like snow dogs or someshit?"

 "Onwards!"

 Jean sighed, grabbed behind Eren's legs so the idiot wouldn't fall. "Stop choking me, will ya?"

 Eren loosened his grip, turned his head to kiss Jean's cheek. "Save a horse, ride a Kirschtein," he murmured into his ear.

 Jean snorted. "You're gonna be riding me tonight, if you know what I mean."  
  
“Look forward to it.”  
  
“Let’s go meet up with the other’s.”

  
_**xx**  
_

_  
_ The sun was blaring, beating down on everything in sight. The crowds were...well, crowded. Swarming more like, with people going this way and that and loud chatter and even louder music- obviously. The air reeked of sweat, youth, and weed. It was great.

 The band put on a great performance- one of their best yet according to Eren.  
  
"God damn, I'm sweating my balls off!" Connie remarked as he wiped a hand across his forehead.

 "That's 'cause you've been running around with Sasha all day," Historia said.

 "They have a fried Twinkie booth. Have you ever had fried Twinkies, Historia? Let me tell you, they're delicious."

 "I'll take your word for it."

 "Holy shit, that was awesome!" Eren exclaimed.

 Jean wrinkled his nose. "You're all sweaty from bouncing around."

 "It's a fucking thousand degrees out here, everyone's sweaty," Ymir snapped.

 "Don't be grumpy, Sweetie," Historia sighed.

 "Yeah, what's got your panties in a twist?" Reiner snickered.

 "It's hot, there's too many people, and I've been on my feet all day. I think a mosquito bit me! Why can't we leave already?"  
  
"Gotta wait for the band, they're doing a meet and greet."

 "Ymir's scary when she's bitchy," Jean commented.

 "Hey, Ymir I have an idea. Smoke another joint and shut the fuck up," Reiner said.

 Ymir's glare turned deadly. " _What_ was that?"

 "Ymir, don't-"

 Historia's pleads went ignored and Ymir had already tackled Reiner to the ground.

 "Is anyone getting this on video?"

 

**_xx_ **

"Hanji, you actually pulled through for once," Nanaba sounded almost astounded.

 "It's nice, huh?" Hanji looked smug. "You all should be grateful we were even able to get a hotel, these places are always packed when the music fest rolls into town. Then again I did have connections..."

 "Um, you remember this hotel is owned by my dad, right? _I'm_ the one with the connections," Historia interjected.

 "Yeah, yeah, so I get my own room, right?" Levi asked.

 Hanji threw her head back in laughter. "Sorry, Short-baby, you're stuck with Erwin and I again."

 Levi scowled. "Fan-fucking-tastic."

 "Who wants to try out that indoor pool?!" Connie shouted.

 

**_xx_ **

 

"Goddammit!" Connie shouted once he resurfaced after having just fallen face first into the water. "You cheated!" He accused.

 Eren snickered from his spot on top of Jean's shoulders. "How can you cheat at chicken? Man, ain't my fault you're weak, Con."

 Connie spat out water. "I'm not weak, you're vicious."

 "I bet I can take him," Reiner said as he cracked his knuckles.

 "Bring it," Eren taunted.

 He ended up falling into the water just a few minutes later as Reiner cheered in victory.

 "No fair, Bertolt's height gives you an unfair advantage!"

 "Who's the bitch nooooow?!" Connie high fived the person nearest to him- happened to be Sasha and she nearly fell off the donut floaty she was sitting on.

 "Hey, Armin you should battle Historia," Eren suggested. "I'll even let you borrow my horse."

 Jean sighed loudly. "I'm not even..."

 "Hell yeah, I wanna see these two blondies go head to head!" Reiner yelled.

 "We'll whoop ass," Ymir stated.

 "My money's on the little lesbian," Hanji said.

 "As if. Armin's smart, he'll definitely win," Mikasa countered.

 Eren swam to the other side of the pool as more people started placing bets. Levi was there, fully clothed with his jeans rolled up as his legs dangled into the pool, laying back and staring up at the ceiling as he smoked a cigarette.

 Eren rested his arms against the ledge of the pool, near Levi's thigh. "There's a no smoking sign in here, ya know," he commented.

 "We're the only fucking ones in here," Levi said.

 "True. Why are you dressed?"

 "I don't feel like swimming, obviously."

 "Then why are you here? It's to see me shirtless, isn't it?"

 "Don't flatter yousel- Eren!" Levi shouted as he was dragged into the pool with a big splash.

 Eren laughed his ass off as Levi glared at him with wet hair and a soggy cigarette dangling from his mouth.

 "Fuckin' brat." Levi flicked away his ruined cigarette and Eren barely had time to hold his breath before Levi was pouncing on him, dunking his head under water mercilessly.

 Eren flailed, trying to push Levi away. For a second, he was actually worried Levi might just drown him.

 "Ow!" Levi finally relented with a yelp.

 Eren gasped for air as his head popped out of the water.

 "Did you just fucking _bite_ me?" Levi winced as he touched his side, feeling teeth marks on the skin just above the hem of his jeans.

 "Did you just try to drown me?" Eren retorted.

 Levi rolled his eyes. "Of course I would murder you in a room full of witnesses," he deadpanned.

 A loud splash resounded through the room.

 Eren turned to look at the forgotten chicken fight. "I don't think they'd even notice."

 "THAT'S IT! THAT'S MY GIRL! THAT'S FUCKING _IT_!" Ymir cheered loudly.

 Historia looked sheepish as she sat on Ymir's shoulders, taking in everyone's staring. Armin was busy coughing up pool water.

 "Someone owes me twenty bucks!" Hanji shouted.

 Historia asked if Armin was okay with an apologetic smile like the angel she was made out to be. Armin seemed almost dazed by her bright smile as he nodded.

 "Sometimes I think I wanna marry Historia, but then I remember that I'm too gay for that and Ymir is really intimidating," Reiner commented.

 "Same," Jean agreed. "Except it's less 'I'm too gay for that' and more like 'I'm afraid Eren would rip my balls off'...and also Ymir's scary."

 "You two aren't very inconspicuous y'know. Sorry to break it to you Jean, but 'Stori only likes _pretty_ horses. Like unicorns," Ymir said, "and Reiner, go eat an ass."

 "Baby, I'd _bite_ your dick off, get it straight!" Eren yelled from across the pool.

 "Fuck off!"

 

**_xx_ **

"Hit the button, hit the button!" Eren shouted as he rushed into the elevator just as the doors were shutting.

 Levi stared at him with wide eyes as Eren slid down the wall, trying to catch his breath.

 "What the fuck are you doing?" Levi questioned.

 "Elevator tag," Eren explained. "Bertolt's it and he was right on my ass- that fucker has really long legs. I was with Jean, but we got separated."

 "Interesting." Levi didn't sound very interested. "I'm trying to get to my room and you just pressed the wrong fuckin-"

 "Hey, Lee. Wanna know what else you can do in an elevator?"

 "Get stuck and die in this suffocating metal box?"

 "You're not funny." Eren crawled over, got to his knees in front of Levi's waist.

 "There's probably security cameras in here," Levi said though he figured he didn't care either way, started carding his fingers through Eren's damp hair.

 "So. Fuck, wet skinny jeans are a bitch to get off," Eren muttered.

 "That's why I was on my way to change before you rudely hijacked the elevator," Levi retorted.

 Eren hummed. Finally got Levi's jeans undone, didn't waste time to stroke his dick to half mast and take it into his mouth. Pulled back after a few minutes of rough sucking to admire the fully hardened cock, standing proudly at attention, curving towards Levi's abdomen. Took it in his hands to guide it to his mouth again.

 The elevator doors opened a few times (both boys too distracted to stop the thing and found it easier to jab a few buttons instead) and only once did it have a horrified little old lady standing on the other side. She got to watch as Levi came in Eren's mouth, head tipped back in ecstasy. Eren turned around, stuck his tongue out to show off a puddle of milky white fluid sitting there. The lady was frozen in horror, mouth agape. Eren smirked as the doors closed once again.

 They got off on the fourteenth floor and ran into a flustered Connie. He smacked Eren across the ass and declared him 'it'.

 

**_xx_ **

"I can't believe Connie and Sash got security called on us _twice_ ," Jean sighed as he slipped his shirt over his head.

 " _I_ can believe it," Eren snorted. The first time had been because Connie decided to bring out water guns and apparently the group got too 'raucous' and the second time, Sasha tried to steal all the mints in the bowl at the front lobby and threw a fit when she was told she couldn't, hitting a rather unfortunate guest in the face with said bowl of mints. Hey, they're free anyway, she had protested when security stepped in to drag her away. "I'm just glad Historia was there to deflect the situation," Eren said as he reached from where he was kneeling on the bed to tug Jean over, his arms wrapping around his waist as their bare chests pressed against each other.

 They met in a soft, languid kiss. "You smell like chlorine," Jean murmured against his lips.

 Eren let out a breathy laugh. "So do you." Molten light-brown eyes stared into his as Jean kissed him again.

 Eren's eyes fluttered closed with a dreamy sigh and Jean missed the depth of those seas of green. But he found he liked the way Eren looked lost in his kiss; long eyelashes dipping down, brown hair splayed against his forehead, eyebrows furrowing as he pressed closer into Jean.

 Jean guided them back into the bed, ended up on top of Eren and between his legs as they kissed with swollen lips and teasing tongues.

 What little clothing they had on was quickly discarded and Jean drizzled his fingers in the lube he had stashed in the bag sitting just on the nightstand.

 Eren moaned softly as Jean fingered him, opening him up nice and slow, fingers brushing tantalizingly at the spot that drove him crazy.

 It was sweet relief when Jean finally entered him. Cock filling his aching hole just right.

 Jean fucked him into the mattress, devouring the erotic sight of Eren lost in pleasure; the way he stared up at him with hazy green eyes, the way he panted his name between parted lips, chanted "fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.."

 "Jean!" Eren whimpered, back arching as he came.

 He tightened around Jean unbearably so with his orgasm, causing Jean to find his own release soon after.

 Jean laid on top of Eren, panting into his neck as he tried to gather his wits. Placed a gentle kiss to the sweaty skin there before he pulled out and rolled off.

 He tugged Eren over to him, buried his nose in the boy's sweaty hair.

 "It's too hot for cuddles," Eren protested, weakly slapping his arms away.

 "I don't _cuddle_ ," Jean said as though the word was offensive.

 Eren rolled his eyes as he stepped out of bed to slip his discarded clothes on. "Right, you were just trying to affectionately squeeze me to death. Always the same excuse..."

 Jean didn't bother with a response to that. "Where're you going?"

 "Connie brought his PlayStation, currently having a video game match..."

 Jean sighed. "Aren't you tired?"

 "No. It's only a little past one. And it's Spring fuckin Break. Don't be such an old man, Jean. _I'm_ the older one here."

 Jean scoffed. "Yeah, by like eight days."

 "So? Still counts." Eren left the room after placing a kiss to Jean's cheek.

 "Erebear!" Hanji bumped into him in the hallway. Literally.

 "Hanji!" Eren gasped, the only thing keeping him from falling was the hand Levi placed on his shoulder.

 "Watch it, Shitty-glasses."

 "Where are you guys headed?" Eren questioned.

 "That one band... What was their name? They're staying here too and there room is on the floor below-"

 "Rick has good weed," Levi simplified.

 "Oh. Let's go then."

 

**_xx_ **

The room was dim and hazy with smoke and smelled strongly of it.

 Music played softly in the background- some haunting type of trip-hop. Everyone sat in a circle, passing numerous joints around. Eren sat between Levi's legs, leaned back in his arms feeling content.

 Hanji left the room for a bit, came back with a reluctant Erwin in tow. He wasn't so reluctant anymore when Hanji shoved a joint in his mouth. He couldn't really protest when he was coughing.

 "Hey, you guys wanna try some real good shit?"

 "Somehow, I don't like the look you have right now, Ricardo," Levi said warily.

 "It's good, it's good...trust me."

 A little baggy full of a questionable whitish substance was pulled out.

 "Is that-"

 "Blow?!" Hanji exclaimed cutting off Erwin's wary voice.

 Rick's mouth twisted into a kind of leering smirk. "Best you can find in these parts."

 Eren stared in fascination as Rick dumped the powder onto the glass coffee table placed in the center of the room. He used a straight razor to chop it up, organized the powder into a neat line.

 Eren vaguely registered the feeling of Levi's arms tightening around him. "Eren, we should leave," he murmured into his ear.

 Eren shook his head. "I wanna try it."

 Levi sighed. "Of course you do. But...are you sure?"

  _Was_ he sure, Eren wondered. He'd never done any drugs other than weed...there was that one time Reiner slipped him LSD but he ended up hallucinating that giant humanoid creatures were out to eat him...he decided never again on that one- the trip was terrifying.

 "Of course I'm sure."

 Rick demonstrated how to properly do a line. Levi rolled his eyes, said, "you just snort the shit using that unsanitary rolled up dollar bill."

 "I'm being generous here, sharing my shit with you," Rick snapped.

 "Sharing is caring," Hanji said, "so me first! How does it feel?"

 "Like you're on top of the fucking world..." One of Rick's band-mates answered with a dreamy look on his face.

 In the end, Eren ended up sitting side by side with Levi, each with a few lines of powder in front of them. Eren felt apprehensive at first, just went for it, couldn't worry much as he pressed his nostril shut, snorted up a pretty white line with the other.

 The initial intake didn't sting as much as he thought it would- just made his nose itch something killer. He could feel the drip of it in the back of his throat. He took a deep breath and then snorted up the remaining lines.

 And when the rush finally hit, _fuck_ did it hit... He felt a flood of warmth, charges of tingles spreading throughout his limbs...

 Just minutes later, Eren found himself floating in utter euphoria. His vision swayed, swirling at the corners with colors he swore he'd never seen before, his head tipped back and he could've sworn he was fucking flying.

 "Bright-eyes." The feel of Levi squeezing his hand grounded him just a bit, his soul coming back from whatever planet he'd gone off to.

 Levi's pupils were blown wide, face relaxed in a rare smile. "You okay?"

 "I'm fan-fucking-tastic, Levi!" Eren shouted, breaking off into a series of giggles.

 "Turn the music up, turn the music up!" Hanji shouted. She was energetic as ever as she bounced across the room.

 Eren and Levi were in stitches as they watched her attempt to twerk to some indie song.

 "You're fucking shit at that, Hanji! Nice ass though!" Erwin chortled.

 "Did that tall ass tree just _curse_?" Levi gasped, sounding scandalized.

 "He did, he did, I heard it!" Eren nodded eagerly.

 "I must be hallucinating."

 "No, Lee-lee, you're really not." Eren placed his hands on Levi's cheeks, tried to squish his face together.

 Levi laughed, slapped his hands away. "Don't _fucking_ call me that."

 "No bueno, Lee-lee."

 "You don't even know what that means."

 "Something like 'no can do'. Hey, remember that one time you spoke dirty to me in French? That was hot."

 "I literally don't know French. I'm pretty sure at one point I told you I was literally gonna stuff a baguette up your ass."

 "Butt-baguette!" Erwin exclaimed. His voice was so loud, it made the dude sitting on the other end of the couch from him jump in freight.

 "Hon-hon-hon my penis stretch from Par-ie to lon-dun!" Hanji had her hair pulled around her face to look like a moustache.

 "Hanji, you... you stop that."

 "'Kay. Wanna go scale the balcony?!" Hanji yelled before running off.

 Eren was starting to feel restless. He stood up and dragged Levi with him. "We should join her."

 "We shouldn't. You're too pretty to splatter like a pancake," Levi told him.

 "Huh? But pancakes are good."

 "What I'm saying is, _I'll_ go get the crazy bitch. You stay here and...try not to hurt your pretty self, 'kay, Babe?"

 Eren shook his head as he watched Levi go out the open balcony door, pulling Hanji down by her shirt from where she stood on the railing. "Since when do you talk like that?" Must be high, Eren concluded.

 If someone were to ask how high Eren was at the moment, he would probably say 'hella'.

 Eren jumped onto the couch, nearly fell off had Erwin not grabbed him by the waist. "Hey, Erwin. Ask me how high I am."

 "How high are you, Eren?"

 Eren smirked. "Hella."

 "Was that meant to be funny?"

 "Holy shit, you're a douche, Erwin."

 "But like... A good looking one though?"

 Eren laughed. "Smoking hot."

 "Know who else is hot?"

 Eren raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

 "You," Erwin stated, hint of a smirk pulling at his lips.

 "Oh god, you're fucking lame too. I think I'm seeing a whole 'nother side of you, Erwin. It's refreshing."

 "You really are though." Erwin sighed. "I saw you, y'know..."

 "Saw me what?"

 "With Levi. What was it...back at our first stop? You rode him so beautifully. And you were making these sweet little noises... " Erwin trailed off, voice tinged with a hint of longing.

 Eren thought he felt himself blush, but it was hard to tell when his whole body felt like a live wire. "My nose is numb," he said.

 "And it's... I tried to deny my attraction to you. I've only been with women and I'm not...but there's something about you, Eren, that I can't explain. It gets under my skin, drives me crazy. I've been thinking about you for a while, but since that night... I can't help but wonder what you feel like inside."

 Eren was barely able to comprehend Erwin's words, they swirled in his mind, made him feel hot inside...he wondered if maybe he was dreaming because sure maybe Erwin flirted with him sometimes, but he never thought anything would come of it, or that he even...

 Eren climbed into Erwin's lap (probably something he wouldn't have done without the synthetic confidence swirling through his veins at the moment). He twirled his fingers into golden locks as he peered into piercing icy blue eyes. He kissed the corner of Erwin's mouth. "This alright?" He murmured against the skin there.

 Rather than nod, Erwin took his head in his hands and smashed their lips together.

 Eren groaned appreciatively, turned his head at a better angle to slot their mouths together. Erwin licked into him like the flames rising in the pit of his stomach. He dominated his mouth, tongue mapping out the inside, even tracing over his teeth occasionally.

 Eren whimpered as Erwin pulled at his hair painfully, wrenching his head back so he could have better access to place kisses down his throat.

 "You're so sweet, Eren," he muttered against tan skin. Gripped Eren's waist tightly, helped the younger boy rock his ass against the tent pitching in Erwin's jeans.

 "E-Erwin...wa-wanna touch..you," Eren panted.

 Erwin smirked lazily, pushed Eren so the boy had no choice but to slid to the floor between his parted legs, undid his belt, tugged down his jeans and underwear enough to release his straining cock.

 Eren eyed it admiringly. Erwin was bigger than anyone he'd been with. He spat into his palm, jerked Erwin's dick with a skilled wrist. He loved the feeling of a warm, hard cock. Wanted to lick along the protruding veins, taste the pearlescent fluid that dripped from the tip and made the flushed cock glisten as he spread it around.

 Eren decided he needed to have a taste. Guided Erwin's cock into his mouth. Loved the weight of it on his tongue as he licked down the underside of it. Traced the veins running along the sides as Erwin groaned with that deep sexy voice of his.

 Erwin's hand tightened in his hair, yanked him forward and all of a sudden Eren found himself choking in surprise as Erwin's cock was shoved fully down his throat and his nose was pressed against the trimmed blond hairs at the base. He dug his nails into Erwin's hips in annoyance as he tried to relax his throat, jaw going lax as he let the older male fuck his mouth.

 Erwin came down Eren's throat with a groan. Eren was panting with Erwin released him, mouth dripping a mixture of saliva and few strands of cum he wasn't quite able to swallow.

 Erwin zipped up his pants. Levi strolled into the room pulling a protesting Hanji along. She was clad only in her underwear with her shirt tied around her neck as a makeshift cape.

 Levi gave Eren an accusatory look. Eren wiped his mouth, smiled brightly at him.

 Hanji squealed something vaguely incoherent, started jumping on one of the beds.

 Eren followed along cause he felt like he was buzzing out of his skin.

 Someone suggested doing another line (which happened to turn into a few).

 Come morning the hotel room was completely trashed and Eren felt like an irritable ball of shit. The only upside was it wasn't their hotel room.

 "Never doing that again," Eren groaned.

 "Agreed," Levi muttered.

 "Guys, I think I broke my arm last night."

 "Hanji, shut up."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me some feedback. I'm not kidding when I say this was horrid to edit, plus it's also the longest chapter I've ever written so yay for that. I'm also very self conscious about this chapter for some reason. Tell me what ya like and don't like and all that jazz...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren celebrates his seventeenth birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit. I'm sorry for the unexpected mini hiatus. I have no excuses really other than killer writer's block. But like, this has been the worst writer's block I've ever experienced because I was (and still am) pumped for this story. I have it completely outlined, I know how it's going to end, I have a shit ton of notes...It's like I know what needs to happen but am struggling so much to get there. I guess I'm worried that I don't have the skill to give the story justice, to make it as complex and compelling as it is in my imagination, hence my horrible procrastination...but, no worries I'm back and I'll finish this 'cause I really really want to and yeah now I'm just rambling ＜(。_。)＞

Eren’s seventeenth birthday officially fell on a Sunday, but he decided to celebrate it on Saturday with his friends, using the Smith residence as a party venue since Erwin’s parents are literally never around.  
  
Since they had some time before the first guests would start to arrive, Eren's closest friends gathered around to sing happy Birthday, handing him a red velvet cupcake with a single lit candle on top.

 "This is kinda really embarrassing," Eren murmured. Everyone was pretty incomprehensible as they all shouted at the top of their lungs. Hanji was probably the loudest seeing as she’s always overenthusiastic. Levi was just mouthing the words, looking particularly apathetic. Eren worried about the way Sasha was eyeing his cupcake...

 He blew out the candle not bothering to make a wish as he was just grateful the attack on his eardrums had ceased.  
  
He sighed as he watched his friends chatter excitedly, some already slightly intoxicated and laughing louder than usual. He wasn’t really in the mood for a party, which he had to admit to himself was pretty bizarre, he was _always_ in the mood for a party.  
  
He escaped to the back porch, thinking the fresh air would help to clear his head along with his shitty mood. He wasn’t surprised to find Levi sitting with his head tipped back and a cigarette between his lips (he always had a cigarette between his lips).  
  
Eren snatched said cigarette from Levi’s mouth, held it between two fingers as he took a drag, blew smoke towards the sky.  
  
“Get your own, you shitty brat,” Levi grumbled halfheartedly.  
  
Eren faked a pout. “But it’s my birthday.”  
  
Levi’s lips twitched upwards a little. “Not until tomorrow. Hard to believe you’re gonna be seventeen when you still act like such a brat.”  
  
Eren rolled his eyes, flicked his cigarette somewhere before pulling Levi into a steamy kiss, leaning back so the older boy was on top of him.  
  
“You know what would be an awesome birthday present, Lee?” Eren pulled back slightly to murmur against his lips, “you letting me fuck this glorious ass of yous.” He trailed his hands down Levi’s backside to to grope said ass.  
  
Levi scowled and smacked his arm. “You’re shit out of luck, Brat.”  
  
“But it’s my birthday,” Eren whined.  
  
“I know, you keep fucking telling me like I give a shit.”  
  
Eren narrowed his eyes at him.  
  
“Kidding.” Levi smirked. He leaned down to press a kiss to Eren’s neck. Eren made a breathy noise, turned his head so Levi had better access. He palmed at Eren’s crotch through his jeans as he sucked at his neck, careful to not actually leave a mark that Eren wouldn’t be able to explain to his boyfriend.  
  
“Levi,” Eren whined.  
  
“Le-vi! Eren! Where ARE YOU?!” Hanji singsonged as the sliding door to the back porch opened.  
  
Eren and Levi both jumped, automatically parting as they tried to look unsuspicious as possible, now on opposite sides of the porch.  
  
“Goddammit Hanji,” Levi groaned.  
  
“Oh, it’s just you,” Eren sighed in relief.  
  
“ _There_ you two are! Eren, I was beginning to think you skipped out on your own birthday party. Isn’t it funny how I always catch you two like this?”  
  
“Hilarious,” Levi deadpanned.  
  
“Uh, not really.”  
  
“Anyway! You should come in, people want to greet the birthday boy.”  
  
Eren frowned. There goes his mood again. “Fine.”

  
**_xx_**

  
Eren was feeling pleasantly buzzed, though not all that much more enthused. He sat in Jean’s lap, sipping at his drink as he watched people dance and chatter. The music was decent, the drinks were abundant considering Mr. Smith never locked his fucking liquor cabinet, nor seemed to care when things went missing from it...the house was packed with rowdy teenagers and Eren was sure he didn’t personally know half of them. No one should leave Hanji in charge of party planning; she must have invited the entire school and then some.  
  
“Babe, go get me another drink,” Eren ordered.  
  
Jean scoffed. “What’s the magic word?”  
  
Eren raised an eyebrow at him. “Now?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“ _Now_ because it’s my fucking birthday,” Eren growled.  
  
They glared at each other for a full minute before Jean relented with a sigh. “You’re lucky you’re cute and I’m such a doting boyfriend.” He shoved Eren off of him so he could get up.  
  
Eren blew a kiss after him as he stalked off, face twisting in a sneer afterwards. “Prick.”  
  
“Eren!” Someone plopped down in the open spot next to him, making the couch bounce.  
  
“What is it, Hanji?”  
  
“Hey, is that any tone to use on a friend? Especially one that has a birthday present for you!” She pulled something from the front pocket of her jeans. “Well, it’s more like a party favor.”  
  
Eren’s eyes widened as he stared at the little baggie full of white that Hanji dangled in front of his face. “Coke? Hanji, put that down before someone sees.”  
  
“No one cares.”  
  
Eren snatched it from her and hurriedly tucked it away in the pocket of his jacket. “Where’d you even get this?”  
  
“Rick might have maybe slipped it to me for...uh ‘safekeeping’ and I kinda maybe never gave it back. Thought I’d give it to you since apparently I don’t handle drugs well. We had fun with it last time though, right?”  
  
“Yeah, but I felt like absolute shit afterwards,” Eren said.  
  
“Speaking of shit, have you seen Levi?”  
  
Eren shrugged. “Think he might’ve left.” Levi hated this types of things- forced social interaction and whatnot.  
  
“So rude, to leave without saying goodbye.”  
  
“I don’t know Hanji, the place is packed. For all we know he’s still here.”  
  
“Yeah, he’s short too so maybe I just can’t see him.”  
  
After Hanji left, Eren found himself bored. Who knows where the fuck Jean even went off to…He decided to go down to the den since he figured it might be less noisy and a hell of a lot less crowded.

 As he expected, only a few people loitered around. He almost turned around to go back upstairs when he caught sight of Erwin sitting on the worn black leather sofa talking to a girl wearing a Wings Of Freedom tank top.

 Erwin had been avoiding him lately, ever since he sucked his dick in that dreary hotel room. In fact, tonight was the first time Eren had seen him since they returned from Spring Break. Other than a half-assed "Happy Birthday" the blond hadn't even spoken to him.

 Erwin sure seemed surprised to see him when he took the girl's spot after her friend had dragged her off somewhere.

 "Eren."

 " _Erwin_ ," he mocked his surprised tone. "You really thought you could avoid me forever?"

 "Of course not, I'm not..."

 Eren glared at him.

 "Okay, admittedly I have been avoiding you-"

 "Why? Are you ashamed? Do you regret what we did?"

 Erwin's eyes shifted across the room. "I'm not ashamed of you."

 "But you _are_ ashamed,” Eren accused.  
  
Erwin sighed. “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”  
  
“Why? Here’s fine.”  
  
Erwin was silent for a minute. “I guess...I’m ashamed of myself,” he admitted.  
  
Eren raised an eyebrow. _Care to elaborate?_

 "You know, Levi's my best friend and he...he _really_ likes you. I just...don't want him to hate me."

 Eren scoffed, "bullshit."

 "Excuse me?"

 "Levi knows that what we have is no strings attached. I'm free to do whatever the fuck I want alright-"

 "And Jean?"

 "Is oblivious, and he'll stay that way. Look, if you don't want to fool around, that's fine. But don't give me bullshit excuses; you've had no problem flirting with me before."

 "I've never been with a guy, I guess I-"

 "Oh so you are ashamed you enjoyed having your dick sucked by another guy. What, don't want to be a fag, Erwin?"

 "Keep your voice down!" Erwin's eyes hurriedly shifted around the room again, worried someone might've heard.

 "Erwin-"

 "Look, Eren if my father found out he'd literally disown me. He already doesn't like half the people I hang out with, if he knows that I had interest in another guy..."

 Eren frowned, processed this for a few minutes, silence between him and Erwin tense. "Your father's an asshole," he muttered. "But I think it's stupid to be scared. It's not like you'd be my boyfriend. Don't you know what sneaking around means, it means no one would know," he said.

 Erwin shook his head. "People are always watching Eren, and people always talk. If rumors got out..."

 Eren sighed, ran a hand through his hair. Suddenly felt like being anywhere but here. "Well, have fun continuing to kiss your dad's ass. Contact me maybe when you're done being scared."

 He left the den, walked upstairs only to bump into Jean who'd been searching for him.

 He latched onto his side. "Hey, Babe. Let's get out of here."

 

**_xx  
_ **

  
Jean lead Eren upstairs to his bedroom. The house was empty since his mother was at work (night shifts as a nurse at the same hospital Eren’s father worked at).  
  
Eren stretched out on Jean’s king sized bed, spread eagle so he purposely took up space. Jean groaned and plopped down right on top of him.  
  
Eren huffed, “you’re heavy.”  
  
Jean nuzzled his hair. “You’re weak,” he retorted. He rolled off him anyway. “So...want your birthday present now?”  
  
“Oh, you mean that expired pizza coupon _wasn’t_ my present?” Eren mocked.  
  
“Course not, dumbass.”  
  
Jean stood up, walked over to his dresser. Eren sat up against the headboard as Jean returned to bed cradling a small rectangular box in his hand. He sat cross legged in front of him, threw the box into Eren’s lap.  
  
Eren peered at it curiously. He figured it was either a necklace or a watch or something similar. He cautiously opened it to find a silver key necklace with two small stones- aquamarine and a diamond embedded in the top.  
  
Jean’s cheeks were a little flushed as he watched Eren examine it. “Uh...do you...like it?”  
  
“This isn’t some cheesy shit like the key to your heart or something, is it?”  
  
Jean’s blush deepened. “No, you ass. I just thought it looked cool.”  
  
Eren chuckled, placed a kiss to his pink tinted cheek. “It is.”  
  
“Then why are you laughing?”  
  
“‘Cause it’s funny when you try to be romantic. Endearing even or someshit like that.”  
  
“Hey I’m plenty romantic.” Jean intertwined their fingers together.  
  
Eren smirked. “Of course you are.” He nuzzled his nose against Jean’s.  
  
“That fucking tickles.” Jean pulled away a little, stared at him with such intense warm amber eyes it almost made Eren feel uneasy. “I love you, Eren. And I know that I don’t say it enough, but...I really do. I love you.”  
  
Jean’s words weighed heavy on Eren’s heart, made his stomach twist uncomfortably. “I love you too,” the reply was automatic, a reflex, but the words almost tasted acidic as they tumbled out of his mouth. Eren averted his gaze, had to wonder when was the last time he told Jean he loved him and it didn’t taste like a lie. And when had it become a lie? When had the words stopped being genuine and start feeling empty?  
  
He turned back to Jean who stared at him with a certain adoration in his light brown eyes that Eren wished he could return. There was a time he could, used to be a time back when still looked at Jean like he was his everything…  
  
Eren shook his head, didn’t want to think anymore. He grabbed Jean by the chin so he could place a kiss to his lips, climbed into his lap and proceeded to smash their lips together almost violently.  
  
They were both panting harshly when Eren pulled away to start biting and sucking on Jean’s neck.  
  
“Eren, slow down,” he murmured.  
  
“Why?” Eren sat back to tug his shirt off, started kissing Jean hastily again.  
  
Jean didn’t supply him with an answer, just grabbed his waist and maneuvered them so Eren was laying on his back with Jean hovering above him.  
  
He kissed Eren softly, sweetly and unhurriedly like they had all the time in the world.  
  
Eren cracked an eye open only to find Jean staring back at him with lidded amber eyes. He didn’t much like that, the gentle look in his eyes, the soft press of lips and their mingling breaths, the way their fingers intertwined as they pressed flush against each other. The way Jean treated him like he was something precious made him feel sick inside.  
  
He entertained the idea of pushing him away, saying he couldn’t accept his gift or his love. Definitely not his love.  
  
But in the end, he knew that he wouldn’t. He was too used to Jean’s love to let him go, hell they’d been together since he was fourteen. It was scary to picture Jean not by his side, repulsive to think of him with someone else. And god, Eren was such shit, such a hypocrite for that and he knew as much. Someone like him didn’t deserve the purity of Jean’s love, but he’d cling to him anyway because he was selfish. So very very selfish.  
  
And so Eren let his thoughts drift away. Let his head get hazy with Jean’s kisses. Pressed so close to him the shared warmth was almost uncomfortable and he swore he could hear the thump of Jean’s heart.

He panted Jean’s name between sloppy kisses and clung to him as their sweat slicked bodies moved rhythmically against each other because this was his boyfriend, this was the man he was supposed to love… Warm tears spilled over his flushed cheeks as he resigned himself to the thought that surely he’d have to end up letting him go; it was inevitable.  
  
When they were spent and the only light in the room came from the dim blue glow of the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand, Jean wrapped his arms protectively around him as he cuddled into his side.  
  
“Why were you crying?” Jean’s lips brushed against his skin as he licked the salty streak of left behind tears.  
  
“Mmh, ‘cause I love you so much,” Eren whispered, turning to duck his head into the crook of Jean’s neck where he placed a gentle kiss. Where Jean wasn’t able to see his eyes betray his words.  
  
Jean sighed contentedly, stroked Eren’s hair.  
  
Eren was starting to doze off with his head resting on Jean’s chest, arm slung around his waist and ear pressed against his chest to hear the thrumming, calming beat of his heart, when he was startled awake by the loud buzzing of his phone.  
  
He grabbed it from the bedside table, careful not to wake Jean. He unlocked his phone to find he had a new text

  
  
Erwin  
+1xxx555xxxx  
  
\-------------- **Sun, 03 30 2014** \--------------  
  
  
Meet me tomorrow?   
I’m done being scared  
1:13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow a chapter without explicit smut for once... It was short, but an important chapter to the story. So I'll do my best on getting the next update out soon, yeah. I think I've got my groove back (hopefully). 
> 
> Comments are wonderful btw, they make my fucking day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so the plot thickens. Kinda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, meant to get this out earlier but life has not been kind lately. Also, this chapter was written over the course of several weeks, piece by tedious piece (which is lame as well since it's short by my standards) because while inspiration and enthusiasm were abundant, motivation to actually write had been at an absolute zero. I think it's 'cause this chapter is not exactly filler, but more of a transition kinda if that makes sense and honestly kinda boring. I just wanna delve into the juicy stuff already, ya know? (ヘ。ヘ) 
> 
> Also the formatting on the text messages is pissing me right the fuck off. Hopefully it looks fine on your computer screen (as it does on mine), but on my mobile it looks all kinds of messed so...

Eren woke up to unpleasant sunlight in his eyes and the smothering heat of his boyfriend wrapped around him.  
  
“Jean,” he grumbled, voice thick with drowsiness.  
  
The other boy didn’t respond so Eren elbowed him in the chest with another exasperated call of his name.  
  
“Mmm, _what_?” Jean groaned. He sounded less than half awake. “Teh fuck do you want?”  
  
“For you to get the fuck off me.”  
  
“Just gimme five more...minutes,” Jean yawned.  
  
“Get oooofff,” Eren whined.  
  
“No.” Jean squeezed him uncomfortably tighter probably just to piss him off.  
  
Eren kicked at his shins which in turn pissed _Jean_ off. It led to a scuffle that ended with Jean being kicked out of bed. “Holy shit,” he gasped, eyes wide as his bare back smacked against the floor.  
  
“You awake now?”

 “What the fuck do you think?”  
  
“I think you’re an ass,” Eren said.  
  
“Oh really, _I’m_ the ass?” Jean shook his head in exasperation. “C’mon, Jaeger, come take a shower with me.”  
  
“Jean!” Eren squealed when the taller boy picked him up suddenly and slung him over his shoulder.  
  
Jean strode to the bathroom as Eren pounded at his back halfheartedly.  
  
“Put me down already.”  
  
Jean promptly deposited Eren on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, not caring that he landed on his ass and went to turn the shower on.  
  
“Ow! Should I have had to say _gently_ , you fucking dickhead.”  
  
“Eren quit complaining and get your fine ass in here.”  
  
“More like sore ass,” Eren muttered as he stepped under the spray of hot water with Jean.  
  
“Aw want me to massage it for you, babe?” Jean teased as he slapped Eren’s ass with soap covered hands.  
  
Eren scowled. “Just pass me the fucking shampoo.”

  
**_xx  
_**

  
Eren hummed as he towel dried his hair after throwing on some fresh clothes. He went to grab his phone from the bedside table, kicking discarded clothes from yesterday out of his way. An inconspicuous flash of white caught his eye and he bent to pick up his ‘birthday gift’ from Hanji, tucking it away in the front pocket of his jeans. Jean would most certainly freak if he saw it…  
  
He reached to grab his phone off the nightstand, stopped in favor of opening the small box sitting next to it and took out the key necklace, put it around his neck before he unlocked his phone to send out a quick text,

  
Erwin  
+1xxx555xxxx  
  
**\-------------- Sun, 03 30 2014 --------------**  
  
                  still want 2 meet up?  
                                         11:12

  
Jean walked into the room wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and a frown on his face as he complained about shampoo in his eyes and stinging that felt like “Satan had taken a piss” in his eyeball.  
  
“Jean, baby shut the fuck up.”  
  
“You did it on purpose.”  
  
“Heh, maybe.”  
  
“You could at least deny it, you fuck.” Jean sighed, kissing Eren’s cheek after he slipped on a clean T-shirt.  
  
Eren’s phone vibrated,  


Erwin  
+1xxx555xxxx  
  
**\-------------- Sun, 03 30 2014 --------------**  
                    
   5?  
11:13

  
“I said ‘maybe’ didn’t I?” Eren retorted, not looking at him as he typed out a text, “it was your own fault anyway.”  
  
Jean muttered something about him being an ‘insufferable ass’.

  
  Erwin  
  +1xxx555xxxx  
  
**\-------------- Sun, 03 30 2014 --------------**  
   
                                              Yea  
                                            11:13

  
“Who’re you texting?”  
  
“Armin.”  
  
“Oh. Hey, wanna see a movie later or something?”  
  
“Sure…”

  
**_xx  
_**

  
Hours later after having Jean drop him off at the Smith house under the pretense of hanging out with Armin, Eren found himself in Erwin’s room, in Erwin’s bed, with the tall blond looming over him, assaulting his senses with every press of his lips and caress of his fingertips.  
  
His head felt foggy when Erwin pulled back some to allow him to breathe and started placing kisses down his neck with a lazy drag of his tongue and an occasional nip.  
  
“Nice necklace,” Erwin said when his lips brushed against the metal chain.  
  
“Birthday present,” Eren murmured distractedly as he tangled his fingers in Erwin’s soft blond hair.  
  
“From Jean?” Erwin questioned, looking up at him.  
  
Eren peered at him through lidded eyes, wondering why he was asking stupid questions and not using that mouth of his for better things…  
  
“Yeah, from Jean.”  
  
Eren was confused when Erwin abruptly pulled back, went to sit with his legs dangling off the side of the bed as he rested his head in his hands with a frustrated sigh.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Eren sat up to lean against the headboard. “Why do you look so serious all of a sudden?”  
  
Erwin didn’t respond so Eren came up behind him and rested his chin on Erwin’s shoulder, rubbed his bicep slowly and wrapped his other arm around him, hand splayed over his abdomen. “You’re tense,” he stated.  
  
“Eren.”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“What are we doing? You...have a boyfriend and-”  
  
“Ah, that’s it. You’re thinking too much.”  
  
“Someone’s got to.”  
  
“I am going to ignore that snarky remark and share some news with you; my boyfriend- my relationships...those are _my_ problems. I don’t see why you’re so worried about it honestly. Is it because you want to be perceived as ‘noble’ or something? Well let me tell you something, _Erwin_ ,” Erwin shivered slightly as Eren’s breath tickled his ear, “nice guys finish last.”  
  
“I was under the impression finishing last was a gentlemanly thing to do.” Erwin smirked lewdly.  
  
“Yeah, when you’re fucking me. But you’re not doing a whole lot of that right now, are you? Because for some reason you wanted to have this stupid heart to heart or whatever you’d call it.”  
  
“I-”  
  
“Lucky for you, I think I have something that’ll help you relax.”  
  
Erwin gave him a questioning stare as Eren reached for the little baggy crumpled in his pocket. He had the pleasure of watching Erwin’s eyes widen comically as he dangled the bag between his fingertips.  
  
“Where’d you get that?”  
  
“Hanji thought it’d be a _great_ birthday present. Not too sure if I agree with her, but if it’ll loosen you up…well, why let it go to waste?”  
  
“I thought we all agreed it was a one time thing?”  
  
Eren shrugged. “Let’s make it a two-time thing.”  
  
Erwin still seemed wary of the idea, gave Eren a skeptical look.  
  
“C’mon. Don’t you remember how good it felt last time? I don’t know about you, but I felt like I could take on the fucking world.”  
  
(Erwin stared at Eren’s grinning face, the always mischievous glint in the younger boy’s eyes seemed thrice fold with an almost taunting edge underneath. He knew he would probably regret this.) “Fine,” he sighed.  
  
Between the two of them, they finished all the white powder in the bag, snorting thin lines until euphoria rushed over them. Eren wasn’t sure if it was as intense as his first rush had been; his soul didn’t leave his body to fly this time around, but his mind swirled in a myriad of colors and he felt hot all over; tingly and exhilarated, and maybe when he giggled he felt like he could taste sound…  
  
Erwin kissed him and this time there wasn’t any hesitance, only raw need. He gathered Eren into his arms, hoisted him up like he weighed nothing and Eren gasped into his mouth at the sudden display of power, was more than happy to be manhandled over to the bed.  
  
Hands roamed across heated skin. Clothes were a nuisance easily shed as they pawed at each other, trying to get as close as possible.

 There was something predatory about the way Erwin eyed Eren's naked body. The younger boy thought Erwin would have lost his nerve by now, it being his first time touching another guy and all, but their was nothing hesitant about the way he caressed Eren's body with his lips, or brushed his fingertips across lithe muscle, jutting hipbones, and tan skin.

There was only desire in the way they pressed against each other, barely leaving room to breath as they swallowed each other's moans and sighs; losing themselves in one another.

  
**_xx  
_**

  
It was dark by the time Eren left the Smith residence after a rather passive aggressive text from his mother stating he better come home already because she and his father wanted to take him out for dinner and if he didn’t show he was being selfish and ruining his birthday for them.  
  
He hoped he didn’t look as utterly wrecked as he felt, ‘cause how could he sit through dinner with his parents when he’d just been fucked for two hours straight? Not to mention the high he was coming down from.  
  
The cherry on top was bumping into Armin on his way out. His friend had just gotten in, making his way upstairs as Eren made his way downstairs.  
  
“Eren?” He looked surprised to see him there, obviously.  
  
“Hey, Ar.”  
  
“Why are you here? I told you I was gonna be visiting my grandfather today…”  
  
“Ah, no I was just hanging out with Erwin,” Eren said.  
  
Armin raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t know you and my brother had become so friendly.”  
  
“Well, Levi and Hanji were here too, earlier, but they had to leave,” Eren lied, knowing it wouldn’t seem as strange if he said they’d all hung out. And maybe if he was sober he would've remembered lying to Armin never really worked out seeing as it felt like the blond could see straight through him sometimes, but at the moment all he really wanted was another line and for everything to stop feeling so...unsettling.  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“Yeah. I gotta go, so uh see you later.”  
  
“Later,” Armin muttered, staring at Eren’s retreating back with a frown on his face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw no explicit smut again, sorry but there will be plenty of time for that later, this chapter was really just to get the ball rolling if ya know what I mean. Hope there aren't very many errors, this was hastily edited since I am just sick to death of looking at this chapter already ≖‿≖


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang has a movie night. Levi sees something he wishes he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, my updates are getting smaller and farther between. SO sorry. Enjoy anyway? (๑ʘ∆ʘ๑)

Eren was on his knees in the upstairs bathroom located in the left wing of the school, sucking Erwin’s dick like it was the only thing he knew how to do.  
  
The blond had texted him some thirty minutes ago, thoroughly distracting him from the wonders of physics class. They’d have skipped the rest of the day, but Eren had rode with Jean that morning and was expected to hang out with him and some friends after school.  
  
Erwin’s breathing was slightly irregular as he relaxed his hand that was tightly gripping Eren’s hair as the younger boy pulled away from his now mostly flaccid cock to stare up at him with wide ocean green eyes as he smacked his lips, still coated in a slight sheen of Erwin’s cum. His tongue peeked out to swipe at a dribble of the pearly liquid trailing down his chin.  
  
“Fuck Eren, you’re filthy,” Erwin groaned appreciatively as he tucked himself back into his jeans.  
  
Eren smirked, stood on his tiptoes to twine his arms around Erwin’s neck. “You love it.”  
  
“Can’t deny that,” Erwin responded with a smirk of his own.  
  
Eren felt his phone buzzing incessantly in the front pocket of his jeans. Again. He sighed and let go of Erwin to unlock his phone,

  
Jean  
+1xxxxxx1419  
  
**\-------------- Fri, 04 11 2014 --------------**  
  
Where u at  
16:10

  
  ??  
16:12

  
  I’ll fucking make you walk home Jaeger  
16:17

  
  Everyone’s probably already waiting for us at the diner  
16:17

  
  Did u lose ur fucking phone again? U dead?  
16:18

  
                                       Hold your horses  
                                                          16:18

   
Eren pocketed his phone before he could read Jean’s reply.  
  
“I should go. Jean’s having a horse.”  
  
Jean was already waiting in his car, laid back in the driver’s seat; eyes closed and listening to the stereo as he grew more irritated by the second. He jumped when Eren pounded on the driver side window just to piss him off _more_. He gave him the finger as he grudgingly unlocked the door.  
  
The brunet slid into the passenger seat after throwing his bookbag in the back.  
  
“What the fuck took you so long? School literally ended like fuckin’ twenty minutes ago. You could’ve at least texted me saying ‘imma be late’ or ‘hey I’m held up’ or whatever...Which what the hell were you even held up by anyw-”  
  
“Aw, my dear boyfriend’s so pissy today,” Eren sighed, “you wanna know why I’m late? It’s kind of a long story. First of all, my physics teacher is a bitch and did that whole ‘the bell doesn’t dismiss you, _I_ do’ bullshit, so the class was held five minutes behind. Then I had to piss real bad, but the fucking upstairs bathroom was locked- not sure why, though I heard some strange noises and so I think someone might’ve been fucking in there...then I went to the next bathroom I could find and did my business and by now it was probably already like ten minutes past four...I bumped into Mr. Woerman and he needed help carrying-”  
  
“Alright, alright I don’t fucking care,” Jean snapped.  
  
Eren grinned and leaned over to nuzzle Jean’s cheek, ignoring the scowl on his face. Jean pushed him away with a hand to the forehead and an annoyed glare, though his lips twitched up in just the barest hint of a smile.

 

 

**_xx_ **

****

 

Eren and Jean walked into the popular _Garrison_ diner where they'd promised to meet up with their friends.

 Everyone was seated at a large table in the back. The group consisted of Armin, Mikasa, Levi (surprisingly) and Marco along with Connie and Sasha and Ymir and Historia.

 Marco waved as they approached. Jean nearly got hit in the face by a flying basket of fries as Sasha lunged at Ymir for taking her onion rings. Eren sighed (fries _and_ onion rings? That’s a tad excessive, Sash).  
  
Eren and Jean sat down and ordered a serving of fries to share (until Jean insisted he wanted cheese fries and Eren looked at him in disgust. After letting the poor waitress hear them bicker a good five minutes, they decided on getting separate orders; a chocolate Chunky Monkey milkshake and a side of fries for Eren, Mango and Peach Blast smoothie with cheese fries for Jean.)  
  
“You’re disgusting, just like the smoothie you just ordered,” Eren told Jean.  
  
“ _Excuse_ you? It’s the best flavor on the fucking menu,” Jean said, actually looking quite mifed.  
  
“Not when you pair it with cheese fries! Then it’s just unholy,” Eren argued. He looked to his friends for backup. “Isn’t it? Tell him how disgusting it is.”  
  
“Cheese fries are the bomb,” Connie said.  
  
“Eren, all fries are great. You can’t discriminate against potatoes,” Sasha told him, “although even _I_ can’t stomach the mango smoothie. Have you ever met someone who’s favorite fruit was a mango? No. And that’s for good reason.”  
  
“What about mangos with chili powder?” Ymir asked. “They’re fucking delicious. I didn’t think there was a food you _wouldn’t_ eat, Sash.”  
  
“Well...I’ve never had one of those before. But it sounds interesting, tell me more!”  
  
“Goddamit, now she’s drooling.”  
  
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the combination; it all ends up in the same place anyway,” Marco said.  
  
Eren scoffed. “Of course _you’d_ say that, you think a cotton candy frap is an acceptable Starbucks order. Also, you always take Jean’s side.”  
  
Jean interjected, “Of course he does, he’s my best friend. Right, Freckles?”  
  
Marco grinned, shook his head. “I don’t always agree with Jean, especially when he’s being a dumbass. And _quit_ calling me that,” Marco’s pleasant smile disappeared as he narrowed his eyes at Jean.  
  
“Alright, chill.”  
  
Everyone drifted into their own conversations; Jean and Marco were discussing some video game release Eren didn’t give a shit about, Armin and Mikasa were talking about books (something Eren also found boring), Ymir and Historia were stuck in their own lovey dovey little world which wasn’t unusual for them, fucking Connie and Sasha were trying to see who could fit the most amount of onion rings in their mouth (Sasha was winning with a whopping thirteen...no fourteen now) and Levi was blissfully ignoring the chatter around him as he tapped away on his cell phone.  
  
Eren kicked him from under the table. Levi’s head shot up, eyes seeking out Eren’s. He scowled. “Ow, you shitty fucking brat.”  
  
Eren shrugged. “I thought you were falling asleep,” he innocently replied.  
  
Levi rolled his eyes, set his phone down.  
  
“Don’t you have band practice today?” Eren asked.  
  
“I bailed,” Levi said, “Hanji was going to be there; I hate Hanji.”  
  
“How are they gonna practice without a singer?”  
  
“I don’t know, nor do I fucking care.”  
  
Their conversation was interrupted as the waitress placed the orders on the table and then walked off.  
  
“So, what are we doing after this?” Sasha asked the group as she wiped spit off her face with her sleeve (twenty three onion rings was all that would fit lest she choke, but hell she beat Connie by three whole rings. She might’ve swallowed one whole now that she thinks about it so really it should be bumped up to twenty four for such dedication…)  
  
“I thought we were going to that laser tag place,” Marco said.  
  
Connie whined, “that’s too competitive though. Last time we went it nearly ended several of our friendships, Eren and Jean got in a fist fight, and those Ackerbitches over there ended up teaming up and annihilating our asses.” He shot a nasty glare in Mikasa and Levi’s direction who only stared back at him with cold disinterest.  
  
“H-how about a movie night?” Armin suggested.  
  
There were hesitant murmurs around the table (e.g. “eh?, hmm?, sure why not…”)  
  
“Only if it’s at your place, you got that whole second living room home theater thing going on,” Jean told Armin.  
  
“I’ll go if there’s snacks!” Sasha piped up.  
  
“Why would I want to go to the exact place I’m avoiding?” Levi grumbled under his breath.  
  
Eren chuckled against the straw of his milkshake.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** They voted on a gory horror film to pull up on the giant flat-screen.

 Eren sat on the couch with Jean to his right, Armin to his left and Marco on Jean’s otherside. There were two smaller sofas to the left and right (one holding Mikasa and Levi while Ymir and Historia occupied the other), making a cozy square formation and plenty of beanbags were strewn across the floor (where Sasha and Connie happily sat) along with a mess of blankets. Various snack foods spilled across the glass coffee table, but Sasha horded most of the stash in her arms like it was precious gold.

 “I heard this movie was shit,” Jean muttered.  
  
“You’re just saying that ‘cause you’re a little bitch when it comes to scary movies,” Eren told him.

 “Whatever. Then why are _you_ always the one crawling all over me in fright,” Jean retorted.

 “That’s not in fright, I just like being on top of you.” Eren smirked at the slight pink tinge blooming from Jean’s cheeks.

 “Gross, bro,” Connie threw a Hostess Cupcake still in the wrapper at Eren. It missed and hit Jean right in the eye.

 “Connie, what the hell!”

 “Ay, ay, sorry sorry.” Connie waved him off, definitely not sorry at all.

 “Quit the yapping and press play,” Ymir said, “I wanna have an excuse to snuggle Historia already.”

 “Like you need an excuse,” Sasha muttered over a mouthful of chips.

 “Sasha, shut up and eat that Dorito that just went down your cleavage.”

 “Why don’t you come over here and fucking do it?”

 “I prefer smaller tits!” Ymir shouted.

 Sasha scoffed, clearly offended.

 Forty minutes into the movie and everyone had silently come to the agreement that it was shit. At least the bloody parts were fun, or so Connie thought. He was really the only one paying attention anymore. Sasha sat next to him trying to see how many Oreos she could stack on his head. Mikasa had fallen asleep, mouth hung open unattractively. Levi grunted when she almost kicked him in the crotch (he was seated on the other end of the sofa scrolling through his phone again). Ymir and Historia were cuddling as Ymir promised, and they were so disgustingly gooey that you could practically see hearts coming out of their eyes.

 But they weren’t as bad as Eren and Jean who were all over each other, making out heatedly. Eren didn’t lie, he really did like being on top of Jean.

 On either side of them, Marco and Armin were both looking increasingly uncomfortable. Marco tried to squish himself to the farthest end of the couch. Armin had a blanket wrapped around himself and was cowering in fear (though that could probably be blamed on the movie- he’d never been a fan of horror. Also, he had seen his best friend in much more compromising positions so he practically wasn’t even bothered by Eren and Jean’s dry humping. It could be much, _much_ worse.)

 Eventually, Marco had enough and migrated over to a furry, electric green beanbag. Sasha gave him a sympathetic smile and handed him a full package of Oreos.

 One particular jump scare had Armin shrieking in fear, the high pitched noise in turn making everyone else jump (except Levi ‘cause he had balls of steel. Mikasa made an ugly snorting sound in her sleep.)

 Armin’s blanket managed to go flying and drape itself over Eren’s head.

 He huffed as he threw it off of him and Jean. “What a mood killer.”

 “Who wants popcorn?! I’m gonna go make some popcorn!” Armin shouted as he took off running downstairs.

 Ymir stood up and stretched, let out a yawn. “This movie is shit.” She walked over to swipe the remote from the coffee table.

 Someone turned the lights on. Eren groaned and used a hand to shield his eyes. “Warn a person why don’t cha.” He rolled off of Jean and sat beside him on the couch.

 Ymir was debating with Connie and Sasha over what to put on next, their rising voices caused Mikasa to stir; murder evident in her bleary sleep hazed eyes.

 “I’m gonna go make sure Armin didn’t piss himself,” Eren said.

 Jean made an ‘hmm’ of acknowledgment.

 Eren didn’t find Armin downstairs, but he did bump into Hanji.

 “Erebear! I didn’t know you were here,” she said.

 “A lot of us are.” A mischievous gleam crossed Eren’s eyes. “In fact, Levi’s just upstairs.” He jerked his head in said direction.

 Hanji grinned, clapped her hands together. “And I thought he bailed on us! Oh I’m gonna have a word with him.” She took off bounding up the stairs.

 Eren snickered to himself, made his way to the den.

 Erwin was sitting on the couch when he walked in, focused intently on the notebook in his lap. No one else was in sight though Eren did notice the case to Nanaba’s bass.

 “Where’s Nanaba and Mike?”

 His voice made Erwin jump.

 “Oh, Eren. You startled me. They’re…ah, in the bathroom. Together. I wouldn’t question it.”

 Eren came to sit beside Erwin. “Hm. Working on a song?” he asked.

 “No actually, I’m trying to do my History homework but Hanji’s notes are so sporadic they might as well be written in a different language. Usually I’d have my own, but I skipped class today because of some little green-eyed flirt.” He gave Eren a pointed look.

 Eren laughed, “that sounds kind of fucking cheesy.”

 “Huh. What should’ve I called you then; a pretty boy with a talented mouth? An irresistible temptation?”

 “Well now you’re just making me blush.”

 “Funny, I don’t see any blood in your cheeks,” Erwin teased.

 “Figure of speech, but also all the blood’s pooling down south if you know what I mean.” Eren winked.

 “And you call me cheesy.”

 “Shut up.” And Eren did just that, silencing Erwin’s retort with his mouth.  
  
They devoured each other, drinking into each other's mouth with teasing, fleeting tongues and passion bruised lips. Eren soon found himself on his back, Erwin pressing into him incessantly; he wrapped his long legs around the blond’s sturdy waist, moaning at the friction as he bucked his hips into the older boy’s.  
  
That’s how Levi found them, kissing fervently, pressing as close together as they could while Erwin’s hand traveled down Eren’s front, tugged at his cock until the brunet came with a whimpering groan.  
  
Eren opened his big green eyes, coming down from his high only to lock eyes with steel grey. He froze, looking over Erwin’s shoulder at Levi. Levi who had a stern unreadable expression (as always).  
  
He cleared his throat. “Hanji left her bag in here, wanted me to get it,” Levi muttered, he looked elsewhere, refused to meet Eren’s gaze.  
  
Erwin pulled away quickly, shuffled to the other end of the couch. Eren raised an eyebrow, sat up and made sure his clothes were decent.  
  
Levi grabbed Hanji’s bag and walked out of the room without another word.  
  
“He seemed...pissed,” Erwin said.  
  
Eren sighed. “He’ll get over it.”  
  
“Are you sure-”  
  
“He already knows I have a boyfriend, Erwin. He’s not the type to delude himself.”  
  
“But I’m his best-”  
  
“Yeah, his best friend. That doesn’t mean shit.”  
  
“You’re harsh.”  
  
“No, I think I’m quite rational.”  
  
Eren left the room, left Erwin to mull in his thoughts.  
  
“Leviii!” He found the older boy making his way upstairs. He took a running start and ended up leaping onto his back.  
  
“Goddamit.” Levi nearly fell over, studied himself last minute and clamped his hands around Eren’s dangling legs so the idiot wouldn’t fall. “What the fuck do you want, brat?”  
  
“To annoy you,” Eren said, “and...make sure you’re okay.”  
  
“Hoh? Why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
“No reason. Hey, do you think Hanji has any weed in that bag?”  
  
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a fucking human brain in here.”  
  
Eren giggled, placed a kiss to Levi’s neck. “You’re so fucking hilarious.”  
  
“Hah, not many people seem to think so.”  
  
Eren pouted. “Well _I_ do.”

  
_**xx**  
_

  
Eren kissed Jean goodbye at the doorstep to his house.  
  
“I love you,” Jean told him after placing an innocent peck to his lips.  
  
Eren grinned. “I love you too. So much.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was stuck on this chapter for a while, then I found out alcohol was the best solution for getting those creative juices flowing. That being said, I'm a little drunk right now, so please notify me of any major errors and whatnot.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren lies, Jean cries, and Levi gets punched in the face...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo, fastest update so far! That being said, I'm kinda worried it might not be up to par seeing as I haven't spent as much time on it as usual... but who cares. I like it, and I hope you do as well.

Was it possible for someone’s brains to actually be fucked out? Eren thought he was close to figuring it out what with the way Levi pounded into him with no mercy.  
  
It was almost painful, the way he fucked him, though Eren certainly didn’t mind; he and Levi were never exactly gentle. Though he did feel like the older boy was being particularly brutal today and he fleetingly wondered if maybe Levi was consciously trying to hurt him, for being such a brat; unable to accept his love yet eager to be fucked all the same.  
  
So fuck him he did. Hard and angry, pulled his hair, spat on him, made a slut out of him.

 “Le-vi, Le... L-Le-vi!” Eren chanted, practically screamed as he came, dick twitching and spitting out cum as Levi stroked him through his orgasm. The older boy continued to pound into him from behind and it was all Eren could do to hold himself up, spent as he was. The only sounds in the room were the constant smack of Levi's hips meeting Eren's ass and Eren's keening whines. The brunet was babbling incoherently in his over-stimulation and Levi wondered if he was close to crying with how broken he sounded. He shoved his cum stained fingers into Eren's mouth mostly to shut him up. The boy was eager to lick and clean off his own cum; saliva and disjointed whimpers spilling out of his mouth.

 Levi groaned, rested his forehead against Eren's back, thrusts slowing as he found his release.

 He pulled out with an obscene squelch and sat back to admire Eren's pretty puffy red asshole now with a gape the size of his cock.

 “Fuck, that was good, Kid,” Levi said as he slumped back into the pillows propped up against the headboard after disposing of his condom.

 Eren grinned lazily from where he was sprawled across the bed, having collapsed from satisfied exhaustion.

 Levi leaned over the bed to snatch his pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his discarded jeans.

 Eren couldn't resist admiring the glorious view of his ass, certainly couldn't resist giving it a slap. In return he received the dirtiest glare Levi had ever given him.

 He grinned cheekily and Levi stared at him, completely unimpressed as he blew smoke in his direction.

 Eren’s smile faded as he realized something. “Levi if you smoke in here, my mom’s gonna kick my ass.”

 “She's not here. And have you ever heard of a thing called air freshener? Crack the fucking window open if you care so much,” Levi told him.

 Eren pouted, scooted over to rest his head on Levi's arm. “You're such an inconsiderate asshole.”

 Levi refrained from supplying that with a retort, took another drag of his cigarette to keep from saying what he really felt.

 Eren’s phone buzzed from its place on the nightstand. He practically crawled over Levi to reach it, ignoring the boy’s annoyed protest and unlocked his phone to read his texts.

 

Erwin  
+1xxx555xxxx  
  
**\-------------- Sat, 04 19 2014 --------------**

 

What are you up to?  
18:45

 

                           Nothing much. Wbu?  
                                                   18:45

 

Mike, Nanaba and Hanji  
invited themselves over.  
They wanted to hang  
before our gig tonight  
but I have reason to  
believe Mike's only  
here to eat me out of  
house and home and  
Hanji wants to drive me  
insane.  
18:45

 

                         If you need a break,  
             I'm home alone…  
                                               18:46

 

Sounds promising  
18:46

 

                                          ;) you bet  
                                                    18:46

 

Then I guess I'll see you  
soon. It's about twenty  
minutes if I speed  
18:46

 

                                   Lol can't wait  
                                                    18:46

 

“Are you leaving?” Eren questioned as he watched Levi slip the last of his clothes on.

 “Do you want me to?”

 “Jean just said he was coming over,” Eren told him.

 Levi made a disinterested sounding hum. He sat down on the bed to pull his boots on. “Then you should really change your sheets.”

 “I'll see you tonight at Maria’s?”

 “Of course.”

 Eren leaned over to place a kiss to Levi's lips, but the older boy turned at the last second so he only caught his cheek.

 “Bye, Eren.”

**_  
xx_ **

****

The usual crowd was gathered at Maria’s.

 Eren had rode with Jean and Mikasa (his best friend lived in the same neighborhood as him) but everyone else had arrived separately. And by everyone, Eren meant _everyone._ Reiner and Bert had even managed to drag Marco along.

 The crowd was digging Wings Of Freedom, as per usual, and the band seemed in high spirits; Levi was in his element, enticing and commanding the audience in one go, Erwin shredded on his guitar solos, some girls in the audience nearly fainted when Mike ripped off his shirt between songs (being a drummer was sweaty work all right) and the same group of girls threw a couple bras up onstage (to which Nanaba said it'd be nice if they were her size seeing as bras are fucking expensive and a girl could never have too many).

 Eren and some of his friends (the ones that didn't opt to stay back at the dance floor or wander off somewhere on their own) went to nab a booth in the back when WOF left the stage and stagehands rushed to get the next band on.

 “Reiner, Connie, you guys know I don't drink,” Marco said as they shoved various shot glasses in front of him. He swatted away Connie's arm as he tried to hand him what looked to be a Jack and coke.

 “Like, never?” Sasha asked.

 “Yes, never,” Marco clarified.

 “But like, never never?”

 “I just said-”

 “You guys should quit being dickheads,” Jean told his friends.

 “Oh my god, the king of dickheads just told us to stop being dicks,” Connie gasped, face mockingly horrified.

 “Hey, I'm not a dick! And shouldn't that title belong to like, I don't know, Eren? Maybe Ymir…”

 “I am a lovely human being,” Eren stated as he sipped at his drink. “Jean’s more of an asshole than a dick though.”

 “I detest dicks,” Ymir said, “there's no way I want to be one.”

 “Yeah, Ymir's just a bitch,” Reiner agreed... and immediately got slapped for it.

 “Ow! See, there's your fucking proof.”

 “I'm pretty sure 99% of our friend group is composed of dickheads and bitches...maybe one percent douche. The overall salt content is also ridiculously abundant.” Bertolt said.

 Everyone stared at him in awe for a full minute.

 “Bertolt, you snarky bitch.” Ymir smacked the table and started howling in laughter.

 “This noise, it hurts me.” Connie put his hands over his ears in exaggeration. “C’mon Sash, let's go...someplace Ymir isn't.” Sasha smiled, eagerly tugged Connie over to the crowded floor in front of the stage area.

 “Where are you going?” Eren complained when Jean shoved him so he could get up as well.

 “I gotta take a leak,” Jean told him.  
  
“Don’t get your dick caught in your zipper.”  
  
“That was _one_ time,” Jean muttered as he walked away from the table leaving Eren alone with Marco, Reiner, Bert, Ymir and Historia.  
  
“There’s nothing wrong with my laugh,” Ymir said, looking disgruntled and maybe a tad insecure.

 “I love your laugh,” Historia assured her.

 Ymir beamed, threw an arm across Historia and nuzzled her hair. “Then that’s all that matters. Your opinion means more than theirs ever will!” Ymir said.

 “Opinion? More like a straight up lie,” Reiner chortled.

 “Reiner!”

 “Ymir, no!” Historia had to pull Ymir back by her shirt to keep the angered girl from leaping over the table and taking a swipe at Reiner’s (still laughing) face.  
  
“She’s really got the guts to take Reiner on?” Marco muttered under his breath, staring at Ymir in awe as she struggled against Historia’s hold all while baring her teeth at Reiner.

 “There’s nothing special about it, it happens often enough and you should know that Ymir reigns victorious,” Bertolt sighed.

 “You’re really talkative today, Bert,” Eren observed.

 “Yeah it’s the alcohol.”  
  
“Speaking of alcohol, Marco, take a shot with me.”  
  
“Reiner, how many times do I have to tell you-”  
  
“Fuck Reiner, Jean was right, you _are_ a dickhole. Ya know, up until now I thought peer pressure was just a myth,” Eren said as he scooted closer to Marco, snatched the shot glass Reiner was so eagerly offering up.  
  
“Chill. I just want everyone to have a good time.” Reiner held his hands up, on the defensive.  
  
“People can have good times without getting wasted,” Marco said.  
  
“Whatever,” Reiner huffed and went back to antagonizing Ymir.  
  
“Thanks, for that,” Marco told Eren.  
  
Eren smiled. “No problem. With Reiner, you gotta be assertive. Otherwise he’ll just keep teasing you. I think...maybe you’re just a bit too nice, Marco.”  
  
“I hear that a lot,” Marco said, eyes downcast as he stared at a smudge on the table.  
  
“Oh no, it’s...not a _bad_ thing,” Eren assured, “genuinely nice people are great and, unfortunately, hard to come by. The world’s too full of assholes; it needs people like you.”  
  
Marco looked up, stared into Eren’s honest green eyes and grinned just a bit. “I guess it does.”

“Definitely,” Eren agreed. He leaned closer suddenly, eyes trailed in on Marco’s face. “Hey, Marco, have you ever counted how many freckles you have?”  
  
“Uh, no. Why?”  
  
“No reason. I just think they’re really cute.”  
  
Eren smirked internally at the light blush that bloomed across Marco’s freckled cheeks.  
  
“I, uh, never t-thought about it. I think when I’m o-out in the sun more often, s-some of them become m-more prominent,” Marco stuttered, hyper aware of Eren’s close proximity as the brunet reached out to lightly caress the right side of his face.  
  
“Like the ones right here? What about the ones on the bridge of your nose?” Eren questioned, looking up at the taller boy with teasing eyes.  
  
“They’re typically...less noticeable.” Marco subconsciously licked his lips when Eren bit his own.  
  
“So...do you have freckles _all_ over your body?” Eren asked with what sounded like a hint of suggestion in his tone.  
  
Marco nearly choked on his own spit.  
  
“GODDAMMIT, REINER! YOU TAKE IT BACK!” Ymir shouted, slammed her hands on the table as she jumped up and launched herself at Reiner.  
  
Marco jumped, quickly put some space between him and Eren.  
  
Eren watched his friends fight with a smile on his face. “Rip his dick off, Ymir!” He didn’t even know what they were fighting about, but he was sure Reiner deserved it.  
  
“Ymir, you crazy bitch! You absolutely insane bitch, that’s a _broken BEER BOTTLE_!” Reiner screamed. Like, literally screamed.  
  
“How many times do I have to tell you to quit hitting on Historia?!”  
  
“It’s the last time, last time! I promise!”  
  
“Yo, did we stop by just in time for a bitch fight?” Nanaba said as she and Mike casually strolled over, ignoring the mayhem taking place three feet behind them.  
  
“More like WWE Smackdown!” Bert laughed.  
  
“Bert, shouldn’t you help your boyfriend?” Marco suggested.  
  
Bertolt just waved him off as he obnoxiously slurped his drink. _Great, now he’s chugging it_.  
  
“Where’s everyone?” Eren asked and Nanaba and Mike took a seat.  
  
“Hanji’s backstage flirting with a stagehand- it’s actually quite terrifying to watch. I’m not sure where Erwin wandered off to, but Levi’s back at the bar.” Nanaba nodded in the general direction. “He seems to be getting pretty cozy with a couple fans.”  
  
“What? No way,” Reiner scoffed in disbelief, pausing for a second from trying to throw Ymir off his back.  
  
Ymir looked over his shoulder in bewilderment. “But Levi hates people.”  
  
“Must be drunk as fuck,” Bert snickered.  
  
“Bertolt, I think you’ve had enough for tonight.”  
  
“And I think your squeaky fucking voice is aggravating, ‘Stori, but _I_ keep my opinions to myself.”  
  
Eren’s eyes trailed over to the bar opposite of where he sat with his friends. It was difficult to see Levi’s exact expression from so far away, but his body language _screamed_ flirty as he chatted with what looked to be two bimbos wearing Wings Of Freedom merch.  
  
_Did you seriously just say bimbos, Jaeger? Maybe Bertolt isn't the only one shitfaced here._ Eren sighed, wondering why the fuck his nagging inner voice sounded suspiciously like Jean.  
  
“I’m gonna go look for Jean, he’s been gone for ages,” Eren muttered so nobody would question where he’d wandered off to.  
  
He schooled his features into cheerful as he walked over to the bar, pounced on Levi from behind, effectively pushing him away from the small blonde he had his arm around. “Le-viii,” he singsonged, “come dance with me!”  
  
Levi scowled and shoved him off. “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a conversation, brat?”  
  
“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t know.” Eren pretended to barely notice the two girls Levi had been talking with. One of them- the blonde (or was it more of an ashen brown?) was glaring at him. Her black haired friend just stood off to the side looking a tad apprehensive.  
  
Eren grinned sheepishly. “I apologize. Hey...have we met before? I feel like I’ve seen you around somewhere,” Eren told the still scowling blonde.  
  
“I don’t think-”  
  
Eren’s eye lit up in recognition. “Oh my god, did I sign your tits?”  
  
The blonde laughed, put a hand over her mouth as her cheeks tinged pink in just a hint of embarrassment. “Oh my...that- that totally _was_ you! Over spring break,” she said.  
  
Eren snapped his fingers. “Yeah, yeah, you’re... _Hitch_ , right?”  
  
She nodded. “Hitch Dreyse. I’m surprised you remember me.”  
  
Eren smirked. “Well it’s not everyday I see such a fine pair of-”  
  
Hitch’s friend coughed loudly.  
  
“Oh, right. Eren, this is Mina,” Hitch introduced with a wave of her hand.  
  
Mina was pretty, Eren decided. Though her face wasn’t as catty as Hitch’s and she definitely had an innocent air to her; the way her black hair was pulled into two loose pigtails only emphasised it. She clearly looked uncomfortable. Definitely not a party girl.  
  
“Nice to meet you,” Eren told her.  
  
“S-same.”  
  
“Oi, brat, shouldn’t you be bugging your boyfriend or something?” Levi told Eren.  
  
Eren narrowed his eyes at him. “What boyfriend? Levi, quit being an ass.”  
  
He turned back to Hitch. “Do you wanna dance?”  
  
Hitch smiled at him and nodded, but before they could even think of escaping to the dance floor, Levi suddenly jerked Eren back by the wrist. He looked pissed as he dragged Eren away from Hitch and Mina who both stared after them in confusion.  
  
“Levi?” Eren looked at him only to find him glaring straight ahead, lips curved downwards in a frown. “Where are you taking me?”  
  
“Where the fuck does it look like? You wanted to dance, right? Well fucking dance with me, Bright-eyes,” Levi said as they stopped in a calm part of the crowd of people writhing and jumping along to some obscure pop-punk band.  
  
“Oh, _now_ you want to dance?” Eren teased.  
  
“Actually, I kind of just want to do _this_.” Levi leaned up at the same time Eren leaned down and they met halfway in a lip bruising kiss. Didn’t stop until they were both lightheaded, too ravenous to remember to breathe, only to part and come back, mouths hot and searching, questioning--how much the other was willing to give, to yield. (And Levi had to wonder just how much of himself he was willing to give to Eren. How much he already fucking _had_.) And alternatively how much they wanted to take (Levi prayed to God, not his _whole_ soul. And knew it was too late).  
  
They were forced apart suddenly and Levi thought to himself as he teetered on his feet before finding his footing, that he should’ve expected it given the sea of people buzzing around them...but then he realized someone had just _deliberately_ shoved him and Eren apart.  
  
Jean Kirschtein was in his face, and the kid was fucking _seething_. Levi could vaguely make out Eren’s cry of “no!” before his face met Jean’s killer right hook.  
  
Levi winced as he rubbed at his jaw. If he hadn’t been so preoccupied with Eren, his reflexes would’ve been quicker. Then again if he hadn’t been preoccupied with Eren in the first place, the brat’s hotheaded boyfriend wouldn’t have had reason to deck him.  
  
“Jean!” Eren was on him, restraining him.  
  
Jean just shoved him off violently. The brunet would’ve crashed to the floor if he hadn’t stumbled into someone who placed a stabilizing hand on his shoulder. He looked up, and was ever grateful to see Erwin there.  
  
“E-Erwin, Jean...he…” Eren’s eyes were swimming with tears, pleading at Erwin to do _something_ , anything, because two people he cared deeply about were trying to fucking _hurt_ each other.  
  
Levi decided he’d had enough of Jean’s yelling and thwarted attempts at trying to get another hit in. He swept the taller boy’s legs out from underneath him and placed a heavy boot against Jean’s chest as the boy sneered up at him with vicious amber eyes.  
  
Levi raised an eyebrow. “Done having a fucking fit?”  
  
Jean snarled as he struggled to get up. Levi moved his boot to Jean’s neck and applied more pressure. Jean choked.  
  
“Levi, stop,” Eren whimpered, but his voice was too faint for either of them to hear.  
  
“Levi, that’s enough,” Erwin said.  
  
Levi’s gaze snapped to his, he stared at him expressionlessly.  
  
“Please,” Eren mouthed from his spot at Erwin’s side. Levi sighed as stared at Eren’s big green eyes currently swimming with tears. He let off of Jean.  
  
Jean certainly wasn’t happy, far from it, but he stood up and didn’t immediately go after Levi again.  
  
“Gentlemen,” Erwin addressed them.  
  
Levi almost rolled his eyes, he knew that damn tone. It was the kind that could win over the entire student body of Shig High, lead teams to victory, console raging teachers and the like...could probably convince someone to jump to their death even.  
  
“I think what we have here is a misunderstanding,” Erwin continued, “Look at Eren, he’s completely hammered, there’s no way he’s in his right mind.” He gestured to the boy slumped against his side, who, for all intents and purposes, _did_ look out of it. His pretty green eyes were hazy and red rimmed, possibly not even seeing the things in front of him.  
  
Levi made a noise of agreement. “The brat was falling all over himself, I tried dragging him over to sit down, but he practically attacked me. He can barely tell up from down, let alone my face from yours or even have the sense to know what he’s doing.”  
  
Jean did not look mollified, not in the least, but Erwin was quick to call his attention back.  
  
“Jean, you should take Eren home,” he said.  
  
Jean stared hard at Eren, his boyfriend looking so small and vulnerable next to Erwin’s huge frame.  
  
“Or, I could do it?” Erwin offered.  
  
Jean grimaced. “I got him,” he muttered, voice flat.  
  
Erwin transferred Eren over to him. The boy clung to him, groaning groggily, “J-Jean?”  
  
“Shut up, Dumbass,” Jean chastised.  
  
Eren dragged his feet, unsteady and shaky, all the way out of the club. Jean debated carrying him, had to pick him up anyway just to get him in the damn car.  
  
Jean drove back to his house, knowing Eren’s parents definitely wouldn’t appreciate it if he dropped their only son unconscious on the front lawn--however tempting that idea was.  
  
He was surprised they made it home in one piece, he could barely remember getting there, it was more like his mind was on autopilot. He shut off the radio that was only a hum to his inner thoughts and turned to find Eren slumped against the passenger side window in what had to be an uncomfortable position, drooling unflatteringly.  
  
Jean carried him, prince(ss) style all the way to his room. He entertained the thought of dropping him on the floor (or at least the couch downstairs) but decided against it.  
  
He placed him on the bed and shimmied him out of his constricting skinny jeans which turned out to be quite a feat (there was little help from Eren himself, he seemed pretty conked out as Jean tried like the amazing boyfriend he is to get him as comfortable as possible).  
  
Jean threw a blanket over him, turned out the light and left to go crash in the guestroom.  
  
(And because he was a pitiful, sappy bastard...he placed a regretful kiss to one of the tear tracks marring Eren’s cheek before he left. He refused to admit he was crying now too.)

**_xx  
_ **

**_  
_** Eren woke up to birds chirping annoyingly. He opened his eyes to the familiar view of Jean’s bedroom. What wasn’t familiar was the empty space beside him…  
  
He groaned, stretched, wandered out of the room. The house was silent, so he doubted Jean was downstairs. He peeked his head into the guestroom across the hall.  
  
Jean was there, on the bed, but he wasn’t sleeping. He was just sitting with his legs over the edge, resting his head in his hands.  
  
Eren swallowed as he throat tightened, like he wanted to cry, but he knew what he swallowed was guilt and maybe the knot in his throat was because it’d gotten stuck.  
  
“Jean.” Eren wrapped his arms around him. The taller boy made no move to shove him off, or embrace him.  
  
“Eren,” he said.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Eren nuzzled his neck, breathed in his scent as he clung to him.  
  
“How much of last night do you remember?” Jean asked.  
  
Eren pulled back to look him in the eye. “Admittedly, not much,” Eren lied.  
  
“Then how do you know what you’re apologizing for?”  
  
“I remember enough. Enough to know that I...hurt you.”  
  
Jean smothered a bitter laugh. “You fucking...you _kissed_ another guy, Eren, you...made out with _Levi_. Levi fucking goddamn Ackerman-”  
  
“I know. Or at least, I remember bits of it. It was pretty hot,” Eren teased.  
  
Jean’s eyes widened, his fists clenched. “Eren, you’re really making me want to punch you right now.”  
  
“I’m only kidding.” Eren sighed. “I didn’t...do it on purpose Jean. I was drunk. I-I would _never_ do that to you; I wouldn’t purposefully hurt you.”  
  
“Ere, you hurt me intentional or not,” Jean said.  
  
“I know, baby, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have drunk so much-”  
  
“I’m not only talking about last night. You’re _constantly_...with the teasing and the flirty fucking smiles and touches aimed at other people...I know sometimes you do it provoke me, and maybe sometimes I’m too much of a jealous fucking asshole, but I’m _tired_ , Eren, so fucking sick of you just expecting me to put up with it. I’m in love with you, so fucking in love with you, and I put up with a lot from you, and...sometimes this relationship seems just a little fucking one sided!” Jean was crying now, silent tears glimmering in his light brown eyes and down his cheeks.  
  
Jean rarely cried. Eren had to look away, conceal his widened eyes. “I-” _don’t know what to say_ , “didn’t know you felt that way. Jean, you know I love you too, right?” Eren kissed the corner of his mouth, “you’re the only one I’ve ever said that to. Because you’re the only one I love. And you shouldn’t doubt my love, just as _I_ shouldn’t give you reason to...So, I’ll stop it, alright? I’ll be better for you,” Eren told him as moved so he was sitting in Jean’s lap. “You have me, _all_ of me.”  
  
Jean released a shuddering sigh as he leaned his head against Eren’s shoulder. They sat like that in comfortable silence as minutes ticked by.  
  
“You know,” Jean muttered, “I don’t think I’d be as angry if it were anyone other than Levi.”  
  
“How come?”  
  
Jean lifted his head to stare at Eren with narrowed, skeptical eyes. “Are you seriously asking me that? It’s obvious he wants to fuck you,” he said.  
  
“Oh,” Eren hummed.  
  
“Has he?”  
  
Eren blinked slowly, once, twice. “What?”  
  
“Have. You. Fucked. Levi,” Jean enunciated.  
  
Eren’s lips twisted up in a sneer. “You know, now _I_ kinda feel like punching _you_. Of course not, Idiot.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“What the fuck, Horseface? Did I not just say I’m yours?”  
  
“Mine?” Jean smirked, hugged him possessively tighter.  
  
“Yours,” Eren whispered against his lips. “Now why don’t you make love to me, Jean. You’re the only one who’s ever had the privilege of that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn... close call, am I right? Ha, no worries, it's too early for shit to hit the fan just yet ☆～（ゝ。∂）


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean's being clingy, Levi's being distant and Eren's being a typical little shit. Levi and Armin have another talk, Armin's not the only perceptive one here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops I wrote another threesome...It's relevant though, I promise. I'm actually quite hesitant to post this chapter because of it, but oh well. I write what comes naturally and I hate second guessing it. You guys get an interesting peek into Levi's feelings this chapter, sorry if it reads cheesy as fuck.

Eren sighed as Jean walked with him to his last class of the day, even though Jean’s own was upstairs and on the other side of the fucking school.  
  
“So, we’re going to mine after school, right?” Jean asked as Eren leaned against the open doorway of his classroom.  
  
“I thought I told you I was hanging out with Armin?”  
  
“Oh. At his place?”  
  
Eren nodded.  
  
“Is...anyone else going to be there?” Jean asked.  
  
Eren gave a noncommittal shrug. “Maybe.”  
  
“Maybe? Like...who?”  
  
“Fuck, Jean, I don’t know if Levi’s going to be there or not, but he probably will since they have band practice like every fucking day.”  
  
“That’s not what I-”  
  
“It’s what you _wanted_ to ask.”

 Jean challenged Eren's annoyed glare with one of his own. “It is.”

 “Oh? I wonder why,” Eren mocked. “It's not like I'm gonna offer to suck his dick, I probably won't even see him since, like I said, I'll be with Armin. You should stop being so fucking paranoid, Jean, it's making you unbearably clingy.”

 “I'm _not_ clingy-”

 “Yes you have been! It's suffocating, I can't fucking breathe! Do you not trust me, is that it?!”

 “You know what, Eren?! Sometimes I don-” Jean cut himself off with a sigh and a shake of his head. “Fuck this, I don't want to fight with you. Do whatever the fuck you want, Jaeger, as long as it’s not Levi.” Jean stalked off, leaving Eren sneering after him.

 He stormed into the classroom seconds before the bell rang.

 Connie whistled as Eren slammed his book-bag down and angrily took his seat. “What's got you so pissy?”

 Eren opened his mouth to reply but Connie interrupted, “wait, let me guess...Jean?”  
  
“Of course. He’s being so fucking…” Eren trailed off in a groan, he couldn’t even properly voice his frustrations he was so pissed off.  
  
“Fucking,” Connie sympathized. “Well maybe if you hadn’t drunkenly smooched Levi last weekend…” He nervously averted his eyes when Eren gave him a death glare.  
  
“Why does everybody fucking know about that?”  
  
“Hey it’s fine, it’ll blow over. Everyone makes mistakes. Like that one time Reiner puked at Sash’s pool party, jizzed in the punch bowl, and dislocated his elbow.”  
  
“Or that time _you_ rode a shopping cart down the school’s stairwell and broke your leg all while injuring three other students.”  
  
“Yo, Eren, we don’t speak of that. Ever.”  
  
Eren snickered. “How you’d even sneak that thing in here?”  
  
“I’m a motherfuckin’ stealth master, obviously.”

  
**_xx_** _  
_

_  
_ Eren didn't even flinch when a pillow went flying full force at his head, just continued to stare numbly at the TV, fingers mindlessly punching buttons on the PlayStation controller.

 “Eren,” Armin sighed and threw his controller down. “You're not even trying.” If he actually beat Eren three times in a row, in _any_ game, something must be up. And if Eren wasn't playing with any enthusiasm and cursing at the TV every five minutes, something must _really_ be up…

 “I'm sorry, Ar. I just...had a pretty shit day. I’m distracted. Wanna just put a movie on or something?” Eren suggested.  
  
“Sure. But...do you wanna talk about it?” Armin asked.  
  
Eren’s first reaction was to say no, but there was something pleading in Armin’s sky blue eyes that made him feel like a terrible best friend. Armin didn’t have to say _I miss when you would actually tell me these things_ out loud for Eren to understand. He and Armin seemed to be drifting farther apart these days.  
  
“Jean hasn’t exactly forgiven me for what happened last Saturday. He’s also being annoyingly clingy. And it’s not just that it’s...it’s Levi too.”  
  
“Levi?”  
  
“Yeah Levi’s just been like, distant lately.”  
  
“So what you’re saying is, Levi’s not your fuckbuddy anymore?” Armin questioned.  
  
“What? No, I mean...he definitely is. Just a couple days ago we-”  
  
“Okay, okay, I really don’t wanna hear about _that_!”  
  
Eren almost giggled at the amount of horror in Armin’s expression. “Yeah, _that’s_ fine, but outside of fucking, I feel like he barely looks at me anymore. Like...we’ve always been friends but now I just feel solely like a lay. I mean he didn’t even react the other day when…” Eren trailed off, realizing there were just some things he definitely couldn’t tell Armin.  
  
“When what?”  
  
_When he walked in on your brother giving me a blowjob._ “Nothing. It’s nothing. I’m sure he’ll eventually dig out whatever stick is up his ass.”  
  
Armin nodded absently, drifting his gaze down to his bedspread as he bit his lip. Eren wondered if he was contemplating saying anything more, but then he looked up and said, “What movie should we watch?”  
  
Thirty minutes later, Armin was passed out and snoring and Eren was slowly getting there too what with the boring as fuck physiological thriller Armin had put on. _Thriller_ a word being used loosely.

 Eren was bored enough to venture downstairs in search of food. Or maybe that was just an excuse. Fuck it, he was going to see Erwin.

 When he walked into the den he saw Mike seemingly trying to teach Nanaba how to play the drums. Erwin was sitting on the couch fiddling with his phone.

 “Where's everybody?” Eren asked as he sat down beside him.

 “Hanji dragged Levi with her to get food for everyone,” Erwin said as he placed his phone down. Eren took this as an opportunity to crawl into his lap.

 Erwin eyed Nanaba and Mike warily (but they didn't seem to be paying them any attention) before he allowed himself to pull Eren closer.

 Eren grinned, dropped his head to nuzzle his cheek against Erwin's. “You know, I was having a bad day, but I think seeing you has made it better.”

 “Mmm, really?” Erwin chuckled.

 “Really,” Eren whispered against his ear, nipped it gently before skimming his lips across Erwin’s jaw.  
  
Erwin gripped a fistful of Eren’s soft brown hair and guided their lips together. They licked into each other’s mouth in a heated frenzy, not caring that they weren’t the only ones in the room (though in Erwin’s defense, it was kind of hard to care about anything other than Eren when the boy was so insistently grinding against him).  
  
They parted, eventually, when Hanji burst into the room with a merry shout of, “I’ve come bearing food!” as she held bags from the nearest burger joint above her head. Levi trailed behind her, looking bored as usual, expression not changing even as he took in the sight of Eren straddling an apprehensive looking Erwin.

Mike and Nanaba perked up at the sight of food. Mike sniffed the air and grinned. “You got my onion rings.”  
  
“Yeppers. But we’re eating upstairs because last time _someone_ \- and I’m not naming names- cough, Mike, cough-”  
  
“You literally just said the word cough, that’s not how it works-”  
  
“Mike spilled his _entire burrito_ on Erwin’s guitar! That’s why we’re eating upstairs!” Hanji shouted and ran away, cradling all the bags of food in her arms. Mike and Nanaba followed after with twin sighs of exasperation.  
  
Levi plopped down on the couch, stretched his legs out and snatched the notebook that was hidden between the slit of the armrest and couch. “By all means, continue. Don’t mind me as I try to get some fucking work done around here.”  
  
Eren giggled, moved out of Erwin’s lap to lean his head on Levi’s shoulder. “Jealous?”  
  
“I don’t want jizz on the couch. We all have to fucking sit on this couch,” Levi replied flatly, not bothering to look at Eren though not bothering to shove him away either.  
  
“Excuses,” Eren murmured. He gripped Levi’s cheeks and forcefully turned his head so he could kiss him. When the older boy readily responded with intensity that would probably leave both their lips bruised, Eren wasted no time in climbing on top of him.  
  
Erwin cleared his throat. “Uh...I’m starving, I should go eat.”  
  
Eren pulled away from Levi to protest, “No, Erwin, stay.”  
  
“Yeah Erwin, stay,” Levi taunted, glaring at him over Eren’s shoulder.  
  
Erwin raised an eyebrow. “Your mouth says one thing, Levi, but that glare says another.”  
  
“Hoh? Who’s glaring? This is my natural face, Shitwin.”  
  
Erwin eyed him distrustfully but sat back down anyway because Eren was staring at him with big green eyes ( _eyes_ , Erwin thought with distaste, _that could ask anything of me and I’d probably comply_ ).  
  
He was surprised when Eren pulled him over and began to makeout with him even though the younger boy was still seated in Levi’s lap.  
  
Eren’s eyes were shut, but Erwin’s were wide open in shock as his gaze hesitantly drifted to Levi. Levi’s expression gave nothing away. He watched in what seemed to be disinterest. Shrugged. “I think this brat is trying to tell us he wants to fuck.”  
  
Eren pulled back, gazed at Erwin with glassy green eyes and swollen pink lips before Levi gripped him by the hair and yanked him so he was facing him again. “Is that what you want, Eren?” He asked as he cradled Eren’s face between his hands. “For us to wreck you?”  
  
Eren nodded with a pleading whimper.  
  
“A-at the s-same time?” Erwin wasn’t exactly sure his brain was computing the scene in front of him correctly.  
  
“Of course. What, are you not up to it?” Levi taunted, leaning back against the armrest with Eren in his arms. “I don't see why you're hesitating; isn't he so pretty like this?” Eren had his back pressed to Levi's chest with his shirt partially hiked up as the older boy snaked a hand down the front of his jeans, Eren let out a low moan when it curled around his thickening cock.

 Erwin couldn't deny that, Eren was always pretty; especially when he was at the mercy of another and his bright eyes were glazed over with lust.

 All the blood rushed to Erwin's dick when Eren whimpered again, this time sounding half pained as Levi roughly bit at the juncture where his neck met his shoulder.

 Levi smirked. “Don't worry, he likes it rough.”

 Erwin ignored him. “Eren, is this really what you want?”

 “Y-yes, fuck me.” He moaned, writhing against Levi as the older boy sucked on his neck, still teasing his erection. Levi paused his ministrations to help tug Eren's shirt off. Eren looked at Erwin with a whine. Erwin got the idea and reached to slid Eren's jeans down his long legs along with his underwear.

 Eren, now naked, kneeled to nose against the bulge in Erwin’s jeans. Erwin vaguely registered the sound of what must’ve been Levi unbuckling his belt, but most of his attention was on Eren as the younger boy freed Erwin's erection from the confines of his jeans and took him into the wet heat of his mouth. Eren sucked his cock attentively even as Levi kneeled behind him, prepping his ass.

 Eren wiggled his ass invitingly as Levi teased his entrance, circling the rim with his fingers but never dipping in. “Gonna have to improvise some lube,” Levi muttered.

 “I can al-always..hah..go g-get some,” Erwin said even as his hand tangled further in Eren's hair and he made no move to get up.

 “Right. Don't bother. Eren likes the sting anyway.” Levi lewdly sucked on his own fingers, brought them back to Eren's ass and thrust two fingers inside.

 Eren whimpered and Erwin threw his head back in a moan as it caused pleasurable vibrations to shoot up his cock.

 Eren bucked his hips back, trying to ride Levi's fingers as he stretched him open. He pulled away from Erwin's cock to whine, “put it in already.”

 “You should really use more lube,” Erwin said because he was a stickler for safety (or was it perfection?)

 “Worried he won't be able to take that monster cock of yours? Don't worry, I'll work him open nice and thoroughly for you,” Levi said, slicked up his cock with pre-cum and spit and spat directly on Eren's hole before shoving inside.  
  
Eren cried out in a mixture of pleasure and pain, hands scrambling to find purchase on the leather couch as his body rocked in time with Levi’s harsh thrusts.  
  
He vaguely registered the feeling of big warm hands caressing his face and looked up to find Erwin staring at him with lustful blue eyes. He took Erwin’s cock back into his mouth obediently and resumed sucking with renewed intensity even as he was getting brutally fucked from behind.  
  
He was drowning in pleasure, almost overwhelmed at how good it felt getting used from both ends. A small part of him idly wondered what would happen if someone were to walk in right now; they’d get an eyeful that’s for sure. He yelped when Levi gave his backside a powerful slap. Not expecting it, he nearly choked on Erwin’s dick from surprise. He turned to give Levi a filthy glare, but the older boy smacked his ass again--even harder, and this time he had to suppress a moan. He loved being spanked, and being spanked _and_ fucked at the same time? It was all he could do to keep from coming too soon as he tried to pay fair attention to Erwin’s cock.  
  
“You love it Eren, don’t you? Fuck, you get so tight when I spank you like this,” Levi groaned, smacked Eren’s bouncing ass again just to feel the boy’s tight hole clench around him.  
  
Eren let out another cute little moan in response.  
  
Levi continued to fuck him until he was near cumming, then pulled out with a final slap to the ass and said, “oi, Erwin let’s switch.”  
  
Eren didn’t like the emptiness he felt when Levi took his cock away, but then Erwin was there, pressing into his abused hole and making him feel whole again. Levi was the one positioned in front of him now, kneeling on the couch so Eren had a good view of his cock and could easily take it into his mouth.  
  
Erwin was much gentler than Levi and while he enjoyed the thick cock fucking his greedy asshole, Eren found himself missing the rough treatment (spanks definitely included). Erwin was only rough when he was high, when he could properly give into his more...animalistic side. Levi was born rough, gentle only when he wanted to be. _Though he hasn't been a whole lot of that lately,_ Eren thought.  
  
“He’s not gonna break, Erwin. Holy shit. Fuck him like you _mean it_ ,” Levi spat. His fingers tangled in Eren’s hair as he stared down at the boy sucking him off. “He’s a little cockslut who loves it fast, _dirty_. Loves choking on a good cock. Isn’t that right, Eren?” Levi taunted. He pulled his hair and practically forced the brunet to swallow his cock until he was gagging. Eren’s eyes watered as he felt the tip of Levi’s cock hit the back of his throat.  
  
Levi fucked Eren’s throat and Eren held onto him as Erwin’s thrusts got faster, harder. Little pleased mewls were slipping out of Eren’s mouth along with saliva.  
  
“That’s right, fuck that tight little ass,” Levi murmured, eyes transfixed on Erwin’s cock slipping in and out of Eren’s hole, the smack of skin on skin and the bounce of Eren’s ass. He fucking hated it, sharing Eren like this. But he couldn’t deny it was hot, watching that ass he so loved taking a good pounding.  
  
“I’m...close,” Erwin grunted.  
  
Judging by the way Eren was wailing around Levi’s cock, he was too. Levi took one look at Eren’s face, blissed out ocean green eyes and flushed cheeks, and found he wanted to make a mess of that pretty face. He eased Eren off of his cock and continued to stroke himself until he was ejaculating creamy streams of white across Eren’s face. Some caught in his hair, even his eyelashes and Levi silently thought he’d never looked more beautiful.  
  
Without a dick obscuring his noises, Eren’s moans washed throughout the room, turning louder as he reached his peak, practically screaming now as he came with his dick untouched. He made an unfortunate mess on the leather couch, Levi absently noted.  
  
Erwin gave a couple more thrusts until he pulled out and came with a groan, letting his cum splatter against the tan skin of Eren’s backside.  
  
Eren collapsed against the couch, clearly exhausted as his legs trembled. Levi patted his hair--the part not currently dripping in his own seed. “You alright, Brat?”  
  
It took Eren a minute to answer as he caught his breath, chest heaving. “I...think I’ve lost my voice,” he muttered with a noticeably hoarse tone.  
  
“I can’t believe we just did that,” Erwin said. He’d already started to get dressed.  
  
“So much for not getting jizz on the couch,” Levi sighed. _C’est la fucking vie_.  
  
While Eren was cleaning up in the bathroom and Erwin was mourning his long lived cozy leather couch, Levi decided he was in need of a smoke. So he found himself on the Smiths’ back porch as per usual, cancer stick in mouth and head tipped toward the sky. It looked like it might rain.  
  
Recent events replayed in his head and he sighed, letting out wisps of smoke in the process. He’d known going in- albeit it’d been an impulse decision, yet he’d known anyway- once the gratification was gone, the heartbreak would set in.  
  
He didn’t anticipate it to be so painful, yet he was always surprised at the intensity of his emotions when it came to Eren.  
  
But, it was what he needed...Right? What he needed to realize Eren was never his to covet. And so he should suppress whatever bullshit fuzzy feelings he had. Lust was fine, but love? Love was hell. It was never going to happen between them; Eren was not his to love. He could only hope now when he looked at Eren that he could remember this: Eren was not, and would never be, his.  
  
He had a feeling Eren was nobodies. At least, not the real Eren. The one who didn’t hide behind taunting, flirty smiles, deviously narrowed eyes and biting words. Nor the one who lilted sweet nothings, with deceptively soft technicolor eyes and affectionate caresses.  
  
Or perhaps, he just didn’t know the real Eren anymore. After all, you could never know a person truly and wholly. And people change. Somewhere between here and there, Eren had found a perfect fit of several masks, and the boy who once wore his heart on his sleeve...now wore it on his cheek*.  
  
The sliding glass door opening pulled Levi from his thoughts.  
  
A sleepy looking Armin stepped out and, when he spotted Levi, decided to sit too close to him for comfort. Levi generally liked keeping his distance from people. Which might seem ironic at the moment, but the point is there.  
  
He didn’t understand what the kid got out of bothering him, but he couldn’t really shoo him away from his own backyard.  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Levi muttered after Armin made an offhand comment about him reeking of sex.  
  
“I was wondering where Eren disappeared to,” Armin said.  
  
“I’m pretty sure you could deduce that yourself.”  
  
“Yeah. I know what he was doing, I just...wondered if it was with you or my brother.”  
  
Levi raised an eyebrow at that. “So you know?”  
  
“Eren’s never subtle. Maybe he subconsciously wants to get caught, he acts so reckless. Take last Saturday night for example.”  
  
Levi snorted. Oh did he remember last Saturday. “It doesn’t bother you?”  
  
“It does. Mostly because Eren never _talks_ to me anymore. Maybe if he had just _told_ me, I wouldn’t be so...no. No, I _would_ still be mad. He’s hurting people, he-he’s screwing Jean over and I…” Armin shook his head, at a loss for words.  
  
“Look, kid, your brother and I just got done fucking Eren, but I’m pretty sure it was Eren who screwed _us_. Regardless of the dicks going up his ass.”  
  
Armin’s face puckered like he’d sucked on a lemon. He wrinkled his scrunched up nose. “I really didn’t need that visual.”  
  
“Well, you’re the one who decided to bother me.”  
  
“But, like...dicks going up his ass simultaneously?”  
  
Levi shrugged. “If we had more lube, maybe. Though I wouldn’t be keen on having my dick rubbing against Erwi-”  
  
“Okay, okay, I get it!”  
  
“You look like a fucking tomato right now, kid.”  
  
Armin huffed, rested his head on his crossed arms. “You know, Eren told me you’ve been distant lately. _Distant_...whatever that means.”  
  
“I thought he wasn't telling you things?”  
  
“Only some of it. And I was wondering how someone could be distant when being totally... _physical_.”  
  
“I thought you were smart, Armin. There doesn’t have to be love in sex, or even affection. Just because I shove my dick in Eren, because we kiss, because I can make him scream my name...that doesn’t stop him from going off and doing the exact same thing with Erwin, or Jean. Hell, even my cousin. I won’t lie, I won’t say it’s not intimate-- it’s more so on my part for obvious, ugh _obvious_ fucking reasons- but at the end of the day, Eren’s playing a game. And I’m just trying not to fall into his trap. And you know, what? I’ve already lost.”  
  
“You think he knows...about the way you feel about him?”  
  
“Of course he does. And he enjoys taunting me. Just like he enjoys toying with Jean.”  
  
“So you’re trying to distance yourself? Why not stop sleeping with him altogether?”  
  
“Are you denying me my simple pleasures?” Levi teased. He sighed, “it's...hard, to quit addictions. I've never tried to quit smoking, but I imagine quitting Eren would be harder. And if I can't have him the way I want, can't I at least have him _this_ way? Is that selfish of me?”

 “Well what way _do_ you want him?”

 Levi rolled his eyes. “Don't make me say it… Fuck, I want his everything. I want to be _his_ everything.”

 “Those types of relationships never work out. If your universe revolves around someone else, your center of gravity will be all messed up. And that's why Jean is going to be devastated when he finds out.”

 “Are you trying to be poetic and shit, ‘cause I don't appreciate it.”

 “Wow, this coming from a songwriter.”  
  
 "Whatever. I'm heading back inside."  
  
Armin stayed sitting, staring at the grey sky where storm clouds brewed. He only got up to leave after feeling the cold hint of a raindrop hit the tip of his nose. "And so the storm begins," he mused.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Woohoo song references. This particular one alludes to _How to be a heartbreaker_ by Marina and The Diamonds
> 
> Speaking of songs, I made a little playlist for the story. It's mostly songs that get me in the mood for writing this specific fic and whatever. I thought it'd be fun to share. Thing is, I couldn't find a decent site to host so many songs, so I just went ahead and put them on tumblr. I made a side blog just for it and then I thought, well why not have fun with it? And now it's turned into a blog dedicated to the story (that's how fucking bored I was), so aesthetic shit and anything that gives me inspo should be posted there. Funny tidbits include in-character musings and maybe some original WOF lyrics. Link is [here](http://unrequiitedream.tumblr.com/) and the password is _screamsoloud_
> 
> Oh no is Levi giving up on his feelings? Poor boy, it's not that easy. Anyways, Happy New Year's! I hope your new year is full of wonder and bright things and shit☆*･゜ﾟ･*\\(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･*☆


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band welcomes a new member, jealousy is rampant in the air, and Mikasa lands herself in some trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gave me hell, it was another one I had to write in parts 'cause motivation is a bitch. It's a bit fast paced, but I think you'll appreciate the length...

Eren whimpered into Jean’s mouth as he sat in the taller boy’s lap, grinding against him incessantly. Jean’s hand slipped from Eren’s hips to grope at his ass.  
  
The shrill ringing of his phone captured Eren’s attention and he broke away from Jean, leaning over to grab it where it lay half hidden underneath a stray pillow.  
  
“H-hello?” His voice came out slightly breathy since Jean decided now would be the perfect time to start sucking at his neck.  
  
“Erebear! Can you come out and play?!”  
  
Eren winced and held the phone a safe distance from his ear. “Hanji, remember what we tell you about using your inside voice?”  
  
“Oh, sorry!” Hanji shouted, not any quieter than before, “I’m just excited; the band has an _important_ announcement to make! We’re all meeting up at Maria’s.”  
  
“I-important, right,” Eren hissed as Jean bit at his neck as if to remind him he was still there. He tangled his free hand in Jean’s hair and pulled none too gently. “We’ll be there.”  
  
“Awesome, seeeeee yooou!”  
  
Eren ended the call and threw his phone somewhere on the bed. He turned his full attention back to Jean, but his boyfriend was--dare he say it-- _pouting_ now as he shoved him away. “I don’t remember agreeing to go out tonight.”  
  
Eren sighed, “Jean-”  
  
“No. We’re always going out. We’re always with our stupid ass friends and we never get any alone time together and...fuck. Just, fuck, Eren all I want is to spend time with _you_. Or is that too much to ask of my _boyfriend_?”  
  
“What are you talking about, we’re always together. Or have you forgotten about how stupidly clingy you’ve been?”  
  
“Eren-” there was a sassy retort on the tip of Jean’s tongue, but it was soon forgotten as Eren pushed him down and straddled him. “What are you doing?”  
  
Eren didn’t supply him with an answer, just nuzzled at his neck, started placing kisses there, trailing downward as he slid down his body to settle between his legs and Jean’s mind was suddenly pleasantly blank as Eren started mouthing at the skin above the hem of his jeans as he worked on getting said jeans undone…but then he remembered he was supposed to be angry at him.  
  
“You’re not gonna change my mind, Jaeger,” Jean said, scowling down at the brunet who just looked back at him with taunting green eyes and an expression that said _wanna bet?  
  
_ He held eye contact as he wrapped his lips around Jean’s cock and took him into the wet warmth of his mouth. His cheeks hollowed as he bobbed his head and sucked Jean’s cock for all it was worth.  
  
Jean tried to hold out, he really did, but Eren’s mouth was almost preternaturally talented and he knew Jean’s body like the back of his hand. It didn’t take long for him to come undone. He shot his load down Eren’s throat with a muffled groan (he was biting his lip so hard it was probably bleeding).  
  
Eren had that stupid smirk on his face again (the one that made Jean kinda want to punch him) and he silently thought to himself that Eren looked stupidly pretty with cum stained lips--he was always stupidly pretty.  
  
“So...about tonight-”  
  
“My feelings haven’t changed, told you they weren’t going to. I refuse to be dragged anywhere tonight-”  
  
“I know. And I was _saying_ , about tonight, I understand that you don’t want to go anywhere. So you don’t have to.”  
  
“Seriously? Wow, thanks for being so understanding, babe-”  
  
“But I’m still going.”  
  
Jean’s grin dropped, “What?”  
  
“I said, I’m still going out.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jean scoffed, “and how are you gonna get there?”  
  
Eren wordlessly held up his hand, Jean’s keys dangling from the keyring around his pointer finger.  
  
“When did you-?!”  
  
“You were pretty distracted,” Eren teased.  
  
“You fucking ass.” Jean lunged at the same time Eren jumped up from the bed.  
  
“Sorry, Snookums, I’ll be back later okay?” Eren snickered as he ran out the door, pausing only to snatch his shoes.  
  
“Are you trying to distract me with atrocious pet-names?” Jean asked as he chased after Eren, following him down the hall and down the stairs. Eren had only gotten a head start ‘cause Jean had to pause to put his dick away.  
  
“Is it working, Honeybunch- shit!” Eren yelped when he nearly tripped while trying to simultaneously descend the stairs and step into his shoes.  
  
“Eren!”  
  
“Aw I’m fine, Kitten Pickles!” Eren jumped over the last couple steps, stuck the landing and turned to face Jean. “But you might not be.”  
  
“What the fuck does that mean?”  
  
Eren winked. He stuck his middle finger and thumb in his mouth and blew to produce a loud, shrill sounding whistle.  
  
Jean’s eyes widened; he knew what that meant. And it was too late to escape…  
  
The heavy thud of paws scampering across the floor could be heard as Eren’s huge ass Great Dane of a dog burst into the room, tail wagging eagerly.  
  
“Titan, attack!” Eren ordered, pointing at Jean.  
  
Jean let out an undignified screech when Titan jumped on him. He stumbled and lost his footing, bringing them both to the ground. His screams of, “no, stop! It tickles!” could probably be heard from next door.

Eren laughed, watching his dog lick at Jean’s face as he held him down with his paws. “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say Titan has the hots for you.”  
  
“If this thing starts humping me, Eren, I swear to god-” Jean tried shoving at the hundred-something-pound dog that was slobbering all over him (honestly, he felt like he’d just taken a spit bath).  
  
“He won’t, probably,” Eren assured. “So...see you later?”  
  
“Are you _really_ going to leave me here?”  
  
“What does it look like,” Eren murmured under his breath once he was already out the front door.  
  
He hopped into Jean’s car that was parked in his driveway and contemplated his next move. He didn’t exactly want to show up alone and driving himself was gonna suck ‘cause driving called for being sober and sobriety sucked.  
  
“I wonder if Mikasa’s going?” he mused aloud.  
  
Mikasa’s house was down the road and across the street, so not even a minute later Eren found himself knocking at the door to her place.  
  
He was surprised when it was her mother that answered--he hadn’t noticed her car in the driveway.  
  
“Eren,” she greeted, not looking entirely pleased as she assessed him.  
  
“Mrs. Ackerman.” Eren smiled at her brightly, the kind of smile he used when trying to win over parents.  
  
“Mikasa’s grounded,” she told him.  
  
“Grounded?” The word tasted funny on Eren’s tongue, like it was foreign. He wanted to laugh.  
  
“She can’t leave the house _or_ have visitors. I’m sorry.”  
  
“Right. Guess I’ll go then.”  
  
Mrs. Ackerman nodded. “Goodbye.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Eren huffed when the door was shut in his face. He dug his phone out of his pocket to shoot a text to Mikasa,  
  
Kasa  
+1xxxxxx1397  
  
**\-------------- Sat, 04 26 2014 --------------**  
  
                                    
                           Wanna be rescued  
              from your tower?  
              Open ur window  
                        21:53  
  
Eren rounded the house, was finding the perfect footing to jump from the giant tree located in the backyard sitting just a perfect ways away from the window to Mikasa’s bedroom on the second floor, when his phone chimed,  
  
  
Kasa  
+1xxxxxx1397  
  
**\-------------- Sat, 04 26 2014 --------------**  
  
  
I’m not a fucking  
princess. Get out of  
the tree before you fall.  
21:53  
  
He looked up and saw Mikasa leaning against the the window sill, watching him with a smirk on her face.  
  
“You know I never fall.”  
  
“Of course you don’t, you’ve been doing this since you were old enough to climb.”  
  
With some maneuvering, a practiced--and perfected by now leap--and some luck, Eren entered Mikasa’s room via the window without so much as stumbling.  
  
Eren made himself comfortable sitting on the bed, noticed the TV was on. “Since when do you watch 16 and Pregnant?” he snorted.  
  
“I don’t. It’s just background noise,” Mikasa said as she sat down at her desk where papers and textbooks were sprawled.  
  
“Homework? On a _Saturday_?”  
  
“You say it like it’s a crime. And it’s not homework, it’s extra credit.”  
  
“Extra credit? Why?”  
  
“Because I bombed my Pre-Cal test.”  
  
“You got an 83 on that shit. That’s hardly failing.”  
  
“You know my mother, anything below an A is unacceptable.”  
  
Eren sighed, fell back on the bed. “Your mother is a raging bitch.”  
  
“Could you tell me something I don’t fucking know.”  
  
“Oh, someone’s snappy.” Eren felt something digging into his back, reached under himself to pull out a Hello Kitty plushy that had a gigantic head and beady eyes. He tossed it in the air and watched it hit the ceiling. “Wanna sneak out tonight?” He asked.  
  
“I don’t know. I’m kinda working here, Eren.” Mikasa lifted the cover of her open textbook and let it slam against the desk for emphasis.  
  
“I don’t see why you’re doing extra work you don’t need to do. It’s one bad grade, which by the way, isn’t even bad; It’s not the end of the world.”  
  
“Eren-”  
  
“Plus, you look like you could use a night out; you look stressed.”  
  
Mikasa swiveled around in her chair to face him. “Is that your way of saying I look like shit?”  
  
“No way, you’re always beautiful.”  
  
“Stop smirking, I don’t like it. Ugh...I _am_ stressed. And it’s not even getting grounded that bothers me, it’s that _I_ feel like I’ve failed myself. You remember that program I was talking to you about? The one my counselor thinks I’d be great for? If I get that scholarship, I could be attending university in _France_.”  
  
“And that’s great, ‘Kasa, but I don’t think one little B is gonna affect anything. You’re having like...nerd paranoia. Look at it this way, your sole little B minus is better than like all my class averages combined.”  
  
“Eren, how many times have I told you to start taking school more seriously? You’re gonna be a Senior soon and I know damn well you haven’t even thought about college-”  
  
“Fuck, slow down. You sound worse than my mother. Not that that’s hard to do; she hasn’t worried over me since I still called scrapes booboos.”  
  
Mikasa frowned at his indignant tone of voice. “How are your parents, by the way? Are they still fighting, ‘cause I thought things were better?” She narrowed her eyes. “Or did you lie to me?”  
  
Eren sighed, ran a hand through his hair. “Things _were_ better. For a while. But good things rarely last, huh?”  
  
Mikasa didn’t like his downhearted expression. She crossed the small space between her bed and work desk and sat next to him on the edge of the bed, reached over to grab his hand and intertwine their fingers. “Do you think...they could still-”  
  
“I think they’re fucking done for. And...I think...I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Eren squeezed her hand, smiled softly.  
  
There was a commotion downstairs that startled them, the faint ringing of the doorbell chimed a few times, then there was incessant knocking, and finally the sound of what was probably Mrs. Ackerman throwing the door open.  
  
Mikasa walked over to open her bedroom door a crack to be able to hear better. Her mother was yelling at someone.  
  
“...what is it with all you boys bothering my daughter at such an indecent hour?”  
  
“M-Mrs. Ackerman...uh, is Eren…”  
  
Eren snickered, covered his mouth with his hand as he shared an amused look with Mikasa. That was definitely Jean.  
  
"Mikasa is grounded. I can assure you, there’s _nobody_ upstairs that isn’t meant to be. Now why don’t you run back home?”  
  
“But, my car is-”  
  
“Blocking my driveway. Goodnight.” The door slammed shut with a tone of finality.  
  
“Why is Jean here?” Mikasa asked.  
  
“I stole his car,” Eren told her.  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“So, Maria’s? You should get dressed. Maybe that black belly shirt that makes your boobs look good, ya know the one with the sleeves-”  
  
“It’s called a mesh cross-”  
  
“I don’t give a shit,” Eren said, getting distracted by his ringtone.  
  
“ _Don’t_ shush me.” Mikasa thumped him gently across the head as she walked over to her closet.  
  
Eren stuck his tongue out at her as he answered his phone. “What do you want, Sweetie pie?”  
  
“Could you _not_ call me that?”  
  
“Okay, Sugar Bear.”  
  
Jean sighed, kinda sounded like he wanted to crawl through the phone and choke him. “I thought you were going out? Why are you at Mikasa’s?”  
  
“Are you...are you _stalking_ me?” Eren gasped mockingly.  
  
“Eren, dumbass, I can see my fucking car parked across the street apparently blocking Mrs. Ackerman’s _fucking driveway_! That broad is scary and I know you heard her chewing me out. Thanks for that.”  
  
“Anytime, Fluffle Monkey.”  
  
“Where the fuck do you come up with these names? Is that all that’s filling your otherwise empty head?”  
  
“Oh, ouch. I’m hurt, Jean-”  
  
“Don’t call me!- oh wait, that’s actually my name. Anyway, do you expect me to just wait here? What the hell do you want me to tell your parents?”  
  
“Um, _nothing_? Just hang out in the room. My mom will probably be back later, and I doubt my father’s coming home anytime soon…Me and ‘Kasa are going to Maria’s. You’re still welcomed to come along, Babe.”  
  
Jean sighed and Eren could practically hear him rolling his eyes. “You have my car back in one piece, alright? It’s my baby-”  
  
“I thought _I_ was your baby.”  
  
“No, her name is Cherrie and _she’s_ my _baby_ so if I see even one fucking scratch...” Jean took a deep breath to calm himself, “I think you should just let Mikasa drive. I know for a fact you failed your driving test _twice_ before the instructor took pity on you, Jaeger.”  
  
“The instructor during my first run was like really fucking hot, so I kept getting distracted. Okay, she looked like Eliza Dushku-”  
  
“You are _really_ pissing me off right now-”  
  
“And the second time, Connie was in the car with me and tried to moon Mr. Shadis so we both got automatic flunks and Saturday detention. It was completely unfair.”  
  
“What's unfair is having such a prick for a boyfriend,” Jean said.  
  
“I’ll make it up to you, promise.”  
  
“What, with another blow job? That’s boring.”  
  
“Of course not. I’ll wear those thigh highs you like, maybe even heels, and if you’re good, I might even let you bring out the handcuffs and-” Eren was cut off by a clothes hanger flying at his head, barely managed to dodge it “Mika, what the _fuck_!”  
  
“Whoops,” Mikasa snickered, turned back to her closet where she was still searching for that damn shirt.  
  
Eren sneered. “Do it again, it made your tits jiggle!”  
  
“Eren, shut the fuck up and kiss my dimpled ass.”  
  
“Eren,” Jean called his attention back, “I’m serious about my car. And why are you staring at Mikasa’s tits?”  
  
“‘Cause she’s half naked, duh. See you later. Love you.” He hung up the call before Jean could respond.

 “You shouldn't tease him so much.”

 “Probably.”

 

**_xx_ **

 

“So what do you think the ‘big announcement’ is?” Mikasa asked as she and Eren walked over to the usual secluded booth at the back of the club with their arms around each other, turning heads in their wake.

 “Dunno.”

 “Could it be a record deal?” Mikasa speculated.

 “You think they're good enough for a record deal?”

 “There's always room for improvement, but I'll give credit where credit is due. They already have a decent following for a reason--they got the look, sound, and attitude. Don't you think they're good enough?”

 “I think if they had gotten it Hanji wouldn't call it a ‘big announcement’, it'd be a ‘huge, _glorious_ announcement’,” Eren said.

 “Yeah and knowing her, she probably would've shouted it over the phone, then send out mass invites to an impromptu celebratory party.”

 “True.”

 “Erebear! And Mikasa!” Hanji was the first to greet them, jumping enthusiastically on them both.

 “Hanji.”

 “Come sit, sit!” Hanji practically shoved them both over to take a seat. People adjusted to make room. The band was there, plus Armin and a surprisingly familiar face…

 “Petra?” Eren wondered if his eyes were deceiving him.

 The girl in question flushed a delicate shade of pink, seemed just as surprised herself to see him there. “Hey, Eren.”

 “Oh, I forgot you two have met before,” Hanji said.

 “That's probably a lie,” Mike muttered from his seat on Hanji’s right. She didn't pay him any attention.

 “Anyway, Eren, you're looking at the newest member of WOF!” Hanji cheered.

 “Whoa, seriously?”

 “Yeppers! Petra here is an amazing keyboardist.” Hanji patted her shoulder and Petra smiled shyly at the appraisal.

 “Apparently Hanji and Erwin came to this decision on their own without mentioning it to the rest of us until, oh, maybe about an hour ago,” Nanaba said.

 “You sound bitter, Nana-banana. Something wrong?” Hanji asked, giving her a stern look.

 “Yes, I feel like this is something we should've come to a decision on as a whole.”

 “It's fine. Don't you trust my judgement?”

 “Not particularly, Hanji-”  
  
 “And as the leader of this band, I think Erwin's opinion outweighs all of ours-”

 “That's bullshit. Who died and made _him_ leader?”

 “He founded the band-”

 “Yeah, along with Levi,” Nanaba interjected.

 “Refrain from dragging me into whatever the fuck this is.” Levi waved his hand like he was shooing away a fly. “Although I will say that I trust Erwin's decisions. Usually.”

 “Why? You're the lead, shouldn't _you_ be getting final say?”

 “I don't really give a shit. What's the problem? Do you not like Petra? Are you feeling threatened because you're no longer the only female band mem-”

 “We haven't even heard her perform! And she can't just... _barge_ her way in here!” Nanaba shouted, even pounded at the table for emphasis.

 “You act awfully mighty for someone who was only given their position on account of being Mike's girlfriend,” Levi said, refusing to shout though his cold voice cut deep anyway.

 “I'm a skilled fucking bassist, you fucking _fucking_ asshole!”

 “Yeah, maybe now. It only took hours of practice and discipline.”

 “ _Such_ an asshole,” Nanaba muttered under her breath as she stood up and shoved her way out of the booth.

 Hanji whistled. “What's her problem?”

 Mike stared after his girlfriend worriedly. He shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe it's that time of the-”

 “Finish that sentence, Mike, and you're gonna get punched,” Mikasa threatened. “I even wore my rings today.”

 Eren grinned, shook his head. “I wouldn't test her,” he told Mike.

 “Not going to, I have no problem admitting she scares me,” Mike said.

 “I'm so sorry, Petra. That probably wasn't very welcoming but I really didn't expect Nanaba to act like that,” Hanji apologized.

 “It's fine. I understand where she's coming from,” Petra said.

 “So how'd you get scouted?” Eren asked, trying to lighten up the conversation again.

 “We met at my cousin’s birthday party the other week. Petra’s a good friend of his,” Erwin answered for her.

 “They go to the same snooty private school,” Hanji said.

 Petra nodded. “A friend and I wrote him a song for his birthday. Erwin was there and saw me playing-”

 “And thought she was talented so we've been in cahoots ever since.”

 Levi sighed. “Don't say cahoots. Just don't.”

 “Well welcome to the band. I hope you know they practice a fuckton,” Eren told Petra.

 “And how much of that is _you_ bothering us,and how much of it is _us_ actually _practicing_ , brat?” Levi teased.

 Eren pouted. “Fine. I'll just let you all practice ‘til your fingers bleed and your voice gives out, you’d love that. Don't have fun having no fun, old man.”

 Levi rolled his eyes. “Yes, eighteen, practically senile.”

 “Eren, come dance with me.” Mikasa tugged on his arm. “Armin, you coming too?”

 Armin politely declined.

 “Levi, let's dance too!” Hanji started bouncing up and down in her seat.

 “I'd rather drown,” Levi deadpanned. Held up his glass. “Specifically in whiskey.”

 “Isn't he such a joy, Petra? Don't worry, you'll get used to him.”

 

**_xx_ **

 

Eren felt like he was melting what with how much he was sweating. When Mikasa was stressed, she danced. _A lot_.

 Eren still couldn't understand how she was so discouraged over one sub-par (to her at least) mark. But he loved how driven towards her goal she was. She wanted to get out of here; see the world, and he could definitely respect that.

 “I'm gonna go cool down,” he told Mikasa who he wasn't sure could hear him over the music.

 She nodded in acknowledgement.

 Back at the table, Erwin, Petra, and Levi were sitting around talking, presumably a little tipsy with how raucous their laughter was.

 “What's so funny?” Eren asked after downing the drink he stole from Erwin's hands even though it was more fiery than refreshing.

 “P-Petra was just t-telling us about her dog that-that…” Erwin couldn't get his words out since he was laughing so much. “...priceless.”

 “I'm sure it was,” Eren said.

 “Petra's quite funny. I might actually enjoy having her around,” Levi said, “even though she's so fucking peppy.”

 Petra jabbed his arm playfully. “ _Petra's_ right here ya know. And thank you, I think.”

 Levi smiled at her, like actually smiled. And did he have to stare so intently? “No problem.”

 Eren blinked a couple times, truly his eyes were deceiving him this time. “Levi, you should...really come dance with me,” he blurted out.

 Levi didn't even spare a glance at him. “‘m in the middle of a conversation, Brat.”

 “I'll dance with you,” Erwin told him.

 “Fine, sure,” Eren agreed through gritted teeth.

 “So where's Jean tonight?” Erwin asked as they walked away from the table.

 “Home,” Eren didn't offer anything more. “So...Petra’s pretty hot,” he commented.

 “Really? I guess in the conventional sense. I personally prefer brunettes. You think she's hot?”

 Eren huffed irritably. “Wouldn’t’ve fucked her otherwise.”

 “Eren, are you alright?”

 “Yeah, just...really think we should find a dark, secluded corner and put it to good use.” Eren tugged Erwin down by the collar of his shirt into a greedy kiss.

 Erwin indulged him for a second or two before pulling away. “I gotta run to the men's room first.”

 Eren sighed. “Fine.”

 Eren couldn't find Mikasa on the dance floor but he stayed anyway to dance his frustrations away.

 When somebody came up behind him and pulled him into a provocative dance; a senseless grind, he didn't protest, in fact he craved the attention. He turned around in the guy's arms to face him when the song was through. He thought he was probably lucky that the guy was pretty decently cute. He looked older by maybe a couple years, had shaggy black hair, light blue eyes and a cute smile…

 “You're stunning,” he told Eren.

 Eren playfully rolled his eyes. “And you're a charmer.”

 “I'm Randy, actually.”

 “Eren.”

 “So, Eren...wanna go to a real party?”

 Eren raised an eyebrow. “And what's your idea of a real party?”

 “My buddy’s throwing this huge rave in an abandoned warehouse. It's gonna be epic.”

 “Oh epic, really? This friend of yours, he throws good parties?”

 “Definitely. Though I don't know if I'll be able to enjoy it now, not unless you're there.” He tightened his hold around Eren's waist, hands roaming not so subtly down his lower back.

 “Wow, and you've barely just met me.”

 “I know what I want. And what I want is another dance, maybe even a kiss, from the guy with the prettiest eyes I've ever seen.”

 Eren smirked. “You sure know how to lay it on thick.”

 “Eren?” Erwin's voice had him snapping out of his little bubble with the sweet talker that still had his arms around him. The noise of the club rushed back in and he turned to find Erwin staring at Randy with what could only be called disdain. There was a sharp edge in his glare that Randy only met with cool indifference.

 “Boyfriend?” he questioned.

 “Just a friend,” Eren told him but he disentangled himself from his hold anyway.

 “Right. Well, that offer still stands.” He eyed Erwin again. “In fact, the more the merrier.”

 “Who was that?” Erwin asked once Randy walked away.

 “Just some guy. Invited me to a rave.”

 “Just some guy? You seemed fairly close. You're not actually thinking of going, are you?”

 Eren scowled at Erwin's tone. “And what if I am? It's getting pretty fucking boring around here.”

 “So you're just gonna go off with some random guy? And what, gonna fuck him too, huh?”

 “I'm feeling slightly insulted...Erwin, I don't appreciate the jealous boyfriend act. You're not my fucking boyfriend.”

 “Jealous,” Erwin scoffed, “of that guy? Mr. Shaggy emo hair with the scrawny arms? That's pathetic.”

 “It is,” Eren agreed. “I'll see you tomorrow…”

 “Where are you-”

 “Relax. I'm just going to find Mikasa.” Eren snatched his wrist out of Erwin's grip with an annoyed glare and more force than was probably necessary.

 Mikasa wasn't on the floor, at the bar or table (in fact the only ones at the table were Levi and Petra and they seemed to be getting pretty cozy if the arm Levi had draped around her were anything to go by).

 Eren felt like he was about to snap, he was so wound up.

 “Whoa, what's wrong?” Mikasa asked as she bumped into a seething Eren on her way back from the bathroom.

 “Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Wanna get out of here already? Actually, how do you feel about a party?”

 

**_xx_ **

 

Eren found that dark and secluded corner he'd mention, just not with the guy originally intended.

 Randy was a decent kisser, good even, but as his hands roamed across his body, Eren had to fight the urge to push him away--ended up doing the opposite and gripping him tighter, reciprocating the passion Randy kissed him with.

 This is what he wanted, to take his frustrations out on a stranger; to lose himself. No matter if it felt right or not. And why didn’t it feel right? It was certainly pleasurable, but he just couldn’t seem to get into it.

 Eren finally had to pull away when Randy started getting a bit _handsy_ , groping at his ass underneath his clothes. “Stop.” He pushed at the taller boy's chest to put some distance between them.

 Randy laughed harshly, like he couldn't believe him. “Really? I thought you knew where this was headed. Why are you being such a fuckin’ tease?”

 Eren sneered. “I'm not going to fuck you.” He tried to push him away, but Randy wasn't having that. He pressed Eren back into the wall, ignoring his discomfort and obvious struggles.

 “Why not? I can make it worth your while, baby.”

 “I doubt that,” Eren spat. He was pinned now, couldn't push the heavier boy off, but if he was scared he didn't show it.

 “Aw, don't be like that.” He could feel Randy's breath ghosting across his skin, wet lips on his neck, a warm hand feeling him up beneath his clothes.

 He didn't protest when Randy started kissing him again, in fact he leaned into it, kissed him back steadily until he felt him loosen up, the grip he had on Eren going lax.

 Then Eren took his chance, he bit at Randy's tongue hard enough the older boy made a pained sound and was thoroughly distracted enough for Eren to then knee him as hard as he could in the groin.

 Eren escaped, ignoring the curses Randy yelled after him. He quickly blended in with the crowd.

 The place was packed, strangers swarming together, bopping and grinding and not really dancing along to whatever the DJ pumped out--at the moment it was a beat you probably had to be on uppers to keep up with. There were way too many flashing lights and glow sticks for Eren's taste, it was sweltering, and the place stunk of sweat and…other questionable things.

 It was nearly impossible to navigate through the unruly crowd, and Eren had no idea how he was going to find Mikasa.

 He wandered mindlessly and instead of finding his best friend, he ended up bumping into a familiar face.

 “Erwin?”

 Erwin looked relieved to see him. “Eren.”

 “What are you doing here? Did you follow me?” There was accusation in his tone, annoyance.

 “I was worried.”

 “Why?” he asked, though he already had a pretty good guess.

 “Because you just ran off with some guy you'd barely just met.”

 “Well I think you'd be pleased to know that he ended up being a total douchebag.”

 “Oh. You...you didn't-”

 “I didn't fuck him.”

 “That's not-”

 “Don't even pretend that's not what you wanted to ask. Now have you seen Mikasa because I really wanna get the fuck out of here.”

 “Yeah I saw her talking to some people over …” Erwin jerked his head in the general direction. Eren let him lead the way since he was taller, stronger and could more efficiently shove people out of the way.

 “With a party like this, I thought you'd be more enthused,” Erwin commented.

 “Yeah maybe if Mikasa hadn't put me on a drug ban...something about wanting to make it home in one piece and not having to look after my ‘dumb tripped out ass.’”

 “I-is that her?” Erwin stopped walking so suddenly Eren almost bumped into his back.

 “Huh?” He peered around Erwin, noticed the familiar back of his best friend. He couldn't see her expression, but from where he was standing she seemed to be flirting with some random. She clung to his arm and it was pretty obvious he was taking her somewhere which was strange because…

 “Mikasa doesn't hook up with strangers. She's not the type,” Eren said.

 “Maybe she's looking to be a little adventurous? Come on, we can go tell her we're leaving.”

 “Mikasa!” Eren shouted as they approached since he could barely hear over the music.

 The couple turned around and Eren felt his stomach drop. He was expecting maybe an annoyed look from Mikasa or a concerned remark-- _Eren, where have you been?_ but he wasn't expecting the glassy stare he received.

 “Ere…?” Mikasa's speech was slurred, she seemed about to topple over and the only thing keeping her from doing so was the guy holding her to his chest.

 “She's had too much to drink. I was just taking her somewhere quiet to rest,” the guy spoke.

 Eren’s lip curled in disgust. He didn't like the dude’s face or his tone. He was tall, broad shouldered and had a leering grin Eren wanted to punch away. “Bullshit. I was with her not too long ago; there's no way she could've gotten so hammered so fast.”

 The guy sneered. “What the fuck do you know. Mind your own business, kid-”

 “She _is_ my business, asswipe.”

 Mikasa whined something incoherent again, tried to move but was too weak to do so. Eren thought he heard something that sounded like ‘help’.

 “Whatever. Take the bitch then. Too uptight for my tastes anyway.” He shoved her violently, but Eren was there to immediately catch her before she could fall.

 “Mikasa! Mika!-” She was limp now and Eren had to hold her entire body weight ‘cause she was completely out of it. He would've freaked out more had he not noticed her even breathing that signified she was probably just passed out and not like...dying or something.

 He felt an all encompassing rage come over him. He’d never felt so angry in his entire life. “Erwin.” He handed Mikasa to him and then turned back to the complete fucking scumbag still standing there.

 Eren went from zero to sixty _real_ quick. “Eren, don't!” Erwin barely had time to shout before the brunet quite literally leaped on Mr. Scumbag.

 The guy was burly, obviously stronger than him, but he wasn't expecting the attack and they slammed to the floor.

 Eren managed to get in a few vicious punches before the guy inevitably overpowered him. From there it was a blur of curses, punches, and kicks.

 Bystanders around them stared, but no one cared enough to break it up.

 “Eren!” Erwin panicked, couldn't do much while cradling Mikasa's practically lifeless body. Ended up having to hand her off to what was hopefully a kind stranger.

 He shoved the guy away from Eren.

 “Hey, asshole-”

 Erwin didn't let him finish, cut off his words with a harsh fist to his already bruised face. It was a much more even fight now, and it ended with Scumbag curled up on the ground, clutching at his abdomen as Erwin mercilessly kicked the living shit out of him.

 Eren watched on in near jealousy as he cradled Mikasa to him. _He_ wanted to be the one making that dickhead suffer. “Er-” Eren spat bloodied saliva on the ground so he could shout, “Erwin! That's enough.”

 Erwin gave one last swift kick and a smirk at the yelp of pain it caused. He wouldn't be surprised if he'd broken some ribs.

 “Are you okay?” Erwin asked as they walked to his car.

 Eren was still buzzing with energy, still a ball of rage even with a bloodied nose and split lip. He gazed down at Mikasa's slumbering face and tried to calm down, taking a deep breath. “I’m fine.”

 “Your nose is still gushing, are you sure it's not broken?”

 Erwin unlocked the car. Eren slid into the backseat with Mikasa, laying her head in his lap. “It's not, trust me.”

 “That bruised eye of yours sure will be tender in the morning.”

 “Yeah.”

 “How's she doing?” Erwin met his gaze in the rear-view mirror.

 Eren sighed, looked down and brushed a lock of Mikasa's hair away from her parted lips. “Totally out of it. I...I can't believe that...h-he fucking _drugged_ her, Erwin. He could've--was _going to_ -”

 “But it didn't turn out like that. She's safe-”

 “Yeah because of _you_. And right now I'm really fucking grateful that you decided to show up tonight, but I'm the one that put her in that situation in the first place. And for what? All because I wanted a cheap fuck I couldn't even-”

 “Eren, the only one at fault here is the absolute waste of life that tried to take advantage. That's it.”

 “Right. You're right. That doesn't make me any less fucking sorry.”

 

**_xx_ **

 

Eren shifted Mikasa in his arms so he could open the front door. It was a struggle to get his keys out and took a little maneuvering but he managed.

 He walked upstairs cautiously, not wanting to send them falling to their ass.

 Light spilled out from the crack beneath his door. He shoved the door open, just wanting to set Mikasa down already ‘cause his arms were getting tired.

 Jean was shouting at the video game he was playing all while simultaneously somehow managing to get Cheeto dust on Eren's bed spread from the chips he was eating.

 “Hey, babe. You're actually back at a decent hour,” he said without looking away from the TV. “You missed me? Wasn't fun without me right, that's why-” his mouth snapped shut once he actually turned to look at Eren. “Whoa, what...what the fuck happened?” He threw the controller down, walked over to him worriedly, “Eren?”

 “Can you just clear the goddamn bed before my arms fall off?” Eren snapped.

 Jean silently obeyed. Eren gently laid Mikasa down. She groaned, stirring just a bit as she mumbled something incoherent and then turned to bury her face in a pillow.

 “She drunk?”

 “More like drugged.”

 “ _Drugged_?”

 “Yeah it's a long story.” Eren waved him off as he sat on the edge of his bed, feeling suddenly exhausted as he started to feel the sting of his injuries.

 “And does this story include exactly how you busted your face all up? Seriously what the... _what the fuck, Eren_!”

 “I-”

 “You know what, stop talking. Let me get a fucking first aid kit…”

 Jean left the room in a hurry and Eren groaned as he laid back on the bed. He really felt like shit.

 He turned his head to observe Mikasa sleeping. Her long black hair covered most of her face.

 “‘Kasa.” Eren poked her side. “You can't sleep like that.”

 She grumbled something and swatted at his hand.

 Eren huffed through his nose. His poor sore nose. He stood up to tug Mikasa's shoes off, figuring she could at least do without those, and then threw a blanket over her.

 Jean stormed back into the room, demanded Eren sit down so he could patch up his ‘stupid face’.

 “So who the fuck did this to you?” Eren knew that Jean was really asking, _who do I got to beat up?_ He almost teared up at the amount of concern, worry and distress on his boyfriend's face. Or maybe that was just his swelling eye…

 “The same sick fuck that tried to...with Mikasa… “

 “And this was at Maria’s? Where the hell was everyone else?”

 Eren winced as Jean used a wet washcloth to clean up his bloody nose. “No, i-it wasn't at…ow...Maria’s.”

 “So where then?”

 “At--ay, be more gentle will ya?”

 “Quit swatting at me. Sorry for trying to disinfect your fucking wounds!”

 “It’s just a few scrapes!” Eren let Jean continue dabbing at his cuts anyway. “It was at this party. Some warehouse out in Quinta-”

 “And what the fuck were you doing there?”

 “Heard it was going to be nice. ‘Kasa was really stressed, wanted to have fun-”

 Jean snorted, “and that worked out great, didn't it? So what, you took this asshat down? His ugly mug worse off than yours?”

 “Definitely worse off. I kinda had help.”

 “Oh?”

 “Yeah, Erwin...was there.”

 “Why?”

 “I don't know, said he was worried. I mean, it probably wasn't smart going with strangers to a party... You know Erwin, he's kinda the big brother type. I'm just grateful he was there, otherwise I might've been in the emergency room.”

 “You're such…” Jean sighed, shook his head. “That's it, you're not going out alone ever again. I don't even know how you manage to get yourself into such fucking trouble-”

 “I know, I know I'm an idiot and-” Eren’s words got cut off as Jean pulled him into a tight embrace. He relaxed into it even though his bruised eye scraped painfully against the fabric of Jean’s shirt.

 “And you're _my_ idiot who nearly gave me a heart attack...I’m just glad you're okay, Ere. But the worst thing is that... _I_ wasn't there to protect you. If I had just gone without bitching-”

“No. You're not blaming yourself. This was all on me. If I hadn't been a little shit in the first place, my face wouldn't be aching right now.”

 Jean sat back abruptly. “Oh shit, your-”

“No, don't pull away. Hold me.” Eren tightened his grip around him. They stayed like that for a few minutes. Eren wanted to blame his tears on his swollen eye.

 Jean kissed his head. “We should go to sleep.”

Eren covered the floor in some extra blankets and pillows for Jean and himself. It wasn't as comfortable as his bed but it would suffice.

He stripped for bed and wormed himself back into his boyfriend's arms. “Jean?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“I left your car behind…”  
  
“Just go the fuck to sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, concerns?
> 
> [Side Blog](http://unrequiitedream.tumblr.com/) // screamsoloud


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band's first rehearsal with the new member ends up being disastrous. Erwin wants more than Eren is willing to give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry that after such a long wait, I don't have a longer chapter to give you o(_ _)o but you can look at it as part one of the next chapter that will hopefully be posted soon (^_-)

Eren sat on the couch in the den, leaning against Armin who was reading a book boring enough to probably be assigned reading (though Eren knew _wasn’t_ because Armin had already plowed through the reading list and all the books so much as _mentioned_ in his AP English class syllabus) as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone and tuned Jean out who happened to be complaining quite nosily into his left ear, _“this is boring, can’t we go do something? I’m sick of this place, I’m ignoring my homework for this”_. Eren wanted to argue that he _always_ ignores his homework.  
  
Jean hadn’t complained at first, being mildly curious when Eren had mentioned the band had gotten a new keyboardist and so he allowed Eren to drag him along to rehearsal. Eren was pleasantly amused when Jean caught sight of Petra and went an interesting shade of cherry red. He also threw a possessive arm over his shoulders to which Eren rolled his eyes at.  
  
He didn’t blame his boyfriend though, Petra _did_ look really pretty, especially in her school uniform she hadn’t had time to change out of--coming straight from there to here. If she bent over in that blue plaid skirt of hers, it was sure to be a delectable sight…  
  
“That was great, except for Erwin fucking up in the middle-”  
  
“It’s not my fault. Mike hit himself with his drumstick and I couldn’t play ‘cause I was laughing so hard-”  
  
“Hey, fuck you,” Mike snarled.  
  
“Then learn how to fucking laugh and play at the same time. It’s called professionalism-”  
  
The sound of the door slamming open cut Levi off as he was probably about to start chewing Erwin out. “I have arrived! No worries, _noooo_ worries!” Hanji shouted as she rushed down the stairs two at a time.  
  
“We weren’t exactly waiting for you,” Erwin said at the same time Levi snapped, “get the fuck out.”  
  
She ignored them both. “I brought my camera! We need promotional pictures featuring the new band member so we can upload them to our website,” she said.  
  
“We aren’t prepared for a fucking photoshoot, you gotta tell us this shit in advance.”  
  
“Shut up, grumpy asshole. This is just gonna be for Petra and then I have an official one scheduled over the weekend for the whole band--I even booked a time with one of my photographer friends! But right now, people just wanna see the face of the newest addition, ya know? There’s _much_ hype…”  
  
“How the hell do they even know anything about-”  
  
“I may have sent out a tweet.”  
  
“Fuckin’ great.”  
  
“Therefore I don’t wanna leave them waiting for too long. So, Petra, dear, we need to get a move on. I brought my beauty case and a selection of more rock band suitable attire. Unless we’re making the naughty schoolgirl thing a...thing?”  
  
Petra flushed and smoothed down her skirt self-consciously. “It’s just my required uniform…”  
  
“Right. Totally preppy. Wanna follow me to the bathroom so we can get started on the makeover?”  
  
“Hanji, just make sure you don’t molest Petra.”  
  
“I would _never_! I told you, Nanaba, I was just trying to measure your bust size-”  
  
“There was no need for so much _squeezing_!”  
  
“It’s not my fault boobs are fun to play with.”  
  
Nanaba sighed. “Can’t refute _that_ statement. Hey, can I do her hair?” She trailed lazily behind Petra who was being quite forcefully tugged upstairs by an overenthusiastic Hanji (Petra herself looked apprehensive if not a tad panic-stricken).  
  
“Our new band mate is about to be murdered.”  
  
“Then call 911, Mike. What are you waiting for?” Levi deadpanned.  
  
“Eren, seriously, _bored_ ,” Jean exclaimed as he nudged Eren with his foot.  
  
“What do you want _me_ to do about it? I’m not gonna suck your di-”  
  
“Fuck off, Jaeger, that’s not-”  
  
“Ah, why don’t we just go and watch a movie or something?” Armin suggested after noticing the glares being thrown their way from both Erwin and Levi for having dared interrupt rehearsal (even if there wasn’t a whole lot of rehearsing going on at the moment).  
  
“Sure.”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “Why’d you trust Jean to make the popcorn? He blew up a microwave once,” Eren said.  
  
“That’s only because you dared him to put his phone in it,” Armin reminded him.  
  
“I didn’t think he’d actually do it. And then he blamed me and was angry for like a week.”  
  
“I know, I vividly remember you annoying the hell out of me the whole time,” Armin teased, just smiling when Eren glared at him.  
  
Eren rested his head on Armin’s shoulder and turned his attention back to the movie. He sighed. It felt almost like old times, when things were helluva a lot more simple and nothing was more important than hanging out with his best friend.  
  
Eren was pulled out of his thoughts when a bloodcurdling scream sounded from somewhere in the house and Armin nearly jumped out of his skin.  
  
“What the fuck was that?” Eren muttered.  
  
“Someone being murdered-”  
  
“Holy shit, Mike was right.”  
  
Armin shrugged. “Well it _did_ sound like it came from the bathroom.”  
  
When Eren and Armin arrived at the scene, they found Petra and Nanaba gathered in front of the closed bathroom door. Petra was wearing a skimpy pale pink tank top, shredded black mini skirt, and not much else except an assortment of accessories with spikes and studs. She was also soaking wet, water smearing her makeup and dripping from the ends of her hair. She had her arms crossed over her chest (probably so nobody could see her bra) and looked freezing as well as completely pissed off.  
  
Nanaba was in a similar state, looking like a drowned rat. She twirled the ends of her wet hair between her fingers in disdain.  
  
“What happened here?” Armin questioned, taking note of the wet floorboards. The water seemed to be seeping from the space beneath the door.  
  
“Hanji flooded the bathroom,” Nanaba said.  
  
Eren gasped. “How’d she do that?”  
  
Nanaba shrugged. “All I know is that the sink won’t shut off. Erwin’s pissed, and Levi’s head is probably about to explode.”  
  
There were shouts that could clearly be heard from the other side of the door and some banging and some...worrying screams.  
  
Armin threw the door open.  
  
Hanji was in the shower, hunched over and shaking and it was hard to tell if she was laughing or sobbing. Levi sat on the closed lid of the toilet, looking utterly defeated. Erwin was still battling with the sink, trying to stop the steady excessive spray of water, but it was no use. The unrelenting spray just kept on coming, shooting towards the ceiling with surprising force. The floor had about an inch of water gathered on it’s surface.  
  
“You’re just gonna have to call a goddamn plumber,” Levi said.  
  
“Maybe you can google how to fix it?” Nanaba suggested.  
  
“Holy shit, what happened in here?” Jean asked as he finally reappeared with a sandwich hanging out of his mouth and a large bowl of popcorn cradled in his arms. “I rushed over as soon as I heard someone scream bloody murder.”  
  
“That was like five minutes ago, babe-”  
  
“Well I had to finish making my sandwich first.” Jean waved said sandwich in front of Eren’s unamused face. “Check it out, double decker.”  
  
“Alright I think you all need to _get the fuck out of here_!” Levi shouted, pointing at the door since so many people should never be crowded together in one bathroom all at the same time.  
  
“Hanji, call a plumber,” Erwin ordered.  
  
“Oh! I got a friend who-”  
  
“A _real_ plumber.”  
  
Eren sighed as he side-eyed Levi who was profusely apologizing to Petra who was drying off with a white fluffy towel, telling her how Hanji wasn’t usually like this (which is a straight up lie) and how something so unprofessional would never happen again (probably also a lie) and how he wouldn’t blame her if she decided being a part of the band wasn’t something she wanted anymore (God, did Eren hope so).  
  
He understood that it’d be a real bummer if Petra quit and that was why Levi was trying so hard to console her, but the hands rubbing up and down her arms were quite excessive if you asked him, and he didn’t care that the poor girl was still shivering, she’d survive.  
  
“Eren, can we fucking leave now?” Jean asked.  
  
“Sure.”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Eren rolled out of bed to start tugging on his clothes but Erwin pulled him back, held him against his bare form. Eren settled into the warmth of his arms--even though he didn’t particularly want to cuddle--just because he was honestly too tired to do anything else.  
  
If felt strange, the strong arms wrapped around him and the warm breath on the back of his neck. It was something he’d only ever done with Jean.  
  
Eren, starting to feel uncomfortable, rolled over to face Erwin. But it just unsettled him more, the way Erwin was looking at him. Because he knew that look. And he really didn’t need or want _another_ person to stare at him like that. Another person to stab guilt into his stomach like a harsh unyielding blade.  
  
“Eren?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“Have you ever thought about breaking up with Jean?”  
  
Eren groaned, rolled his eyes as he immediately pulled himself from Erwin;s embrace. “No. And I’m not going to,” he said as he quickly threw on his shirt and stepped into his jeans.  
  
“Why not? It’s obvious you’re not happy with him.”  
  
“Oh, _is_ it?” Eren scoffed. “I’m plenty happy with Jean,” he stated with bite, “and you can’t tell me how I feel.”  
  
Erwin sighed as he sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “Where are you going?”  
  
“Home. What does it look like?”  
  
“I...I didn’t mean to upset you. Honestly. C’mon, you don’t have to leave.”  
  
Eren pursed his lips, looked between Erwin and the door, contemplating. But Erwin was staring at him with tempting blue eyes so he huffed and sat down on the bed.  
He let Erwin pull him into a kiss.  
  
“Wanna get naked again?”  
  
“No. But nice try.”  
  
“Wanna watch a movie?”  
  
“Sure.”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “So...did Petra decide to back out after all that shit that happened yesterday?” Eren asked.  
  
“No. I’m amazed she’s deciding to stick around; the band is composed of nothing but severely disturbed people…”  
  
“Are you calling yourself severely disturbed?”  
  
“No, just moderately.”  
  
“Nice.”  
  
“Petra’s actually playing her first gig with us this weekend. It’s a friend of a friend of her’s party and Hanji and I thought it’d be great since she’s not used to playing large crowds yet.”  
  
“So, like, a house party?”  
  
“A Sweet Sixteen apparently.”  
  
“Nice. You’ll have all the little school girls lusting after you.”  
  
“You should come.”  
  
“And hang with a bunch of snobby little rich kids? No thanks.”  
  
“Snobby rich kids and their parent’s snobby alcohol.”  
  
“Well when you put it that way, I might reconsider.”  
  
Erwin smirked. “Knew you would.”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “Erwin! Old buddy, old pal. You seem distracted,” Hanji commented as she jumped onto the couch where was Erwin was sat, feet propped up on the coffee table as he idly strummed chords.  
  
“Do I?”  
  
“Yep! Completely out of it. And from that dopey faraway look on your face, I think I can surmise that _someone_ is in love! Oh, tell me who it is! Tell me who you’re crushing on!” Hanji clapped in excitement.  
  
Erwin started to protest, “I’m not-”  
  
“That’s okay, I already know who it is anyway,” Hanji stated.  
  
“How?”  
  
“Um, maybe because you’re so fucking obvious? You might wanna work on that. Anyway, I have a little advice for you-”  
  
“I’d honestly question the mental state of anybody who would intentionally follow your advice.”  
  
“Ouch. You don’t gotta be so harsh, I’m only trying to help you. I promise.”  
  
“Alright, then what it is?”  
  
“Just one word. Don’t. _Don’t_ pursue it-”  
  
“Why the hell-”  
  
“ _Because_ , Er-win, that boy is gonna ruin you.”  
  
Erwin rolled his eyes. “How very foreboding. He’s not gonna _ruin_ me, Hanji. And you shouldn’t be worried, because at the moment, I feel like he doesn’t even like me-”  
  
“But you fuck him-”  
  
“Not good enough for him to leave his boyfriend. And I think he’s fucking Levi right now as we speak since I saw them go into the bathroom together-”  
  
“Oh how much did the repairs cost, by the way?”  
  
“Not much, but my father lectured me for about an hour and I was seriously contemplating knocking myself out just so I would no longer have to hear him.”  
  
“Rough,” Hanji sympathized.  
  
“Tell me about it… So, do you think I’m doing something wrong? Eren was eager enough to jump into bed with me, but-”  
  
“He doesn’t want to date you?”  
  
“I don’t know, I never really asked--not in so many words, anyway. But yes, it would seem that way since he won’t even think about breaking up with Jean. Y’know, most girls usually have no problem being won over w-”  
  
“Well he isn’t most girls-”  
  
“No fucking shit.”  
  
“Man, you’re mean today.” Hanji sighed, shook her head. “I don’t know. I doubt it’s ‘cause he’s in love with Jean--you can’t shit on a relationship like that and claim to be in love. Maybe it’s ‘cause you two just don’t fit together-”  
  
Erwin was about to protest again but Hanji waved him off. “Look, hear me out. I just think that you’re too different. You’re a bit...tame. And Eren, he’s…” Hanji struggled to find the write word, “passionate? Vibrant maybe?”  
  
“Are you trying to say I’m dull?”  
  
“That _is_ a good contrast to vibrant, but no. I was not implying that. And you know you aren’t, c’mon. I’m just saying that you two might not be...romantically compatible, so to speak. And at the moment, you want two different things. I just think that if you’re not having fun anymore, then it’s time to pull out of the game before you get hurt.”  
  
“Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s that easy.’  
  
“Ha!” Hanji threw her head back and laughed so hard it nearly made Erwin jump. “You poor lovesick fool.”  
  
“Poor me,” Erwin agreed. He was annoyed Hanji was still snickering.  
  
“Hey, wanna go get ice cream with the rest of the band? We need to start bonding with Petra.”  
  
“Why not.”  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure to check out the [sideblog](http://unrequiitedream.tumblr.com/). It features a playlist, among other things, and it's constantly being updated. Password=screamsoloud. Feel free to shoot me a message anytime.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band performs their first gig with Petra. Eren fucks up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get a little Levi perspective, a little Erwin perspective, as well as a little of Eren's. It's a god damn party up in here. I also really like the ending, but maybe that's just me (^_-)—☆
> 
> There are a lot of scene skips so I feel like this chapter goes fairly quick (and may even be a little hard to keep up with on account of me editing on no sleep), however I'm just trying to cut out the bullshit so we can get to the heart of the story, ya know what I mean? Also if there are any issues with formatting you should know that I sometimes write on my phone so that's probably why...

“Eren, you brat, you’re fucking choking me.” Levi slapped his hands away from his tie.  
  
Eren just stared at him with that stupid pouty expression of his that Levi was starting to hate--though he hated most of all the profound effect it still had on him ( _Eren_ still had on him). You'd think he’d be desensitized to that shit by now.  
  
“But it’s crooked,” Eren said.  
  
“It’s _fine_. Fuck, I don’t see why we have to go to this damn thing anyway. Everyone there is probably gonna have a stick up their ass.”  
  
Eren chuckled softly. “You’re such a grump.”  
  
“Always have been.”  
  
“Wouldn't have you any other way. At least you look extra hot dressed up all nice like this.” There was a tiny smirk playing on Eren’s mouth and then his hands were on Levi’s tie again and he was nearly choking again but then found he didn’t care as Eren’s lips pressed against his, warm and inviting and familiar.  
  
And if he hadn't been practicing more self control as of late, he'd have allowed himself to get lost in Eren just like any other time he was with him. It was ridiculous how fast he could lose himself in the haze the younger boy bestowed upon him--that fiery passion that could almost delude him into thinking Eren might return even a semblance of his own feelings.

 But he _had_ been exercising self control, and with more difficulty than he'd like to admit, he pushed Eren away. “Uh…I'm gonna go see what's taking the others so long-”

 “Levi.” Eren caught his sleeve before he could turn away.

 He internally cursed because _of course_ Eren had to make this harder than it had to be. “ _What_ , brat?”

 Eren looked distraught, maybe put off by Levi's tone, definitely looked like he wanted to say something. “Nothing.”

 Levi huffed, shrugged him off. Nothing _,_ _nothing is still fucking something ain't it._

 He bumped into Hanji in the upstairs hallway, coming from the direction of the bathroom where Nanaba and Petra were still getting ready.

 Levi raised an eyebrow. “Who the fuck allowed you to wear a dress?” the last time he'd seen Hanji in a dress was...never.  
  
Hanji looked down at her pretty long sleeved yellow lace dress that had a deep v-neck and conformed quite nicely to the curves of her body. It was like she was barely noticing it for the first time. “Honestly, I wanted to wear my blue velvet pantsuit, but Erwin said it was an eyesore.”  
  
“It _is_. Might I suggest burning it?”  
  
“Don't be mean, Short-baby. Can we talk about _your_ attire though; black on black? Not surprising. Though very flattering if I do say so. Makes you look real pale, like one of those sparkly emo vampires.”  
  
“Shut up. I think we're all ready to go and we have about five minutes before Erwin loses his shit. What the hell are Na and Petra doing that's taking so long?”  
  
“Each other…’s hair!” Hanji started cackling so hard at her own joke that she nearly fell over (though it could probably be blamed on her heels).

 Levi groaned in disgust and pushed past her. He came to a stop outside the open bathroom door, knocked once as he leaned against the frame.

 Petra was sitting on a stool in front of the mirror while Nanaba was concentrated on twisting her hair into an intricate braided bun.

 “You gonna be done anytime soon? We're all waiting on you,” Levi said. He noticed all the makeup and girly products overtaking the counter and took a moment to be silently relieved he wasn't a chick; no wonder they took forever to get ready…

 Petra caught his eyes in the mirror and smiled. “We'd have been done already if Nanaba hadn't had to restart two times.”

 Nanaba huffed, tugged at Petra's hair with slightly more force than necessary until she winced. “I wouldn't diss the person doing your hair if I were you.”

 “So mean.”

 “Look, I'm not gonna try to pretend like I know what...voodoo shit you're doing to her hair, but do you think you can speed it up a little-”

 “Levi, shut the fuck up. Petra, hand me a bobby pin,” Nanaba demanded.

 Two minutes later, Petra’s hair was finally done and they were making their way downstairs. Levi could already hear Erwin shouting.“And he's lost it,” he muttered.

 “I hope he's not too mad,” Petra said.

 “He won't be. Not at you at least, you're too pretty to be mad at.” Levi watched Petra out of the corner of his eye and smirked when he noticed the telltale sign of a blush spread across her face.

 “You're a dork.”

 “I'm serious, you're gorgeous.” Especially tonight. She was wearing a grey sequined dress that complimented her pale complexion and Nanaba had actually done a great job on her hair. Her makeup was subtle, though Levi thought she didn't even really need any, she was naturally beautiful. The kind of beautiful other girls probably envied.

 “Well now you're just teasing me.”

 Levi winked at her. “I'd never.”

 “If you're not down here in _five_ minutes, we are leaving without you!” Great, Erwin was shouting again.

 “He's such a dad,” Petra said.

 “Good luck performing without a lead singer, asshole!”

 

 

**_xx_ **

****

 

“...and then I want you to bend me over my daddy’s Ferrari and…”  
  
Eren’s eyes widened at the absolute filth that this chick was whispering into his ear. He’d only met her not even an hour ago. She was one of the birthday girl’s ‘bestest’ friends and only fifteen years old--also hot, blonde, and a gymnast.  
  
“So, wanna go make out somewhere?” She asked, staring up at him with flirty eyes as she ran a hand up and down his bicep.  
  
“He’s taken, sorry.” Mikasa plopped down in Eren’s lap so suddenly he nearly spilled his drink.  
  
The younger girl looked almost frightened as Mikasa smirked at her--that mean kinda smirk that made you feel small curled perfectly on her blood red lips. Her crossed arms emphasized her already pretty spectacular cleavage showing from the plunging neckline of her gorgeous red dress.  
  
The girl fixed Mikasa with a nasty look and stomped off.  
  
“I think you almost made her cry,” Eren snickered.  
  
“And _I_ think you weren’t about to screw a freshman.” Mikasa gripped at Eren’s hair so harshly it made him wince.  
  
“I wasn’t, I wasn’t. Promise.”  
  
Mikasa sighed, rested against his chest as she sipped at his stolen drink. She grimaced. “What the fuck is-”  
  
“It’s champagne.”

 She set the drink down. “So the band just finished their first set and are currently being ambushed by over enthusiastic fangirls.”

 “Is there any other kind of fangirl? C’mon, let’s go save ‘em.”

  
**_xx  
_**

  
“Thank you for that, she was leeching so hard onto me I was afraid she’d draw blood,” Erwin muttered as Eren snatched him away from the tiara clad birthday girl who was incessant on hanging off his arm and talking his ear off. “Be honest, she only liked me because I’m a guitarist in a popular band.”  
  
“It helps that you’re hot,” Eren said as they walked around aimlessly, avoiding tipsy teens and waiters handing out finger foods and pretty colored cocktails that practically glowed under all the fairy lights strung everywhere.  
  
“She also blatantly told me that she’d have gone for the ‘singer’ if he wasn’t so mean looking--all right she said he looked like he ‘obviously didn’t wanna be here’ but same thing--and apparently he's also ‘ _totally_ into Petra.’”  
  
“Do you think he is?” Eren asked even though anyone with working eyes could tell. Even now, the way Levi was letting Petra drag him around introducing him to her friends spoke volumes. Levi _hated_ being sociable, especially hated meeting new people. And if he was putting up with that for _her_ …

 Eren didn't care, or at least wished he didn't because he wasn't sure jealousy was even an emotion he was _allowed_ to feel at this point. Levi wasn't his, just like he constantly reminded the older boy that _he_ wasn't Levi's either.  
  
“Well they've been hanging out a lot. They've been texting a lot too. I saw Levi's phone the other day and the amount of emojis they use is absurd,” Erwin said.  
  
“Really? See any nudes?”

 “Thankfully, no. But Levi snatched his phone away relatively quick so who's to say.”

 “Well _I_ say, this party is a bust. Wanna go somewhere?”

 “I'd go anywhere with you,” Erwin stated.

 Eren looked up at him with a smirk. “Aw, really? Even hell?”

 “Worryingly enough, yes. Lead the way."

 

 

**_xx_ **

****

 

They ended up holing themselves up in an ‘off-limits’ bedroom in the ‘off-limits’ (for anything other than bladder emergencies) house with a bottle of stolen champagne.

 “I hate whoever lives here. Every room has a balcony and probably their own damn bathroom,” Eren said. It looked like they were in the birthday girl's room if the picture he was studying was anything to go by. It featured said girl and two of her friends. Yeah, that hot gymnast? Not so hot before her nose job.

 “Question is do they have a totally awesome den/game room and their very own home theater,” Erwin said.

 “Ohh, didn't see one. Probably have a torture room under the house though, that'd be fucked.”

 Erwin snorted, swiped the champagne bottle Eren started to chug away, set it down on the pretty purple colored desk.

 “I brought glasses for a reason ya know.”

 “Why, ‘cause you're a buzz kill?” Eren smiled softly. Let Erwin have a taste of his champagne stained lips.

 Erwin pulled him closer, relished in the warmth that seeped between them, the playful tease of Eren's lips…

 “This looks really good on you,” Erwin murmured against a kiss as he undid the buttons of Eren's shirt.

 “Really?”

 “Yeah, brings out the color of your eyes.”

 “You sap.”

 Not five minutes later they were naked, Eren writhing underneath him on the bed. Eren’s eyes were pretty and lost and part of Erwin had to wonder if he was even there in that moment or thinking about _Him_ again.

 It pissed him off, caused him to grip Eren tighter. Rough in all his movements like maybe that could stake his claim, make Eren think of nothing but him. And it was Erwin's name that Eren was panting, moaning, but he still wasn't convinced. And it scared him how much he wanted to possess the younger boy. How much Eren had already possessed _him_ , snuck up and snatched his heart so fast he hadn't even felt any pain. But he was feeling it now, and it was a pulsating fucking ache.

 He drove into the pliant body beneath him until he couldn't tell anymore where he ended and Eren began and Eren was whimpering, clawing at his back so hard he knew it'd probably sting like a bitch later.

 Their release was quick, built of frustration and need and desperation that ended in a sticky distasteful mess of intertwined heartache and kindred hurt.

 Erwin wouldn't trade it for anything as they lay wrapped up a pile of sweaty limbs. He breathed in Eren's scent, closing his eyes at the sensation of fingertips dancing down his chest.

 But then the moment was over and Eren was sitting up after placing a kiss over Erwin's heart--as if to mock him--and hurriedly searching for his clothes.

 And all Erwin wanted was for him to stay, in his arms, in a place they could hide away from everything else. Wanted to be worthy of that for him.

 “Before we go back out we should…”

 Eren raised an eyebrow as Erwin walked over to where he placed the alcohol. “Finish the champagne? To be honest it's too rich for my tastes, which is a nice way of saying it’s disgusting.”

 Erwin shook his head, leaned down to pick his blazer off the floor, rummaged through a pocket. “I was thinking more like finishing _this_.”

 Eren stared at the innocent little baggy of white powder dangling between Erwin's fingers. “Where'd you score that?”

 Erwin rolled his eyes. “Please, we're at a party with a bunch of rich prep school kids.”

 “Right, silly question.”

 

 

**_xx_ **

 

 

“Fuck, I forgot we have to play another set. Levi's probably on a rampage,” Erwin said as he and Eren walked back out to the gigantic backyard patio mix where the party was being held.

 “It's sucks that you're the entertainment, otherwise we coulda danced together--you've never danced with me before. Why haven't you danced with me before? You-”

 “I suck at it, fucking hate it. Too big to be limber-”

 “Ah c'mon, you don't suck at anything. Well, maybe dick…”

 Erwin threw his head back in obscene laughter. “True.” He sniffled. “But I would gladly dance with you if it'd make you happy,” he told Eren, taking the boy into his arms so fast it made his head spin as he giggled. Erwin kissed him, hard and full of life, pulled away with a grin.

 “Do you know how _long_ we've been looking for you!?” Hanji shouted from about twenty feet away, ran over as fast she could with heels on. Her voice was an unpleasant reminder of responsibilities for Erwin.

 He sighed and pulled away from Eren. He didn't even care that Hanji was still screeching, just had her point him in the right direction and psyched himself up for _another_ performance though he knew he could play the songs in his sleep at this point--courtesy of daily fucking rehearsals Levi insisted upon.

 “You okay, Eren?” Hanji asked after Erwin had left.

 “Yeah, yeah, why wouldn't I be?” Eren answered much too quickly for that statement to be true.

 “‘Cause you're all jittery and you're pupils are hella blown, meaning you're high as a kite,” Hanji concluded. “Trust me, I wanted to be a scientist in High school. Also, you have a bit of white on your nose…”

 “Ah shit, really.”

 Hanji sighed, ruffled Eren's hair. “Yeah, you're a mess, kid. But a cute one."

 

 

**_xx_ **

****

 

Eren woke up Sunday morning to someone banging on his bedroom door.

 He groaned, tried to become one with his pillow. His head was hurting and he had a pitiful sleep--well what could even be counted as sleep was constantly interrupted, on and off, tossing and turning...He'd never felt shittier.

 His mother grew tired of waiting for an answer, she shoved the door open and poked her head in. “Eren! I know it's the weekend but you really shouldn't sleep in past ten,” she scolded.

 “Mom, please go away."

 “You're father and I wanted to take you out for brunch-”

 “Mom, _please_... _"_   Eren begged.

 “Doesn't that sound nice, Sunday pancakes together as a family?”

 “No, no it doesn't.” _In fact, food sounds_ repulsive _right now._

 _“_ C'mon, you can get that nasty blueberry syrup you like,” she teased.

 “Mom! Pretending to be the perfect little fucking family, isn't gonna make us one! And slathering syrup over the cracks in your marriage, isn't gonna fix it! And by the way, it's the _strawberry_ one I like...the fucking strawberry.” His eyes were closed so he couldn't see her hurt expression, but he could definitely imagine it. Could hear it in her voice anyway.

 “Damn it, Eren. I don't know why I even bother sometimes…” She walked away (leaving his door open, he sourly noted).

 “Fuck,” Eren groaned. He was surely the biggest asshole he knew.

 His phone buzzing incessantly on the nightstand about three minutes later interrupted his fruitless search for more sleep. The blinking notification of what was probably a new text was taunting him so he sighed and grabbed it, nearly dropping it on his face as he peered at the screen with bleary eyes.

 It _was_ a text, and he expected it to be from Jean or Mikasa but instead the contact info read ‘Marco’ and he had to raise an eyebrow at that ‘cause they rarely texted each other. Marco was mainly Jean’s friend after all.

 His eyes nearly bugged out when he processed what he was seeing and this time he _did_ drop the phone on his face. “Fuck,” he groaned again.

 On his screen was a single picture of himself and Erwin in a pretty compromising position--namely with their tongues shoved down each other’s throats. _Well at least we're not naked_ , a part of him idly thought.

 He forced himself to look at it again. He recognized the outfit he was wearing last night and the background was most definitely the party. And that was definitely him sucking face with someone other than his boyfriend, no denying it--HD fucking quality right there; fuck smartphones.

 Eren sat up, threw his phone at the wall in a fit of rage. Thought maybe if it was out of sight, it'd be out of mind. He rested his head in his hands, tried to ignore the dread pooling in the pit of his stomach.

 And the worst part was, he knew he deserved it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it getting juicy yet?
> 
> [SIDEBLOG](https://www.tumblr.com/blog_auth/unrequiitedream)//screamsoloud


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is given an ultimatum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick and short update. Short and explosive even. It didn't feel right to drag things out. I'm not sure if I'm particularly satisfied though. Emotionally drained on the other hand... (+_+)

Marco  
+1xxx496xxxx  
  
**\-------------- Sun, 05 04 2014 --------------**  
  
                                    What do you  
                                   want from me?  
                                                 10:48  
  
Can we talk in person?  
I can be @Garrison in 20  
10:49  
  
                                                 Sure  
                                                10:49

  
**_xx  
_ **

  
Eren felt like he was going to be sick as he walked into the familiar quaint diner.  
  
A reasonable gathering of people were enjoying a nice Sunday brunch while a few lone souls nursed a cup of coffee. Eren spotted Marco already seated in a booth, picking at a simple breakfast platter. He looked up, like he could sense Eren staring. They made eye contact and he waved Eren over before he could even think about turning around and walking out. Yep, he was definitely gonna puke…  
  
A waitress appeared only seconds after Eren sat down, interrupting what was probably going to be the start of a very awkward, painful conversation. Not even ordering his favorite Chunky Monkey Milkshake was gonna calm Eren’s nerves. Not like he could stomach it anyway, so he just opted for a glass of water.  
  
“Where’d you get it?” Eren asked once the waitress was out of sight. Figured he’d get right down to it, no prolonging his inevitable doom.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
Eren sighed, drummed his fingers against the table ‘cause he was practically brimming with anxiety.  “The picture.”  
  
“I was at the party last night,” Marco said.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Katie’s in my youth group,” he explained.  
  
“Who?”  
  
Marco raised an eyebrow in confusion like he thought it was weird Eren didn’t recognize the name. “The birthday girl.”  
  
“Oh.” Eren couldn’t meet his eyes as he asked his next question, “did you...have you told Jean?”  
  
“No.”  
  
Eren exhaled a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, stared at Marco with wary eyes. “You...haven’t?”  
  
“It’s not my place,” Marco continued.

“Then why the fuck are we here?”  
  
“ _Because._ Jean’s my best friend and I...I need to know that you’re going to tell him.”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“You have to tell him, Eren-”  
  
“Oh, I _have_ to? I don’t have to do sh-”  
  
“Eren! Look, I don’t know, maybe it was a one time thing or a...a mistake. I get that. And, if you tell him, maybe...maybe you guys can work through it, I don’t know, but if you’re _hiding_ it...that’s...it’s _not_ okay. You can’t-”  
  
“I can do whatever the hell I please, alright? And I’d appreciate it if you’d butt the fuck out,” Eren snapped.  
  
Marco sighed, stared at him with an odd mixture of pity and disappointment. “I’m not trying to attack you-”  
  
Eren scoffed, “Really? You know, I think I know what this is. I think you’re jealous. I think you’re jealous and trying to break us up because of your stupid crush on Jean-”  
  
“Stop!” Marco interrupted, “I understand that you’re distressed and saying hurtful things because of it but-”  
  
“But it’s _fucking_ true! You-you’ve always been jealous of me and now you’re trying to ruin me!” Eren accused, springing to his feet so fast he nearly knocked over his glass of water.  
  
“Eren, you are causing a scene.” Marco gave him a hard stare until he huffed and sat back down.  
   
He glared down at the table.  
  
“You did this to yourself, you know.”  
  
His eyes snapped back to Marco’s. He hated the judgement in the other boy’s gaze. “I did,” he agreed.  
  
“How bad is it?”  
  
“Let’s put it this way, if I tell him, there’s no salvaging it--us. And everything we’ve built together will just be...gone.” It was terrifying to think about, Jean--the one constant in his life, his comfort and shoulder to lean on--leaving him, no... _hating_ him.  
  
“He deserves to know, Eren, and to hear it from you.”  
  
“I know. I fucking _know_.”  
  
“If you don’t tell him, I will,” Marco threatened.  
  
“I will! Just...give me some time,” Eren pleaded. “ _Please_ ,” he emphasized when the other boy stared at him with skeptical eyes, “you don’t understand…” _I don’t want to lose him, I don’t want to break him, I don’t want to I don’t…_  
  
“You’re right, I don’t understand. I really don’t understand.” Marco stood up, threw some money on the table to cover food and tab. “I’m giving you ‘til tomorrow, Eren. I’m sorry.”  
  
Eren stayed seated long after Marco left, staring at the specs floating around in his glass of water.

  
**_xx  
_**

  
“Aw, you have your nerd glasses on,” Eren commented as he watched Jean hunched over the desk in his room, scribbling something in a notebook without looking away from the textbook he was reading.  
  
Jean jumped, not expecting his sudden presence. He turned towards the open doorway where Eren stood. He scowled, moved his reading glasses to rest on his head. “Fuck you. Did my mom let you in? You should’ve texted; I’m trying to study.”  
  
“Ew, why?” Eren pouted until Jean pushed away from the desk and made room for him to sit on his lap.  
  
Jean sighed, nuzzled Eren’s hair. “Some of us actually care about our grades. And don’t tell me you’ve forgotten about finals…”  
  
“We still have a couple weeks. Just cram like a normal person. We don’t even have our study guides yet.”  
  
“Whatever,” Jean murmured.  
  
Eren tightened his hold around Jean, buried his face in the crook of his neck and breathed in the scent of home.  
  
“Are you alright?” Jean asked, rubbing a soothing hand up and down his back.  
  
“Mhm,” Eren hummed into his skin, “why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
“‘Cause you usually accuse me of being the clingy one and yet _your_ the one who’s choking me.”  
  
“Sorry.” He eased up but didn’t release his hold.  
  
“Ere, seriously, are you alright? You’re shaking.”  
  
“I...I’m…” Eren pulled back to look at Jean. Jean’s eyes widened as he took in the sight of his saddened expression and watery eyes.  
  
“Baby, what’s wrong?” He gently wiped away a tear that had spilled over.  
  
“I...Jean, I...I…” _I can’t do this_.  
  
“What is it? You’re starting to scare me.”  
  
“It’s just,” Eren sniffled, “my parents. They’re fighting again. It’s driving me insane.”  
  
“Oh.” Jean frowned, expression still worried as he stroked Eren’s face. “I’m sorry. Wanna do something; get your mind off it?”  
  
Eren shook his head. “No. I just wanna be with you.”  
  
Jean smiled gently, bumped their noses together. “Sure.”

  
**_xx  
_**

  
Eren didn’t mind that he woke up feeling sweaty with Jean’s bare body pressed against his own, limbs tangled beneath the thin bed sheets. He sank into Jean’s embrace, relished in the familiar warmth and tried not to think; closed his eyes and hung onto the last dregs of sleep.  
  
Only to be startled awake not five minutes later by Jean’s alarm. “Shit,” he groaned at the same time Jean made a pathetic whiny noise and tried to burrow into his back, “shut it off, you're closer,” he slurred.  
  
Eren rolled his eyes and swiped at Jean’s phone until it shut off. It was only another five minutes before the thing started shrieking again.  
  
Jean sat up, stared off into space for a good two minutes with bleary eyes. He had a terrible case of bedhead and eye boogers in the corners of his eyes. Eren had seen this scene a thousand times and still drunk the sight in, tried to commit to memory the way the sunlight pouring in from the window brought out highlights in Jean’s hair and emphasized the love bites adorning his skin.  
  
Jean yawned, stretched his arms. “Shower?” he murmured.  
  
“Meet you in there,” Eren agreed.  
  
Before he went to join him in the bathroom, he took off the necklace he hadn’t much taken off since Jean gave it to him. He shoved it under Jean’s pillow.

  
**_xx_  
**

  
“Marco wanted to hang out after school. You’re riding back with Mika, right?” Jean asked as they pulled into the school parking lot.  
  
Eren swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. “Yeah.”  
  
“I can stop by later-”  
  
“Jean!” Eren clutched at his arm.  
  
Jean looked at him strangely, probably wondering why his tone was so suddenly intense.  
  
“I...uh...walk me to class?” he finished lamely.  
  
“Of course, weirdo.”  
  
Eren sighed.

**_xx  
_ **

  
Eren was unsuccessfully trying to drown his mind. His usual method of music wasn’t working. He ripped his earbuds out and stared at the ceiling in frustration.  
  
He raised his phone up to check the time. It was a little past six.  
  
He heard the faint ring of the doorbell, his mother greeting someone. He wasn’t surprised when his door flew open.  
  
“Tell me it isn’t true,” was the first thing out of Jean’s mouth.  
  
Eren sat up, looked at Jean with tired eyes. “You want me to lie.”  
  
“E-Eren…” Jean’s eyes were watering fast, his voice wavering, “if this is a joke, it’s not funny-”  
  
“Who would joke about shit like this? I...tried to tell you.”

 “You call that trying? I was worried about you, actually thought you were upset about your parents when the whole time… you, what, wanted to get one last fuck out of me?!-”

 “Of course not! You don't know how hard...how could I just look you in the face and tell you…?!”

 “Tell me WHAT, Eren?! Say it, _say_ it out loud! _Fucking_ admit it!”

 “I CHEATED ON YOU! I've been cheating on you for _months_! I’ve been fucking other people behind your back and you were too stupid to realize it! Is that what you wanna fucking hear?!”  
  
“No...no it’s not…” Jean paced the room, tugged at his hair in frustration, already a mess of tears born from anger, anguish. “How the fuck could you do this to me, Eren?”  
  
Eren didn’t know what to say, didn’t think he could talk anyway over the lump in his throat or with the way his chest was constricting painfully. He just watched Jean falling to pieces right in front of him and all he could think about were Marco’s earlier words, _you did this to yourself, you did this to yourself…_  
  
“You lied straight to my face, I fucking _asked_ you and you…”

  _You did this to yourself._

 “Did I even mean anything to you at all? If you...don't love me anymore,” Jean’s voice nearly broke, caught on a sob, “you should've told me straight up instead of...Did you ever think of me? Did you ever fucking _consider_ how I would feel? And then I had to find out from _Marco_. Do you know how humiliating...And the worst, the _worst part_ \--you wouldn’t’ve fucking told me; if you hadn't gotten caught I wouldn't have a clue. How long did you plan to keep this up for? Every time I told you I loved you I fucking _meant_ it, but you...I was...I was just a fucking joke to you!”

  _You are a terrible person._

 “You’re not even going to say anything?”

 “I…” _I'm sorry._ “I don't have anything to say.”

 “No! No, you don't get to hurt me like this and then not have anything to fucking say about it. You don't even care, do you? Not about me or anyone but yourself!”

 “You're right.”

 Jean looked shocked like he hadn't expected Eren to agree.

 “I don't care,” Eren continued, voice steady despite the way he was breaking inside, calm compared to Jean’s. Completely detached. “I never did. I never loved you-”

 “You don't mean that!-”

 “It's your fault for not realizing it...and now look at you, you're pathetic.”

 Eren could only describe Jean’s expression as heartbroken. Knew the image would probably haunt him forever.

 Jean struggled for words, struggled just to breathe. “You know what, I don't even know you anymore.” Had to wonder if he ever did.

 Jean left, the slamming of a door marking the leave of the tense atmosphere as well.

 And only then did Eren allow himself to cry.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this kinda marks the end of the first arc (which I will refer to as the calm before the storm) and the start of the second arc (which I guess probably _is_ the storm). Meaning the story's far from over and things will get worse before they get better and smooth sailing is...nonexistent.
> 
> [SIDEBLOG](https://www.tumblr.com/blog_auth/unrequiitedream)//screamsoloud


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren rejoins the land of the living where not necessarily everyone is happy to see him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has gotta be the quickest chapter I've ever written. Which is honestly worrying me. I debated on posting it today 'cause I thought maybe I should give you guys a breather from the last chapter. But then I was like fuck it, it's Friday and you deserve a treat. And then I promptly punched myself for referring to my writing as a "treat".

“...ren...Eren!”

Eren startled awake. “Did you just fucking slap me?” He cradled his cheek, glaring up at Mikasa who loomed over his bed.

“You wouldn't wake up,” she said.

“Did you have to do it so hard?” he whined.

“Do _you_ have to be such a little bitch?” she countered.

They glared at each other for .5 seconds.

“Get out of my house,” Eren ordered before curling on his side and throwing a blanket over his head.

Mikasa sighed, sounding completely fed up as she yanked the blanket back. “Not until you get the hell out of bed. Have you even gotten up these past three days? Have you eaten, drunk water, or even fucking showered? Because honestly, Eren, something stinks, and it sure as hell ain't me.”

“There might be a two day old box of half-eaten pizza under the bed,” Eren admitted.

Mikasa gave him a look of pure disgust. “At least I know you've been eating,” she murmured. She sighed and sat down on the bed, staring at him with more pity than he was comfortable with. “You know, you're starting to worry a lot of people.”

Eren huffed skeptically, “really? Like who?”

“Me, for one. Levi, even though he won't admit it. And Erwin's been getting on my nerves, always asking if you've contacted me since you're not answering him and I tell him, every time, 'look he's obviously not in the mood to talk to anybody’. Then there's Hanji and...A-Armin.”

“You hesitated at the end there.”

“What? No I-”

“So he hates me, huh? Along with everybody else.”

“He’s just…he doesn't particularly agree with some of your decisions. But, he's our best friend, he _has_ to...I mean, you were always there for _him_ so…”

“He doesn't owe me anything,” Eren muttered.

Mikasa regarded him with sad eyes, stroked at his hair before promptly pulling back and not so discreetly wiping her hand on her jeans. “You really need to shower.”

“Mika-”

“You look like death, Eren! I don't understand how someone could lie in bed for days on end and still look like they haven't slept in months.”

“It's easier than you'd think.”

“Eren…”

Eren sat up, blanket thrown over his hunched shoulders. His hair was a mess, there were dried tears down his cheeks and bags under his bloodshot eyes. “I don't know what to do anymore.”

Mikasa's eyes were tearing up at the sight of her pitiful best friend. She pulled him in for a hug. He rested his head on her shoulder and she pretended not to notice him getting her shirt wet with tears.

“You're gonna start with a shower. And then you're going to eat something while I help you with all your late assignments that I so kindly dropped off. Then tomorrow, you're going to school,” she spoke gently as she rubbed at his back.

“There's no point, tomorrow's Friday.”

“There's always a point to school.”

“Why are you such a fucking nerd sometimes?”

“Why are _you_ such a self destructive dumbass sometimes?”

“I don't know.”

 

**_xx_ **

****

Eren felt completely out of his element.

It wasn't like this was anything new--the monotony of school--but after being dead to the world the past few days, even stepping outside was overwhelming.

If Mikasa hadn't practically dragged him, he wouldn't have set foot in the drearier-looking-than-normal building.

She pushed him into his first period English class seconds before the bell rang.

He took his usual seat besides Historia and knew it was going to be a long day when the small blonde pointedly turned her nose up at him.

He suffered through the teacher’s boring lecture and Historia’s passive aggressive silence (with the way she was tapping her pencil excessively he had to wonder if the thought of stabbing him had crossed her mind. He honestly wouldn't be surprised).

He glided to and from the rest of his classes like a ghost, going through the motions of taking notes and doing his classwork even though his mind was always somewhere else. It was an immense relief when lunch time finally rolled around.

Mikasa stuck by his side and they chatted aimlessly as they purchased overpriced cafeteria food.

Mikasa looked at him confusedly as he sat down at an empty round table. “Aren't we gonna eat in the courtyard like usual?”

Eren looked at her like she was absurd. “‘Kasa, _they’re_ out there.”

Mikasa scoffed. “Great. So now it's an us versus them thing. I just thought that you could use the fresh air. Plus, Levi and Erwin also eat outside and I _know_ they wanna see you. Jesus Christ, I swear it's like we've been thrown into a parallel dimension these past three days. Everything is so...different.”

Eren noted how crestfallen she looked and instantly filled up with guilt. “Mika, you don't have to lose your friends for me. They hate _me_ , not you. And, honestly, I don't blame them. And I won't blame you if-”

“Shut up. You know I won't abandon you. We grew up together; how could I? I have no loyalty to Jean, so this is what makes the most sense. Simple as that.”

“Nothing is ever simple anymore, ‘Kasa,” Eren said as he grabbed his lunch tray and stood up to follow her through the double doors at the other side of the cafe that led to the courtyard.

Eren wouldn't admit it but the fresh air _was_ a relief--he idly wondered when exactly it had gotten so hard to breathe. He sighed as he surveyed the scatter of metal picnic tables and rowdy students.

He spotted Levi sitting in the shade under a tree. He had the typical cigarette hanging out of his mouth and looked like he was in the middle of texting someone. Erwin was sat next to him, sunglasses sat atop his head as he scribbled on a notebook resting in his lap. Mike and Nanaba were sprawled out on top of a hippie looking blanket they'd laid on the grass. They both had sunglasses on and were worryingly still so Eren figured they were either asleep or dead.

“Well look who's finally decided to join the land of the living,” Levi was the first to speak as Eren and Mikasa sat down cross-legged in front of him.

“It wasn't entirely my decision,” Eren said.

“Eren.” Erwin looked immensely relieved at the sight of him. “You haven't been answering my texts,” he said.

“Or his forty-two missed phone calls,” Levi deadpanned.

“Somebody's exaggerating.” Erwin lightly punched his shoulder.

“Well my phone was dead and lost and I barely found it. It was sixteen missed calls, by the way… I guess I'm sorry for dropping off the face of the Earth,” Eren said.

“You look like shit, kid,” Levi told him.

“That's nice. Definitely what I was going for.”  
  
Levi shrugged. “Just being truthful.”

“Aren't you always,” Eren muttered feeling just a little pissed off. “I forgot a fucking napkin so excuse me-”

Mikasa put a hand on his knee before he could get up. “I wouldn't go that way if I were you. Not to make you anxious or anything but you've got about two people from Jean’s table giving you dirty looks.”

Eren huffed, turned his head in what was probably not as discreet a manner as he thought and caught a glimpse of Historia and Sasha practically sneering in his direction. He turned back to his group before he caught sight of Jean because that was the last thing he needed. “Great.”

“I can get you whatever-”

“No.” He waved Erwin off. “I'm not even hungry anymore. Who's wants my damn sandwich?”

Mike popped up from his slumber all of a sudden, causing Eren to almost jump. He pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head and sniffed the air. “Is that turkey on rye with spicy mustard? Can I have it?”

Eren blinked slowly, not entirely sure how to respond. “Sure…” he'd barely uttered a word before Mike had already snatched the food away and began tearing into it.

“You should really eat something,” Mikasa chastised.

“I'm feeling a bit sick,” Eren said and it wasn't even a lie.

“And not eating is only gonna make you feel worse. I'm getting you an apple or something, that should be easy to stomach.”

He didn't even have time to protest before Mikasa was already gone.

He sighed. “Hey Levi, bum me a smoke.”

“Cigarettes are a filthy habit, Eren, that I cannot condone-”

“ _Lee_.” Eren fixed him with a look that said ‘cut the bullshit’.

Levi rolled his eyes, fished out his pack of cigarettes and threw the whole thing to Eren along with a plain white lighter. “Last time I try to lighten a mood…”

Eren lit up, inhaled and relished the calming sensation of menthol. “Who’re you texting?” he asked noticing Levi kept getting distracted by his phone.

“Petra. She's also on lunch break.”

“Oh.” If Eren was displeased with that answer (and he was) he hid it well. “Wanna hang out later?” he asked.

“Can't. I'm busy.”

“What, with Petra?” This time he wasn't able to keep the bite out of his voice.

Levi raised an eyebrow at his tone. “Maybe. It really doesn't matter what I'm doing, I'm busy either way. Now I gotta take a piss so…” He gathered his things and promptly left.

“‘s his problem?” Eren grumbled after him.

“You know he's always like that,” Erwin said.

“He must be extra prickly today then,” Eren said as he moved to sit next to Erwin. He stole his sunglasses, put them on and snuggled up to his side.

He ignored the disapproving glares of his former friends.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Eren walked into his last class of the day wanting nothing more than for the day to be over already.

He was one of the first in the room and waited in boredom for everyone else to arrive.

Connie walked in seconds before the warning bell rang and took his usual seat in front of him.

Eren almost greeted him out of habit. Connie said nothing and he sat so ramrod straight Eren had to wonder if maybe he was uncomfortable.

Eren couldn't really focus--hadn't been able to focus in any of his classes really--and was so bored and _tired_ he considered asking to go to the nurse's office.

He rested his chin on his palm, jammed Connie in the back with the eraser of his pencil. The shorter boy jumped, but still didn't turn around.

Eren resorted to throwing rolled up balls of paper at his head. He could hear the other boy huff in irritation.

Connie viciously scribbled something on a piece of notebook paper and slammed it on Eren's desk before turning back around.

Eren pursed his lips as he read the note over. All it said was _Sasha told me not to talk to you_. “You listen to everything she says?” Eren taunted.

“When it's in my best interest,” Connie muttered, still staring straight ahead.

Eren rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat. He made sure the teacher wasn't watching before he took out his phone.  
  
  
  
Kasa  
+1xxxxxx1397  
  
**\-------------- Fri, 05 09 2014 --------------**  
  
  
  
                                  I’m so done with this  
                                 high school bullshit  
                                                             15:37

 

 

Levi  
+1xxx379xxxx  
  
**\-------------- Mon, 05 05 2014 --------------**

                                                   I need you  
                                                             20:28  
  
**\-------------- Fri, 05 09 2014 --------------**

                               Sure you don't wanna  
                               stop by after school?  
                                                             15:37

 

 

Kasa  
+1xxxxxx1397  
  
**\-------------- Fri, 05 09 2014 --------------**

Pay attention in class Eren  
15:38

 

 

Levi  
+1xxx379xxxx  
  
**\-------------- Fri, 05 09 2014 --------------**

Didn't I say I'm busy  
15:39  
  
                                                            Please  
                                                             15:39  
  
                                              I really need  
                                              you right now  
                                                             15:39  
  
You only need me  
when it's convenient  
15:41

 

 

Erwin  
+1xxx555xxxx  
  
**\-------------- Fri, 05 09 2014 --------------**

                come over after school  
                                                             15:45  
  
                                                   I need you  
                                                             15:45                             

 

 

When the bell rang signaling the end of class, Connie blocked Eren's way as he tried to leave. “What you did was really messed,” he told him.

“Yea.”

“You really fucked Jean up. Though, honestly, I don't think it's really any of my business...but Sash does and she's _furious_. So is Historia. Ymir said she was gonna kick your ass. Reiner said he was gonna get some of his jock buddies to beat you up--empty threat really, it's not like Bert’l let him. Still, watch your back-”

“Connie, we've been friends since first grade.”

“I know. And I've been friends with Jean since sixth. And...do you understand how bad you've hurt him? Like...Marco said he was bad, like _real_ bad, dude. So...everyone’s pretty understandably pissed at you right now-”

“Con-”  
  
“And I don't know, maybe it'll simmer down. Just let it cool for a while.”

“But-”

“Sorry, Eren.” Connie exited the room without another word.

 

**_xx_ **

****

“It's always gonna come back to you and me, y’know,” Erwin murmured into Eren's ear as they lay tangled together in bed.

Eren felt empty and cold even wrapped up in his warm embrace. He worried he might never feel whole again.

“Just you and me," he whispered.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren's a little lonely, a little lost, a little broken (note: substitute 'a little' for _hella_ )  
> Also #jeankirschneighprotectionsquad2k14. Seriously I feel like the kid needs therapy now.  
> I promise to take much longer on the next chapter ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
> 
> [SIDEBLOG](https://www.tumblr.com/blog_auth/unrequiitedream)//screamsoloud


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eren can't catch a break, parents ruin everything, and nobody is being truthful about their emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really stressed over this chapter and ultimately not sure if I like the final product but whatever v(｡-_-｡)v

Eren stumbled through the front door of his house somewhere around two in the morning. He hadn’t expected anyone to be up, but he could clearly hear the voices of his parents carrying over from the kitchen. They were arguing. Again.  
  
“I can’t fucking _stand_ you anymore! Dear fucking lord you drive me _insane_. Everyday having to tiptoe around your fucking temper-”  
  
“It’s because you’re on me for every god damn thing! You expect me not to be angry when you’re constantly bitching at me? It’s obvious you’re not happy with me anymore! And you can’t even try, you _don’t_ try! Not even for the sake of our son-”  
  
“Oh no, no, no don’t you even _try_ to pin that shit on me! I’m the one trying to hold our fucking family together, _you’re_ the one that’s tearing us apart! I only ‘bitch’ at you because you keep screwing up! How many times are you gonna fuck me over, Grisha?!”  
  
Eren winced as he heard the sound of breaking glass.  
  
He hadn’t been home more than five minutes, hadn’t even moved five steps from the front door; he stepped back outside and slammed the door behind him.

  
Kasa  
  
+1xxxxxx1397  
**\-------------- Sat, 05 24 2014 --------------**  
  
                      Leave your window open  
                                                     2:47

  
**_xx  
_**

  
“Didn’t I just drop you off?”  
  
“They’re fighting again.”  
  
“Oh. That sucks. Turn out the light, I wanna go to bed.”  
  
Eren did as he was told and then crawled into bed beside Mikasa. She wrapped her arms around him from behind, her chest pressing against his back. He relaxed into the embrace, feeling safer and more content than he had in a while.  
  
“You smell like booze and cigarettes,” Mikasa commented.  
  
“You’re not much better off.”  
  
She hummed in agreement.  
  
It was silent for about fifteen minutes, just the study breathing of them both in the stillness of the night.  
  
“‘Kasa, are you asleep?” Eren whispered.  
  
“No. What is it?”  
  
“Can you...delete his number?” He dug his phone from the front pocket of his jeans, handed it to her without turning around.  
  
“You haven’t yet?”  
  
“No. Sometimes...I think about texting him. And then I don’t. I just end up reading old texts and making myself....I just...I don’t know, I didn’t think I’d miss him this much,” he muttered. _Or that it’d hurt this bad._  
  
“I think you knew. It’s why you didn’t wanna lose him,” Mikasa said. “Oh god, he’s still your lockscreen, that’s kinda pathetic,” she teased.  
  
Eren wasn’t amused. “Shut up.”  
  
“There.” She handed his phone back, the soft glow from the screen illuminating the room until Eren shut it back off. “Now you can quit living in the past.”  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“No problem. Now can I ask you something?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“What’s up with you and Erwin?”  
  
Eren turned around to face her. “What do you mean?”  
  
“C’mon, you’ve been hanging out with him nonstop; whenever you’re not with me, you’re with him. And he was all over you tonight. Are you guys dating now?” she asked.  
  
“No.”  
  
“Oh. Are you sure?”  
  
“What do you mean ‘am I _sure_?’ How could I not be-”  
  
“I mean, are you sure _he_ knows that.”  
  
“Of course he does. He’s not all that happy about it. I don’t know what he wants from me, what he expects. Isn’t he worried I’ll break him like I broke Jean? He has no self preservation.”  
  
“Well at least you have one thing in common.”  
  
“You’re so fucking mean to me Mika, you’re making my heart bleed,” Eren deadpanned.  
  
“Shut the hell up and go to sleep.” Mikasa shoved his shoulder.  
  
Eren pretended to wince as he rubbed at it. “ _And_ you’re abusive.”  
  
“Damn right, and I’ll kick you outta this bed if you don’t go to sleep already.”

 

**_xx  
_ **

**_  
_** Eren spent Sunday hanging out with Mikasa. She dragged him out shopping and then they caught a crappy horror film at the theater. It was a nice, welcome distraction. Mikasa was becoming his rock; they’d always been protective of each other and she seemed to sense that he really needed the support right now. She was surely Eren’s favorite girl.

They had Monday off. It was pretty uneventful as he spent most of the day sleeping. Then, on Tuesday, more of his life decided to break apart.

It started as just another boring school day preparing for dreaded final exams and praying for death. Days like that, the absence of his friends seemed even more tauntingly present.  
  
He’d already been in a crappy mood and it only got worse after being forced along into hanging out with Erwin and the rest of the band. They went out to eat after school at a simple burger joint, and even though socializing was something Eren wasn’t too keen on at the moment, he hated the thought of being alone even more. Which is why he made sure he rarely was these days. Lonely maybe, but never actually alone.  
  
“Hey, Erebear, can I have some of your fries? Thanks!” Hanji grabbed two big handfuls off his plate before he could stop her--not that he would seeing as he was too busy staring off into space.  
  
He slurped at his drink as he stared out the window, conversation flowing around him and none of it interesting him.  
  
He was pulled from his thoughts when Erwin placed a hand on his thigh and asked if he was alright.  
  
“Yea.” he answered plainly. “Could use a refill though.” He shook his empty cup, crushed ice clinking against the paper cup.  
  
“I’ll get it,” Erwin said as he took it from him.  
  
Eren looked around the table. Mike was attempting to get his basket of curly fries back from Hanji--who probably took them just ‘cause she could and not even ‘cause she was hungry. Mike was decently pissed. Hanji was cackling and didn’t seem to care that he had resorted to squirting ketchup at her from a squeeze bottle. She just retaliated with pickle slices that she’d hoarded under her burger. Nanaba was laughing too much to help.  
  
If this went on any longer Hanji would probably jump on the table and try to start a full blown food fight and then they’d _all_ get kicked out. It wouldn’t be the first time.  
  
Eren rolled his eyes and turned away. He wasn’t the only one ignoring their antics, Levi and Petra seemed to be off in their own little world, conversing lightly among themselves. The way Levi was staring at her, like she had his whole attention and whatever she was saying was _so_ interesting...or maybe he was just admiring her face and pretending to listen. Either way, it made Eren want to puke up what little food he had eaten.  
  
It was pathetic. And maybe he wouldn’t have cared so much had Levi not been avoiding him lately. Or maybe _ignoring_ would be a better word. They still hung around the same people, still interacted, but Eren couldn’t remember the last time they had a proper conversation. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt Levi’s body against his; his lips, his touch…  
  
Couldn’t he at least give him the time of day? Acknowledge his existence and maybe tell him what the fuck he did wrong? Because Eren was getting pretty fucking sick of his silence.  
  
Erwin returned with his drink and Eren accepted it with a thanks before standing up with the intention to leave. “I forgot I actually have a study date with Mika,” he said. It wasn’t entirely a lie, Mikasa had told him yesterday she was going to be ‘vigorously studying’ over the next two days in preparation for finals and for Eren to stop by for at least one of those--preferably both--since he ‘needed all the help he could get’.  
  
“You’re going to wa-”  
  
“Walk? Yeah, it’s not far. See you.”

  
**_xx  
_**

  
Eren didn’t think Mikasa would actually force him to study, but there she was and here _he_ was, pouring over notebooks and review sheets. Well, Eren was just alternating between doodling and twirling his pen around. It was probably as close to studying as he was gonna get.  
  
“Eren, you came over here knowing exactly what you were walking into, so fucking buckle down and study,” Mikasa nagged from her spot next to him, stretched out across the bed on her stomach while Eren sat leaning against a pillow trapped between him and the wall.  
  
“I’m taking a break. And did you really just say ‘buckle down’?”  
  
“Yes, so _do it_.”  
  
“Take a break with me first,” Eren pleaded. He jabbed Mikasa’s arm with a pencil but she just huffed and turned back to her notes.  
  
“C’mon.” He hid a smirk as he tugged off shirt and then waggled his eyebrows. “I’ll make it worth your while.”  
  
_That_ got Mikasa to look at him, completely unimpressed. She made an annoyed groaning sound and smacked him upside the head with a notebook. “ _Focus_!”

  
**xx  
**

  
The sky had long since darkened by the time Eren returned home.  
  
Titan rushed over to him when he heard the door open. Eren smiled fondly and patted his head. The Great Dane enjoyed the attention, tail wagging happily as he nudged Eren’s hand.  
  
“Eren?” his mother called from the living room.  
  
“Huh?” He poked his head in to find her sitting on the couch opposite the TV with a glass of red wine in her hand. She looked a bit disheveled, like she’d been crying. She patted the spot next to her. “Come sit.”  
  
“Okay…” Eren obeyed, sitting next to her while Titan followed to curl up by his feet. He honestly just wanted to go to his room, but something about his mother seemed unusually serious so he figured he’d best do as she says.  
  
“I made your favorite apple strudel,” she told him, “it should still be warm. There’s some leftover chicken in the fridge…”  
  
“Alright.”  
  
“But...but before you eat, there’s some things we need to talk about…”  
  
Eren didn’t like how foreboding that sounded. “What things?”  
  
He stared at the sadness etched into her features and felt a knot tighten itself in his stomach. “Sweetie...your father and I are splitting up.”

  
**_xx  
_**

  
Mikasa stared at Eren in concern as he angrily paced back and forth. He wasn’t only angry, he was devastated; tears stained his face and made him trip over his words.  
  
“Can you fucking _believe_ that, Mikasa?! Can you fucking....! I-I _knew_ it was coming, I fucking knew but I didn’t think...how could...why now? Why... _now_?” Eren’s voice trailed off pathetically, giving into a sob as he fell to his knees.  
  
Mikasa kneeled in front of him and took his hands--which were balled into fists and resting on his knees--and intertwined their fingers. Eren refused to look up from the ground.  
  
“She said that they were only separating, right? So maybe...it’s not the end,” Mikasa told him.  
  
“She called it a ‘trial separation’,” the words tasted bitter in his mouth. “It’s _bullshit_ ,” he spat, glaring up at her,  “we know how this ends.”  
  
“No we don’t,” Mikasa said, “Only _they_ do. Maybe some time apart will help clear their heads and they can work on fixing their problems-”  
  
“Their only ‘problem’ is my dad’s penchant for screwing twenty year old nurses.”  
  
Mikasa sighed. She squeezed Eren’s hand. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”  
  
“You don’t have to,” he said, “just give me a distraction.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
He tugged Mikasa to her feet, led them over to the bed. He sat on the edge and pulled her into his lap. “Distract me.” He stared at her with pleading eyes, a desperation in them that she hated. She studied his face and wondered when the bags under his eyes had become so prominent, and had he always been so skinny? How had she not noticed? He was shattering, all over her bedroom floor.  
  
She let him kiss her and didn't care that he tasted like his salty tears. Didn't mind the urgency in his movements as they fell back on the bed, shedding clothes to press bare skin against bare skin. He was hot to the touch but Mikasa knew some part of him was freezing inside. And she was almost as desperate as him to light it up again. She wondered if her touch could heal him (and knew it wouldn't).

Eren lost himself in her. Let his mind give way to pleasure; a pleasurable haze where it was just Mikasa and her warmth and her scent that he could drown in and pretend that his reality was different.

The grip she had on him assured that he was wanted, needed. The chants of his name grounded him to himself because yes, he was _Eren_ and this is what he did best. Not just fucking, not just self destructing, but escaping.

He knew it was only a temporary respite. And, lately, that was all he had left.

 

**_xx_ **

 

  
Eren felt like he couldn't catch a break.

He went through his days feeling utterly exhausted, finding it hard to be present. Which was a real pain in the ass seeing as he had exams Thursday and Friday. He brushed people off when they asked him what was wrong. He didn’t exactly know himself.

He'd known his parent’s marriage was crumbling. He just didn't think it would happen so soon, or didn't realize it'd feel so shitty.

Maybe it was like how it was with Jean. He hadn't expected to miss him this much. He said he wasn't in love with him anymore, but if it hurt so bad...What was that fucking cliche, _you don't realize what you have until it's gone_? Eren knew what he had; he knew Jean’s love through and through. And he still threw it away.

The worst part was that Jean probably believed it was all a lie, that Eren didn't cherish him. That he never drowned in his warm brown eyes, admired the golden flecks brought out by the sun. That he never felt light with Jean's laughter, or drunk off his kisses. That the first time he told him I love you hadn't meant a thing. It had been everything in that moment for Eren. He was a bright-eyed mess with a blush across his cheeks that mirrored Jean's and they were so young and so stupid but Eren's heart was beating out of his chest and he'd never felt so alive.

He wished he could go back to that time, when he still believed perfect love existed.

“Are you alright, brat?” Levi sat next to him on the couch, pulling him out of his daze.

They’d gathered at the Smith house that Friday just to hang out. It was the Seniors last day and they were all pretty hyped about it (Eren wished he was so lucky but he still had another two days to survive). Erwin practically dragged Eren here, saying they'd hang out afterwards just the two of them. He was probably worried about him. Though Eren couldn't understand why he wasted his time.

“Why wouldn't I be?” Eren muttered. He stared at Levi. It was always difficult to read the older boy's face, but the hint of concern in his eyes was prominent.

He wondered if he and Levi could've had perfect love. If he'd chosen him from the start.

Or would he still be tainted? Would he have still lost his faith?

“Because you're obviously not, sitting over here looking like someone killed your puppy.”

“Why do you care?” Eren knew he was being petty but couldn't seem to care.

“Am I not allowed to care about you, brat?”

“I asked why you care, _now_ all of a sudden when you've been pretending I don't exist these past few weeks. I said I _needed_ you and you didn't care--not then. So why now?”

Levi scowled at his tone. “I haven't been…” he trailed off on account of the glower Eren was giving him; those pretty eyes seemed less dull when they were glaring at him. “Okay, _Bright-eyes_ , you wanna know why I've been avoiding you? Because it's like I said, you only need me when it's convenient. You only want me because Jean dumped you. But look at it this way, you don't really need me anymore, you've got Erwin. And you wasted no time in crawling to him.”

“That's not what...I-I’m not…” Eren struggled to explain, “Erwin and I aren't together.”

“Could've fooled me. You've got him wrapped around your finger, that idiot would do anything for you,” Levi said.

Eren scoffed, turned his head away. “Weren't you the same?”

“Maybe,” Levi regretfully admitted (he knew he was). “But I can't be anymore.”

“What-”

“I'm dating Petra now, so...we need to go back to being friends, Eren. _Just_ friends.”

Eren sucked in a harsh breath, closed his eyes. Another thing he knew was coming, felt helpless to prevent. “And you...what, you really think that's gonna work? You don't do relationships, Levi. You’ve never-”

“You're right, I don't. But if it's with Petra, I think I can do it-”

“Oh, right, ‘cause Petra’s so fucking perfect, isn't she?" _Pure and undamaged and safe and...not me_ , "That’s bullshit. You hardly even know her-”

“I _like_ her, Eren. Can't you understand that? What's so wrong with it?”

“Because you're-!” Eren shook his head. “Nothing. Do whatever you want.”  
  
“Where the fuck are you going, brat?”  
  
“Home!” **  
**

**  
_xx_**

  
Erwin woke up Saturday around noon feeling shitty despite having slept for ten hours straight.

He’d fallen asleep staring at his cellphone, waiting for Eren to respond to his texts. He was worried after the younger boy left so abruptly the other day (he didn't even know why, he'd ask Levi and all Levi did was grumble something about a temper tantrum).

He was worried about Eren in general. He'd been quieter, morose even...less himself. Hadn't Hanji once called him vibrant? While he was still dazzling, he was also sickeningly dull lately. Like a pretty doll with broken pieces.

His phone was dead, Erwin sleepily realized after trying for half a minute to turn it on and then not computing why the screen wouldn't light up. He threw his phone on the bed, got up and groaned as he stretched.

After taking a morning piss, he went downstairs and to the kitchen to rifle through the fridge for something to quench his parched throat.

“Father wants to see you in his office,” Armin's voice made him jump. He was in the middle of chugging a bottle of water and nearly choked.

“J-Jesus, Armin,” he coughed, turning around to look at his brother who failed in hiding his amusement.  
  
“Sorry.” He obviously wasn't.

“When did he get back?” Erwin asked, trying to recall when he said he'd be back from his business trip.

“Just this morning,” Armin said. “I'd go quickly, if I were you. He sounded mad.”

Erwin scowled. “When isn't he?”

 

**_xx_ **

 

Erwin washed up first before going up to see his father, knowing he’d get scolded if he was anything less than presentable.

He knocked on the closed door to his father's office and waited for the go-ahead before stepping inside, making sure to shut the door behind him.

His father sighed when he looked up at him from behind his desk. His face was always stern but Erwin could tell right away that Armin had been right, he was pissed. There was a harsh glint in his beady eyes. He gestured to a chair in front of him inviting Erwin to sit.

“We need to talk.”

“About what?” His father narrowed his eyes at his tone. “Sir,” Erwin tacked onto the end to appease him.

“The cleaning lady found this in your room the other day and I was notified about it.” He yanked open a desk drawer, shut it with a harsh slam.

 Erwin felt his breath catch as he stared at the incriminating clear little baggy of white. “I...uh...why, why the fuck was she going through my things?!”  
  
“Has there ever been a day in your life where you’ve put away your own damn laundry? How about cleaned your own bathroom? Didn’t think so. Now, I want to know what the fuck’s going on, _Son_.”  
  
“I-It’s not mine.”  
  
Mr. Smith rolled his eyes, dropped the stash on the desk. “Likely story. Is this what those ‘friends’ of yours are getting you into? I should’ve forced you into private school, like I wanted. Instead, I was lenient; I let you and your little friends use my house for your ridiculous band escapades and _this_ is how you repay me? I didn’t even bat an eye when you said you wanted to take a year off before college...But tell me, Erwin, what do you get from chasing after unattainable dreams? This ‘musician’ bullshit--it’s not gonna pay the bills. It isn’t respectable to the Smith name. You’ll never make it-”  
  
“This isn’t about the drugs, is it?” Erwin said. His father just wanted to shit on him some more; criticize him for being a disappointment. He was never good in his eyes, not anymore.  
  
“ _Don’t_ interrupt me. Of course not. The only problem I have with that is that you should’ve hidden it better--some things just aren’t meant to be seen. _Speaking_ of which…”  
  
Erwin braced himself, wanted to groan _What now?_  
  
“There’s been some rumors, Son.”  
  
“Rumors?”  
  
“Yes. I don’t expect I have to remind you that people like to talk, especially when you’re someone of high esteem. So, Son, do you have any idea what these rumors might be about?”

  
**_xx  
_**

  
“What do you mean he kicked you out?” Eren blinked at Erwin like he couldn’t comprehend it. They were in Erwin’s car, parked in front of the younger boy’s house.  
  
“I mean exactly that. He threatened to disown me if I didn’t quit the band and...quit seeing you. He said no son of his was gonna ‘be that way’.”  
  
“So you just left? Just like that? Erwin, what are you gonna _do_? And why'd you even have that shit on you in the first place?”  
  
"It was left over-"  
  
Eren gave him a stare like he didn't believe him.  
  
Erwin sighed, scrubbed his hands over his face. "It doesn't matter, the bigger issue at hand is that I'm now homeless so..."  
  
"Shit." Eren wondered if he should feel some kind of inadvertent guilt that Erwin was such a dumb ass.  
  
“Look...I took some of the money he had hidden, and we have a full tank of gas...”  
  
Eren gaped at him. “You want to... _run away?_ That’s insane-”  
  
“No,” Erwin interjected, “it’s not. I know how you’ve been feeling Eren, you need to clear your head. Don’t you just wanna get away for a while? Leave all this bullshit behind?”  
  
Eren sighed, looked out the passenger side window in contemplation. “How much?” he finally murmured.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“How much did you take?” he clarified.  
  
“I was only able to scrounge up a grand,” Erwin said.  
  
Eren turned to look him in the eye. “Are you sure about this?”  
  
Erwin smirked. “Completely."  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of teen angst in this almost made me puke (twice, because I also had to edit it)... yell at me in the comments
> 
> [SIDEBLOG](http://unrequiitedream.tumblr.com/)//screamsoloud


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snippets of how everyone's dealing with Eren's (and Erwin's) absence. Also a check in on how Eren and Erwin are doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to get out. This week has been ugly, brutal... Also I'm having a hard time finding worth in anything, my writing included.
> 
> Be wary of tags.

Armin spent all weekend racked with worried.  
  
He didn’t know what his father and brother had fought about, or why his brother got kicked out. All he had was explicit instruction not to contact Erwin (he couldn’t even if he wanted to on account of his father taking his phone away) and Erwin’s parting words of “I’m sorry.”  
  
Sorry for what? Perhaps the awful things he’d said in anger as Armin watched him tear across his room like a human tornado, furiously packing his things into a single duffle bag. He’d said that Armin should be happy, that Armin finally had the chance to fully replace him now. That Armin was the only son their father needed or wanted; he had all of his good qualities with none of the bad--no ‘wasted potential’.  
  
Was that what he’d always thought of him? Armin had to wonder. They weren’t particularly close, but Erwin had never been cold to him either; If he felt any resentment, he never showed it.  
  
Armin never wanted to overstep, certainly wasn’t looking to replace him. Sometimes he still felt out of place at the Smith residence even though it’d been two years (and a half) since he moved in.  
  
Whatever Erwin thought of him or whatever he believed Armin thought of him in turn, didn’t matter. Armin just wanted him to come home; for their father to not be so harsh and stubborn. He just wanted to know Erwin was safe.

  
**_xx_**

  
Mikasa ambushed him on Monday as soon as school let out for the day.  
  
He was confused as to why she was even talking to him and even more confused about why she was asking Eren’s whereabouts.  
  
“You’re saying you haven’t seen Eren since Friday?” Armin reiterated. He had a sinking feeling in his gut that he didn’t like.  
  
“Yeah. I figured he was just with Erwin or something. He hasn’t responded to any of my texts so he either doesn’t want to be disturbed or he lost his stupid phone again...but if he thinks I’m letting him get away with skipping his last round of finals he’s surely mistaken. So you better tell him-”  
  
“Mikasa, I don’t know where Eren is. I don’t even know where my own brother is--I haven’t seen him since Saturday afternoon. Not since my father kicked him out.”

  
**_xx_**

  
After sending out a mass text and finding out no one in her friend group (former or otherwise) knew where Eren was (or Erwin for that matter), Mikasa started to get increasingly worried.  
  
It was clear to both her and Armin what was going on once they put the pieces together.  
  
“I thought he would’ve gone to Hanji’s or Levi’s or _some_ thing, but I never thought he’d…” Armin trailed off with a sigh, slouched back into the red vinyl booth. They’d gone to the Garrison since it was lunch time anyway and they clearly had things to discuss.  
  
“Run away? Because that’s what this is, they’ve run away together,” Mikasa said.  
  
“I don’t understand. I know my dad kicked him out, but he didn’t have to bail; didn’t have to leave town. And how could Eren be so stupid as to go with him?”  
  
Mikasa scowled at his tone. Eren wasn’t stupid. He was hurt. “I don’t know if you know this, Armin, but Eren has been going through a pretty rough time lately. Of course you would know if you hadn’t _abandoned_ him.”  
  
Armin started to protest, “I didn’t-”  
  
Mikasa cut him off with a disgusted huff. “Have you forgotten how good a friend he’s been to you? He was there for you, Armin. Through everything. When your parents died, when you tried shutting everyone out, he was _there_. So why did you abandon him? Out of some stupid sense of self-righteousness? Huh? I bet Jean doesn’t even know that you knew. You fucking _knew_ , and you didn’t say anything. How does that make you better than Eren? You only want to pretend you’re a good person but the truth is, good people don’t just sit by and watch bad things happen--they fucking _do_ something about it.” **  
**

  
_**xx**  
_

_  
_ Two weeks had passed since Erwin and Eren ran away together.  
  
Levi didn’t like how that sounded. Ran away. _Together_.  
  
At first, he hadn’t believed it. Then when all evidence pointed towards it, he hadn’t _wanted_ to believe it.  
  
He tried not to be too concerned. Eren was just being a little shit, like always. Looking to cause a reaction, like always. They’d turn up in a few days tops and everything would be fine.  
  
But it had been more than a few days and his concern was fucking skyrocketing...  
  
He had to wonder if maybe this was partially his fault; If only he’d been there for him like Eren had wanted him to be, then maybe he wouldn’t’ve left. If he was there for him, then he would have known just how bad Eren was doing.  
  
And he _should’ve_ known. Eren had looked so miserable when he’d last spoken to him, but he just brushed it off. Told himself it wasn’t his problem--it couldn’t be his problem anymore.  
  
Because Eren was too complicated a problem to solve. He was a mess, and Levi hated messes.  
  
Though he could never really hate Eren. That was what infuriated him, that the younger could get so under his skin. That he made his heart beat faster and his palms sweat and his head dizzy and his entire being feel lighter...even though he was no good for him. Even though he was the exact opposite of good.  
  
Eren had brought him as much pain as he did joy. Probably more pain than joy. _Definitely_ more pain.  
  
It’s like his every touch was laced with venom. Every touch was a taunt of _I’ll never be yours_.  
  
He said it once before and it would stay true, Eren would never be anybody’s. It wasn’t like Levi was stupid enough anyway; to offer up his heart only for it to be broken even more than it already was. He feared whatever damage Eren did this time would be irreparable.

“Levi!”

“Huh?” he looked over at Petra, snapped out of his daze; he noticed he'd just drop a noodle on the bedspread.

Petra had been sick with a cold for the past two days so Levi thought he'd bring some soup over and whatever but she said she'd rather have Chinese takeout so here they were eating while watching some chick flick on Netflix that Petra liked…

“Were you listening to anything I said? About next week?”

Levi put his cup of chow mein down. “What about next week?”

Petra tsked, slapped his arm lightly. "The trip to the beach that Nanaba and I have been planning? Did you forget about it ‘cause we've only been talking about it nonstop...anyway, My parents finally okayed it! Said we could use the beach house and everything, but...they kinda think it's just gonna be me and a few girlfriends and absolutely no boys or parties or anything _scandalous_.” She rolled her eyes at the word. “We should be in the clear though so as long as…”

Levi listened to Petra prattle on and on and had to wonder how she could think of such frivolous shit at a time like…

He tuned her out, mind elsewhere-- _your fault, should've known, should've..._

   
**_xx_**

****

Eren didn't know much about the guy, or even his name, he just knew that whoever he was he was a skilled kisser, had a tongue piercing and a toned body that felt nice pressed up against his own.

Eren didn't know much about the guy, or even his name, but he still felt sorry for him when Erwin gave him a black eye and a broken nose.

Eren sighed as he tilted his head back, the fresh night air was a sharp contrast to the stuffiness of the underground club they'd just been kicked out of and it felt good against his flushed cheeks.

Erwin grabbed his wrist and wordlessly tugged him along. There was an obvious tension between them the entire way back to their rundown motel room.

Eren didn't find it surprising when Erwin pinned him against the door he'd just shut after them.

“What the _fuck_ was that, Eren?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” He met Erwin's glare with one of equal intensity.

“Of course you fucking-”

“You're not my keeper, or my boyfriend. You have no say over what I do. So fucking _let go_ of me!” Eren struggled against his steely grip.

Erwin's bloodshot eyes were unconcerned, apathetic to his struggles. “I can't do that, Eren.”

When it was clear his struggles were futile, Eren ceased movement, just stood there and glared at a point over Erwin's shoulder. His hands balled into fists as Erwin leaned down to nuzzle his neck, breath ghosting against his ear.

“I'm sick of this,” Eren said. He was so so sick of dreary motel rooms, constant traveling, non stop partying; the fact that with every passing day it got harder to block out things he didn't want to think about, harder to achieve that perfect level of emptiness where nothing much mattered--as long as he was gone it didn't matter.

And what did that say about him, that he'd rather be too high to function than face his own self…

Erwin started placing kisses to his skin, sucking at his neck. Eren winced when he bit down harshly. It was sure to bruise--most definitely the intended effect. Eren found his possessiveness oddly endearing. Thought it was even more endearing knowing he could be reduced to such a sorry jealous mess simply because of him.

(Eren knew he should probably feel guilty about still playing with other people's emotions. Surely he should know better by now?) He knew better. (Surely he should care then?) He didn't.

Erwin pulled away to look him in the eyes, no longer holding his wrists captive, just had a hand placed on Eren's jaw as his thumb brushed over soft lips. “Are you sick of me?”

Eren smirked, soft but taunting all the same, nipped at Erwin's thumb. “Of course I am.”

Erwin pulled away, disappointment shrouding his features. “Eren…”

Eren rolled his eyes, latched onto him as he twined his arms around his neck. “I thought you were gonna fuck me? You can, you know. Even if I'm sick of it.”

“But-”

“I want you to use me,” Eren said, tone full of conviction. And then he was kissing Erwin so deeply, so desperately Erwin couldn't dream of resisting him.

They fell back onto the lumpy mattress with the questionably stained sheets and it didn't take long for Erwin to strip Eren bare before undoing his belt and jeans so he could push inside, relishing in the tight warmth of his body.

Eren let out a moan of mostly discomfort when Erwin bottomed out. He bit his lip to stifle whimpers, hands tangling in the sheets as Erwin started rocking into him.

Erwin leaned down, brushed his lips against Eren's jaw as he continued his thrusts. “You okay?”

“Mmm.” Eren pulled him into a sloppy kiss. “w-want you to choke me,” he murmured against his lips.

“What?” Erwin’s hips stilled as he pulled back to stare at Eren with confused lust blown eyes.

“You heard me, I want you to choke me.” Eren rolled his hips, started fucking himself on Erwin's cock as he stared up at him with challenging eyes.

“I don't know-”

“If you can? Fuck, don't be such a pussy,” Eren scoffed. “I said I wanted you to use me; don't you understand?”

“I just-”

Eren didn't care to listen to Erwin's excuses. He closed his eyes, started to trail a hand down his body and began to tease his own half-hard arousal, moaning in exaggeration as he bucked into the strokes of his hand. “L-Levi,” he moaned the name through perfectly kiss reddened lips.

“ _Eren_.” Even with his eyes shut he could tell Erwin was angry. The kind of anger that said ‘how dare you moan another man's name when my dick’s inside of you’.

Eren lips quirked into the hint of a smirk. He peered up at Erwin through lidded eyes. “You think you can fuck me better than him? Huh? You can't even give me what I want. Not even when I so politely _fucking_ _beg_ for it!”

Erwin’s lips twisted into a snarl as he regarded Eren with anger ridden eyes, a hint of disgust swirling in the icy blue. “I don't recall much begging, you’re sorry attempts weren't cute at all. What was it you _wanted_ , Eren? This,” he gave a harsh thrust, “you wanted it deep, hard?” He gripped Eren's hips hard enough to bruise and started a brutal pace, ramming into him with no hesitation.

Eren’s eyes pricked with tears at the pain. “Ye-ah, harder, d-on’t s-stop, w-want you to...wr- _wreck me!_ ” his last words were punctuated by the loud moan that tore through his throat when Erwin picked up the pace, fucking him with pure abandon.

The bed creaked noisily beneath them. Over the sound of skin hitting skin there was Eren's broken cries and Erwin's occasional grunt or guttural groan of pleasure.

“Aw, why are you crying, baby? Does it hurt?” Erwin taunted as he wiped away a tear from Eren's cheek. He caressed his face for a second before his hand slipped down to rest against his neck. “Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of you.” He curled his hand, applied pressure until he was sure the other was having a hard time breathing.

Eren’s head tilted back into the mattress as Erwin continued to pound into him. Erwin's other hand came to join the first, squeezing  Eren's neck as he fucked him mercilessly.

Eren didn't find much pleasure in the pain, just satisfaction. He could feel a building pressure in his head, the ache of his own pulse. More tears spilled from his eyes as his vision became hazy, blurred at the edges.

Erwin continued to split him open until he found his release--Eren could feel it, hot and seeping out of him.

He must've blacked out for a moment because when he came to Erwin was no longer inside of him, he was just staring at him worriedly.

Eren blinked, disoriented as he took a second to remember where he was.

“Eren, are you-”

“‘m fine,” his voice was raspy. He ached everywhere.

“Do you-”

“I just wanna go to sleep. I'm tired.” _So fucking tired_. “Let's go to sleep.”

Erwin politely cleaned the sticky mess between Eren's legs--maybe a bit of blood--with a dirty T-shirt then got up to turn out the light.

Eren maneuvered his sore body into a relatively comfortable position. Erwin returned to bed, cradled Eren against him as he placed a kiss to his head.

Eren was glad it was dark so he couldn't see his tears.

 

**_xx_ **

 

Mikasa cradled two cups of coffee and a box of donuts as she let herself into the Jaeger household with the spare key.  
  
“Carla?” she called out even though she knew she’d find her upstairs in the master bedroom (where Mikasa was sure she hadn’t step foot out of in what had to be nearly a week now).  
  
Sure enough she found her there, tangled in white bed sheets, curtains drawn as to block out any sunlight. There was a half empty bottle of wine sitting on the nightstand next to a couple pill bottles.  
  
“Carla.” She lightly shook her shoulder, found she had to be a little more forceful to warrant any response.  
  
Carla stirred. “Er-en?” she slurred, blinked bleary eyes.  
  
Mikasa gave a small, glum smile. “It’s just me Aunty Carla.”  
  
“Oh, Mikasa, dear…”  
  
“I brought you a latte. And some bear claws.” Mikasa placed the box of pastries on the bed, handed Carla her drink.

“Thank you.” Carla sat up in bed, propped against crumpled pillows as she sipped at the warm beverage.

Mikasa hated seeing her this way--all puffy-eyed, oily-haired, rather be in a pharmaceutical haze than face reality.

Carla was usually kind and bright and _strong_ \--kinda had to be to survive raising such a rowdy brat like Eren. Hell, Mikasa liked her better than her own mother most of the time if she was being totally honest. So it completely sucked to see her look so defeated.

“Have you...heard anything?” she asked.

God, Mikasa hated having to crush that little twinkle of hope in her otherwise dim eyes. _Eren, you selfish bastard._ “No.” Mikasa sadly shook her head. “But if I do, you'll be the first to know.”

Carla sighed. “I don't know why he does this to me. Have I not been a good mother? Christ, of course I haven't,” she let loose a bitter laugh. “I have no clue what's going on with him anymore. And now I don't even…I don't even know if he's safe, if he's...”

“He’ll come back,” Mikasa assured her.

Carla didn't look too convinced as she stared down at the bed, silent tears trekking down her face and catching on chapped lips settled into a frown.

“He'll come back perfectly fine and annoying as ever. The first thing I'm gonna do is beat him up. With your permission, of course.”

Carla snorted lightly. “Go ahead.”

Mikasa sipped at her green tea latte before speaking again, “I have an idea, why don't you go visit Aunty Kuchel? You haven't seen her in a while and I bet she really misses you.”

Carla mulled over the thought, sniffled once as she wiped at her nose. “That actually doesn't sound too bad. We can have a girls night and talk shit about our worthless ex-husbands.”

Mikasa stifled a giggle behind her hand.

“Sorry honey, you didn't need to hear that.”

Mikasa shrugged. “It's the truth isn't it?”

“Yeah,” Carla murmured. “So...how's that mother of yours doing?” she asked.

Mikasa's lips twisted into an involuntary frown. “She's fine, I guess. She’s kinda-”

“Still a bitch?”

Mikasa couldn't help let an amused huff slip at that. “Yep. She means well though, usually…”

Carla nodded. “The only one who could ever really understand her was probably Arlene and ever since…” she trailed off, fresh tears threatening to spill over now.

“We don't have to talk about it.”

“Right.” Carla wiped at her eyes. “Could you pass me a bear claw, sweetie?”

 

**_xx_ **

 

“Oh, come on! Seriously? Are you even _trying_?!” Connie whipped his PlayStation controller at Jean's head and was surprised the other even managed to dodge it (up until now he’d been completely unresponsive).

“If you're gonna keep spacing out, we can just watch tv. It's no fun kicking someone's ass when they don't even try to put up a decent fight,” Connie told him.

Jean sighed, threw his controller to the floor. “I'm sorry.”

Connie frowned. “Dude...it’s not your problem anymore. It's _so_ not your problem.”

“You think I don't fucking know that? It's not like I can flip off a fucking switch and just stop thinking, _worrying_...You don't understand. It's not like I can just…” _stop caring about him._

Connie facepalmed. “Oh God, you're not gonna start crying again, are you? Do I need to call Marco? You know I don't know how to deal with this shit.”

“Don't worry, I haven't forgotten how much of an insensitive asshole you are.”

“Hey! I prefer the term _emotionally stunted_.”

“I'm pretty sure you're just emotionally immature,” Jean told him.

Connie bopped his head back and forth. “Well…that too.”

“I think I'm just gonna leave.”

“No man, no. Oh!” Connie perked up as he snapped his fingers. “Why don't I text Sash and tell her to stop by with enough junk food to satisfy a horse?”

Jean groaned as Connie started laughing obnoxiously,“get it, a _horse_?!”

“I'm definitely leaving.”

 

**_xx_ **

 

Jean sat in the driver’s seat of his car, still parked in front of Connie's house.

The only light in the otherwise dark night was the dim glow emitting from his phone.

He just stared down at the screen, stared at that one contact he hadn't gotten around to deleting yet. He'd tried to, of course. But then he'd make the mistake of scrolling through old texts. Then through old pictures.

But he was getting better, right? He’d deleted every picture off his phone, off his laptop, shoved any physical manifestation of them into a shoebox and threw it to the back of his closet along with the box of _his_ things. And that was that, like every trace of Him was gone.

Even though the emptiness was a constant ache, a reminder. It told Jean that while he could try to erase any touch of Him from his life, he couldn't erase the memories. He could never erase those. And he could never fool himself into believing that it didn't feel like something was missing.

And fuck, did he miss him.

He missed his smile, his ethereal fucking eyes, his voice, his scent, his touch...his everything.

Because that's what he had been, Jean's everything.

Fuck, that even _sounded_ pathetic. Eren was right, he was completely pathetic.

Jean huffed through his nose, threw his phone on the passenger's seat. “Eren, wherever you are tonight...you better not be doing anything stupid.”

He knew it was a futile wish.

 

**_xx_ **

****

Erwin stepped into the room carrying a bag from the nearest convenience store. He placed it on the small round table near the window.

“Eren? I brought back dinner,” he called out, frowning when he didn't receive a response.

The only other place the other boy could be was the bathroom, unless he'd run off on his own somewhere, but there was clearly light spilling out from the gap under the door.

He knocked lightly on the bathroom door. “Eren?”

Still no response. He twisted the doorknob, realized it wasn't locked so he pushed it open. His eyes widened at the sight that met him…

Eren was in the tub, fully clothed even though the tub was full of so much water it had overflowed onto the floor. There was blood running down his right arm, turning the water an alarming shade of pale red.

Eren looked up at him with wide teary eyes as he clutched at his arm like maybe he was trying to hide it. But there was no hiding it--not the torn skin of his wrist that was practically weeping blood, not the shame on his face or the glint of terror in his eyes.

Erwin's feet propelled him forward without his permission. He dropped to his knees in front of the tub, not even registering the water seeping through the material of his jeans. “E-Eren...why...” his voice was a throaty whisper, the best he could manage through his shock.

“I c-can’t do i-it any-more, I _can't_!” Eren's body shook with the force of his sobs.

His voice pumped ice through Erwin's veins--he sounded so fucking _broken_. The longer he stared at the vivid red smeared against tan skin, ripples of blood trailing down his arm and diluting with the bathwater--the more he wanted to puke. He hated Eren's cries, full of a sorrow he wasn't sure he could begin to understand. Eren was completely unhinged.

Some rational part of Erwin’s brain kicked in. “Eren, we...you need...h-hospital.”

“No! No.”

“You-”

Eren pushed him away when he tried to coax him from the tub.

“Eren!” He gripped him tightly around the torso, not letting go even when he struggled and kicked up bathwater, near animalistic shrieks ringing through the room. He ended up sat on the tile floor with Eren a shivering mess of tears and blood in his lap.

“E-Erwin, I wa-nna...w-wanna go home, I want to…” Eren kept repeating.

Erwin held him tighter, eyes closed as his warm tears dripped onto brown hair. “We will, we will…”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like time skips and scene changes too much apparently so the flow is proly fucked. Sorry if anything was confusing. Also, half-assed editing.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Erwin return home. Much needed conversations are not had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thank you to everyone who left encouraging comments. It's nice to know people are actually enjoying the story... (also I know I whine a lot ヽ(ー_ー )ノ Deal with it. I'm only ever my sincere self in these little author's notes.) I feel bad that this chapter's not longer but it took forever to get back in the mood of actually writing, and once I was able to finally _produce_ something, I wanted to get it out as quickly as possible. So quality may have suffered, but I think the chapter still gets across what I wanted it to...

The first thing Mikasa did when she saw him, was tackle him in a hug. The second thing she did was knee him in the balls.  
  
“Fuck,” Eren groaned as he hunched over.  
  
“You complete fucking dickhead! You absolute _selfish_ bastard!” Mikasa seemed angrier than Eren had ever seen her, but her threatening image was marred by the quiet tears spilling down her cheeks. He was instantly filled with a heavy kind of guilt. He righted himself and pulled her into a hug.  
  
She clung to him, head buried in his neck. He ran soothing hands up and down her back. “Have you been home yet?” she sniffled.  
  
“No. I’m not sure I’m prepared for _that_ wreck yet, ‘s why I told Erwin to drop me off here.”  
  
She pulled back to stare at him, cupped his face in her hands as she took in his bloodshot eyes and unhealthy pallor. “You look like shit.” She stepped back again to give him a thorough once over. “Have you been eating? You don’t look like it; you’re so skinny. Have you been sleeping? _Where_ have you been sleeping? Are you-”  
  
“‘Kasa, breathe. Stop. I’m fine...I-I’ve been fine, alright? Calm down.”  
  
“You’re such an asshole, you know that right?”  
  
“I have an idea.”  
  
Mikasa sighed, rested against him again. Eren swayed them gently back and forth. “Wanna come with me to face my mom?”  
  
“Only if I can give you a black eye first, I promised her I’d beat you up.”

  
**_xx  
_**

  
Erwin knocked loudly on the door to Hanji’s apartment, feeling only slightly apprehensive when he was met with the sound of loud barking and what seemed to be a demon yowling.  
  
“Uh...If it’s the landlord, I swear I don’t have any animals in here! That’s just what I sound like when I try to harmonize with my favorite Disney songs after gargling hot sauce which…” Hanji opened the door, sentence cutting off completely on account of her jaw dropping open at the sight in front of her. “Erwin!” she screeched and threw the door open so furiously it banged against the wall.  
  
That was all the warning Erwin got before his arms were full of Hanji as she wrapped herself around him like a koala. She was still shrieking mostly incoherent things. Erwin just let it happen.  
  
All of a sudden there was another commotion coming from inside, and then a big blur of black came bustling out the open door.  
  
“Oh no, don’t let him escape!” Hanji quickly leapt down, practically tackled the mass of black fur that Erwin could now tell was a dog--A big, angry looking rottweiler. Hanji nuzzled against him, ignoring the way he was clearly trying to get away as he snapped his teeth at her. “Someone knocking at the door gets him all riled up, and Butthead keeps messing with him too so that’s not helping…”  
  
“Who’s Butthead?”  
  
“He’s a brown tabby. Unfortunately, his brother Beavis is no longer with us.” She led the dog back inside, motioning Erwin in too.  
  
Hanji’s apartment was modest, made even smaller by all the clutter she had around.  
  
The dog ran off somewhere. Hanji stepped into the kitchen connected to the open living room. “Want anything?” she asked, “Beer, water…”  
  
“I’m good, thanks.”  
  
“Suit yourself,” Hanji said as she grabbed a water bottle from the fridge for herself.  
  
“I didn't know you had pets,” Erwin said.

“Oh, they're not mine. I'm just pet sitting. And before you ask, it's only ‘cause I'm getting paid. It's not even that bad, it's kinda easy-peasy; they're all very well behaved. Even if Butthead likes tormenting Tiny and Beavis likes to claw…”

“I thought you said Beavis was dead.”

“I _said_ ‘no longer with us’ as in, literally no longer with us. My landlord found him wandering the building and when he asked me about it, I played dumb. In my defense, I felt really shitty when he had to go to the shelter...But! No worries, I made Moblit pick him up and he's staying with him now even though he's kinda mildly allergic to...well, everything.”

Hanji migrated over to the small sofa and Erwin followed suit, accidentally spooking the slim cat curled up on the arm rest. It gave him a snooty, put-upon look and then went back to resting. “So you’re still dating that stagehand?”

“I wouldn't call it _dating_. Moblit’s nice and all but he's a little _too_ nice. Plus he told me I'm hard to keep up with.”

“Ouch.”

“I know right.”

“I meant ouch for him. I completely sympathize. You're insane.”  
  
Hanji shoved at his shoulder halfheartedly.“Shut up. Hey, are you hungry? Wanna order a pizza?”

“Sure.”  
  
“Great! Let me just find my phone…” Erwin watched as she rushed around the room, upturning and rummaging through things. He got bored, grabbed the remote to turn the TV to something other than the shitty reality show currently playing.  
  
Five minutes later he heard a screech coming from the bedroom, “How did my phone get in the _litter box_?!”

 

**_xx_ **

 

Eren was right, he totally wasn't prepared for the train wreck that was his mom.

Upon seeing him, she’d burst into tears and then gathered him into a hug that made him wince it was so tight. She kept repeating, “is it really you? Is it really you?” and Eren had to wonder if he’d been gone three years as opposed to three weeks.  
  
Mikasa had watched the scene unfold with a happily tearful smile and then Carla had pulled her into the hug too, practically squeezing her and Eren together until they were all a sniveling mess of joyful tears and giggles--well for Eren it was more like tears of pain and breathless protests.

Afterwards, once Eren had dropped his bags off in his much missed room and Carla had taken a much needed shower, she decided to treat both Eren and Mikasa to dinner.

Eren spent the next hour feeling completely uncomfortable as both his mother and Mikasa watched him like a hawk just to make sure he cleared his plate. Mikasa kept shoving bread sticks into his mouth, partly out of concern though he suspected mostly ‘cause she found it hilarious.

He could tell his mom was just bursting with questions that she only kept at bay because Mikasa was silently--though, if Eren could tell than it probably wasn't all that discreet--pleading with her to. (Also, they were in a public place so any screaming would have to wait.)

And Carla was quelled simply by the notion that Eren was even there, he had come _home_ , her baby boy had come home. And any inquiry, any punishments...well, those could come after celebration.

Later that night, Eren and Mikasa lay curled up together in his bed, not doing much but enjoying the silence.

“Eren?”

“Hmm?”

“What happened to your arm?”

Eren sighed. He'd kept his hoodie on, if only to save his mother more needless worry, and had only taken it off once in the comfort of his room, getting ready for bed. He didn't care if Mika saw. He only expected her to comment on it sooner, not as he was about to fall asleep. He had to wonder if she’d been working up the courage to mention it.

He felt light fingertips running up the white bandages on his right wrist and forearm. “Nothing. Just me being stupid, like always.”

Mikasa didn't say anything else, just cuddle closer, held him tighter.

He heard a light sniffle. “Are you crying?”

“No,” she denied. “I love you, you know that right?”

“Of course. I love you too.”

“And so do your parents and...everyone missed you, Eren, _everyone_. So don't be so...don’t be so fucking stupid anymore.”

 _I won't_. Eren couldn't find the strength to say it out loud.

 

**_xx_ **

Word spread about Eren and Erwin's return--courtesy of Hanji blowing up everybody's phone with excited texts.

She'd even forced Mike into throwing an impromptu _welcome home_ barbecue. (Mike was being forced into a lot of things lately, like using his basement as the band's new rehearsal space even though his mother couldn't stand it. Poor bastard.)

Hanji showed up with refreshments, Erwin, and a fucking _dog_ in tow.

Levi refused to admit he felt any sort of relief at the sight of his best friend, it's not like he missed him and his furry eyebrows or anything. He was pissed at him, even.

Erwin winced when Levi slapped his back in one of those stupid ‘man hugs’ and blamed it on Hanji's springy sofa pull-out bed.

“You're a dumb ass.” _A fucking moron._ “What was the point of running if you're just gonna come back?” _At least you’re not dead._ “Where's Eren?” _You better have kept Eren safe. Why'd you drag him into your shit in the first place?_ (Levi knew Eren went of his own accord. Which just made it worse. Erwin wasn't even the one he should be most mad at.)

“Nice too see you too, Levi. Last I saw Eren he was with Mikasa.”

Erwin's attention got called away by Mike who was busy manning the grill. Levi sipped at whatever fruity mixed shit was in his red solo cup, took a seat next to Petra at the picnic table. She was playing with the filthy dog Hanji brought. _When the fuck did she get a fucking dog?_

“Are you alright? You seem...anxious,” Petra said after a full five minutes of Levi just sitting there, leg shaking before he gave in and started absentmindedly petting the damn dog too.

Damn right he was anxious. Every so often his gaze would sweep across the area, anticipating the arrival of a certain green-eyed brat.

He felt like he couldn't rest until he saw Eren's face. Like none of this was real, and the knot in his stomach wouldn't settle unless he had certain proof that Eren was safe. Fuck he hadn't seen him in...longer than they'd ever been apart.

“Eren!” Hanji’s ear-piercing squeals captured pretty much everyone's attention as she practically raced across the yard to pounce on Eren in a hug that looked nearly lethal.  
  
_Speak of the devil, huh?_  
  
Hanji's damn dog was barking up a storm, ran over just to start circling around their feet.

Levi could hear Eren's breathless struggles, thought he might have to go pluck Hanji off himself lest Eren suffocate to death. Erwin got there first, shoving the overenthusiastic--batshit crazy--brunette aside.

Levi sighed, turned his attention to Petra and Nanaba’s conversation about their upcoming trip.

“Pipsqueak,” his cousin greeted as she sat down in front of him with a hamburger fresh off the grill and a side plate of nothing but a tower of triangular watermelon slices.

Levi scowled at the nickname. “Fuck do you want, Mika? Is that an entire fucking watermelon on your plate? Did you save any for the rest of us peasants?”

“Shut up. It's like...the sweetest watermelon I've ever tasted. Anyway, why are you sitting here looking more emo than usual?”

Levi wondered if he should even warrant that with a response. Decided not to. Mikasa shrugged, started eating, noisily commented that Petra had food stuck in her teeth which in turn made the blonde flush delicately.

Levi kept his gaze anywhere but Eren--who was at the moment still chatting with Hanji and Erwin--not that Levi would know, he _definitely_ wasn't staring. He also had nothing to say about the close proximity between Eren and Erwin and the arm draped over Eren's shoulders, nope…

God he thought seeing Eren would calm his nerves, but if anything, it was just making him more anxious.

He wanted to...he wasn't even sure _what_ he wanted. To talk to him, maybe. To say the things he'd been turning over and over again in his mind for weeks now. To yell at him, definitely. To scream at him for being such a fuckin’ brat, so reckless and stupid and why did he have to pull this shit? Disappearing for weeks on end, making everyone worry. Making _him_ worry.

He also knew he should probably apologize. For what, exactly, he wasn't sure. For being more of an asshole than he'd ever meant to (he tends to do that from time to time). For not being a better...friend. Not being there when Eren needed him.

He managed to avoid him for a while until Mike shooed him into the house to get fresh ice for the cooler. Levi complained why he had to do it and Mike just said ‘cause he was the only one sitting doing nothing. Eren happened to be coming back from the bathroom at that exact moment, having to pass through the kitchen to get to the backyard.

Levi felt his breath catch when he saw him, like someone had socked him in the stomach.

“Levi.”

Eren was paler, noticeably skinnier than when he'd last seen him...but even then there was just something all around different about him. Levi couldn't really pinpoint it. He just knew that he hated it.

He swallowed, wished his throat wasn't so suddenly painfully dry. “E-Eren. I'm-”

“You don't have to say anything. I just...I just wanted to say sorry for freaking out on you that day. And you were right, we should just be friends. I'm with Erwin now, and you're with Petra, and that's that, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Levi choked out. His chest felt awfully tight.

Eren didn't say anything more, turned to leave.

“Hey!” he managed to call out before Eren could step back out onto the patio. Eren turned to look at him over his shoulder. “I'm glad you're back.”

Eren gave him what might have been a small grin. “Me too.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit. I'm sorry if you thought things were going to be easy... Also, anyone keeping up with the manga? How many of you are dying inside? Let's suffer together.
> 
> Check out [SIDEBLOG](http://unrequiitedream.tumblr.com/)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band (plus Hanji) take a vacation. Levi's in a shit mood. Back home, Eren isn't much better.

Wasn’t the sound of the ocean supposed to be calming? Wasn’t he supposed to feel rejuvenated and all that bullshit? Right now he only felt like punching someone in the face, and it was probably going to be Hanji.  
  
The ride down was nearly unbearable, stuck in Hanji’s dirty pickup truck. She had organized a playlist ranging from techno and dubsmash to Disney songs to k-pop and even godawful nightcore (which Levi didn’t think could even be classified as a legitimate music genre). Don’t even get him started on all the anime openings she’d snuck in there too…  
  
As if the music wasn’t bad enough, she sang along to nearly everything (and Levi thought it was a wonder his ears didn’t start bleeding). He eventually told her to get the fuck out and go sit in the bed of the truck. She went along with Nanaba and things were fine--finally quiet--until she tried dancing on the roof when they were driving down the fucking highway and nearly got herself killed.  
  
And, alright, Hanji wasn’t the only bad one. Nanaba had the bladder of a squirrel (those had to be pretty small, right?) and requested frequent stops--one of which Levi got left behind at; another thing he couldn’t forgive. He waited a solid twenty minutes before they realized he was missing…  
  
Mike ate through all of the junk-food that was supposed to last the entire car ride. He promptly puked it right the fuck up.   
  
Even Levi’s own girlfriend couldn’t be trusted; she eagerly participated in Hanji’s suggestion of Truth or Dare and ended up having to moon someone on the highway.  
  
Levi had (little) hope that things would turn around once they reached their destination but he was wrong. So damn wrong.  
  
Petra’s family’s beachfront vacation house had a spectacular view, and actually looked the part of what Levi thought of when he thought the words ‘refreshing retreat’.  
  
His awe was short lived. He was barely able to explore little more than his bedroom and even catch his breath before everyone was already pulling him along to the beach.  
  
Now he was sweating his ass off under the unrelenting sun, getting sand in places sand should never be, and to top it off he was probably gonna get sunburnt enough to resemble a fucking boiled lobster just ‘cause Hanji’s dumb ass accidentally packed glue instead of sunscreen and everyone else had just plain forgot to bring any (wasn’t Petra meticulously planning this shit for _weeks_? How the fuck did she forget the most essential part of-)  
  
“Levi! You’ve gotta come check out the water. You keep complaining about it being hot and all; don’t you wanna take a refreshing dip?” Hanji said.  
  
“I am trying to be responsible and set up our fucking canopy tent thing, if you couldn’t tell with your fucked four eyes. It’s our only defense against the sun ‘cause you’re all fucking morons. I’m too young to get skin cancer.”  
  
“Wow.” Hanji whistled. “ _Someone’s_ extra grumpy today.”  
  
“Go drown.”  
  
Hanji huffed, walked away in defeat. Levi thought he heard her murmur something like, “I tried.”  
  
Levi swiped at the sweat on his brow, glared up at the perfect baby blue sky and cursed his own unfortunate existence.

  
**_xx  
_**

****_  
_ “I smell like nasty sandwich meat and cheese. I’m also tired...so fucking tired. Standing all day, the customers suck...is this what working is like? I hate it already, I…” Mikasa was laying face down on her bed, vehemently bitching about her first day of work at some shitty sub shop. Apparently her parents wanted her to get a summer job to learn some ‘responsibility’ which Eren thought was insane ‘cause Mikasa was probably more responsible than like half the people he hung around with.  
  
Eren watched her in amusement from his seat at her desk chair. “Why don’t you take a bath? It’ll get rid of the stench and help you relax.”  
  
“Can’t you see I’m simply too fucking tired to move?” Mikasa groaned, rolled over onto her back. “Ugh, I’m exhausted lately.”  
  
“We don’t have to hang out tonight if you don’t feel up to it...and she’s already asleep. Nice.” Eren sighed, walked over to place a blanket over her slumbering form. He kissed her forehead and his nose wrinkled. He snickered to himself, “you _do_ stink.” 

  
**_xx  
_**

****_  
_ “Eren!” his mother called out when she heard him enter the house.  
  
“What is it?” Eren strolled into the living room. His mom was sat at the couch, knitting materials next to her, a pair of knitting needles in her hand and her laptop opened up in front of her on the coffee table. Titan was at her feet eagerly biting at a doggy bone.  
  
“I thought you were with Mikasa?”  
  
 “She’s busy. Since when do you know how to knit?”  
  
“Oh, I just took it up today. I’m struggling a bit so I was looking at YouTube tutorials. It’s amazing what you can find online! I’m gonna make you a pompom hat for winter-”  
  
“Please don’t.”  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him playfully, shut her laptop in a near threatening manner. “I’ll do what I want.”  
  
“You’re so lame.”  
  
“ _Anyway_...I was gonna tell you, your father called. He wants to have lunch with you sometime this week. He said whatever day works for you is perfect for him.”  
  
Eren felt blindsided, he hadn’t heard from his dad since the night he left. He bit his lip, expression blank as he thought it over.

“He really wants to see you,” his mother said, looking at him so hopefully he'd just feel like an ass to say anything other than,

“Fine.”  
  
“Really?” She seemed pleasantly surprised.  
  
“Yeah I’ll...I’ll call him later,” Eren said knowing full well he wouldn’t. “Uh, do you mind if I go out for a while?” Normally he wouldn’t ask, but he was trying to stay in his mother’s good graces. He figured she deserved that much.  
  
“Where to, and with whom?”  
  
Eren sighed. “I was just gonna go...visit Erwin.”  
  
She didn’t look too pleased at that. She was wary of Erwin, having come to the conclusion that he was a bad influence. Never wanting to acknowledge that Eren was bad all on his own. “You better be home by midnight.”  
  
“But it’s summer-”  
  
“ _Midnight_.”

  
**_xx  
_**

****_  
_ Levi felt better after washing away the stench of the ocean along with every grain of sand that had managed to embed itself in his asscrack.  
  
He sat at the bed after drying his hair, shirtless with a towel slung around his shoulders as he stared at the darkening sky through the window, lost in thought.  
  
It was calm here, stunningly beautiful even if you really wanted to get sappy...and all he could do was wonder what was going on at home.  
  
He distantly heard the shower shut off and a few minutes later Petra emerged from the bathroom connected to their room, steam billowing out after her. She’d changed from her skimpy bikini into a tank-top and cotton shorts.  
  
“Thinking hard?” she teased.  
  
Levi opened his arms in invitation as she came over sit in his lap. She relaxed into his embrace. She still smelled faintly of saltwater, mixed with her usual warm vanilla scent. Another face popped up in his mind and Levi couldn’t help comparing it to another familiar scent--Eren always smelled of sunshine and grass and occasionally whatever fruity citrusy body spray he liked to get from Bath & Body Works, unless it was a special occasion then it was usually some delicious light spiced cologne… “I’m sorry for being such an asshole today,” he wasn’t only apologizing for his shit behavior but also for having the audacity to think of someone else with such a pretty girl sat on his lap and not to mention the fact that his shitty mood and his inability to relax could all be pinned on said _someone else_...fuck, he was losing it wasn’t he?  
  
Petra giggled, oblivious to his inner turmoil. “You weren’t so bad--you didn’t even follow through on your threat to murder Hanji for throwing sand in your eyes.”  
  
“That’s only ‘cause my motherfucking eyes were burning.”  
  
Petra giggled again, pressed her lips to his in a soft kiss. Levi held her closer, kiss turned deeper--slow, sensual.  
  
Before things could progress any further and just before Petra could slip her shirt off, there was a sudden commotion outside--the slamming of what had to be the front door and Hanji and Nanaba’s combined screams and rushed footsteps.  
  
“What the fuck is going on?” Levi traced the noise to the main room where Hanji and Nanaba were still busy squealing and jumping around.  
  
“Are you running from a serial killer or something?” Petra asked them.  
  
“Didn’t we send you shits out for food? Where’s the fucking food?”  
  
“Levi, Petra, you’ll never _guess_ what happened!” Hanji gushed. “Where’s Mike? Miiiike!” she shouted his name. “We need to tell him too! We-”  
  
“It was _so_ cool! And I mean what are the odds, what are the _chances_? It had to be some type of fate or something, I’m telling you! It-”  


“Alright, shut the _fuck up_! One at a fucking time, _please_!” Levi said, pushing Hanji out of his personal space as she bunny hopped over to him, still babbling out her ass.  
  
“Where’s Mike?” Hanji questioned again. “I wanna tell everyone together.”  
  
“Fuck if I know-”  
  
“He’s probably still taking a nap,” Nanaba said. “It’s alright, just tell ‘em.”  
  
“Okay kiddos! Sit down ‘cause this story is _wild_.” Hanji gestured for everyone to sit down and they followed suit.  
  
“Why don’t I get to tell it?” Nanaba whined.  
  
“Shut your pretty face, Nana-banana,” Hanji ordered through tight smiling lips.  
  
“Well get on with it, I wanna know the reason you got so distracted you forgot you were supposed to be getting our fucking groceries.”  
  
“Aw, Short-baby, are you still in a mood? Maybe _you’re_ the one who should be taking a nap.”  
  
“Hanji-!”  
  
She waved him off. “Anyway, anyway, so where do I begin? Oh, right! At the beginning...okay, so...I was walking along with Nanaba to the store, and it was really hot out so were debating whether or not to get ice cream and discussing flavors and things such as that...then we got distracted by a cool looking souvenir shop across the road. I really wanted a snow globe, so I was like ‘we should go look in there!’ and Nanaba was like ‘sure!’-”  
  
“Does this story have a point?”  
  
“It has a riveting climax, Levi, a riveting one! Just pay attention you little...ah, anyway, the intersection we were waiting to cross was like _super_ busy. And there was this old man in front of us. He was yapping away on his cell while Na and I were waiting patiently for the signal to cross...but then this old dude just went and fucking walked straight into ongoing traffic! I guess he wasn’t paying attention, I don’t know, but all I could see at the moment was a speeding truck about to collide with him! I’m not sure kind of super hero strength came over me, but I ran faster than I ever have in my life and goddamn _tackled_ the beautiful bald headed bastard. We crashed to safety on the sidewalk with only minor scrapes and bruises-”  
  
“Bullshit,” Levi muttered in disbelief, he was promptly ignored.  
  
“I was so worried he had broken his hip or something at first because isn’t that like common with old people? But he assured me he was fine and started thanking me profusely, and then at _that_. _Moment._ I finally got a good look at his face and damn near lost my mind...it was Dot _Pixis_!”  
  
Petra gasped, “No way?”  
  
Nanaba clapped her hands as she nodded furiously, “ _yes_ way!”  
  
Levi stared at Hanji with incredulous eyes. _If she was yankin’ his chain…  
  
_ “Yes, yes! Rockstar turned founder of _S.C Music Entertainment_! Responsible for some of our beloved music groups. _That_ Dot Pixis!”  
  
“Ok, so-”  
  
“So after thanking me for saving his life, he asked if there was anything he could do for me--anything at all to repay the debt of saving him from certain death. I said ‘if you really wanna do me a favor, you could maybe check out this band I’m managing?’ and I handed over our demo that I carry with me at all times…”  
  
“And he agreed?” Petra asked, looking more excited by the second.  
  
“He said he’d definitely take a listen-”  
  
“Holy shit!”  
  
“I know right!”  
  
Now all three girls were squealing and hopping around in a circle while Levi stared in disinterest ( _stunned_ disinterest, but he still wasn’t getting any hopes up).  
  
“Levi, why aren’t you jumping? Why aren’t you happy?” Hanji broke away from Nanaba and Petra to try tugging him up from his seat on the sofa.  
  
“I’m...happy. Sounds crazy, honestly--that that actually happened. But I just...I can’t help but feel skeptical. Say he keeps his promise, then what? Do you really think-”  
  
“We’re gonna get a record deal! Shut the hell up with your pessimistic face!” Nanaba interjected.  
  
Levi sighed, shook his head if not a tad fond. “Whatever.”  
  
“Great.” Hanji clapped her hands together, smile splitting her face. “You know what this calls for? A celebration! Levi and I will get the food and drinks so the rest of you-”

“Oi, who said I was going anywhere with you?”

 

****_xx_  
  
  


  
“Eren, you should slow down.” Erwin had to pry the bottle of vodka from Eren’s hands, ignoring his slurred protests. “Stop, you’re drunk.”  
  
“‘M not,” Eren murmured indignantly, slumping back against the sofa.  
  
“You are.”  
  
“So what? Who’re you to judge, ‘re fuckin’ high right now.”  
  
“Well evidently not enough to put up with your bullshit.”  
  
“Aw.” Eren pouted teasingly. He crawled over to Erwin, fell into his lap. “Are you mad at me, babe? You are.” He poked at his face, only causing Erwin’s frown to deepen.  
  
“I’m just worried about you.”  
  
Eren sighed. “You do that too much; I don’t fucking know why either. You’re right, you’re not high enough. At all.”   
  
“I worry about you because I love you.”   
  
Eren ignored him. “Why don’t you fix me up some of this shit.”  
  
“Ere-”  
  
“C’mon, it’ll sober me up.”  
  
Erwin pushed him off his lap. “Do it yourself.”  
  
Eren scowled as he kneeled in front of the coffee table, crushing white powder and arranging it into fat lines with a razor blade.   
“My dad wants to see me,” Eren said, not looking up from his work.  
  
“So see him. Ask for money too or else we’ll be low on supplies for a while.”  
  
Eren huffed at his uninterested response. “Erwin, how does it feel knowing I’ll never love you back?”

  
**_xx  
_**

****_  
_ “Nanaba, are you ready for another Hanji ‘rita Special?”  
  
“If you try to force anymore of that shit down my throat, I will walk over there, kiss you and intentionally puke in your mouth,” Nanaba told her.  
  
“Kinky.”   
  
“You only _think_ I’m kidding,” Nanaba threatened.  
  
Hanji stuck her tongue out at her, raised her glass. “Whatever. More for me then.”  
  
Levi rolled his eyes at the exchange.  
  
The mood was definitely winding down. It was well past two in the morning, his buzz had long since worn off, and Mike was passed out on the rug in the living room--face down, ass up for some godforsaken reason. Nanaba was looking tired but she still danced with Petra to whatever music was playing in the background if just to humor the tipsy girl--more than ‘tipsy’ really, she might’ve had a few too many of Hanji’s margaritas… Levi thought their grinding on each other would be way more interesting if they were still in their bikinis.  
  
Petra twirled over to him, giggled as she plopped down in his lap. “Levi, we should go to the bedroom.” She twirled her fingers in his hair, starting placing kisses at his jaw.  
  
“Sure,” he agreed with a small grin, let her lead him to their shared room.  
  
“No glove, no love!” Hanji yelled after them.  
  
Levi could hear Nanaba snickering loudly even after they closed the door, but then his senses were attacked and all he could focus on was Petra’s mouth over his, the warm hand rubbing at his crotch.  
  
They broke apart to breathe, he started mouthing at her neck as he walked them over to the bed.

She pulled back suddenly, before they could fall into bed. “It's really romantic here, huh?” she said.

He blinked slowly, wondering why she thought _now_ was the time for talking. “I guess,” he said.

“Wanna take a walk on the shore with me?” she asked.

“No,” he told her, still not sure what the fuck was going on. “Weren’t we about to…?”  
  
Petra’s already flushed cheeks brightened a little as she stared at the floor and admitted, “It’s just...I kinda wanna try having sex on the beach.”  
  
Levi’s eyes widened. “No. No way in hell.”  
  
“But-”  
  
“It’s dark as fuck, that sand’ll probably give you an infection, and what the fuck am I gonna do if a crab pinches my dick or something.”

Petra giggled a bit, still refusing to look at him. “Please.” She looked up at him with puppy eyes. “Please, for me?”

“No,” he stated again. Those shining Amber eyes were cute, he'll admit, but like hell they could get him to budge.

“Levi! C'mon, please?” she'd taken to nuzzling against him now and Levi repressed a sigh.

“No. That sappy shit is stupid anyway. Now are we gonna fuck or should I just go to bed?”

Petra made a displeased sound, shoved at him. “Now you're just being a moody asshole again.”

“Well, Petra, I'm like that about 99 percent of the time. You should get used to it.”  
  
She scowled. “Whatever. Fine. Go to sleep then. I wanted another drink anyway…”  
  
Levi stared in disbelief as she stormed out of the room. His mind was reeling at the sudden change of mood and how ridiculous she was being...  
  
He turned out the light and heeded her advice of trying to find sleep. He was awoken not an hour later by the sound of someone retching in the toilet.

He spent the night rubbing Petra's back and holding her hair as she puked and sobbed and once again he cursed his unfortunate existence.

  
**_xx  
_**

****_  
_ Eren’s father didn’t seem to appreciate his tardiness (of fifteen minutes) as he stumbled into the booth across from him at some casual (though still fairly pricey) restaurant.   
  
“You look like hell,” is what he said in greeting.  
  
“Nice to see you too, Dad.”  
  
“You want me to lie to you? Christ, you reek of alcohol too. You're mother told me you didn't come home last night. You've been back merely a day and you're already pulling this shit?”

“If you're just gonna criticize me all night, I can leave right now,” Eren said as he stood up from his seat, threatening to leave.

“Sit the fuck back down, we might as well eat since we're already here.”

Eren complied but not without a dirty look aimed at his father.

They placed their orders and chatted lightly--mostly about Grisha’s new place and how he was settling in (Eren declined his polite offers of staying over next weekend).

Eren was grateful when the food arrived ‘cause that meant he could focus on eating and not have to make up strained conversation.

Of course, his dad wouldn't make it so easy.

“So I assume you're still messing around with that Erwin kid?” Grisha asked. “Your mother’s told me a lot,” he said at Eren's questioning stare.

“What, you still got a problem with me fucking guys?”

Grisha scowled. “Don't pull that card with me, Eren. You know I couldn't give a shit less who you choose to be with, so as long as they're a decent person. And with what your mother’s been telling me, I'm not sure your new boyfriend fits the bill.”

“He's not my boyfriend. Not really.”

“You think that makes it better?”

Eren ignored him in favor of picking at his food.

“Whatever happened to Jean? I liked Jean. Good kid, good family--his mother's really one of the most adored nurses down at the hospital-”

“Yeah I liked Jean too, that's why I screwed him over. And dear god, don't tell me you fucked _her_ too-”

“I've never hit you before, but you're really testing me. Of course not. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about something...Claudia is-”

“Oh yes, I forgot to ask how your twenty year old mistress is doing.”

“She just turned twenty seven actually.”

“And you think that makes it better?” Eren shot his earlier words back at him.

Grisha gave a very put upon sigh. “Let me start over...Eren, your mother and I aren't getting back together.”

“I know.”

“And it might seem sudden, but once the divorce finalizes, I'm going to ask Claudia to marry me. She's pregnant.”

Eren, who was in the midst of drinking water, choked. “Wh-what?” he spluttered.

“She's-”

“No, no I heard you. W-what do you want me to say, congratulations? Do you want me say it's fine--that you broke my mother's heart; that despite how she tries to pretend she's strong, I know she still cries herself to sleep at night? You want me to say that all the hurt you've caused is FINE?!”

“Eren, lower your voice before you cause a scene.”

Eren scoffed. He couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe the audacity of the man who sat in front of him. Of the person who was supposed to be his father. He stood up, slammed his hands on the table. “Fine. Do whatever you please. Go start a new family and leave _mine_ the hell alone.” He swept his arm across the table, making all the dishes and glassware clatter to the floor. He relished in the satisfying sound it all made, and the _mess_ …

“Eren!” his father roared.

“ _Pay_ for it!” Eren sneered as he walked away, shattered glass crunching under his shoes.

 

**_xx_ **

 

“Leeevi, aren't you bored?” Hanji asked as she plopped down on one of the towels spread out on the sand next to where he was peacefully lying within the shade of an umbrella (now properly equipped with sunscreen, a hat, and the darkest tinted sunglasses he could find).

“Don't drip on me.” He pushed her away as she shook her waterlogged hair like a dog. “And no I'm not bored, I'm trying to work on lyrics,” he answered her previous question.

“Oh, let me see!” Hanji snatched his phone from his hand excitedly and then pouted at the blank screen. “aw you turned it off.”

Levi grabbed it back, threw it somewhere next to their bags for safety. “Why are you bugging me?”

“Come swim in the sea with me, Short-baby. I haven't seen you set foot in the water longer than five minutes.”

“That’s ‘cause I've discovered I'm not particularly fond of the ocean. You never know what's lurking in there--I felt something brush against my leg earlier-”

“It was probably just seaweed.”

“And I'm not about to be bait for sharks-”

“There aren't any around here. Further out, maybe…”

“I also saw some little kid taking a piss in there-”

“Ah, so _that's_ your real concern,” Hanji snickered. “Don't worry about it, everyone does it-”

“You know you're only making me never want to set foot in there again, right?”

“I think you're just being purposely picky. What, still got the extra grumpies? Petra came to me crying last night, ya know, saying you were being mean to her.”

“Well with how much I had to watch her puke last night, I doubt she remembers any of it,” Levi said.

“It's not a good sign if you're having problems this early into the relationship.”

“Please, it was a stupid argument. Not even an argument really, just a stupid I don't even know what the fuck…Basically, a drunk Petra certainly isn't a rational one, I'll tell you that.” He looked over at Petra who’s hangover seemed to get better as the day progressed (she'd been whining so much earlier). She was having fun jumping over waves hand and hand with Nanaba, clinging to the other girl at the bigger ones that threatened to roll over her head and sweep her away in the current (on account of her being so damn short and small).

“Oh,” Hanji hummed. “Ya know, I never expected you two to get together.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you're both so different.”

“I guess.”

“Don't you think it’s weird how you met though, I mean she had sex with Eren.”

“Don't reminded me. Fuck, it's like that brat’s everywhere, no goddamn escape…” _Won't you haunt someone else's mind, brat?_

“Is that why you were waxing poetic about comparing the beauty of the ocean to his eyes?” Hanji snickered.

Levi whipped his head around to find Hanji waving his phone around with a triumphant grin.

“Fuck you, how'd you-”

“Your PIN shouldn't be so easy, Levi,” she teased.

“Fuck you,” he grumbled again.

Hanji set his phone down. “If you're still hung up on Eren so much, then why are you with Petra?”

“Don't you get it, Hanji? Petra's a clean slate, a fresh start. She's pretty and sweet. Isn't that what I should want? She doesn't find pleasure in toying with other people's emotions and we get along fine. It's...easy.”

“So what I'm hearing is, she's convenient. That's nice and all, but what's the point of a relationship if there's no passion? And what's the point if you're still in love with somebody else?” Hanji looked unusually serious, it kinda creeped him out.

Levi tsked. “If I agree to play in the water with you, will you shut the fuck up?”

“OK!” She immediately perked back up, hopping to her feet so fast she kicked up sand. “Let's rent a Jet Ski!”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not edited on account of me having a panic attack and limited time. Writing is the only thing I have right now but it's just another thing I feel like I'm failing at


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band has an important performance--crucial if they want to succeed in breaking into the Music Industry. However, there's rising tension between some of the band members that won't make things so easy... Meanwhile, Eren's mental state is worsening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit guys, you would not believe the mess that my life has become in these past few weeks! It's why I've been so long to update. I won't really say anything more about it other than that I'm doing a little better and hopefully will _continue_ to get better. Everyone who's stuck with this story thus far, I applaud you, love you, and hope you enjoy this chapter °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

Eren wished he could sleep. Wished he could disappear. How does one disappear?  
  
It’s not that he _wanted_ to die exactly, it’s just that it’d be easier. Death had to be so much easier than living. Dead people don’t feel, they don’t hurt.  
  
Eren’s phone lit up the darkness of his room as it buzzed with incoming texts.

  
Erwin  
+1xxx-555-xxxx  
  
**\-------------- Fri, 07 04 2014 --------------**  
  
  
Are you really  
not coming?  
            23:20  
  
  
I'm sorry  
           23:20

  
Eren shut off his phone and turned over in bed so he was facing the wall. He rubbed at the nasty scar his stitches had left behind.  
  
Lying in bed, staring at nothing, tears spilling despite himself...he knew it’d be easy to fade into nonexistence.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Erwin was a mess. It wasn’t nerves, he never got stage fright except for maybe back in his rookie days…  
  
It wasn’t the drugs. Those made him jittery; tingly in a good way. Euphoric for not nearly as long as he’d like. Pleasantly numb for thankfully longer than that. Utterly horrible if he didn’t keep following up every hit with a few more. Which is probably why he’d been on a binge for the past few days.  
  
It wasn’t nearly as fun without Eren…  
  
He was losing his mind because the boy wouldn’t text him back. He knew he was angry. He knew he had fucked up. And the thought of Eren leaving him for good made his chest ache.  
  
“Erwin, what the fuck are you doing? We’re on in five.”  
  
He jumped as the bathroom door banged open. Levi was looking at him in disdain.  
  
“What was that?”  
  
“Five minutes to showtime, shithead.” He stalked away without another word.  
  
Erwin blinked lazily at his reflection in the mirror, observing bloodshot blue eyes that didn’t feel like his own. He wiped his nose and turned away.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “Ah, they’re brilliant! Aren’t they, Moblit?” Hanji grinned as she watched the band perform from a table not too far from the stage. “They’ve come a long way since the beginning, haven’t they? And to think, just next Saturday they’ll be playing in front of the legendary Dot Pixis! I can’t believe he said he like the demo. And now he wants to see them live to get an adequate reading on their ‘presence’? That record deal is _in the bag_ , I just know it!” Hanji sighed with a dopey smile on her face, “it’s like a dream.”  
  
Moblit sipped his drink leisurely, nodded. “It sure is amazing,” he agreed. “He’s actually coming here just to see them?”  
  
“Yep! He’s originally from Trost, ya know--only around a half hour away from here. He owns a club down there, you know that real famous one with the foreign name I can’t pronounce-”  
  
“Who _hasn’t_ heard of it? Isn’t it like crazy exclusive though?”  
  
“Which is why we have _VIP access_! Oh I’m so excited, I can hardly stand it…”  
  
“I can tell, you’re even more crazily energetic than usual.”  
  
“You say that like it’s a bad thing-”

Hanji’s attention was pulled away by a sudden confused hum of the crowd--a few gasps, some concerned murmurs...She looked to the stage to see what the problem was.  
  
Under the shine of multicolored stage lights, it wasn’t too difficult to see that the guitarist’s nose was bleeding.  
  
Erwin ignored it for as long as he could, and every else kept playing because ‘the show must go on’ is pretty much the first rule of the biz.  
  
Hanji ventured it must’ve been a hell of a nose bleed though because by the end of the current song, the collar of Erwin’s shirt was soaked. Levi called a timeout on account of ‘technical difficulties’ even though no one was fooled.  
  
Hanji watched in worry as he practically dragged Erwin backstage with a murderous look on his face.  
  
“I should go,” she told Moblit.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “...is there something you want to tell me, Erwin?”  
  
“Like I said, it’s probably just from stress! Alright, that’s it-”  
  
“Then why do I not believe you-”  
  
“Levi!” Hanji interrupted. “Let Erwin get cleaned up so we can finish our set.”  
  
Levi tsked. “Whatever.”  
  
Hanji didn’t even flinch when he shoved past her. She turned to face Erwin. “You really need to stop with that shit, you hear?”  
  
“Did you not hear what I just told Levi-”  
  
“Erwin, you can try to fool him--which isn’t working by the way--but you can’t lie to me. We fucking live together, of course I know what’s going on. But fuck...I didn’t think it was this bad. That you’d be so utterly stupid as to go up on stage high? Do you realize that you have the biggest gig of your life next weekend? This could mean you finally proving to your father that you _can_ make it in the Music Industry. Most importantly, this can mean huge things for the band. And I _won’t_ let you ruin it for them.”  
  
“Oh, right. Blame me. Just put it alllll on me. I’m not the one who just stopped the fucking show! Did you ever see me stop playing up there? No! I’m fine, fucking _fine_! So stop accusing me of shit and _stay out_ of my business!”  
  
Hanji took a subconscious step back as Erwin towered over her, ugly sneer on his face that was still caked in a bit of dry blood. Erwin had never exploded like that towards her before.  
  
She swallowed to clear her suddenly dry throat before speaking, “Fine! You want me out of your business so bad, then don’t bother coming back to _my_ place tonight! You can sleep on the street like a true junkie for all I care!”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Eren went out with Mikasa for the day, returning home around five in the afternoon to find Erwin sitting on his front porch looking like a lost puppy. He had a single rose lying across his lap. He offered it to Eren. “Sorry I couldn’t afford a bouquet.”  
  
“This is plastic,” Eren said, looking up at Erwin with narrowed eyes after inspecting it.  
  
“A fake rose will never die, just like my love for you.”  
  
Eren rolled his eyes even as he fought to keep a tiny grin off his lips. “Dear god. I’ll let you come inside if we can both promise to forget you just said that.”  
  
Erwin smiled, went in for a hug that Eren sidestepped and chose instead to unlock the door.  
  
“You’re lucky my mom’s at her book club,” he said as he led Erwin inside.  
  
“Those things actually exist?”  
  
Eren snorted. “Yeah, so do Tupperware parties.”  
  
They went upstairs to his room and Eren threw off his shoes, getting comfortable on the bed.  
  
“How was your day?” Erwin asked.  
  
“Fine. Hung out with Mika and she was kinda moody. I think her summer job is driving her insane. How was your gig?”  
  
“Terrible, the entire night. I slept in my car.”  
  
Eren’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Why?”  
  
Erwin sighed. “Hanji and I kinda had a fight. Nothing too serious.”  
  
“Ah. Well you should reconcile, because you’re sure as hell not staying here. Not unless you want to be subjected to my mom’s death stare and passive aggressive bitching.”  
  
“I know, I know, I’ll talk to her. I just wanted to give her some space. Also, I wanted to see you.”  
  
“Even though I told you multiple times not to bother? I’m still pissed at you, ya know. I don’t care how pathetic you look or how much you try to sweet talk me,” Eren told him.  
  
“How many times do I have to apologize? I feel like shit about it. You know I do. And...you didn’t have a problem with it at first.”  
  
“Maybe because I was fucking drunk, Erwin!”  
  
“I know. Shit. Calm down, I’m sorry, I...I never meant to hurt you, or force you...I didn’t...Baby, please, I’m sorry.”  
  
Eren hesitated to push Erwin away as he stroked his cheek. He stared at him, tried to find a genuine apology in dull blue eyes. He sighed. “Next time you want free drugs, you can suck your dealer’s cock yourself.”  
  
Erwin smirked, leaned over to kiss his temple. “I don’t think I’m his type.”  
  
“I’m serious. If you make me do that shit again, we’re through and I’m ripping your balls off.”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “I’m sorry.” Erwin felt like was doing so much apologizing today. “I...shouldn’t have said those things. I know this opportunity means a lot to the band and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.”  
  
Hanji regarded him with cold eyes and crossed arms as she blocked the entrance of the apartment. “And?” she prompted.  
  
“And I...I won’t touch the drugs anymore.”  
  
Hanji’s expression melted into a grin as she approached him with arms wide open, readily pulling him into a bear hug. “I was looking for ‘and you are the greatest manager in the whole wide galaxy’ but that works too! Welcome home, big guy!”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Eren wondered how no one could tell he was falling apart inside. Had been for a while. Pieces of him withering away as the seconds ticked by.  
  
Of course nobody noticed. It wasn’t their job to. They all had their own lives, their own shit to deal with. Especially stressed out now that the date of the ‘possibly life changing gig’ loomed near.  
  
Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow… would he make it to tomorrow? The longer he thought about it, sitting on his lonely bedroom floor in the dark and twirling a blade between his fingers...he knew he shouldn’t be so hopeful. His control was slipping, his impulses itching, his self-hatred calling for blood and his shame begging for punishment.  
  
He was worthless, hopeless. Once felt like he spun the world on his fingertips and now he only spun a blade.  
  
His phone chimed, wanting his attention.

  
Levi  
+1xxx379xxxx

 **\-------------- Sat, 07 12 2014 --------------**  
  
  
I'm outside.  
          02:49

  
Eren was confused as to why anyone--and Levi of all people--would stop by so late. He stumbled to his feet, didn’t bother to be light with his footsteps as he rushed down the stairs ‘cause he knew for a fact his mother took sleeping pills tonight and they usually made her dead to the world.  
  
Levi was standing there when he threw the door open. He looked disconcertingly anxious. His usual stoic expression replaced with something more human. Eren wasn’t sure he liked him looking all troubled like that…  
  
“What’re you doing here?” he asked.  
  
“Wanted to see you, brat. Why else would I come to _your_ house?”  
  
Eren smiled weakly. _There_ was his Levi. They went up to his room, no other words exchanged.  
  
“I’m freaking out,” Levi muttered in the quiet of the night.  
  
“Well it is a huge opportunity. No pressure though.”  
  
“Cheeky shit. It’s...it just feels so surreal.”  
  
“I’d bet.”  
  
“I mean, I’ve _dreamed_ about this for so long and for it to suddenly be within my grasp, it’s...I don’t want to blow it. I _can’t_.”  
  
Eren reached over to lace their fingers together as he reassured him, “you’ll be great, Lee.”  
  
“How do you know?”  
  
“Because I believe in you.”  
  
The distress in Levi’s eyes was still there but as he took in Eren’s face, focused on his pretty eyes that somehow still managed to be so expressive even in the limited moonlight leaking in from the window, he took a deep breath and felt the edge of his worries ebb away.  
  
He had missed this. He missed Eren. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so close to him, the last time he felt the warm weight of his palm in his or soaked in his comforting presence. He absentmindedly swiped his thumb over Eren’s knuckles and drowned in the glittering abyss of his green eyes.  
  
He wasn’t sure who made the first move. He wouldn’t be surprised if it was himself. All he knew was that Eren’s lips were suddenly against his own, moving in a desperate kind of kiss. Eren’s breath mingled with his own, tongues sliding against each other as Levi tried to map out his mouth again. He swore in that moment it felt like finally being able to breath after being deprived of oxygen for so long; it was a euphoric relief. He melted into Eren’s familiar kiss as desperation became pure _need_.  
  
He leaned back on the bed, Eren moving to straddle him. They made quick work of their clothes and Levi felt like he’d rediscovered a missing part of himself when he had Eren panting underneath him, face twisted in pleasure.  
  
God, he missed this.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Eren woke up feeling better than he had in a long time. Naked and sated, wrapped up in Levi’s arms...he wished they could stay here. Float away from everyone else into their own hazy world where the sun shone just right on their bare skin and warm tendrils of sleep beckoned him with every lazy blink of his eyes and he could stay in the comforting inbetween of sleep and wakefulness, listening to bird songs as he lazily traced patterns on Levi’s chest.  
  
But alas, they couldn’t stay here and the real world called--quite literally--with the shrill ring of Levi’s phone.  
  
Owner of said phone groaned, stirring awake. He pushed Eren away with a groggy, “what the fuck? Answer that shit, you brat.”  
  
Eren got out of bed, tracked down Levi’s phone that was hiding underneath his discarded jeans. He shoved it in his face. “You do it, it’s yours.”  
  
Levi took the phone with a grudging, half asleep ‘do I really have to?’ look.  
  
Whoever was on the other line had a distinctly feminine voice and sure did talk fast though Eren couldn’t place a name to it. He didn’t think it was Hanji….  
  
“Sorry. I forgot. Yeah, yeah I’ll be there.” He hung up, buried his face in his hands. “Fuck.”  
  
“Who was it?”  
  
“Petra. I forgot we had plans to get breakfast this morning.”  
  
Eren frowned. “Oh.”  
  
“Yeah, _oh_. And now I gotta face here after…Shit.” Levi stumbled out of bed, rushing to get dressed--not even bothering to feel offended at the wrinkled clothing as he muttered a string of curses under his breath.  
  
“Just blow her off,” Eren suggested.  
  
“She's my _girlfriend_!”  
  
“So?”  
  
“So I’m a piece of shit! A sorry excuse of a human being for doing what I did.” Levi sat on the edge of the bed as he laced up his shoes. “Look, last night was mistake.”  
  
“You can’t-”  
  
“I’m not like you, Eren!”  
  
Eren’s cheeks flushed in humiliation, tears that he desperately tried to blink back welling up in his eyes. “And just what am I? A slut, a whor-”  
  
“A _cheater_. I’m not a cheater.”  
  
“I hate to break it to you, _Lee_ ,” Eren snarled the name, “but because you chose to fuck me last night, that’s exactly what you are!”  
  
“It was a mistake! A shitty lapse of judgement! That’s it! I’m with Petra, I-I’m moving on and I’m...I’m happy. With her.”  
  
“You don’t sound so sure of yourself. But I’m not gonna stop you; run back to Petra. Even though you came to _me_ last night for comfort and not her.”  
  
“I came to you as a friend, brat.”  
  
Eren scoffed. “Well guess what, we’re not even that anymore. Every time I needed you, you weren’t there, but you expected _me_ to be? I know you think I’m cruel, Levi, but you’re pretty cruel yourself.”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “Should we go out for pancakes?!” Hanji shouted from the bathroom as she took a morning piss with the door open. Erwin was in the kitchen, drinking horrible tasting coffee to compensate for not sleeping a wink last night.  
  
“Sure. Your treat.”  
  
“Of course!” Hanji ran into the room, hopped up on the counter. “It’s a big day after all, so we need to be properly nourished!”  
  
“ _We_? You’re just the manager.”  
  
“Hush. So...how did you sleep last night?” she asked.  
  
“Fine,” he said.  
  
“Good. At least one of us slept well. It took forever for me to fall asleep and then I woke up in the middle of the night from a disturbing nightmare.”  
  
“That sucks,” Erwin muttered noncommittally as he scrolled through social media feeds on his phone.  
  
“Like _reallyyy_ disturbing,” Hanji dragged out the word for added effect.  
  
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Erwin asked what he knew she was waiting for.  
  
“Well now that you mention it! Okay, so it was weird. Like, I wasn’t physically _in_ the dream; I was just watching it play out. And all I can remember is that _you_ were there. It was raining and I had the sense that something was just _wrong_. You were lying supine on the ground, just staring up at the night sky peacefully...but you were bleeding. And I...I just _knew_ that you were dying.”  
  
“Should I be worried? Does this mean you’re subconsciously planning to murder me?”  
  
“Hey, I’m being serious!”  
  
“Me too.”  
  
Hanji clicked her tongue. “Okay, fine. _Don’t_ heed my warning. Just don’t come haunt me in the afterlife because you’re bitter you didn’t listen to me.”  
  
“I think I want apple cinnamon pancakes. With extra bacon on the side.”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “What’re you doing here? I thought we were meeting up at the venue.” Erwin ushered Eren inside anyway. Hanji had already left--she had to make sure the preparations for tonight were all said and done, also had to meet with Pixis beforehand. “Are you okay, you look-”  
  
“I’ve been better. I just really wanted to see you,” Eren told him.  
  
They sat down on the couch, Erwin pulling him over to cuddle into his side. Eren kissed his neck before muttering, “I kinda...did something bad last night.”  
“What’d you do?” Erwin asked with a barely discernible hint of concern.  
  
“I fucked Levi,” Eren said.  
  
Erwin sucked in a breath, pushed him away. “You _what_?”  
  
“I slept with Levi. You’re angry, aren’t you?”  
  
“Of course I’m angry.”  
  
“We’re not even dating.”  
  
“You’re right, but I at least thought we were exclusive.”  
  
“It doesn’t matter anyway. It was a mistake. A stupid mistake.”  
  
Erwin still didn’t like it but he allowed Eren to curl back into his arms anyway.  
  
“Honestly, I just want to forget about it. Think you could help?”

  
**_xx  
_**

_  
_ Levi paced the wide space of the dressing room. Here he was, all dolled up with the rest of his band at some swanky celebrity owned nightclub, waiting to play a show in front of a legendary record producer who could change their lives for the better, and his fucking guitarist was missing!  
  
“Levi, calm down!” Petra urged. “I’m sure that he’ll be here soon.”  
  
“No, no I should’ve known that when he didn’t meet up with us as planned, something was wrong.”  
  
“This is too much stress!” Nanaba whined as she plopped back on a plush red couch, careful not to mess up her perfectly tousled hair.  
  
“How the fuck are we gonna get anyone to fill in, there’s no one. It’s impossible, they’d have to know all the songs. Why won’t this asshole just answer his phone…” Levi muttered as he continued to pace back and forth, grating on the rest of the band’s nerves.  
  
“He’ll be here,” Petra repeated.  
  
“Your shitty optimism isn’t gonna magically make Erwin appear, princess,” Nanaba snapped at her.  
  
“Well being bitter is only gonna cause all the negativity to rise and then-”  
  
“Can we please stop fighting!” Mike groaned. “Things have already gone to shit, if you haven’t noticed.”  
  
Levi made a slight growling noise under his breath. “Fuck it, I’m going to get him myself.” He looked at his phone to check the time. “If I speed, I can make it. I don’t know what this asshole’s doing but I bet he’s still back at Hanji’s. He better be, I don’t know where the fuck else he’d be.”  
  
“Maybe he’s just really nervous. You should cut him some slack.”  
  
“Petra, the only thing I’m gonna cut is his dick off! He can’t fucking bail on us like, not _tonight_ of _all nights_!”  
  
They watched as Levi left in frustrated fury.  
  
Mike groaned again, “we’re screwed.”  
  
“I have a feeling someone’s gonna die tonight,” Nanaba commented dryly.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** It was drizzling as Levi slammed his car door shut, small drops of rain hitting the top of his head every now and again as he hastily made his way up to Hanji’s apartment, banging on the door obnoxiously loud like a cop. “Erwin, you shitty fucking asshole! Open the fuck up before I break this door down!”  
  
Levi was fed up as he tried the lock only to find it open the whole time. He pushed open the door with a bang and his eyes widened at the sight in front of him.  
  
“Eren!” He rushed over to the boy’s side. He was lying face up on the floor, naked and covered in questionable body fluids. He didn’t appear to be breathing and there was a slight trace of vomit leaking from his mouth.  
  
“Eren!” He tried to shake him awake, but he remained unresponsive. Levi noted with some relief that he _was_ breathing though the rise of his chest was so slight it was worrying. He turned him on his side, trying to make sure he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit. “What the fuck did you do, you shitty brat?!”  
  
From the scattered drug paraphernalia around the room, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together.  
  
He contemplated his options, knew he could probably get Eren to the hospital faster than a damn ambulance especially since the rain had started to pick up.  
  
He threw a blanket he found on the couch over the still unresponsive boy and gathered him into his arms, rushing to his car faster than he’d ever moved in his life.  
  
He put Eren safely in the backseat, speeding away from Hanji’s apartment as he silently prayed that things would be alright.  
  
They had to be.  
  
_**  
**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting intense again! Scream at me in the comments.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone awaits news on Eren's condition...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chappy is a bit short but the cut off point just felt right. Don't worry, it's not lacking in content. Hoh boy it certainly isn't--Bring on the feels (ó﹏ò｡)

“I’m sorry. I know how important this show is, but-"  
  
“Levi, stop apologizing! We understand,” Hanji reassured him. “ _I_ wouldn’t let you go up on that stage tonight anyway even if you wanted to. I won’t be able to make it over there anytime soon, this stupid storm has us stuck here.”  
  
“That’s fine, you don’t have to…”  
  
“Alright. Just...keep me updated. Please.”  
  
“Of course. So...what did Pixis have to say about all this?”  
  
Hanji sighed. “He said something about how if you really wanted this, nothing would stand in the way. Not even the well-being of a loved one-”  
  
“ _What_? That’s complete bullshit!” Levi shouted, gaining some disapproving looks from the people around him. “Who the fuck-”  
  
“Levi, Levi! Calm down, I was kidding. He said he understands and his prayers are with us. Unfortunately he has to return to LA soon, but he said ‘if it’s meant to be, then we’ll surely cross paths again in the future’ or some hippie bullshit like that.”  
  
“Oh.” Levi regained his composure. “Well I’m gonna go now. I’ll text you.” He hung up before she could say goodbye.  
  
He sat back in the waiting room chair he’d been occupying for what had to be at least an hour already.  
  
Grisha sat next to him in silence. One of the hospital workers had kindly informed him (he was hours into his shift at this point) that his son had been brought into the ER.  
  
Levi had told him as much as he knew--that Eren had overdosed. Grisha just took it all in kind of a stunned stupor.  
  
Levi’s leg bounced up and down as the seconds, minutes ticked by. Why hadn’t anyone told them anything yet? Surely-  
  
“Levi!”  
  
He met the worried gaze of his cousin. She had just arrived with Carla in tow, the both of them drenched from the rain. Had they been in such a hurry they forgot an umbrella?  
  
“Nice outfit,” Levi deadpanned, taking in Mikasa’s black hello kitty pajamas and oversized hoodie.  
  
She scowled and slapped him upside the head as she sunk into the chair next to him. In the background, Carla and Grisha were having some kind of tear filled discussion that ended with Carla sobbing in her husband's arms.  
  
“How is he?” Mikasa asked.  
  
“They haven’t told us shit,” Levi said.  
  
“You’re the one who found him?”  
  
He nodded. He didn’t really want to talk about it; finding Eren like that...it was awful. It scared the living shit out of him. And he’d never felt so helpless. When he brought Eren in they asked him all kinds of questions--what did he take? How much did he take? What was the exact time of the overdose? Things like that. Shit Levi didn’t know all the answers to.  
  
“He was real bad, Mika.” _You’re lucky you didn’t have to see it._  
  
Mikasa sighed, put a comforting hand on his shoulder as she leaned back in her seat.  
  
What felt like another hour (though in reality was only half of that) passed in silence and Levi couldn’t take it anymore. He got up from his seat to stretch his legs out and decided to get something to drink. It was either that or go outside in the muck to try and smoke a damn cigarette.  
  
He came back with two coffees from the vending machine--one for Mikasa and one for himself.  
  
He handed Mikasa’s hers, but before she could take it she suddenly clamped her hand over her mouth.  
  
Levi raised an eyebrow, wondered if she was about to puke. He slowly backed away.  
  
“Sorry. The smell...I just got nauseous all of a sudden,” she explained.  
  
“Nauseous? I understand, this vending machine shit is shit.”  
  
“No it’s just...I think I’m coming down with something. I’ve been feeling really like...puke-y lately. It’s been off and on and it sucks.”  
  
“Hmm, well if you have to puke, kindly do it in _that_ direction.” Levi gestured away from himself.  
  
“You realize that I’m gonna aim for your shoes now?”  
  
“Do you wanna die?”  
  
Time still seemed to pass slowly as they waited for word on Eren’s condition. Levi was glaring at nothing, thinking too much for his own good. Mikasa was occupied with her phone and Levi wondered aloud what the hell was so interesting.  
  
“I’m keeping Armin updated,” she told him. “He’s keeping everyone in the loop. According to him, Sasha’s crying and eating her feelings like always along with Connie; Ymir said she’s gonna kick Eren’s ass when he gets out of here even though I’m sure she’s crying just as much as Historia; and Marco said that Jean is a complete mess.”  
  
Levi sighed. He looked over at Carla’s tear stained face and Grisha’s exhausted disposition. He sighed again. Eren had so many people worried about him and the brat probably didn’t even know it.  


  
**_xx  
_**

****__  
  
“Grisha.”  
  
Finally, after a goddamn lifetime, some bespectacled doctor with greying hair and a solemn face called Grisha over.  
  
Levi watched their conversation from afar really wishing he could read lips. Judging by how calm Grisha looked, he assumed it wasn’t bad news. _God, please don’t let it be bad news._  
  
Grisha returned to their little group and they stood to attention. The first words out of his mouth were, “he’s fine.”  
  
Levi felt instant relief wash over him. Mikasa squeezed his hand and Carla let out what he supposed was a relieved sob.  
  
“Th-they said his heart stopped, once. And they were able to bring him back in under a minute or so. H-he’s stable now, but he’s asleep. They said they found what they suspect to be cocaine in his system along with high levels of Ketamine. So far there doesn’t appear to be any organ failure or brain damage. They said he’s very lucky and if he hadn’t gotten help when he did, he’d likely be dead.”  
  
Levi shivered a little. He didn’t even want to think about that having been a possibility.  
  
“We can see him, but only family for now.” Grisha sent the teens an apologetic look as he wrapped his arm around a weary Carla, leading her in the direction of Eren’s hospital room.  
  
Levi slumped back in his seat along with Mikasa. “Shit,” he groaned as he ran a hand through his hair. He swore he felt like he’d aged a couple years.  
  
“I know. Eren’s a fucking dumb ass and I’m gonna be the first to punch him when he wakes up,” Mikasa was crying as she said this.  
  
“Psst, kids.” Carla stepped back into their line of sight about five minutes later, waving them over.  
  
“What is it, Auntie Carla?”  
  
“We can sneak you in to see him but only for a few minutes.” ****  


****  
_xx  
_

****__  
Levi hated seeing Eren like this. So vulnerable, worn down.  
  
He was lying on a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV and whatnot. His face was smooth in his sleep, though Levi wouldn’t describe it as peaceful.  
  
He stood to one side of Eren, holding his hand as he tried pathetically not to cry. It was wasted effort and his vision blurred as tears spilled silently down his cheeks. (He didn’t even care that Mikasa was in the room to witness his moment of weakness--it’s not like she was any better, he could clearly hear her sniffling.)  
  
“You’ve got a lot of people worried about you, brat,” Levi muttered. “Me included. So you better open those shitty bright eyes of yours soon, ya hear? Fuck...I-I love you, Eren.” Levi pressed his lips softly to Eren’s forehead, rested there for just a few seconds.  
  
He backed out of the room, leaving Mikasa alone as he fled from the hospital, taking in a deep breath of fresh air as he stepped out into the parking lot. The rain had died down and it left behind a heady, refreshing scent.  
  
His phone started ringing as soon as he slammed the door to his car shut. He furiously scrubbed at his wet eyes before answering the damn thing.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Are you okay? You sound like you’ve been crying. Mikasa told me Eren’s alright, thank-”  
  
“Is that all you fucking want Hanji? ‘Cause I really don’t feel like talking right now; you have three seconds before I hang up on you,” he bit out.  
  
“No, don’t! I wanted to tell you...I found Erwin. Thought you’d wanna know. Don’t worry, he’s okay. He was passed out in the bedroom when I got home, I think he’s been here the whole time. He’s kind of a mess right now though ‘cause I just told him about Erebear and-”  
  
Levi hung up on her mid sentence. He threw his phone to the side with an angry huff. _‘Don’t worry, he’s okay’? Don’t fucking worry, he’s_ okay _? Of course he is, he’s not the one lying in a fucking hospital bed. He’s not the one that nearly died tonight. He’s the reason any of this even happened. And because he wasn’t there, Eren nearly died…_  
  
Levi took off in the opposite direction of his original destination.

  
**_xx  
_**

****__  
“You fucking asshole!”  
  
Erwin didn’t have time to defend himself before Levi sent him to floor with a swift lunge and a punch that had his jaw radiating with pain. He didn’t stop there, getting in numerous hits as Erwin was too sluggish to react.  
  
Hanji screamed and pleaded for him to stop.  
  
Erwin got his wits back, shoved Levi away harshly and Hanji stepped in to restrain him (which he was none too pleased about).  
  
“Levi, calm down!” Hanji told him as he struggled in her grip. She had to use all her strength to hold him back and probably couldn’t keep it up for much longer.  
  
“No! It’s _his_ fault, it’s all his _fucking_ fault!”  
  
“Stop-”  
  
“He’s right,” Erwin said. “I’m the one who gave Eren the drugs and then was too out of it to even realize anything had gone wrong.”  
  
“So you admit you’re fucking scum?” Levi sneered. “Are you even fucking sorry?!”  
  
Erwin’s face scrunched up in anger. “You know he only came to me tonight because he was upset over something _you_ did,” he told him. “Of course I’m sorry, of course I’m worried, I fucking _love_ him!”  
  
Levi scoffed. “If you really loved him, you wouldn’t have allowed this to happen. You don’t have a right to claim that you love him!”  
  
“Oh and you do?” Erwin retorted. “I’m not the one who threw Eren away like yesterday’s trash. I was there for him when you weren’t! You wanna act like you care now? You’re pathetic. The only thing you’ve ever done is use Eren for your own pleasure. What, are you gonna get mad at _me_ because you were too much of a coward to admit your own feelings? Why don’t you run back to your girlfriend and leave Eren alone for good?”  
  
Levi broke out of Hanji’s grasp with a low growl. “I couldn’t give a shit less about all that right now! Do you understand what could’ve happened tonight?! What almost _did_?! Eren nearly died! He’s lying in the fucking hospital because of you! And you wanna say you _love_ him?! You know what, it should’ve been _you_!”  
  
“Stop it!” Hanji shouted.  
  
“If anyone needs to stay away from him, it’s you. Go die and see if I fucking care, piece of shit,” Levi grumbled as he stalked out of the apartment, not bothering to close the door behind him.  
  
“Damn it.” Hanji rubbed at her temple--she could definitely feel a headache coming on. “Wait, where are you going?” she asked as she watched Erwin gather his keys from the counter and slip on his jacket.  
  
“Out,” is all he said.  
  
“You really shouldn’t be driving in your state though-!”  
  
The slamming of the front door cut her off. Erwin was gone, and she was all alone.  
  
She sighed and walked into the kitchen, opening up the cupboard nearest the sink. She resisted the urge to throw her head back and scream in frustration.  
  
She was out of aspirin.

  
**_xx  
_**

****__  
He was stupid.  
  
So fucking stupid.  
  
The air smelled of gasoline. The ground was hard underneath his back.  
  
He was losing feeling in his limbs. It hurt to breathe. The salty taste in his mouth was undoubtedly blood.  
  
He was fearful at first, but then he focused on the night sky and watched storm clouds embrace the moon, completely obscuring it from sight, and he felt a sense of peace overcome him. Maybe it wasn’t peace exactly, just acceptance. He was dying and there was nothing he could do to change that.  
  
The rain started up again. He couldn’t even feel the water pouring down on him. He was too numb to feel.  
  
His last thoughts weren’t of his family, or his friends, or even Eren. He could only think of how unfair it all was; he had the world ahead of him. And now he had ****nothing.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...that happened. Leave me your thoughts, your support is everything to me （´・｀ ）♡


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wakes up to unpleasant news. Mikasa discovers something shocking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no your suspicions are confirmed ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I feel like I should've waited on this chapter but I was just so enthused that I had to get it out today. So enjoy.

Eren moaned softly as his eyes fluttered open, immediately squinting against the light that seemed way too bright for his bleary eyes.  
  
He was completely confused, he couldn’t remember even falling asleep. He somehow had the sense he had been unconscious for a while.  
  
He tried to sit up and grimaced at the IV poking out of his arm. So he was in the hospital? Why-  
  
The memories came back once the lingering haze of unconsciousness wore off--the pain of being consumed by far too many drugs. It was an intense rush, over-stimulation, and then his muscles locked up and it was just painful. So very painful. His heart had started beating so fast he knew he was going to die, and the convulsions were such torture he wished he would. (He didn't think he was afraid to die, for the thought of doing just that had been in the back of his mind for weeks now, but the panic he’d felt at actually staring death in the face...maybe he should start rethinking his choices.) He didn’t remember anything after that. He assumed he passed out. He wondered who had found him…  
  
The bed he was lying on was uncomfortable. The thin hospital gown he had on made him feel completely exposed. He hated the way hospitals smelled, like antiseptic and sickness.  
  
“Oi, Eren are you actually awake this time?”  
  
He jerked his head to the right to see Levi sitting by his hospital bed.  
  
“W-what happened?” Eren found his voice was scratchy from disuse.  
  
“You don’t remember? You overdosed, nearly fuckin’ died-”  
  
“No I mean why do you look like shit?”  
  
Levi scowled. “Shitty brat.”  
  
Eren was serious, it was obvious Levi had been crying--his eyes were all red and puffy. Though the thought of Levi crying was preposterous.  
  
“How long have I been out of it?” Eren asked.  
  
“Five years-”  
  
“What?!”  
  
“ _Kidding_. Fuck. Just over a day. You were brought in Saturday night. It’s Monday morning now, very early morning.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“You’ve actually woken up a couple times since then, but you weren’t exactly coherent and ended up conking the fuck back out...Anyway, your mom’s here. She’s getting coffee right now. Want me to get you a water? You sound like a frog.”  
  
“Fuck you. But, sure.”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** When Eren’s mom saw he was awake, she nearly smothered him in hugs and embarrassing little kisses.  
  
She only let go of him when the doctor walked in. He looked over Eren and determined that he was fine.  
  
Eren asked when he was going to be discharged, but nobody seemed to want to tell him.  
  
“I feel fine, can’t I go home today or-”  
  
“Eren.” His mother sighed. “This is something I wanted to discuss when your father arrives…”  
  
“What is it? Just tell me.”  
  
She took a deep breath to ground herself before looking into his eyes and telling him, “we want you to go to rehab.”  
  
“What?” He wasn’t sure he had heard right. She couldn’t actually be serious…  
  
“As soon as possible. So, once the doctor clears you-”  
  
“I don’t...I don’t need to go into fucking _rehab_! I’m not an addict-”  
  
“Well there’s obviously _something_ wrong with you, Eren, or you wouldn’t be here!”  
  
“No.” He shook his head. “I refuse to go.”  
  
“It’s not up to you, sweetie. You’re still a minor,” his mother told him. “Therefore your father and I can admit you based on our discretion and _we are_ going to because it’s in your best interest.”  
  
“That’s bullshit. You can’t-”  
  
“Just take the help, brat!” Levi, who’d been silent up until then, interjected.  
  
“ _You_ stay out of this!” Eren shouted. “This doesn’t concern you.”  
  
“Yes it _does_ , I don’t want to lose you too!” Levi’s voice broke on a sob and Eren swallowed back his shock as he watched silent tears drip down Levi’s face that the older boy hastily wiped away with his arm.  
  
“T-too?”  
  
“That’s the other upsetting news,” his mother said, “I don’t...really know how to tell you this, but...late Saturday night--or early morning Sunday really--there...there was a car accident and Erwin, he…” she trailed off, unable to finish.  
  
“What?” Eren knew what was coming, could feel the dread of it twisting in his stomach. But he couldn’t believe it, there was no way-  
  
“The funeral’s tomorrow,” Levi muttered.  
  
Eren felt like he was going to puke. Were his hands shaking? “Y-you’re lying.”  
  
He knew by Levi’s doleful expression that he wasn’t. “I wish I were.”  
  
“No. N-no, you’re lying! You’re…” Eren was sobbing now, couldn’t contain his cries even if he wanted to. He shook with the force of them.  
  
His mother gathered him into another hug, murmuring things to him like, “shh, shh, I know it hurts. I know.”  
  
Eren clung to her, heaving with sobs as he scrambled to comprehend how things could’ve turned out this way. He’d seen Erwin just a couple days ago and now he was _gone_? Permanently? It didn’t seem real.  
  
It was way too much to wake up to.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Eren had another screaming match with his parents about the whole rehab deal.  
  
His dad wanted him to go first thing in the morning since his doctor said he’d be discharged by then. The psych person he was forced to talk to agreed that attending inpatient treatment was recommended and would be best for him.  
  
In the end there didn’t seem to be any way of getting out of it. So he agreed to go. But only on the condition that he could attend Erwin’s funeral tomorrow.  
  
His parents agreed to his terms, but his dad was quick to remind him that they’d be taking him to the designated rehabilitation center right after the funeral service.  
  
Eren had nothing to say after that.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “He’s gonna be fine. I just think it’s a little much for him right now,” Hanji said to Mikasa as they walked down the halls of the hospital, heading towards the exit.  
  
They’d visited Eren for a couple hours, but he refused to talk to anybody. Eventually he just yelled at them all to leave. The only one who stayed was Carla. She refused to leave his side even when it was clear he didn’t want her there.  
  
Hanji figured he was still processing things. She didn’t blame him; she was still doing the same. The death of one of her close friends had been an unexpected blow. It turned her to a somber version of her usually upbeat self. She’d cried more in the past few days then she felt like she had her entire life.  
  
She wondered why grief had to feel so inexplicably gut wrenching and vast.  
  
“So...wanna go get some brunch?” Hanji asked, trying to conjure up some normality and maybe get Mikasa to stop looking so desolate. Or maybe she just didn’t really want to be alone right now.  
  
“Don’t feel like it. I’d probably end up throwing it all up anyway. I can’t seem to keep anything down lately.”  
  
Hanji’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Are you sick?”  
  
“Just been nauseous these past few days. I don’t have a fever or anything though. It’s weird.”  
  
“Hmm. Ya know, when my cousin was pregnant she experienced morning sickness not just in the morning, but throughout the entire day. She was always complaining they should call it _all-day_ sickness. Poor thing had it rough, huh? Hey...maybe you’re pregnant,” Hanji said this in a teasing manner as she nudged Mikasa with her elbow lightly.  
  
Mikasa didn’t seem to find it funny. In fact, she stopped walking as a totally blank expression crossed her face.  
  
Hanji’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, honey, I’m sorry, I was kidding! Are you really pregnant?! ‘Cause I can refer you to a clinic that doesn’t require parental permission for-”  
  
Mikasa seemed to snap out of it. “Hanji! Do you have to yell about everything?” Luckily no one seemed to be paying attention to them. “Of course I’m not...pregnant,” she could barely get the word out. “I-I can’t be.”  
  
“So you’re not? Or you _can’t be_?”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Mikasa stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.  
  
She turned to her side, eyeing her stomach. She didn’t think she looked any fatter than normal. She was as thin as always. She lifted her shirt up to further study her flat abdomen. She ran her hand over the skin there. Maybe she did seem a little...softer than usual.  
  
She sighed as she lowered her shirt. Now she was just being paranoid.  
  
It was all Hanji’s fault. When she had asked if she was pregnant--albeit jokingly--the thought had actually crossed Mikasa’s mind. Just for a second.  
  
Her period was late, but she had chalked that up to stress. And the puking...she must have a mild version of the flu or something. That could happen, right?  
  
She figured it didn’t hurt to be cautious, so just to put her mind at ease she bought a stupid pregnancy test--two of them, both different brands because what’s more cautious than that?  
  
Once she had the results she could laugh at herself for even _entertaining_ Hanji’s suggestion (and spending nearly thirty dollars on pregnancy tests). There was just no way in hell she was…  
  
She worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she watched the timer on her phone counting down. The first test she took said to wait five minutes. There was only twenty seconds left.  
  
Her phone went off with shrill rings sooner than she wanted (she was still trying to gather the courage to look). She refused to admit that her hand trembled as she picked up the stick laid out on the bathroom counter.  
  
A plus sign. There was a fucking plus sign in the little window...Mikasa took a deep breath as she willed herself to not freak out just yet. It was probably defective or something, a false positive. The reason why she got different ones. Surely the next one would be negative.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It wasn’t.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** After Mikasa discarded the pregnancy tests in the waste bin, making sure to cover them up with toilet paper lest her mom go snooping, she made a call to Hanji.  
  
She cleared her throat as she waited for Hanji to pick up--she knew her voice was noticeably hoarse from all the crying she’d just done and she hated it.  
  
“Y’ello?”  
  
“Hanji? Remember that clinic you were talking about...do they take walk-ins?”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “Are you sure you don’t want me to go in there with you?” Hanji asked.  
  
“No. I’ll be fine,” Mikasa said. She was nervously fidgeting with her hair since there was nothing else to do and she had anxiety buzzing through her veins. She had already filled out all the necessary paperwork and the lady at the front desk had said somebody would see her soon.  
  
“This must be hard for you.”  
  
“Of course it is. I’m still having trouble believing it’s real. Fuck...and it had to happen _now_ of all times? Everything’s really turning to crap. I just want to get this done and over with, and then I can put this whole nightmare behind me.”  
  
Hanji smiled tightly as she patted her on the shoulder. “It’ll be over before you know it. Now I’m gonna go grab some free condoms, I hear they’re flavored.”  
  
Mikasa’s name was finally called a minute later. She took a deep breath and was really glad she had yet to eat anything today ‘cause she was sure she’d have puked right then and there.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** After making Mikasa take a urine test, the doctor told her they were required to do an ultrasound.  
  
Mikasa wasn’t sure she had ever felt so uncomfortable in her life. She had to lie down with her stomach exposed so the doctor could spread some cold goop on her skin and assault her with a little wand thing.  
  
The doctor asked her questions like when her last period was and if she knew the date of the last time she had unprotected sex. Mikasa answered them as truthfully as possible.  
  
“Well, I’d say you’re about seven weeks along. The fetus is only about the size of a blueberry right now.” Mikasa couldn’t see much of anything on the screen. “And that’s the heartbeat.” The pulsing of the heartbeat was unmistakable though. Mikasa’s eyes widened, first in fear, then in wonder. There was a life inside of her.  
  
“Now, should we discuss termination options?”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “Are you alright?” Hanji asked in worry as Mikasa appeared in the main waiting room crying her eyes out.  
  
“I-I couldn’t do it,” she sniffled. “I’m not getting an abortion.”  
  
“Oh, there there, it’s alright. You don’t have to. It’s gonna be fine. It’s all gonna be alright,” Hanji soothed as she pulled her into a hug.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Eren felt numb as he watched the funeral proceed.  
  
It was a nice day. The sun wasn’t too overwhelming and now and then a cool breeze would pass through.  
  
It was infuriating. Today was a shit day; the weather should’ve gotten the memo.  
  
He stuck close to his parents, not wanting to interact with anyone.  
  
He watched Mr. Smith’s face as Erwin’s casket was lowered into the ground. He looked as stern as always. He couldn’t see Mrs. Smith’s face behind her gaudy black glasses but her over dramatic wailing could be heard by everyone.  
  
He met Armin’s gaze and had to look away.  
  
A never-ending cold kind of guilt clawed at his insides. He wondered if it would crawl out through his mouth and finally leave him alone.  
  
When the service ended, most people went back to the Smith house for a kind of ‘honoring of the dead’ party. Eren had to go home and finish packing the rest of his bags.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Eren had just finished changing into something more comfortable than a dress shirt and tie and was in the middle of packing the last of his things when someone knocked on his bedroom door.  
  
“I’ll be down in a sec, Mom. I promise I’m not gonna run away.”  
  
“It’s just me,” Mikasa said as she poked her head in.  
  
Eren looked at her in mild surprise. “‘Kasa. I thought you were at the after party?”  
  
“You really thought I would let you leave without saying goodbye?”  
  
Eren shrugged. With the way he had treated her yesterday he wouldn’t expect anything less.  
  
“I...I also need to talk to you.”  
  
“About what?”  
  
Mikasa sat down on the bed as Eren resumed shoving the last of his clothes into a duffle bag he was holding.  
  
“Um...it-it’s kind of important.”  
  
Eren paused what he was doing. He didn’t really like how serious she sounded. “Okay. What’s up?” he asked as he moved to sit next to her.  
  
“I-I’m…” that’s all she could seem to choke out.  
  
“‘Kasa?” Eren didn’t think he had ever seen her look so...terrified. “Just tell me. You’re scaring me.”  
  
“Eren, I’m...I’m really gonna miss you.”  
  
Eren exhaled roughly. “Fuck, is that it? I thought you were gonna tell me you’re dying or something.”  
  
Mikasa looked away from him, choosing to stare at her lap instead. He heard a sniffle or two and realized she was crying.  
  
“Hey, don’t cry. I’m gonna miss you too.” He pulled her into a hug. “But I’m not gonna be gone forever. Who knows, maybe when I return I might be just a little less fucked up…”  
  
Mikasa buried her face in his neck as she sobbed. He could feel her warm tears on his skin. He didn’t know what else to do other than hold her tighter.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “You ready?” Grisha asked as he slammed the trunk of the car shut after loading in the last of Eren’s bags.  
  
“Not even a little bit,” Eren muttered.  
  
His father clapped him on the shoulder. “I know it’s hard, but this is for the best.”  
  
Eren couldn’t bring himself to believe that.  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it doesn't seem rushed. Story telling is hard. I promise the next chapters are better, there's so much shit to deal with. Don't yell at me too much |ω・）


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi makes a decision. Mikasa narrowly escapes death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I had a longer chapter to offer, but this is all I got.

Visitation was held in the common room. Everything was pretty much held in there. Group therapy, meals, activities. The only TV in the place was also located there (it only got basic cable and the DVD collection was nothing special. Plus they were only allowed a movie night on the weekends.)  
  
Eren wasn’t exactly happy or even relieved at the sight of a familiar face after a week of being stuck in this hell hole away from home. They were the ones who put him here after all.  
  
“How are you doing?” his mother asked as she sat down across from him at the long rectangular table he was seated at after greeting him with a (very forceful) hug.  
  
“How do you think? It’s fucking terrible here. There’s never anything to do, my roommate snores, the food sucks and the doctor keeps trying to tell me I’m depressed. He wants to put me on meds. Isn’t that funny? I thought I was here to get _off_ of drugs.”  
  
They’d just gotten here but Eren was already eager for them to leave, thought it was a waste for his parents to visit him if the only thing they were gonna do was try to ignore the tense atmosphere and cover it up with strained conversation. And if his mom didn’t stop staring at him with those pitiful eyes he just knew were holding back tears, he was gonna bash his head into the table.  
  
"Have you been attending the groups?" his father asked.  
  
“I don’t really have a choice. We have two a day. Sometimes more. Then one on ones with the therapist. So far I’ve seen her three times.” And he hated it each fucking time. The therapist and the psychiatrist both stared at him with intense peering eyes, like they were trying to read into his mind or something. Trying to get in his head.  
  
The therapist also said that later on they’d begin family therapy sessions. He’d honestly rather swallow glass.  
  
“So...what’s your roommate like?” his mother questioned.  
  
“He’s a sixteen year old methhead. He’s new actually--just got here yesterday. The roommate I was placed with before was discharged the day before that. He was a heroin addict. Excuse me, _is_ a heroin addict. There’s no way that guy’s staying cleaning.”  
  
His mother seemed perplexed like she didn’t know what to say to that so Eren just continued talking, “Do you really think I belong here among all these tweakers and junkies, rambling about shadow people and invisible voices?”  
  
“Eren-”  
  
“I’m not an addict. I don’t crave it, not like Erwin did. He…” _He was worse. And now he’s dead._  
  
“You do realize that the longer you refuse to cooperate, the longer you’ll be here?” Grisha said.  
  
Eren glared down at the table. He refused to talk for the rest of the visitation. His parents stayed the whole allotted two hours.

  
**_xx  
_**

****__  
“I’m thinking of going to visit Eren this weekend. Would you wanna go?” Hanji asked.  
  
Levi sighed. He was lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling as he talked to Hanji over the phone. “Maybe you should give him some time to adjust,” he said.  
  
“C’mon, it’s been an entire week already. By Saturday it’ll be closer to two. I thought you’d want to see him.”  
  
Of course Levi wanted to see him, but he felt like it was too soon. He didn’t know what to say, didn’t know if Eren would even want to see him. Hell, the last time they’d talked, Eren had kicked him out of his hospital room.  
  
He probably hated it over there in...rehab. What if he didn’t want any visitors?  
  
“Don’t you miss him? Aren’t you worried about how he’s doing?” Hanji asked.  
  
“Of course, but…” _but I’m scared._  
  
Maybe _he_ was the one who wasn’t ready to see Eren.  
  
“Well suit yourself, but _I’m_ going to see Erebear and there’s nothing you can do to stop me. Can you believe visiting hours aren’t ‘til six? And it’s like an hour drive so I think I’ll have to leave by-”  
  
“Hanji, I really don’t care.”  
  
“Fine, grump. So...what are you gonna do today?”  
  
Maybe mope around like he’d been doing the entire time since Eren left. Probably avoid sleep--sleep just brought nightmares. Watch shitty TV--anything to distract himself from… “Nothing really. I have to pick up groceries for my mom, also I have to break up with Petra…”  
  
“ _What?!_ ” Hanji’s squeal had Levi squeezing his eyes shut in pain.  
  
“I’m breaking up with-”  
  
“No, I heard you! That’s...that’s _great_!”  
  
“Wow, try not to sound so upset about it.”  
  
“Look, I know I should feel sorry for Petra, but c’mon you and I both know you don’t even like her that way. Not enough anyway.”  
  
Levi couldn’t argue with that.  
  
“So what brought this on? Why now?” Hanji questioned.  
  
“I finally pulled my head out of my ass? I don’t know, I...I realized that I can’t run from things anymore. It’s not fair to Petra that I’m not a hundred percent invested in our relationship. She deserves someone that actually loves her, not somebody just looking for a distraction.”  
  
“Thank God you’ve finally got some sense knocked into, Short-baby.”  
  
“Yeah, too fucking late,” Levi muttered bitterly.  
  
“Better late than never.”

  
**_xx  
_**

****__  
Levi thought he’d get things over with. He stopped by Petra’s after going to the store and gave himself the incentive of not letting the ice cream he’d bought melt so he’d been in and out in as little time as possible.  
  
Fuck, he wasn’t even sure how to go about this. Petra was the first ‘serious’ relationship he’s had so he’s never had the displeasure of breaking up with someone. He wasn’t sure he could. What if she cried? He didn’t know how to handle that. He also didn’t want to be an asshole about it either. (If he didn’t have a shitty thing called a conscience, he would’ve done this over text and saved himself the trouble.)  
  
“Why am I such a nice person?” Levi grumbled to himself as he grudgingly exited his car.

  
**_xx  
_**

****__  
“So what did you want to tell me?” Petra asked as she looked at him with curious amber eyes.  
  
Eyes Levi tried to avoid as he stared down at his lap. Why’d this have to be so difficult? Why’d he have to be the worst kind of person for something like this? He felt like he had to be the most emotionally constipated person probably in the entirety of the world. (Okay he wasn’t _that_ bad, but still…)  
  
“It’s just...this is kind of hard to say, so I’m just gonna say it... I don’t think things are working out anymore.”  
  
“Things?”  
  
“This. _Us_.”  
  
“Oh, Are you saying you want to break up?”  
  
“Y-yeah.” He chanced a glance at Petra. She didn’t look perturbed. She didn’t look much of anything really, just strangely calm.  
  
“Okay,” she said.  
  
“What? But-”  
  
“Levi, I knew this was coming.”  
  
Levi was dumbfounded. Was he really that much of a shit boyfriend?  
  
“You haven’t contacted me in over a week, or responded to my texts. At first I figured you just needed time to be alone-”  
  
“Shit, I’m sorry. It’s just...things are all messed up right now-”  
  
“I know that. But you couldn’t even trust me enough to lean on me when things get...And I just, it sometimes felt like you weren’t all there when you with me. Like you were somewhere else, or wanted to be. You’re in love with somebody else, aren’t you?”  
  
Levi could only nod in affirmation.  
  
“Then you should be with them.”  
  
Levi didn’t know what to say or even how he felt. Vaguely relieved maybe… “And you’re okay with that?”  
  
“I’m not gonna lie and say that I’m _happy_ about it, but I understand. Consider us done. And...who knows, maybe later on we can be friends again. I really had fun with you, Levi.”  
  
“Yeah. You’re...you’re pretty amazing, Petra. I hope you find someone who can love you like you deserve.”  
  
“Thanks. I hope things work out for you.”

  
**_xx  
_**

****__  
Mikasa, after just getting home from her part time job, wanted nothing more than to throw herself into bed and snuggle under her blankets.  
  
She found her plans would have to wait though, as she heard her mother calling for her from the living room.  
  
“Mikasa!” she shouted again.  
  
Mikasa groaned. She knew that voice. Her mom was pissed. About what, she wasn’t sure. It could be anything. Maybe she had left clothes on her bedroom floor or forgot one of her chores.  
  
“What is it? Can I at least change out of my uniform before you yell at me; I smell like…” Mikasa trailed off as she walked into the living room and caught sight of the harsh glare her mother was giving her from her spot on the couch. Her dad was sat in the armchair to her mother’s left and he, on the other hand, just looked saddened. Disappointed even.  
  
“Uh...what’s going on?” Mikasa asked. The tension in the air threatened to crush her. She suddenly realized this wasn’t any old scolding over a trivial matter that she’d get away from with just a slap on the wrist. Hell, her mom might just murder her. Mikasa tried to push away the dread filling her entire being. There was _no way_ her mother could know.  
  
“I’m not sure, why don’t you tell me?” her mother said. She still had that mean look on her face, thin eyebrow raised as she waited for an answer, legs and arms crossed in a dignified manner. It only served to intimidate even more.  
  
“I don’t know what you mean.”  
  
She gave a put upon sigh. “Mikasa, is there something you’ve been hiding from me?”  
  
Mikasa shook her head in denial. Her knees felt wobbly. She knew from the way her mother was looking at her--i.e. Like she wanted to strangle her--that she had somehow found out about the...pregnancy (God it was still hard for Mikasa to come to terms with).  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
Mikasa was usually able to keep her composure, but her mother’s stern voice struck some kind of fear in her. Or maybe it was just hormones. Whatever the reason, she promptly burst into tears. “I-I’m s-s-sorry, I...I wanted to tell you!” She heaved between sobs. “But I k-knew you’d b-be di-dis-appointed! But I d-don’t want to give it up, I-I _can’t_!” Mikasa (quite dramatically) fell to her knees as she continued to cry, hunched over with the force of her tears and her arms protectively wrapped across her stomach.  
  
“Mikasa! What the hell are you saying?!” her mother shouted at the same time her father let out a shocked gasp of, “Mikki-bear!”  
  
What, did they want her to say it out loud; want her to break? “I’m p-pregnant! I’m s-s-sorrrry-y!”  
  
“You’re pregnant?!” her mother screeched.  
  
“Stop it, stop playing with me! You know, you already know why else would you call me in here to fucking interrogate me?!” Mikasa cried.  
  
“We...we were actually going to talk to you about _this_.” Mikasa stared at the small pastel pink glass pipe her father had placed on the coffee table through blurry tear filled eyes.  
  
If she remembers correctly it was a gift from Ymir (or was it Sasha?) and she hadn’t used it in what felt like a long time. How had her parents even found it? She knew her mom liked to snoop but…  
  
Mikasa squeezed her eyes shut. _I’m such an idiot._  
  
“Illegal drugs are bad enough, but now you’re telling me you’re _pregnant_?!”  
  
God, why couldn’t she just stop screeching? Mikasa sniffled as she wiped at her eyes. “It’s just weed,” she murmured.  
  
“Yah! _Just?!_ ” Her mother walked over only to slap her upside the head.  
  
Mikasa winced.  
  
“Well, I guess it _is_ the least of our worries now. How could you let this happen, Mikasa! You’re so smart, so young, you’re only in _high school_!”  
  
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.  
  
“You should be! Who...who did this to you, huh? Who’s the father?!” her mother demanded answers as she shook her by her shoulders almost painfully.  
  
“Ma! Stop, you’re hurting me.” Mikasa slapped her hands away.  
  
“Who is it?!”  
  
“E-Eren! It’s Eren. The b-baby is Eren’s!” Mikasa cried.  
  
“Eren? As in ‘just went into _rehab_ ’ Eren? God, Mikasa, you sure do know how to pick ‘em.” her mother said in a tone of disgust.  
  
She shook her head, refusing to even argue--it’d just make things worse. But fuck did she hate when people did that. To other people, Eren was trouble. To her, he was her best friend. And she couldn’t imagine what he must be going through right now. And here she was, fucking things up even more.  
  
“How could you be so...so _stupid_ , Mikasa! How…” Her mother had her head buried in her hands now and Mikasa had the suspicion that she was crying now too.  
  
“Mikki, maybe you should go upstairs for awhile?” her father suggested, shooing her from the room as he tried to console his hysterical wife.  
  
Mikasa gladly went to her room, throwing herself on her bed just like she’d wanted to in the first place. She sobbed into her pillow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much teen angst ¯\\_༼ ಥ ‿ ಥ ༽_/¯ Next chapter should focus more on Eren, also how certain people are taking Erwin's death 'cause I know that was only touched upon briefly here and like other emotional shit. It's gonna be real emo. Hope you stick around for it (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heartfelt conversations are had, some closure is made. Blah blah blah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like everybody cries in this chapter. Totally didn't mean to make that happen. Hope you likey.

It was uncomfortable, sleeping in an unfamiliar bed far away from home; in such a strange place. (It was also literally uncomfortable--the bed creaked with every slight movement and the pillow was flat and rough).  
  
It took forever for Eren to fall asleep most nights. Lights out were at ten thirty. He felt like a kid again having a bedtime and all…  
  
At first, he couldn’t dream. He usually dreams when he sleeps. But dreams evaded him here. At least until he finally began to settle in and got used to to the creaky bed and his roommate’s loud even breathing and he was even able to calm his mind if he concentrated on the pathetic view from the only window in the room--conveniently placed across from his bed. It showed greenery, dead flower gardens, a couple picnic tables, further back he could make out the chain link fence surrounding the perimeter and the beginning of a forest beyond that.  
  
In the mornings it was a nice spot to watch the clouds moving by almost imperceptibly slow. Sometimes there were appearances from a couple different woodland animals…  
  
At night there was nothing but the sway of the trees and the far away shine of the moon.  
  
The first time he dreamed, it was raining outside.  
  
That’s probably why it was raining in his dream too--the sounds of the real world transferred to his unconscious mind.  
  
It was freezing. Rain pelted down on him, dripped from the ends of his hair and nearly obscured his vision along with the harsh darkness of the night. He realized he was kneeling in front of someone, the ground hard beneath his knees.  
  
The figure was lying motionless, supine and lax. Eren wiped away the water trailing down his face. Lightning chose to crackle in that moment, illuminating the space around him, making him jump from the loud boom of thunder in the distance.  
  
He got a glimpse of icy blue eyes, just staring at him unnervingly.  
  
“Erwin?” he gasped.  
  
Erwin just stared, not saying anything, expression blank. Lifeless.  
  
But Eren heard his voice anyway. _“How could you do this to me?”  
  
_ Eren shook his head furiously, holding back sobs. “I didn’t-”  
  
_“I loved you, Eren. You were all I wanted. So why...why’d you kill me?”  
_  
Eren couldn’t help but let out a whimpering cry now. He brushed back Erwin’s hair, his trembling fingers coming back bloody from the mess of matted and wet blond strands. There was so much blood, it just kept coming, refusing to dilute even with the heavy rain. And it was all over his hands now.  
  
“I-I’m sorry,” Eren sobbed. “I’m sorry.”  
  
_“It hurts, Eren. It hurts so much. It hurts…”  
  
_ Eren woke up sweaty and disturbed, bed creaking underneath him as he sat up. He half expected to feel sticky blood on his hands, maybe find it on his bedsheets, but when he checked there was nothing there.  
  
He sighed and ran his hands over his face. He couldn’t stop trembling. He felt sick to his stomach.  
  
He took a look, a feel around the room to ground himself. Scratchy blankets weighed his legs down, his roommate was still peacefully asleep, and looking out to the window he found that it was still dark outside but knew dawn loomed on the horizon.  
  
The door opened after a couple light knocks. A nurse poked her head in, ready to take morning vital signs.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Levi didn’t think regret was something people should waste time on.  
  
You can’t change the past after all, so why ruminate on it? You can think ‘what if’ or ‘I should’ve’ or ‘if I had just…’ but nothing would change the truth of what happened. Unless you magically found a way to travel to the past, you just had to deal with it. Shit happens, and it happens again, and it keeps happening.  
  
The only thing you can do is move on. Keep living.  
  
Though while it was easy to say regret was meaningless--no, not meaningless, just something completely aimless--and therefore not worthy of giving heed to, it was harder to put those thoughts into practice.  
  
Regret, guilt...it all twined into one and curled around him, squeezing tighter and tighter until he couldn’t breathe.  
  
“I can’t believe it’s been a month,” Hanji said as she passed the bottle of whiskey to Levi (who for once couldn’t bring himself to care about sharing germs).  
  
“Me either,” he muttered after taking a long swig. The alcohol bloomed warmth in his chest; it assured him he wasn’t as dead inside as he’s been feeling lately.  
  
They were sitting outside on the stairs to Hanji’s apartment complex, drinking the night away for lack of anything better to do. He had to admit, it seemed like an appropriate way to celebrate the one month anniversary of the death of a friend.  
  
“I think Erwin visits me sometimes.”  
  
“Shut the fuck-”  
  
“No, I’m serious. Like I keep misplacing my stuff even though I _know_ the exact place I left it--it’s like it moves on its own! And this morning, I found a fresh shit in the toilet, and _it wasn’t mine_ ,” Hanji whispered the last part, glancing around with shifty eyes like she was worried someone might be listening.  
  
“Yeah, whatever. You probably sleep walked again and took a shit in the middle of the night. Like that one time you shat in Nanaba’s mother’s vase that she kept in the-”  
  
“She told you that?!” Hanji gasped.  
  
Levi was definitely gonna need more alcohol if he had to continue putting up with Hanji’s shit.  
  
“Yesterday I saw a caterpillar and it reminded me of Erwin’s eyebrows,” he said.  
  
Hanji threw her head back in laughter.  
  
“It wasn’t even funny, I actually cried.”  
  
Hanji’s laughter only increased in volume.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** “I didn’t think you’d come,” Eren said.  
  
Armin fidgeted nervously under his gaze. “O-of course I’d visit you. I...I’ve missed you,” he admitted.  
  
“Really?” Eren asked, feeling skeptical.  
  
Armin took a deep breath, was finally able to look his friend in the face. “Yes. Even before all... _this_ happened. Heck, even before you broke up with Jean, we were already drifting apart, weren’t we? But I was the one who stopped talking to you completely. That’s all on me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I abandoned you or chose Jean over you, I just...at the time, it seemed like the right thing-”  
  
“Bullshit. How was that the right thing? You just didn’t want to be an outsider with me. Whatever. For what it’s worth, _I’m_ sorry too. I’m sorry I killed your brother-”  
  
“Eren, you didn’t-!”  
  
“No, I did. I led him to that. If he had just stayed away from me, if _I_ had stayed away...none of this would’ve happened. You wouldn’t have lost more of what little family you have left. So I don’t blame you for hating me.”  
  
“I don’t! I don’t hate you, o-or blame you, I...it wasn’t your fault! It was an accident, that’s all it was. Just another accident.” Armin wiped tears from his eyes.  
  
Eren shook his head, expression bitter. “You don’t get it. I ruined him, it’s _all_ my fault.”  
  
Armin reached across the table to take Eren’s hands in his, Eren startling at the gesture. “Listen to me, _it’s not you fault_. Nobody blames you, not me or-”  
  
“What about Erwin?” Eren’s voice was nothing more than a strained whisper.  
  
“He’s dead, Eren. He’s at rest. He’s not gonna spite you from the afterlife-”  
  
“Don’t mock me.”  
  
“I’m not.”  
  
Eren sighed, pulled his hands away from Armin’s after giving a thankful squeeze.  
  
“So...what’s new with you, Ar?”  
  
Armin gave a timid smile. “Not much. I finished a new book the other day that was really interesting…”

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** The most important part of recovery is willingness.  
  
Or so people kept telling him.  
  
You have to _want_ to get better; no one can really force you.  
  
Eren was getting there, slowly.  
  
First of all, it took him realizing that he was worthy of recovering. That he had the right to get better, to _want_ to (even if he was still found himself drowning in guilt and self-hate). Second, he had to find something to hold on to.  
  
His family for instance--he wanted to get better for his family, his friends--the people who cared about him (and they _did_ care. Their overwhelming presence and support so far had proved that.)  
  
It will probably take a while to want to get better for _himself_.  
  
But right now he was doing the best he could.

  
**_xx  
_**

**_  
_** Over the thirty something days (thirty-three exactly though he’d deny counting) Eren had been here, a plethora of his friends had visited him a few times each.  
  
(Some notable instances included the time Sasha and Connie got kicked out for sneaking food in, or the time Levi and Hanji both got reprimanded just ‘cause Hanji wouldn’t stop questioning the other patients. Also that time Ymir punched someone for looking at Historia the wrong way…)  
  
He was grateful for the company, it kept him from going insane and helped him remember there was an outside world waiting for him.  
  
Surprisingly, he hadn’t seen Mikasa once--Armin said something about her spending the rest of the summer at her estranged aunt’s house which was weird ‘cause she lives in the middle of buttfuck nowhere (someplace in Idaho maybe? He can’t remember).  
  
More surprisingly, on the evening of his thirty-third day in rehab, Armin showed up at visitation with Jean in tow.  
  
Armin gave a sheepish smile, and then some space as he went back out to the front lobby so Eren could talk in private with his...ex.  
  
Eren wasn’t sure what to say. He was too stunned to speak.  
  
Jean looked just as painfully awkward as he took a seat across from him.  
  
“You, um...you look good.”  
  
“That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.”  
  
“I’m serious. You should probably eat more, ya know put some meat on those bones, but you’re still...you look better than the last time I saw you, a-at the funeral-”  
  
Eren cut him off abruptly, “the food here sucks. And what little I do eat goes right through me. That’s probably why I’m still so skinny.”  
  
“Y-yeah.”  
  
Eren rolled his eyes, already had enough of...whatever this was. This stupid small talk. He figured he’d cut right to the chase. “Why are you here?”  
  
“What do you mean _why_? I was worried about you,” Jean told him, like it was oh so obvious instead of the most ridiculous thing Eren’s ever heard.  
  
“Why? You have every reason to hate me, Jean. I can’t blame you if you do.” He assumed Jean would want nothing to do with him ever again.  
  
“I don’t...I don’t _hate_ you. I just...I hate what you did. I’m still angry about it--fucking furious actually--but damn it Eren, it’s not like I can shut my feelings off. I loved you f-for years and…and honestly a part of me still does despite my best fucking efforts. So, it’s not like I could just _not_ worry about you, ya know? I don’t care if that makes me pathetic, it’s just...you...you scared the shit of me when I heard you’d landed your dumb-ass in the hospital. And now _rehab_? Jesus Christ.”  
  
Eren found nothing but sincerity in Jean’s eyes and tone and he...he fucking hated it. Jean should despise his very being, he shouldn’t give a shit whether he lives or dies or gets better or doesn’t…  
  
“I still think I’m not worth your worry. But if you must know, I-I think I’m on the right track to...to get getting better. I’m almost sure.”  
  
“That’s great, Ere. Really.”  
  
“Don’t do that, don’t smile at me.”  
  
Jean let out an irritated sigh. “Fine. You know that’s not the only reason I came. I also just...wanted to talk. The way we left things...it wasn’t right. I-I guess I just want answers.”  
  
“Closure. Nice,” Eren murmured.  
  
“Can you tell me why you did it?” Jean asked.  
  
“You’re gonna have to be more specific than that,” Eren said.  
  
Jean didn’t look amused. “You know what I’m talking about. Why’d you cheat? Why’d you fuck me over?”  
  
“I’m not sure I can tell you that.”  
   
“As in you don’t want to, or you don’t _know_?”  
  
“As in I don’t wanna fucking explain myself to you. I do enough talking with my damn therapist.”  
  
“ _Fine_ ,” Jean snapped. “Then can you at least explain why you never told me about the fucking drugs?”  
  
“Because why the hell would I have?! That shit...it didn’t concern you.” _Except for when you left, it made it worse._ “You weren’t there when it got...when it got real bad. When it got _real_. Fuck, I just…”  
  
Jean watched in concern when Eren started to silently cry. Eren hated that concerned gaze. He hated being so vulnerable.  
  
“I just wanted the hurt to go away. Everything...it was all too much. I felt...alone.”  
  
“You’re a dumb-ass,” Jean told him.  
  
Eren sniffled and wiped at his eyes. “Yeah.”  
  
“ _So_ stupid. Fucking idiotic-”  
  
“I get it, alright? Fuck. And, um...you’re not the only one who hates how we left things. I said...I said some things that night that I regret. I want you to know, that I _did_ love you. I might have...fallen out of love somewhere along the way, but you have to know that at one point I was madly stupidly over the fucking moon for you. Not...not everything was a lie. And the reason I...It’s not anything that you did...it’s all on me. Just me,” Eren said.  
  
“Oh is this the old ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ bull?”  
  
“It’s the truth. I fucked us up because of my own damn problems. You were never anything but perfect to me, you...you didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve to get hurt the way you did. And I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’m telling the truth when I say that I hate myself for hurting you.” It was hard, talking things out like proper adults--though that was something he was practicing on along with properly managing his emotions--it was hard to look his ex in the face and admit things he’d rather not, but in the long run knew he had to.  
  
“I missed you, you know that? Even though I had no right to. And then after I lost everyone else too, I just got…”  
  
“Fucked up?” Jean supplied.  
  
“Yeah, real fucked up.”  
  
Somehow they ended up holding hands over the table. Eren wiped away fresh tears, sniffled as he squeezed Jean’s hand. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“I-I really am. I-”  
  
“Shh. I know.”  
  
They sat like that for a while longer; Jean’s hand a comfortable warm weight in his palm as they both spilled tears they’d rather not admit to.  
  
“I should go find Armin,” Jean said eventually.  
  
Eren nodded in agreement.  
  
Jean stood up but didn’t leave the room just yet, instead he pulled Eren into a hug.  
  
Eren was shocked at the initial contact but then he melted into the embrace. Jean’s arms were tight around him, he breathed in his familiar scent and Jean nuzzled at his hair like he used to.  
  
Eren shifted, peering up at Jean when the taller boy put enough space between them to look down at him. “So I guess this where we say goodbye, huh Jaeger?”  
  
Eren smiled softly. He threaded his fingers through Jean’s hair and pulled him down into a soft, sweet kiss.  
  
It was reminiscent of their first kiss--when they’d been nothing but innocent(ish) kids drunk on newfound emotions. The difference was that instead of starting something new, they were finishing it.  
  
_Goodbye, Jean.  
_

_  
**xx  
**_

_**  
**_ Armin was startled when he walked into his brother’s room--untouched since he left, and since he died--and found his father sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.  
  
He looked up at the sound of Armin’s hesitation. Armin nearly gasped at the sight of actual _tears_ in his eyes. “What are you doing here?” His voice was gruff.  
  
Armin felt _he_ should be the one asking that. “I...I come in here sometimes, to think,” he explained.  
  
His father just blinked, gave something of a shrug and dropped his gaze to the bedding, pulling on a loose thread on the sheets.  
  
Armin swallowed uncomfortably, walked over to sit down next to him. He didn’t know why he didn’t just leave. He didn’t have anything to say to his father, he never did. His presence was always intimidating, strict.  
  
He was practically a stranger. His dad...his stepfather had been his dad for all intents and purposes. His dad was dead.  
  
His mom as well. And now his brother…  
  
“Do you know that the last thing I said to him was something along the lines of ‘you’re a disgrace, get out of my house and don’t bother coming back’. The last thing I told my son before he…” his breath hitched, voice cracking into a deep bitter laughter. “I can’t ever take it back, can I?”  
  
“He knew you loved him,” Armin said.  
  
“Did he? I’ve been nothing but...disconnected, gone. Cold. I don’t think I’ve valued love for a while now. Not ever since…” he trailed off, voice growing thick with tears, “you know what the last thing I said to your mother was? ‘ _I love you’_. Even as she screamed that she hated me. I loved her, more than anything, but I was too much of a coward to leave Erwin’s mother. I knew my family, they wouldn’t approve. I was...I wasn’t good enough for Arlene anyway. I thought it’d be best to leave her alone-”  
  
“And me?” Armin interrupted.  
  
“I never forgot about you. You look so much like your mother, you know. When I first saw you in person, I couldn’t help but feel my heart shatter; it was like she was back in front of me again.” He took off his glasses to rub at his teary eyes. “I wasn’t there for your birth, but if it was anything like Erwin’s...oh god, when Erwin was born, I was overjoyed. I was in awe. Suddenly I had this tiny being, a precious life depending on me for everything. I promised to care for him, to help him grow into a respectable man. He was the greatest thing--you _both_ were--I’ve ever done. I wanted to be a worthy father to you both, but all I ever managed to be was a spitting image of my own father. A man I despised. And now Erwin...he despises me too.”  
  
Armin choked back tears of his own. “That’s not true.”  
  
For the first time, his father started sobbing in front of him. And for the first time, he shared a comforting embrace with the man who gave him life.  
  
Armin closed his eyes and couldn’t help but wonder if Erwin was witnessing this scene from somewhere up above.  
  
He hoped so.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just know some people are gonna be disappointed that Jean didn't like bitchslap Eren or something, but oh well  
> ¯\\_( ◉ 3 ◉ )_/¯


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren returns home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm suuuper late and suuuper sorry, you guys. Honestly I stopped writing for a while. It's not that I needed a break, I was just literally incapable of producing anything worthy. But, I'm trying to get back in the groove so...enjoy this short chappy that was written in under thirty minutes. yay.

Everything was overwhelming.  
  
Coming home, being a part of the outside world again. Going to school.  
  
Returning to school felt _bizarre_ after his stint in rehab. (It was only two weeks into his senior year so at least he hadn’t missed much. He was glad he’d be able to graduate with his class.)  
  
He had worried for hours before his release.  
  
He was actually _nervous_ about returning home. How fucked up was that? After being in such a strange place for so long, he should’ve been relieved. But the whole morning and then finally the whole car ride home, he was just buzzing with nerves.  
  
They slowly lessened as he got reacquainted with his home, the joy of privacy and his own bed complete with pillows that weren’t flat and hard as a brick. And wifi. Sweet, sweet wifi.  
  
But now that he was standing outside his school, the building looming in front of him menacingly, his stomach was swimming with nerves again. His insides were twisting with nausea.  
  
“Armin maybe I should come back next week. Maybe I just need a little time for myself before-”  
  
His attempt to reason with his blond friend was immediately cut off, “No, Eren. You have to do this. I know it seems hard, but it’ll go by quick and relatively painless. You’ve done this before, there’s nothing to worry about. So just _push yourself_.”  
  
Eren could begrudgingly admit Armin was right. _Of course he is, he’s always fucking right. Why am I being such a pussy? I’ve done this routine a thousand times, i..._  
  
He knew why he was apprehensive though; on top of feeling like a foreign entity only posing in human skin, trying to get accustomed to _living_ again...he was scared. He was scared of screwing up, of fucking up whatever ‘progress’ he’d made so far.  
  
“Come on. You’ll feel better once you get it over with,” Armin told him as he offered him his arm.  
  
Eren was grateful Armin was there, but he couldn’t help but think things would be so much easier if Mikasa were here. She always knew what to do.  
  
But, sadly, Mikasa had been sent off by her parents to some private school. He didn’t know much, only that it was prestigious and far far away from all the ‘bad influences’ in Mika’s life--or at least that’s the bullshit her parents spewed.  
  
And, though he and Armin had made up, things were still kind of strained between them. He wondered if they’d ever get back to how they were before.  
  
Eren took a deep breath and linked arms with Armin. They walked inside the building like that. The air around him felt uncomfortably stuffy, suddenly suffocating. Were people staring at him, or was he just being paranoid?  
  
He voiced his concern to Armin and Armin only told him he was being ridiculous.  
  
“Eren!”  
  
Sasha was bouncing up and down in front of his locker, standing with a gaggle of his other friends. She held a gift basket (That consisted of an entire pineapple, a large assortment of underwear and what looked to be condoms?) and Connie held a couple balloons--one was the full body of Hello Kitty and the other just said ‘welcome back’ in bright blue font on top of shiny silver. Someone had kindly written ‘asswipe’ across it in black sharpie.  
  
“We’re so glad you’re back!” Historia said. She launched herself into Eren’s arms so fast he barely had time to catch her.  
  
He returned the hug, a bit bewildered, until he caught sight of Ymir’s seething gaze and then he just became fearful. He gulped, awkwardly patted Historia’s back and pulled away.  
  
“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” Connie teased, “I missed you so much I could kiss you right now. In a totally not gay bro way, of course.”  
  
“How was rehab, Jaeger? Do you now have an extensive knowledge on how to cook meth?”  
  
“Ymir!” Historia chided.

  
**_xx  
_**

__  
The day went by surprisingly fast.  
  
He still felt weird in his own skin, but the monotony of school was a familiar friend. It was like riding a bike. He knew his routine, his schedule, the expectations of school work that he was actually gonna try to keep up with this semester…  
  
His friends also helped him through the day, even if things were still awkward with the group as a whole. And even though he and Jean were purposefully avoiding each other and only gave tight lipped smiles or a nod of acknowledgement if they accidentally passed each other in the halls.  
  
He felt a weird mixture of relieved and proud when the final bell rang.  
  
His friends asked if he wanted to hang out. He declined, told them he needed time to himself.  
  
It was the truth. He was exhausted now after interacting with his old life.

  
**_xx  
_**

__  
He had a visitor waiting for him on the porch when he got home. One he had been, if he was being honest, fully anticipating.  
  
“Hey, Brat.”  
  
Eren launched himself into Levi’s arms, not caring if it looked pathetic or not. Levi hugged him back fiercely.  
  
“It’s good to have you back,” Levi murmured into his hair.  
  
“It’s good to be back,” Eren said.  
  
“Want to go for a walk?”

  
**_xx  
_**

__  
“I know that you’re scared, but I’m here for you, Eren. I always will be. I’m sorry that I wasn’t when...when you needed me most. I’m sorry I was selfish.”  
  
Eren pulled his hand away from Levi’s as he stopped walking to turn his attention to him (they’d been holding hands on the walk to the park not to far from Eren’s neighborhood).  
  
“It’s understandable. I put you through so much...it’s no wonder you got tired of sticking around,” Eren said.  
  
“I still should’ve stayed. I should’ve taken care of you-”  
  
“Levi, stop. What’s done is done, so…”  
  
Levi sighed but nodded anyway as he took Eren’s hand in his again. They continued on with their peaceful stroll.  
  
…”So how much _do_ you care about me?”  
  
Levi only tsked, refusing to answer.  
  
Eren laughed and squeezed his hand.

  
**_xx  
_**

__  
By the time night fell, Eren felt incredibly alone.  
  
Though grateful to be back in how own bed, and more comfortable than he’d been in a while, he couldn’t seem to fall asleep.  
  
Maybe he was scared. Those bad dreams-- _that_ bad dream--would still pop up randomly. Each time, they left him aching and cold.  
  
He wondered when his own guilty conscious would stop eating him alive from the inside out.  
  
Only when he was exhausted did he finally fall asleep.  
  
Thankfully, he didn’t dream that night.  
  
  
  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you read this!  
> ya know if you want...


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi's relationship progresses. Eren gets the shock of his life...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa look who's back at it again with another chapter! Make sure you've read the last one...

“Eren, are you up? You’re gonna be late. Honey?...”  
  
Carla sighed and stepped away from the open doorway. “Fine. You can stay home but you have to go to school tomorrow, okay? I’ll be home late today.”  
  
Eren didn’t respond, he just lay there on the bed, staring at the wall while hidden beneath a blanket.  
  
“Love you.”  
  
Of course Carla got no response. She didn’t expect one.

  
_**xx** _

  
It was a whole three weeks after he’d returned.  
  
He managed to keep himself going for three weeks.  
  
And then he bombed a math test. He had his first therapy session and hated it. His doctor wanted to raise the dosage on his medication and for two whole days he felt like a suicidal piece of shit. He was only moderately better now.  
  
He couldn’t find solace even in sleep. If he wasn’t dreaming about death and destruction, then he was having disturbingly vivid dreams about getting high.  
  
Right now, he couldn’t even get out of bed. He was exhausted. He was sad. Angry. Empty. All at the same fucking time.  
  
I’d gladly trade places with you, Erwin.

  
**_xx_**

  
“Alright Brat, that’s it, get up.”  
  
Eren let out a little moan of protest as his blankets were ripped away.  
  
“C’mon, you need to get up.”  
  
Eren just turned around so his back faced Levi.  
  
“No, none of that shit. C’mon you need to take a shower and eat something and...are you listening to me?”  
  
He was. But he didn’t say so.  
  
“Little shit. If you don’t get out bed, Hanji is gonna come. You know she will and you know what’ll-””  
  
“Alright, I’m up. Fuck,” Eren grumbled.  
  
“He speaks.”

  
**_xx_ **

  
“Why are you making me go?”  
  
“‘Cause Hanji really wants to play twister with you and drink apple cider or someshit. She misses you. So do I honestly, you’ve been shut in for an entire week. That’s a lot of school work you’re missing too; don’t think you can take it easy just ‘cause it’s your senior year. If anything, you should be the most diligent right now-”  
  
“Alright, I get it. God, when did you turn into such an old man? And speaking of school, aren’t you missing class right now?”  
  
“The professor cancelled. I’m not playing hooky like a little brat.”  
  
“Oh yeah, like me?”  
  
“Yep.”

  
**_xx_ **

  
“Erebear! You’ve risen from your eternal slumber!” Hanji shouted as she squeezed Eren in a tight hug.  
  
“Hey Hanji.”  
  
“Are you ready for game night?!”  
  
Eren looked wide-eyed at Hanji’s coffee table that was covered with an assortment of various board and card games.  
  
“I thought you were being sarcastic about the twister,” he muttered to Levi.  
  
Levi patted his shoulder. “Twister is no joking master. Hanji! Where’s the damn food, you promised food.”  
“But Mike and Nanaba aren’t here yet!”  
  
“Who gives a shit about those fuckers. I’m starving.”

  
**_xx_ **

  
Eren felt better after spending time with his friends. He was actually grateful Levi forced him out of bed.  
  
His next therapy session wasn’t as bad. He learned some valuable things and the relief of being able to talk about his problems was something he was slowly getting used to.  
  
He aced his retake on the math test.  
  
He should’ve been happy, but he was fine with just being fine.

  
**_xx_ **

  
“So would you rather have feet for hands or hands for feet?”  
  
“Why the fuck would that ever happen?” Levi asked.  
  
“C’mon it’s just a game, you have to choose,” Eren whined.  
  
“Fine, fine just stop squirming like that or we’re both gonna fall off this shitty thing,” Levi chastised.  
  
The swing they were sat on was barely big enough for one full grown person let alone two. Eren straddled Levi’s lap so they were face to face in a weird kind of spiderish looking position.  
  
Eren smirked. “Really? Is that the only reason you want me to stop squirming? I can clearly feel something poking my-”  
  
Levi cleared his throat in a pointed matter to get Eren to shut up. “Ugh, I guess if I had to choose between those two idiotic fucking choices...I’d have hands for feet. I could pick up more shit. Maybe even paint or someshit.”  
  
“Levi, you’re the least artistic person I know in terms of physical art. You can’t even draw a proper stick figure.”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
“You know, you’re eyes looking really pretty in the sun, Lee. I can see a ring of blue around them…hey, are you blushing?”  
  
“Shut up,” Levi repeated. (He totally was).

  
_**xx** _

  
“Sometimes I think about getting high, just to take away all the bullshit,” Eren said.  
  
Levi didn’t say anything, just held him closer. They were curled up in his bed, resting in the dim glow of the evening.  
  
“Bit I know that’s not...right. It’s stupid. I’m stronger than that, aren’t I? After what happened...I’m never touching that shit again. But still, even still, I sometimes just crave release.”  
  
“I get it, I do. But you know what, you are stronger than that. Alright, Bright-eyes? You’re the strongest person I know. These past couple months, since you got back, I’ve seen you overcome things most wouldn’t dare. You’re getting help, you’re taking control. That’s something most people don’t do. You’re getting better, and your struggles just prove it.”  
  
Levi placed a kiss to the back of Eren’s neck.  
  
Eren shifted, turning around on his other side so he was face to face with Levi. “Lee...how do you...how do you feel about me?”  
  
Levi thought, for a split second, to chicken out; to lie because saying that to Eren while he was conscious was terrifying...But he did love him. And he was tired of being scared. He looked Eren dead in the eyes and said, “I’m in love with you, Eren Jaeger.”  
  
Eren stared into Levi’s clear, sincere eyes and found comfort in the gentle warmth of them, in the solace of truth. He sniffled as he begun to tear up a bit.  
  
“Oh shit, don’t cry. Why are you crying?” Levi panicked.  
  
Eren let out a small little breathless laugh. “Don’t worry, they’re happy tears.”  
  
“Better fucking be.”  
  
“Levi I...I think I do too. I know I do, but...I don’t I’m ready to say it. I’m sorry. It’s just...I guess I’m really fucked up when it comes to love. You know what happened to my parents. It scared me. I lost faith that love could last, that it was even meaningful.” The truth felt stupid to admit, but Eren knew Levi deserved it.  
  
“You know...I’d had a crush on you since we were kids, but I thought that you could do better or...wanted better. Then Jean asked me out and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to get over you. I actually ended up falling for him. I thought things were perfect then, but then my parent’s marriage went to shit. My dad broke my mom’s heart and I...I started to get scared of love. Of ever being broken like that. And so I broke Jean first. I hurt him, unforgivably, because I’m an asshole. A scared little boy. Pathetic, isn’t it?”  
  
“I don’t know when I started to seriously fall in love with you. Maybe I only realized it by the time it was too late; when you were already someone else’s. I didn’t understand why I was so jealous of Petra. I had no right to be. But I was so, very very jealous. My feelings ran deeper for you than I was willing to admit. And things got so messed up, with...with Erwin and everything. But I want you to know, even though I texted you right after I broke up with Jean, looking for comfort, I didn’t once think of you as a rebound or anything so if that’s why-”  
  
“That’s part of the reason I was pissed at you,” Levi interrupted. “And then you turned to Erwin instead. That’s what really stung.”  
  
“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...I didn’t mean to fuck up so bad. I didn’t want any of this to happen and now I-I feel like his death is my fault and-”  
  
“Eren, don’t say shit like that-”  
  
“But it’s true! It’s true. I got him involved in all this shit that-”  
  
“His decisions were his own. It’s not your fault. No one could’ve known how things would turn out. It sucks that he’s gone, it hurts...it does. But there’s nothing we can do to change that. But don’t you dare for one second think it was your fault! You wanna know the last thing I said to him? To my best friend? I told him to ‘go die’. Can you believe that, the last fucking…”  
  
“Don’t cry, Lee.”  
  
“Then don’t you cry.”  
  
Eren rested his head against Levi’s chest and Levi stroked his hair comfortingly.  
  
“It wasn’t your fault either, you know.”

  
_**xx** _

  
“So you want to take me on a date?” Eren asked.  
  
“Did I fucking stutter, Brat? Yes, I want to take you on a date. Ya know, do all that cheesy bullshit that we’re supposed to do. Movie, dinner, ice skating...I don’t fucking know just pick something. You wanna go to the aquarium? Wait, never mind. I hate the smell of fi-”  
  
Eren chuckled.“Levi! Dinner and a movie sounds great.”

  
**_xx_ **

  
They ended up doing all that ‘cheesy bullshit’ over the course of the next couple months.  
  
Movies, ice skating, bowling, etc. It was almost like they were normal teenagers for once.  
  
However, if you asked Eren, he’d say his favorite ‘dates’ were the ones they spent curled up at home watching Netflix and cuddling. (Yes, just cuddling--and maybe the occasional make out--they were taking things slow this time around.)  
  
They never officially put a label on it, but Eren was sure Levi was his boyfriend by now…  
  
Eren still had his bad days sometimes, but Levi was always there for him. It just made Eren love him all the more.  
  
Of course Levi wasn’t his only support. He had his family and friends...but only Levi’s brand of comfort had him feeling better ninety percent of the time.  
  
For a while, things seemed like they could actually be getting better. There was hope again.

  
**_xx_ **

  
It was Valentine's Day when Eren decided that he was ready to make love with Levi for the first time.  
  
And yes, it was the first time because they’d only ever had sex or ‘fucked’--quite filthily he must admit. But they'd never put all those tender feelings on display before when being intimate.  
  
Eren felt nervous as he smoothed down the wrinkles in one of his thigh highs and then looked in the mirror as he finished applying just a smudge of eyeliner.  
  
He was wearing red stockings complete with a garter belt and lacy panties that had cute little heart decals.  
  
He debated putting on high heels and wondered if that was a bit much.  
  
The door opened before he had the chance to decide.  
  
“Eren? You've been in here for nearly an hour. What are you, taking a humongous sh…” Levi trailed off as he caught sight of what Eren was wearing.  
  
“Shit,” he finished in a breathless tone.  
  
Eren smirked at himself in the bathroom mirror. “Do you like it?” he asked, turning to Levi.  
  
“Of course I fucking like it,” Levi growled.  
  
Eren’s small giggle was cut off when Levi stalked forward to grab him and hungrily press their lips together.  
  
Eren moaned as Levi massaged his ass.  
  
“God, you're ass is perfect.”  
  
Eren snorted. “Shut up.”  
  
“I'm being serious. It's the best, the best ass…” Levi murmured.  
  
Eren yelped when Levi suddenly lifted him up into his arms. He immediately wrapped his legs around Levi's waist as he carried him into his bedroom.  
  
Eren was placed gently on the bed, Levi crawling over him as they began to make out again.  
  
“You look so pretty in these little panties, Angel,” Levi murmured against his lips.  
  
“Mmm, do I?”  
  
“Absolutely delectable.” Levi trailed a kiss down Eren's chest, to his belly button, lower. He pointedly looked at the bulge in Eren's panties, the tip of his pretty cock peeking out of the top of them.  
  
“What's this?” Levi rubbed at Eren’s straining cock. “Already a wet spot? How could you stain such nice panties, Eren?”  
  
Eren only bit back a choked moan in response.  
  
Levi continued to tease him, suckled at his dick and balls through the thin material of the panties.  
  
“L-Levi, please,” Eren breathed.  
  
“Hmm? please what?” Levi taunted, running a hand up and down Eren's smooth inner thigh.  
  
“P-please make…make love to me.”  
  
Levi smirked. “Of course, Sweetheart. I'll make you feel real good.”  
  
Levi reached over to the nightstand to get the lube.  
  
Levi fingered him slow and sweet, tantalizingly even. Every time Eren whimpered when Levi brushed against his prostate, he pulled away much to Eren's frustration.  
  
Eren was nice and loose and completely pent up by the time Levi was finished with prepping him. He was practically begging for Levi’s cock.  
  
Levi gave him what he so sweetly pleaded for.  
He pushed the panties to one side so he could slip inside of Eren.  
  
Eren whimpered at the feeling of Levi thrusting inside, cramming him full of cock in one go.  
  
“Fuck, you're so warm and tight and fucking p-perfect…” Levi moaned.  
  
Eren could only let out a series of embarrassing squeaks and whimpers as Levi began thrusting into him at a moderate pace.  
  
His hands gripped at Levi's back, nails digging into his skin as Levi brought him to the brink of ecstasy.  
  
He opened his eyes that had drifted partially shut in his haze of pleasure and met Levi’s intense gaze. He knew wholeheartedly that the love he saw in Levi's stormy grey eyes was also reflected in his.  
  
“I-I love you,” Eren managed to gasp out between his body being rocked.  
  
Levi kissed him sweetly, hips nearly stilling. “I love you too, Bright-eyes.”  
  
They began their gentle rhythm again.

  
_**xx** _

  
On the last Friday of February, Eren had a surprise visitor.  
  
He’d just gotten back from seeing a movie with Levi and then catching some coffee at a local cafe.  
  
“Hey Mom, we brought you a latte,” Eren called as he and Levi walked inside.  
  
“Eren, come in here,” his mother called from the living room.  
  
Was it just him or did she sound...tense?  
  
He shared a look with Levi. Levi shrugged.  
  
They walked into the living room and the first thing Eren caught sight of was Mikasa sitting on the couch next to his mother.  
  
“‘Kasa, you’re back!”  
  
“You could’ve called, you know. It’s like you fucking disappeared,” Levi told his cousin.  
  
Mikasa only gave a timid smile. Eren immediately wondered why she didn’t seem as excited to see them as they were her.  
  
“Mikasa just got here about twenty minutes ago. It’s been a very interesting twenty minutes,” Carla said.  
  
“Mom, why are you trying to kill me with your eyes?”  
  
Eren’s attention was turned to a sudden wailing cry.  
  
He’d only just noticed the baby sitting in a carrier by Mikasa’s side.  
  
“Whoa, who’s kid?”  
  
“Eren," Mikasa said, "this is your son.”  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a lot of time skipping here but it was necessary, promise. Unedited, deal with it.
> 
> Comment if you've read.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren comes to terms with some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo this is really short but it's something. Enjoy.

Eren couldn't really process what Mikasa had just said.  
  
“What was that?” Surely he misheard because there's no way she really said-  
  
“The baby. It's yours...ours.”  
  
The proper response to that would probably be to faint in shock; Eren only laughed. “That's a nice joke ‘Kasa, but-”  
  
“It's not a joke, Eren.”  
  
“It has to be a joke,” he murmured in disbelief. “It _has_ to be a fucking joke! What i-is that why you disappeared? You didn't even think to fucking _tell_ me? A-are you sure...are you sure that it's even mine?”  
  
“Watch your fucking mouth, son,” Carla immediately scolded him.  
  
“God Eren what the fuck did you do?” Levi groaned.  
  
“Of course I’m sure he’s yours! It’s not like I _wanted_ to leave, I didn't have a choice!” Mikasa said. “My parents decided to send me off to my aunt's ‘cause I was such a ‘shameful disgrace’ to the family. They didn't want anyone to know. They even wanted me to put Keiran up for adoption, but I couldn't do it! I _couldn't_!”  
  
Mikasa was crying now and Eren felt like a total dickhead. “Don't cry…”  
  
Carla gave him a scathing glare as she comforted Mikasa, rubbing circles on her back as the girl sobbed.  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m just-I’m just in shock, I…”  
  
“I know. I know it’s a lot to take in,” Mikasa sniffled, “I’m sorry too--for springing this on you out of the blue.”  
  
“Why don’t you two talk. I’ll go make some tea,” Carla said.  
  
“I’ll help,” Levi muttered, walking out of the room behind her.  
  
Eren sat in the spot his mom previously occupied. He and Mikasa sat in silence; Mikasa was still sniffling and Eren felt physically and mentally stunned--a constant mantra of _what the fuck is going on_ playing in the back of his mind.  
  
“Are you mad?” Mikasa asked.  
  
“A little,” Eren admitted. “I still don’t see why you couldn’t have told me sooner.”  
  
Mikasa grimaced. Keiran started fussing in his carrier. Eren watched in amazement as she picked up the babbling, squirming little human being and gently cradled him in her arms. And the weirdest thing was, they looked like they belonged together.  
  
“He has your hair color,” Eren said. The baby already had little tufts of black hair. “And your nose.”  
  
Mikasa smiled a little she looked down at their son. “He has your eyes.”  
  
“His name...it’s Keiran?”   
  
Mikasa nodded. “Do you...wanna hold him?” she hesitantly asked.  
  
“Yeah, sure,” Eren said even as he began to feel anxious at the thought.   
  
He didn’t know a lot about babies, but he knew without Mikasa snapping at him the correct way to hold one. He was gentle as he cradled the little life in his arms. There was still anxiety swirling inside him, but there was also wonder...amazement. He couldn’t believe that this was his son, that he helped make this tiny human. He had never pictured himself as a dad, he had never even _thought_ about having children in the future. It’s not that he was particularly averse to them, it’s just he was so young that it had never crossed his mind really.   
  
“He was born on the 17th. I was in labor for twelve hours, can you believe that?”  
  
“No. How the fuck did this happen?”  
  
“Look, I know you failed health class ‘cause you never did your work but-”  
  
“Don’t be cute, you know what I meant.”  
  
Mikasa rolled her eyes. “Remember the night your parents announced they were getting divorced?”  
  
“Shit. We’re usually...safe.”  
  
“Well we obviously weren’t that night.”  
  
Eren trailed a finger down Keiran’s pudgy cheek, in awe at the softness of the baby’s skin. Keiran latched onto Eren’s finger, his hand in a little fist. “He’s got a good grip.”  
  
"Yeah."  
  
“You said your parents _made_ you leave?”  
  
“They practically kicked me out of the house. They sent me to live with my aunt. She agreed with them that I should give the baby up for adoption. She even had me meet with a few couples and a social worker but...I couldn’t do it. I know that he deserves a good home, but I couldn’t give up the life I had been nourishing for nine months. H-he’s my son. _Mine_. And no one was gonna take him from me…”  
  
“Jeez were you always this big of a cry baby?” Eren teased when Mikasa started to get emotional again.  
  
“Shut up. I think my hormones are still out of wack or something.” She wiped at her leaking eyes. “I vowed to be the best mother I could. I don’t care if you don’t want to be in his life or if you hate me and never wanna see me again but I thought you deserved to know-”  
  
“Wow, what the fuck Mikasa? Do you really think I would do that? I _want_ to be in his life. It’s all unexpected, but I’m tired of running from things. This is my responsibility isn’t it? But more than that, he’s _my_ son too--a part of me. How could I deny him? And I could never hate you, don’t be crazy.”  
  
“That’s great,” Mikasa said.  
  
Keiran started gurgling again and captured his parent’s attention.   
  
“But I’m still scared,” she whispered as she stroked the baby’s soft hair.  
  
“Me too.”

  
**_xx  
_**

****_  
_ Mikasa was busy talking to Carla who was cooing over her grandchild. Eren sat still, anxiously drinking the tea his mom--and Levi made, shooting glances every so often at his boyfriend until said boyfriend finally got fed up and pulled him upstairs.  
  
“We need to talk,” he said.  
  
“Isn’t that my line?” Eren joked. He felt nausea twist in his stomach. This was it, Levi was going to break up with him. Levi was going to break _him_.  
  
And he couldn’t even be mad about it. It was for the best, wasn’t it? Levi deserved better than him. Levi deserved more than this.  
  
“Wipe that stupid sad puppy dog look off your face, Jaeger. I’m not gonna break up with you.”  
  
Eren was stunned for the second time in one day. “R-really?”  
  
“Yes, really. Fuckin’ dumb-ass. I love you, and that hasn’t changed. _Nothing_ is going to change that.”  
  
“But everything else _is_ changing,” Eren countered, “Levi, I have a kid now. An actual kid. You deserve more than a teenage parent as a boyfriend. I mean...I knocked up your cousin, you should hate me.”

“It’s not like you did that while we were together. It’s not like it’s...look, what’s done is done. I love you, and by extension...I love that kid in there. He’s technically my family too so-”  
  
“You don’t understand. Things are gonna be different. I won’t have time for-”  
  
“Bright-eyes, I don’t care. Didn’t I just say that nothing was gonna scare me off? That kid in there comes first now, that’s only right. I’m fine with that. And I’ll help you when you need it, because I love you, because as your boyfriend I support you. So don’t...don’t push me away right now. Even if you think it’s the right thing to do,” Levi stated.  
  
“But it _is_! Don’t you see? I’ve never been good enough for you, Lee. You deserve-”  
  
“Quit it with that ‘what I deserve’ bullshit. I know what I deserve. I’m amazing, the baddest motherfucker out there. I deserve the best. And guess what? In my eyes, that’s you, Bright-eyes.”  
  
Levi wiped away Eren’s tears with a gentle touch. “Things are gonna be fine, Eren. _We’re_ gonna be fine.”  
  
Eren wrapped his arms around him, snuggled up to him. “Hey, Lee? I love you too. I really _really_ do."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise completely, but I'm like 99 percent sure the next chappy will be longer. Also, if you think things are gonna stay this easy, you've got another thing coming (－ｏ⌒) haha eren can never catch a break comment if you reeeaaaad


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes, things change, and people grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit you guys, I'm so sorry. This update is hella late. Forgive me. My life is constantly changing too, and sometimes writing just doesn't fit in that agenda. I've had this in my docs for months and only finished it literally right now at one in the morning. It is sadly the last chapter. What a ride it's been! But don't get too sad, I still have a epilogue to finish. Also, it's too fucking late for proof reading srry deal wit it

  
  
  
“So, Eren, do you plan on marrying my daughter?”  
  
These were the first words out of Mrs. Ackerman’s mouth. Eren, again for the fifth time that day became convinced he wasn’t making it out of this ‘meeting’ alive.  
  
‘They only want to talk to you’ Mikasa had told him. But with the look her mother was giving him, he was sure what she _wanted_ was to kill him. Too bad it was illegal.  
  
If that would stop her…  
  
“W-what?” Eren choked on his own spit.  
  
“Mom!” Mikasa yelled.  
  
“What? It’s a proper question. He knocked you up, the least he could do is make a proper woman out of-”  
  
“Honeybear,” Mr. Ackerman interrupted his wife, “I thought we decided _not_ to do this.”  
  
Mrs. Ackerman scowled.  
  
“Mom, you can’t force us to get married! This isn’t the olden days or whatever. And I don’t _want_ to marry him!” Mikasa said. “No offense,” she whispered quickly to Eren.  
  
“None taken,” he muttered. “Mrs. Ackerman, I’m not ready to get _married_ -”  
  
“Oh, but you think you’re ready to be a father?” Mrs. Ackerman shot back.  
  
“No. Honestly, I’m terrified. But I want...I want to be there for Keiran,” he said.  
  
“You’d better be,” Mrs. Ackerman snapped. “Do you even realize how big a responsibility this is? How much work goes into raising a child? Nonetheless it doesn’t matter if you or my insolent daughter are ready, this is happening whether we like it or not...God.” Mrs. Ackerman had a palm to her forehead, face twisted like she was beginning to feel a headache coming on.  
  
“Maybe this is enough for today,” Mr. Ackerman said.  
  
“No! We still have things to discuss!” Mrs. Ackerman exclaimed. “Now just why don’t you want to marry my daughter!? You’ve already started a family with her.”  
  
“Mikasa’s my best friend. Just that. And I’m already in a relationship right now,” Eren said.  
  
Mrs. Ackerman snorted. “Do you really think that’s appropriate? Did I not just mention how much time and work goes into raising a child? You won’t have time for screwing around with whatever bimbos-”  
  
“My _boyfriend_ is not a _bimbo_.”  
  
“You’re _gay_?!” Mrs. Ackerman had a hand to her chest, looking absolutely appalled.  
  
Mikasa face palmed. “Oh God,” she groaned.  
  
“No. I’m bisexual,” Eren patiently said, “and on top of being in a committed relationship, Mikasa and I will never see each other as more than friends. I’ll raise Keiran with her because I want both his parents to be in his life,  but entering into a marriage with no sincere feelings--with false intentions...that’s not something I can do.”  
  
Mrs. Ackerman wasn’t pleased. “Hmph. And just what is it you _can_ do?”

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** “So it was that bad?” Levi asked.  
  
Eren was laying with his head in Levi’s lap as the older boy stroked his hair comfortingly and listened to him bitch about Mikasa’s parents.  
  
“It was _that_ bad. It ended with Mrs. A kicking me out of the house. You know, she’s really fucking scary. Must be an Ackerman thing,” Eren joked.  
  
Levi thumped him on the forehead..  
  
“Ow! It’s the truth.”  
  
“So what did you decide about Keiran?”  
  
“I don’t know the first thing about raising a child. I think taking it a day at a time for now is best...I mean my mom said she’d babysit while we’re at school. I’ll be able to spend as much time with Keiran as possible considering Mikasa’s just next door. My mom was talking about turning the extra room into a nursery… I’ll have to get a job soon, won’t I? Ah but my parents said they’d help for now.” Eren felt relieved that he had support, but still...he was terrified.  
  
“God I can barely take care of myself. How am I supposed to take care of a baby?”  
  
“You’ll figure it out Bright-eyes. And you won’t have to do it alone.”

  
  ** _xx_**

  
“You didn’t have to do... _all_ this,” Eren muttered in astonishment as he looked around the newly decorated nursery.  
  
It was painted a pale baby blue with cute little animal characters sitting on fluffy white clouds. All the things a baby would need--and then some--was set up.  
  
An expensive looking crib complete with a mobile, soft looking blankets, and numerous stuffed animals. A changing table, toys that Keiran wasn’t even old enough to play with yet, a dresser full of baby clothes--more than one infant could possibly need. Some of the cute little onesies had bear or cat ears and his mom had brought them in an assortment of colors.  
  
“Of course I did! This is my grandson’s, and he deserves the best,” Carla said.  
  
“He’s gonna love it. Mika too. I...I really appreciate it.”  
  
Carla took that as an invitation to squeeze Eren in a hug. “I can’t believe my baby has a baby…”

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** “Eren, Eren!”  
  
Eren shot upright in his desk, turned around to glare at Connie with bleary eyes. “ _What?”  
  
_ “Jeez, I just thought you’d like to know the bell rang. Are you okay? You look tired as hell. Is baby duty really that bad?”  
  
Eren wanted to slam his head into the desk. “Yes, it is. Keiran wouldn’t stop crying last night, he kept being all fussy. I got maybe an hour of sleep.”  
  
“Damn, you should’ve pawned him off on Mikasa.”  
  
He snorted. “I wish. Yeah well it’s her turn tonight.”  
  
“There’s a total rager going down at Reiner’s tonight. You in?”  
  
Eren sighed. “Honestly, all I want to do right now is sleep for an eternity. So no.”  
  
Connie shrugged. “Suit yourself. But it is senior year ya know, and I’d hate to think you’re missing out.”  
  
“But that is what you think.”  
  
“Well, if the shoe fits…”

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** Three months into the routine and it still didn’t get any better. If it was a good night, Eren could manage to get maybe four to five hours of sleep. Between studying for school, finding time to spend with his boyfriend, working at his new part time job, and trying not to go completely off the social grid--all on top of taking care of a child...he was lucky his hair hadn’t fallen out from all the stress.  
  
Tonight was particularly stressful. He’d been woken up from a peaceful--much needed--sleep at around two in the morning by a hysterical phone call from Mikasa.  
  
Apparently Keiran wouldn’t stop crying and had developed a fever.  
  
To make matters worse, Mikasa’s parents were out of town.  
  
“What, what’s going on?! How bad is he?!”

“Eren!”  
  
Mikasa held the squirming infant in her arms. He was crying so loud Eren was surprised he hadn’t woken up the entire neighborhood by now.  
  
“I-I don’t know what to do!” Mikasa sobbed. “What if the fever keeps escalating? Babies shouldn’t even get fevers! Sh-should we take hi9m to the hospital?”  
  
“‘Kasa, ‘Kasa calm down. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** “The fever reducer I gave him should help bring it down, but other than that you’re just gonna have to let it run it’s course,” Grisha said.  
  
“But he’s gonna be okay, right?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Mikasa let out a sigh of relief. Eren thanked his dad and apologized for calling so late, all the while feeling awkward ‘cause things between them were still sorta strained.  
  
Grisha just smiled. “No problem. Anything for my beloved grandson. I should be getting back to Claudia and Jackson though.”

Eren saw him out and then collapsed onto the couch next to a burnt out looking Mikasa.  
  
Keiran was in his bassinet, much calmer than before yet still refusing sleep.  
  
They fell asleep on the couch only after Keiran had finally closed his eyes, sprawled out at awkward angles that were probably bad for their bodies.  
  
Eren woke up with a crick in his neck. But Keiran’s temperature was back to normal.

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** “How many times are you gonna mess this up, huh?”  
  
“I’m fucking trying, alright!” Eren snapped. “Excuse me for never being good at math.”  
  
Levi was helping him study for finals which were only a week away. But he couldn’t take his constant bitching.  
  
Keiran started crying. More like wailing at the tops of his lungs. He’d been asleep in his little bouncy chair that also vibrated.  
  
“See what you did, you woke the kid up,” Levi chastised.  
  
 “Can you calm him down, please? I won’t be able to study at this rate, or graduate.”  
  
Levi sighed and gently lifted Keiran from his bouncer.

 When Levi held him for the first time, he was awkward. He had never had much experience with babies. They were tiny fragile little things, Keiran even more so. He was so afraid of accidentally hurting him.  
  
But with practice and time, he wasn’t so afraid. Keiran even napped in his arms sometimes.  
  
“Whiny little brat. Is that all you can do?” he murmured to the still wailing, fussy baby.  
  
“When was the last time he ate?” he asked Eren.  
  
Eren shook his head. “It’s not time for another bottle yet.”  
  
“Then why is he being such a little stinker?”  
  
“Speaking of stink...check his diaper,” Eren said.  
  
“His...diaper?”  
  
“Yes, Levi. Check if he made a doodoo.”  
  
“Really Eren, a doodoo?”  
  
“I’m not cussing in front of him and neither are you.”  
  
Levi rolled his eyes. He pushed up Keiran’s little shirt so he could check the inside of the back of his diaper. “Eren, your son just took a massive shit.”  
  
“Levi! What did I just tell you?” Eren sighed, shaking his head. What else could he expect from Levi? “Can you handle it? Here,” he threw a pack of baby wipes that were sitting next to him on the desk towards Levi. “Diapers are in the diaper bag.”  
  
Levi stood still for a moment. Now he _liked_ Keiran, how could he not? The baby was precious. Born from the man he loved. His family even if he wasn’t his.  
  
He’d fed him before, rocked him to sleep, played that ridiculous peekaboo game he so seemed to love. But changing the brat’s diaper? That was out of his league.  
  
More like under it. Because why would Levi Ackerman ever touch literal shit? He gagged even thinking about it.  
  
“Is there a problem?” Eren asked.  
  
Levi didn’t respond.  
  
Eren smirked, knowing exactly what his problem was. “It’s just baby dookey, alright? Wash your hands afterwards and you’re good to go. If it stinks, hold you breath.”  
  
“Sound advice,” Levi muttered sarcastically. He figured he’d better just get it over with. He grabbed the wipes and a diaper and laid Keiran down on the bed.  
  
He undid the diaper and his eye twitched at the _look_ of it. A disgusting greenish brown color all soft and liquidy. There wasn’t a strong scent to it, but just looking at it made him nauseous.  
  
Levi went to grab a wipe when the worst thing happened. His shirt suspiciously all of a sudden felt wet, almost as if...he looked down and saw a light stream of piss just arching in the air, coming from one suspiciously happy looking baby.  
  
Levi immediately shield himself with a diaper all while grouching about his clothes and the floor and the ruined bedspread.  
Eren looked over at the commotion and all he could do was laugh his ass off.  
  
“This isn’t _funny_ Brat!”  
  
“Y-yeah it is,” Eren chuckled.  
  
“Your demon child just projectile pissed on me! Come help me with this shit.”

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_**  “Keiran please stop crying,” Mikasa moaned. “Please.”  
  
He’d been difficult all day, or so her mom said. And he hadn’t let up since Mikasa got home from school a couple hours ago.  
  
She felt like the worst mother in existence. She couldn’t for the life of her figure out what he wanted. He wasn’t hungry, or tired, or needed a nappy change. He didn’t want to be held, but he didn’t want to be put down either. He didn’t want his pacifier or his cat plushie that usually calmed him down…  
  
On top of it all, she hadn’t slept well in days that seemed more like weeks.  
  
Sometimes she looked at Keiran and longed for the life she could’ve had. Studying in Paris, going on adventures...enjoying her youth. A part of her started to resent little Keiran and she hated it. Surely she was a terrible person for even having these thoughts. The shittiest mom in the world.  
  
She still couldn’t believe she was a mom. She was someone’s _mother_. Keiran needed her. She had promised him she’d be the best mom she could be and always take care of him. But lately...it felt like she was failing.  
  
She hadn’t told anyone but for the past week she’d been crying herself to sleep. When no one was looking, she was breaking apart.  
  
“Keiran please shut the fuck up!” Mikasa sobbed.

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** “Can you take Keiran for the day-”  
  
“‘Kasa, it’s your day to watch him. We decided on this-”  
  
“Eren, just take your fucking son _please_!” Mikasa shouted.  
  
“Woah, woah woah. Mikasa, are you alright?” He placed his hands on her shoulders and stared concernedly into her tear filled eyes.  
  
Mikasa shook her head. “No,” she whispered.

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** “Am I a horrible person?” Mikasa whispered.  
  
She and Eren were sitting out on his front porch while Carla looked over Keiran.  
  
“No. Do you know how many times I just want to retreat under the covers and lie in bed all day? Just drown inside my head and wallow in the misery there. But then I hear my son crying out and I remember that he’s crying out for _me_. I’m needed. He needs me. And as much as I want to disappear sometimes, I know I can’t. And I know that I’m stronger than that. I just gotta keep moving forward. And sure, I miss my old life sometimes, but Keiran...I wouldn’t trade him for anything.”  
  
“But that’s the difference between you and me, Eren. I hear Keiran crying and I _know_ that he needs me and I don’t care. I wish he didn’t. Sometimes I just want to walk away. I keep thinking about the ‘what if’s’. What if I never had Keiran or if I had just given him up for adoption like my family wanted? What if none of this bullshit happened?” Mikasa said.  
  
“I got a letter a months back...You know that scholarship I was talking about? About studying abroad? I got in. I got _in_. Last year this would’ve been a dream come true…”  
  
“I-I don’t know what to say, ‘Kasa. I’m sorry? I’m sorry for fucking up your life so bad. I get it, you were always meant for wonderful things but because of me...Keiran and I are holding you back.”  
  
Mikasa shook her head. “It sounds so harsh when you put it like that. Eren, I love you. You know I do. And Keiran...I couldn’t be prouder of him. I love my son with all my heart, but I feel so suffocated. You ever feel like you’re gonna break?”  
  
Eren snorted. “It’s me you’re talking to, ‘Kasa. Of course I’ve felt like that.”

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** Graduation didn’t really feel like anything special.  
  
Honestly, Eren didn’t even want to go. But of course his parents made him.  
  
And okay, _maybe_ it did feel good being surrounded by his friends as they threw their caps up in the air and said good-fucking-bye to the shithole that was their high school and the clusterfuck that was their high school experience.  
  
He posed for pictures with his friends and family. His favorite was probably the one his mom took of him and Keiran.  
  
“Oh I can’t believe our little Erebear is all grown up!” Hanji gushed on the ride to the ‘after party’ Reiner was hosting.

 “I don’t know if I should take offense to that, but I think I do.”  
  
“Alright, we’re here dipshits. If you would kindly get the fuck out of my car…” Levi said.  
  
He and Hanji got out slamming their doors behind him. Eren was about to follow suit when Mikasa stopped him with a hand to his shoulder. “Eren?”  
  
“What is it, ‘Kasa?”  
  
“I have to tell you something.”

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** “She’s giving you full custody?”  
  
“Well, she’s gonna be gone awhile. It’s...this is what’s best for her, Lee.’

 Levi scoffed. “But is it what’s best for you and Keiran?”  
  
Eren shrugged. “It’s what we’re gonna have to deal with. And Mikasa...she’s heartbroken. She’s torn-”  
  
“She’s _abandoning_ her son. The one she fought so hard for. And now she just wants to up and leave?”  
  
“It’s not that simple.”  
  
“Eren, it’s plenty simple. She knew what she was sacrificing when she had Keiran, when she decided to keep him. She knew what she had fucking signed up for, and what she signed up for is to be there for that little boy through thick and fucking thin.”  
  
Eren sighed. “You wanna yell at her? Go ahead. I doubt it’ll change anything.”

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** Mikasa had to leave towards the very end of July.  
  
Her last days were spent with Keiran. She got in all of her goodbyes before her departure, knowing that doing so on the day of would be too painful.  
  
On the day she did leave the last person she spoke to was Levi--despite him not wanting anything to do with her. Her parting words were, “take good care of them.”

  
**_xx_**

 ** _  
_** Eren wasn’t lying when he told Mikasa sometimes all he wanted to do was wallow in his thoughts.  
  
The meds made him feel better than he did before, but even they couldn’t stop the bad days from rearing their ugly heads around.  
  
Days that just felt gloomy even if the sun was out. Days where he just wanted to hide away.  
  
“Bright-eyes, get up.”  
  
Eren just clutched his blanket tighter around himself.  
  
“Eren, someone here wants to see you.”  
  
He heard Keiran babbling his baby talk. He peeked his head out from the blankets to see his two favorite boys standing at the edge of the bed. Keiran reached out for him from his place in Levi’s arms. He gurgled and spit up a bit.  
  
Eren smiled.  
  
He took Keiran into his arms and Levi sighed as he sat next to him on the bed. “You’re gonna have to get used to doing this on your own, ya know.”  
  
“I know. But you won’t be gone forever.”  
  
“Of course not. And I’ll visit so often you’ll get sick of me. But...you know, Eren, I _don’t_ have to take this-”  
  
“Of _course_ you have to take this opportunity! Levi, you’ve always wanted to be a singer. Don’t let me get in the way of your dreams.”  
  
“Eren, you’d never be in my way. If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. I know how hard it is for you with Keiran-”  
  
“ _Le-vi_ , listen to me...you are gonna go to LA and you are gonna be the best singer Hollywood has ever seen, alright?”  
  
Levi had been given an opportunity from Pixis to come work for him in Los Angeles. He promised to get him into the business on account of ‘how damn great’ his band’s demo was. He thought Levi had real talent. And so here Levi was, giving up college so he could have a shot at being an actual singer.  
  
“We’ll be fine. There’s always skype. Oh and I guess we’re gonna have to get used to phone sex and-”  
  
“Eren, not in front of Keiran.”  
  
Eren rolled his eyes. “Like he understands.”  
  
“You’d be surprised. Hey, Eren?”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Where do you go when you get all comatose like you did just now?” Levi asked.  
  
“Just thinking. About everything. Regrets, life...things I can’t change.”  
  
“Like...Erwin?”  
  
Eren nodded, absentmindedly playing with a lock of Keiran’s raven black hair. “I still see his face sometimes. And today...today I was thinking about...well, do you know that night you found me?”  
  
“Of course. How could I forget that?” It’d be scarred in Levi’s brain, his memory for the rest of his life.  
  
“I was doing drugs with Erwin and his ‘buddies’--his supplier and his friends. Erwin couldn’t pay for his habit anymore so he...he sold me out to cover the cost.”  
  
“You mean…?” Levi couldn’t even say what he was thinking. It was too horrific.  
  
“I didn’t want to, but what could I do? I was so high I could barely function, I was outnumbered...honestly I-I don’t remember a lot of it. And I don’t want to.”  
  
“You realized how fucked up that is right?” Levi said.  
  
“I can’t change it. And Erwin’s dead. I figured he’s paid for all his sins by now. Not in hell, no, I don’t believe in that. But I believe his soul’s at rest now.”

“But when will you be at rest?”  
  
Eren sighed. “As soon as I can let go of the past. It might take me a while. But that doesn’t mean I’m not content. I am...happy. Life hasn’t turned out like any of us probably expected, but it’s a beautiful life anyway.”  
  
Levi smiled, threw an arm around Eren’s shoulders as he looked down at Keiran squirming in his arms. “You know what, Bright-eyes? It really is.”  
  
**_  
  
_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment if you read. I dare you (^_−)☆ Also don't yell at me, I did my best. Or yell at me. Idc


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven years after the events of the last chapter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit you guys, it's officially over. I'm proud of this. And I thank everyone who gave it a chance and read it all the way through--you guys rock.

“Eren, have you ever cooked a turkey in your life? What the fuck are you stuffing up it’s ass?”  
  
“Um...vegetables?”  
  
Levi rolled his eyes as he finished doing up his tie. He hated dressing up but Eren insisted since it was a holiday or whatever.  
  
“Daddy’s funny,” Keiran said from his spot at the kitchen table where he was busy coloring.  
  
“Your dad’s an idiot,” Levi told him.  
  
“Levi!” Eren chastised.  
  
“Yes, dear?”  
  
The doorbell rang at that moment, trilling though the house.  
  
“Get the door,” Eren ordered.  
  
“Yes dear,” Levi once again droned sarcastically.  
  
“Fuck off!” Eren didn’t appreciate it.  
  
Keiran gasped. “Daddy owes a dollar to the swear jar!”  
  
“Since when is it a dollar? Didn’t it used to be a quarter?”  
  
Levi opened the front door and came face to face with a maniac.  
  
“Short-baby! Give me some love!” Hanji jumped on him like a fucking dog.  
  
“Down, mutt.” Levi struggled to push her off.  
  
“Aw don’t be mean! Just ‘cause you’ve won what, two Grammys you think you’re hot shit?”  
  
Levi just rolled his eyes.  
  
“Now where’s cute lovely little Keiran? I have a gift for him.” Hanji showed off a sparkly blue gift bag.  
  
Levi snatched it from her hands. “It better not be anything messy or a fucking choking hazard. I don’t need my kid getting sick ‘cause _you’re_ a dumbass.”

“Oh Levi, so overprotective. I bet Eren thinks it’s real hot.” Hanji winked.  
  
“Stop being weird.” Levi was seriously regretting inviting her. Really it was Eren’s idea…  
  
“Speaking of Eren...where is that smokin’ hot model wife of yours?”  
  
“Kitchen, cooking, but I prefer you not go in there ‘cause we don’t need you contaminating the food…”  
  
Hanji of course ignored him and ran straight in the direction of the kitchen, leaving Levi to answer the door when the doorbell chimed once again. He cursed under his breath. More people to fuck up his clean house...  
  
“Eren! Keiran! So glad to see you!”  
  
“Hey, Hanji.” Eren gave her a quick hug, Keiran perked up from his spot at the kitchen table,  
  
“Hi Aunt Hanji!” he said.  
  
“Keiran, look at you! You’ve gotten so big oh it’s been ages since I’ve seen you!” Hanji squealed as she practically squished the poor kid in a tight hug.  
  
“Hanji it’s been literally two weeks,” Eren reminded her.  
  
“And they’ve been a long two weeks,” Hanji said.  
  
“We brought foooood!” someone shouted loud enough for them to hear it all the way from the kitchen.  
  
“Is that-”  
  
“Eren come get your dumb friends!” Levi shouted.  
  
At the moment, Sasha held a cherry pie dangerously close to Levi’s face. “Smell it! Smells good doesn’t it? It’s fresh from my bakery--well not really fresh 'cause it's been frozen but ya know what I mean," she gushed.  
  
Connie cleared his throat. “ _Our_ bakery.”  
  
“Right. Well come in, wipe your filthy shoes off and try not to touch anything,” Levi told them.  
  
“Levi, that’s no way to speak to guests,” Eren said, coming from the direction of the kitchen to greet his friends.  
  
“Eren! I can’t believe it’s been like two whole years!” Sasha squealed as she ran over to hug him.  
  
“Yeah, sorry we haven’t been able to visit often. Things have been busy,” Eren said as he returned the hug.  
  
“I’ll bet.”  
  
“Did you have a safe flight?”  
  
“Yeah man. We got in yesterday. Los Angeles is amazing,” Connie said. “Hey, think we’ll see any famous people?”  
  
Eren chuckled, “other than my husband, I’m not sure.”  
  
“Oh right! Levi, we just heard your newest single on the radio the other day. Sash has all your albums. I think she even has a shrine dedicated to you-”  
  
“Connie shut up! That’s not even true,” Sasha whined.

 “So what was that I saw in the closet the other day-”  
  
“Guys! Why don’t you have a seat in the living room,” Eren suggested. “Is there anything I can get you?”  
  
More guest arrived as the day droned on. Carla and Kuchel, Armin and some of Eren’s other dumb friends (Ymir, Historia, Reiner and Bertolt).  
  
Levi wasn’t feeling very sociable. He watched Eren bond with his friends and said friends gush over Keiran. He let his mom talk his ear off and was plenty polite to his mother in law.  
  
It was the first Thanksgiving they’d be celebrating with guests at their house. Usually it was just the three of them and a nice modest turkey dinner. But the moms wanted to visit, claiming the time they spent together on Christmas wasn’t enough. Eren thought it’d be a good opportunity to get his friends together too.  
  
He didn’t get to see them much now that they lived out in Cali, and most of all of them had stayed back in their hometown (except Hanji who moved to LA and was now working as Levi’s manager).  
  
“Eren I saw that new spread you’re in, in that one magazine. It was stunning!” Historia said, making conversation as they all sat around the dining room table, digging into their food.  
  
“Thanks. The photographer was great to work with and I really loved the pieces I was modeling. I love the designer…”

“Hey, Eren think you’ll ever do any underwear modeling?” Connie teased as he waggled his eyebrows.  
  
“I don’t think he’s muscular enough for that,” Ymir scoffed.  
  
Historia gave her a chastising look.  
  
“A meathead like Reiner on the other hand…”  
  
The doorbell chimed yet again effectively interrupting the conversation just as Reiner was about to cuss Ymir out.  
  
“I’ll get it.” Levi grumbled on the walk to the front door. They weren’t expecting anyone else and if security let anyone else through...also what the fuck were his brain dead bodyguards good for?  
  
He was shocked when he saw who was at the front door. Her hair was cut shorter and she was a little taller, but it unmistakably…  
  
“Mikasa?”  
  
She smiled. “Hey Pipsqueak.”  
  
He nor Eren had seen Mikasa in _years_. Not since she left.  
  
“H-how long has it been?” was all Levi could manage to say.  
  
“Seven years,” Mikasa said.  
  
“Do you wanna...come in?” Levi wasn’t sure what to do. He never pictured he’d ever see her again. And if he did he always imagined he’d slam the door in her face.  
  
“Sure.”  
  
He led her to the dining room where all the other guests were.  
  
Many were shocked to see her face, conversation completely halting upon noticing her presence.  
  
“Papa, who’s that?” Keiran inquired.  
  
“She’s-”  
  
Eren cut Levi off with a loud gasp. “Mikasa?!” He shout out of his seat to give her a hug. “H-how did you find us?”

“It wasn’t hard. You two are household names. Practically plastered over every magazine in the US.”  
  
“But wha-what are you doing here?”  
  
“I wanted to see you, And...everyone. I know I’ve been away for a long time, and I’m sorry that I never contacted...but I had things to sort out.”  
  
Levi raised an eyebrow. “And I assume you’re done with that now?”  
  
Mikasa ignored him. “Also I...I have some good news.”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
She shyly held out her hand.  
  
“You’re engaged?!” Sasha shrieked as she ran over to Mikasa to check out the ring on the third finger of her left hand.  
  
“Wow.” Connie whistled. “Who’s the lucky guy?”  
  
“ _Her_ name is Annie. And she’s amazing, you guys would love her,” Mikasa said.  
  
“Holy shit, _you’re_ gay now too!” Reiner exclaimed.  
  
Bertolt smacked his arm. “Subtle.”  
  
“I don’t know,” Mikasa admitted. “I’m in love.” She shrugged, because that was all that mattered.  
  
“Papa.” In all the commotion, Keiran had ran over to Levi’s side. He tugged on his pants leg. “Who’s that?” he asked, pointing at Mikasa.  
  
Levi shared a look with Eren who didn’t seem to know what to do either. He sighed and looked back down at Keiran. “She’s-”  
  
“I’m your Papa’s cousin,” Mikasa interrupted. She bent down to Keiran’s height. “But you can call me Mikki,” she told him. She was tearing up a bit, seeing how big Keiran had gotten. He was still as precious as the day he was born.  
  
Keiran was curious as to why the strange pretty lady was crying but he smiled anyway. “Okay Mikki. Do you wanna see my Thanksgiving drawing?”  
  
“I would love to.”  
  
Keiran placed his tiny hand in hers and led the way back to the celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment if you read.


	29. DELETED SCENE #1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I was bored and this happened. It's no secret that the last few chapters of HDS were rushed. So I decided to take a look back at some important moments and extend the scenes so to speak. For example, Mikasa's big life changing decision...

Graduation didn’t really feel like anything special.  
  
Honestly, Eren didn’t even want to go. But of course his parents made him.  
  
And okay, maybe it did feel good being surrounded by his friends as they threw their caps up in the air and said good-fucking-bye to the shithole that was their high school and the clusterfuck that was their high school experience.  
  
He posed for pictures with his friends and family. His favorite was probably the one his mom took of him and Keiran.  
  
“Oh I can’t believe our little Erebear is all grown up!” Hanji gushed on the ride to the ‘after party’ Reiner was hosting.  
  
“I don’t know if I should take offense to that, but I think I do.”  
  
“Alright, we’re here dipshits. If you would kindly get the fuck out of my car…” Levi said.  
  
He and Hanji got out slamming their doors behind them. Eren was about to follow suit when Mikasa stopped him with a hand to his shoulder. “Eren?”  
  
“What is it, ‘Kasa?”  
  
“I have to tell you something.”  
  
“Okay...what?” The intense look she was giving him was kinda freaking him out. It seemed like what she was about to say was super important. He wanted to joke, ‘you’re not pregnant again, are you?’ but that didn’t seem appropriate for the serious mood. Also improbable seeing as they hadn’t been intimate that way for a long while and she hadn’t been on any dates or too busy with Keiran for random hookups…”You’re not dying, are you?” was what he ended up saying because that was so much more eloquent.  
  
“What? No.” She looked at him like _he_ was the weird one when all he wanted to do was go inside and join the rest of his friends for a nice get together and the chance to be off baby duty for a bit. “It’s...There’s just something I’ve been thinking about.”  
  
Eren waited for her to continue, frowning a little in worry.  
  
“I don’t know if...I mean, I’ve always known that I wanted to continue my education after graduating-”  
  
“You can still do that, ‘Kasa. I’ll stay with Kerian and if you go to Levi’s college-”  
  
“No, Eren. That’s not what I meant. I’ve been thinking a lot about that opportunity to study abroad. I know it’s not reasonable. Not realistic. But I keep picturing it. _Wishing_ for it. And it took me a lot of tears over these past few weeks, but I’ve come to a decision.”  
  
Eren thought what he was hearing was ridiculous. What possible decision could it be other than staying home? She had said it herself, it just wasn’t realistic. Not when they had a kid to look after, she couldn’t travel to the otherside of the world without Keiran.  
  
“I think- no, I _know_ , I’m going to go. I already confirmed it with the school.” Mikasa sounded confident as she said this, but she still looked at him nervously.  
  
Eren felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. “Are you...are you taking Keiran?” He didn’t understand it. If she took him away, he’d die. He wasn’t exaggerating. That boy was his life now and he couldn’t picture…  
  
“No,” Mikasa told him. “I can’t, Eren. I...I don’t want to,” she looked ashamed as she admitted this. Tears welled up in her eyes. “It’s not just that it’s impractical...it’s also that I don’t feel like I’m...like I’m _good_ for him. I’m failing at this whole being a mother thing-”  
  
“No you aren’t,”  
  
“Eren _yes_ I am. I know I’ve told you about how I struggle before, but it’s just gotten worse. I don’t feel like myself anymore. And Keiran deserves to be adored, to be wholly wanted...he deserves better than what I can give him-”  
  
Eren was getting angry at this point with all her _words_. She could try to spin it as she wanted, but all Eren was hearing was she didn’t Keiran anymore. She didn’t want their son? He was still partly confused, over his shock and _seething_ but confused nonetheless.  
  
“Keiran deserves a _mother_ , Mikasa. He doesn’t deserve you running off to fulfill some fantasy of yours-”  
  
“But that’s the thing! It _wasn’t_ a fantasy a couple years ago, it was a goal- it was my _dream_.”  
  
“And you picked Keiran over it! You had every chance to not go through with the pregnancy, or to give him up before you got attached, before you got _me_ attached. But you chose to keep him, you chose this path. Shouldn’t you honor it?” Honestly he didn’t want to be having this conversation in a stuffy fucking car. He didn’t want to have this conversation ever.  
  
“This isn’t something you can just cop out of,” Eren said.  
  
Mikasa was crying silently. She wiped at her face as she stared anywhere but at Eren for a moment, opting to look out the window. She knew this would be his reaction, she knew _everyone’s_ reactions were going to be negative. But this was something she had thought long and hard about, something she had internal conflict over- a storm inside herself, a war between what she knew was right and what she knew was right for _her_.  
  
This wasn’t easy for her, not at all. She’d been up at night sobbing. She knew it wouldn’t be easy for any of them.  
  
“I _have to go_ , Eren.”  
  
Eren shook his head. “You don’t _have_ to do anything. You’re choosing to be a selfish bitch.”  
  
Eren hastily got out of the car and Mikasa jumped when he slammed the door harshly.   
  
Her tears wouldn’t stop as she went back to staring out the window, trying to calm her breathing.  
  
****_xxx  
  
_ It was more than hours into the little celebration.  
  
Most of the guests had already gone home, leaving only Eren’s close group of friends. They were all pretty sloshed and some close to passing out (then there was Connie who _was_ already passed out, lying on the floor of the main room even though there was a perfectly good couch two feet away from him).  There was a slow song on for some reason and Ymir and Historia danced along in the center of the room, Historia clinging onto Ymir who seemed like she was supporting most of her weight as her feet brushed the ground.  
  
Eren decided he needed some fresh air. He wasn’t drunk, didn’t want to be. But he was still moderately buzzed except it was beginning to feel less bubbly and freeing and more depressing and lonely.

 He went out to the backyard patio, passing by the kitchen to get to the sliding double doors that led outside. Hanji was sitting on a barstool at the counter, practically burying her head in a large bowl of guacamole. Levi wasn’t around so he was probably in the shitter.  
  
Eren slid the door shut behind him and just stood out in the cool breeze of the evening weather, hands in his pocket as he looked up at the sky.  
  
He had spent most of the get together trying not to think of the bullshit conversation he’d had with Mikasa. It was no use now.  
  
Now all he could do was fume about it.  
  
If Mikasa really wanted to run away--and it was running away because she was _running away_ from her responsibilities...there wasn’t much Eren could do to stop her, right?  
  
He could make her pay child support at the very least? Possibly? He had no idea how any of that shit worked.  
  
Truthfully, he wasn’t as angry as he was hurt. Hurt that she could even think of abandoning Keiran, and leaving _him_...well, it didn’t matter about him, what mattered was their son.  
  
It felt like she was rejecting them. But they had never been a happy little family anyway. They were just two idiots trying to raise a child.  
  
And it terrified him to think about doing it alone.  
  
But he knew he had to try, because it was all he could do.   
  
And while it sucked that it felt like Mikasa was taking the easy way out, he knew he’d never take that ‘route’ even if it was offered to him. He would never give up his son.  
  
_xxx  
  
_ Eren asked Levi to drop him off at Mikasa’s that night.  
  
He knew she had walked home shortly after their little argument--if you could call it that.   
  
He wasn’t angry anymore, just sad. Sad that it had to be this way, but knowing that things would probably be better in the long run because that’s just what things do--they _get better_ , Or so people tell him. Obviously not anything like terminal diseases...but heartbreak? Heartbreak definitely got better with time.  
  
So did grief, or at least from what Eren intimately knew of it. It stung, everyfuckingday. So far. But it wasn’t as incapacitating as it’d been at the start.  
  
Eren knocked on Mikasa’s door, and since it was late, she answered instead of her parent’s who were probably asleep.  
  
“We should talk.”  
  
   
  
  



End file.
